Horoscopes for 12.20.2018

    “A plague upon this howling. They are louder
    than the weather or our office.”

Boatswain in Shakespeare’s
The Tempest 1.1.21-2

Horoscopes for 12.20.2018

Looks like, by the current calculator, December 21, 2018, at 4:20 PM — Sun enters Capricorn and that’s the start of the new cycle. Oh joy, it’s Capricorn time again!

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Capricorn

Capricorn

The Sea Goat


“A plague upon this howling. They are louder/than the weather or our office.” In the midst of terrible storm, the boat (tiny craft) being buffeted about on waves and the winds, the bosun complains that the passengers are bigger pain than the storm itself. Does this sound familiar, to my fine — extra-fine — Capricorn friends? The complaints are worse than the affliction itself? The noise of the of irritated individuals is worse than the source of the irritation? Does this sound like family complaint from the Birthday Capricorn folks?

Happy birthday?

Thought so. The theatrical “aside,” the comment directly to the audience, breaking the fourth wall, as it were, speaking — complaining of the complaints — directly to us helps. Helps with the message you’d like to get across to us. Set the stage, then let us all know, in an aside, what is really happening. After all? Time for a little extra flair for the dramatic.

Happy Birthday!

Aquarius

The new year is around the corner, as are the Aquarius birthdays, but we’re not there, yet. Still, being a forward-thinking Aquarius might be thinking about the end of the holidays, and some new year resolutions. Here’s one, to help, think about ways to make carrot sticks palatable.

My first clue was a buddy’s kid who would dip a carrot stick in ranch dressing, lick the dressing off, then dip the carrot stick — again — into the ranch dressing, and that’s easy to see where this one goes. Get the idea? I was thinking, carrot sticks rolled in crushed up Cheetos, then drizzled with a melted cheese (cheese-like) substance, perhaps with chili, too. A chili-cheese carrot stick? I’m sure it could happen. Old standby, used to be a Bugs Bunny, that carrot stick turned into juice then swirled with soft-serve cream, sometimes with vanilla (soft-serve) “yogurt,” but being reasonable, we all know that’s just a lighter form of fake ice cream. Just as good, or nearly so. So what are some ways to serve carrot sticks that will work? Got to keep this — at least make it appear — healthy, am I right?

Pisces

Not that I have sarcastic side, but there is that. Pisces, too, that sarcastic side? I was filling out an application for something, and the part where it said, “Who to contact in case of emergency?” I penciled in, “Doctor.” I would hope, in the case of actual emergency, they would dial 911, or whatever. Take me to the emergency room. That’s my sarcastic side. We all have one.

As a Pisces, thanks to Mars (Pisces) and then, Jupiter, Mercury in Sagittarius? Who do we call in an emergency? Doctor, cops, some authority figure, right? Someone who can fix it, correct? Yeah, Pisces, and when faced with the stupid questions, like “Who do we contact in case of emergency?” I’ll let you fill in the blank the way you would like, but a bit of levity and even some snarky attitude goes a long way. In part, this is Mars, in part, other influences, but I’d just attribute it to Mars. A little — obvious — sarcasm goes a long way to improve the Pisces holidays.

Aries

There comes a time when a feller just has to respect his limits. Just got know what can — or can’t be done. What’s acceptable. Or what is clearly in the magical realm of “make believe,” as in, “that ain’t happening.” Simply put, a person must respect what one knows to be limits. Limits of endurance, limits of abilities, limits of resources, but most of all, what’s uncomfortable and therefore, not likely to happen. An Aries buddy wanted to get in one more fishing trip before the calendar year’s end. Bitterly cold weekend.

In the simplest terms possible? I’m not interested. He uses a snowmobile-type suit for warmth, and the fish are biting sure, there is that, with a gentle steam-like fog rising from the warm lake’s waters, against the bitterly cold Texas winter’s day. For me? I’ve done this before. It is too cold to be enjoyable — for me. I’m not an Aries, and my buddy will be out there, all day, fingers numb from warm water, cold fish, and biting winds. However, I tend to respect the idea that it’s too cold. If it is a situation where I’m not comfortable? I have to respect my known limits. Too cold for me. As an Aries, with the holiday countdown on? The clock is ticking? What are the limits, and should you even try to push yourself past those limits? I think a person should respect one’s own limits.

Taurus

Happy holidays no matter the faith — or lack of faith one has. Bit of a silly season and the paramount question, before taking the big plunge into the new year? Have to ask the Taurus self if the next purchase, acquisition, sign-on-the-bottom-line deal, ask yourself, “Is this the best use of available resources?” I’m a huge fan of cheap, easy, and simple. Not always in that order, but some combination thereof, usually works quite well for me. Helps me manage my meager resources, too. Think about how I’m a fan of “Cheap, Easy, and Simple.” Now, consider, especially for Taurus and especially during the next few days, with the crush of holiday pressure, think about the next time you want to pull out that plastic, that wad of cash, the coins you stashed under the couch, before any of that? Is it cheap? That’s the first question for yourself. Frequently, there is an inexpensive alternative that is equal, if not better, and the price point helps make it more enjoyable. Second question, “Is it easy?” Or, as my spin on that, “Is this the easiest way to solve this problem?” Not much else is needed, right? I work very hard at being lazy — so should Taurus. Finally, the Occam’s Razor for Taurus, “Is this the simplest way to achieve this goal? Three, one-word questions before doing it, taking that plunge, or whatever the Taurus endeavor is, happy holidays and all, “Cheap. Easy. Simple.”

“But Kramer, it’s a very complicated issue!”

Bet the best solution is cheap, easy, and simple.

Gemini

Comes a time when a person has to suit up and show up.

That simple message for Gemini — suit up and show up.

The term “suit up” can apply across a broad spectrum of definitions. So can the term “show up.” Can be interpreted a number of different ways. For this week’s Gemini? I will leave that definition to the individual, but the concept, broad-based that it is, “Suit up,” and “show up?” Two action items, two steps that require forward motion, two actionable steps to take, for Gemini, and this might vary from individual to individual, but the simplest way to make it work?

“Suit up,” and “show up.”

“Suit up” means to don the apparel that makes the Gemini; in other words, get dressed for the occasion. If I’m fishing, then it is fishing attire, shorts and sandals. If I’m shopping, then shorts an sandals. If it’s a business meeting? Shorts and sandals. I’m pretty predictable. That’s me, “suiting up,” as dictated. The other part, the second step that is actionable? “Show up.” Show up for the business meeting, show up for the appointed conference, attend the convention, go to the mall and buy the damn toy. That’s the “show up” part.

Two steps, for Gemini, “suit up” and then “show up.”

Cancer

Holidays do this. Doesn’t help that the world is freaking crazy at the moment, either, but yeah, there is that. But mostly this is holiday-induced madness. The Moon Children’s Cancer Crazy Train is leaving the station. Why are you running, grabbing, trying to pull yourself onto the crazy train? As a younger person,I used to strap myself into the crazy train, always up for the ride. Seemed like fun, at the time. I’m no longer younger, and I found that I don’t hitch myself to that crazy train anymore. It could be the holidays. It could be Saturn, opposite in Capricorn, or maybe, Jupiter, in Sagittarius. Or the holidays and the general insanity in the world, as it is. Ever meet my family? Makes sense, now, doesn’t it? I find it humorous. As a sensitive Moon Sign, though you know, at first, you might not find the “crazy” as funny, and might not be amusing, or even remotely entertaining. If it not fun, amusing, or even just entertaining, then why are you running towards it? Good week not to hitch yourself to that Crazy Train.

The Leo

I rarely work with any kind of a writing prompt. I keep a long list of notes, usually no more than a word or two and, when done by hand? There is generally a quick, hand-drawn glyph so I understand which planet and sign the concept was attached to. It is a quick, shorthand signal, as much only decipherable by me as anyone else, when I do this by hand. If the notation is digital? There will be just a few words, and that is all the prompt I tend to use. Ever. This holiday season, right now, before — and during — the Xmas breaks? Prompts are good. Signs, symbols, gentle nudges in a particular direction, especially for The Leo? That’s what works. The prompt I would suggest is something along those lines, too, just a prompt, a phrase, a quick sketch, perhaps it is just a symbol, an idea scratched on the back of a cocktail napkin — the idea is that a simple word, phrase, or even just a symbolic image, something tiny? That’s all the prompting The Leo requires in order to plunge forward. No long-winded wind-up, a simple nudge. Run with it.

Virgo

To this day, I still have the lawyer’s words echoing in my mind, “In the spirit of the law, Kramer, you’re right. However, in the terms of this contract, yeah, no, you’re not covered.” Expensive conversation, only to be informed that I was wrong. Not exactly pleasant, but then, that’s why the lawyers get the big bucks, to make sense of stuff us mere mortals can’t fathom. There is some howling coming from a quadrant associated with Virgo — not Virgo itself, but close association. That sets up the howling. In that passage, the sailors are complaining that the passengers are making more racket than the noise of the tempest that is threatening the sailing ship. Like that poor sailor, having to listen to the complaints of the passengers which are far worse than the tumultuous storm that the ship seems caught in. Film versions of the play are great because they can properly evoke the sense of panic as the ship is tossed on the waves, then magically sunk. Howling, I tell you, howling. It’s a perfect metaphor for this week’s Virgo energies, where the complaints are worse than what is being complained about. Howling, I tell you, howling.

Hint: the pressure is from Sagittarius and like the play, might not be the real threat that Virgo perceives it to be. (Just sayin.)

Libra

When I started working on this week’s xmas horoscope, it was still late October. Publishing demands and timely delivery require that. Later? Didn’t finish it until last week, but nothing good can come from putting things off until the last minute. Or can they? So the holidays message for Libra is still filled with an aromatic blend of stale Halloween candy, sprinkled with cinnamon in morning coffee, and hint of nutmeg. These are fall favorites for me. By now, should be images of Xmas Trees, with lights blinking, and old fishing lures as xmas tree decorations.

There is also a hint that there is a “Then and Now” sentiment present in Libra. This falls out with good and bad, but I would spin it all good, given half a chance. You’ll give me that, right? Half a chance, and half a chance to get this right, and half a chance to do stuff well in-advance, then, half a chance to make sure we got this right, the first time. Or headed in the correct direction. There is a long list of half a-chance stuff that needs a break. The break is there, but as a Libra, the break has to be negotiated. And that is what this is about.

Give me half a chance to explain.

Scorpio

Scorpio is a durable sign, that’s for sure. Never questioned that unwavering faith, direction, and purpose that Scorpio “brings to the table.” With the holidays, and the Winter Solstice, and whatever else holiday is being observed? That unwavering (Scorpio) sense of direction needs to be checked. This isn’t about violating the Scorpio code of conduct, and it isn’t about Scorpio faith. It is about about being resolute to the point of obstinate in the face of mounting evidence to the contrary.

Pretend to bend. Call it an xmas present, and pretend to give in, acquiesce to the demands and suggestions of others. Appear to be flighty and flaky, keeping that resolute Scorpio mindset intact. But appear to acknowledge that there might be another way besides the Scorpio Way. The Scorpio Way, as I’ve suggested for years, really ought to be a trademarked pattern. Typical expressions?

“I can see how that would work,” and “I know we can make this happen,” plus the favorite, “always worth a try.” (Follow with a Scorpio shoulder shrug.)

I’m not asking that Scorpio deviate from hardwired internal beliefs, but the outer dressings, and the — think it’s like a layer of paint — the appearance of being willing to concede that something other than the Scorpio Way might also work? As noted? “Always worth a try.”

Sagittarius

“A plague upon this howling,” for they are children ramped up on sugar, and it is the season. In my defense, the kid’s toy box was right by the candy jar. In my defense, I didn’t know that three-year old boy shouldn’t have about 20 chocolate kisses. Not a mini, nor a small, regular Hershey kisses. He tried to explain, clever child that he was only having three or five of the red ones, then three or five of the green ones, then three or maybe it was five of the gold ones, and this never got better.

Between sugar and chocolate itself, plus his diminutive size, yeah, I never had a chance. I was, technically, larger than him, and I could still scoop him with one arm, but with him armed and thusly fortified, I was clearly outmanned. I feel sorry for parents of wee ones. For all the joys? There are misguided individuals like myself who didn’t know what was tactical error. As Sagittarius to Sagittarius, from one to another? Watch the excess. In this simple example, I was outdone by a mere three-year old child. He won. Parent, some parents, are better equipped to deal with this kind of child and the holidays. Me? Clearly not. With Jupiter, Mercury, and Neptune, where they are? Yeah, happy holidays and watch the excess, oh, “A plague upon this howling,” as the opening line goes.

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About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person.

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