Horoscopes for 1.16.2020

    We do debase ourselves, cousin, do we not,
    To look so poorly and to speak so fair?

King Richard II in Shakespeare’s Richard II (III.iii.127-8)

Horoscopes for 1.16.2020

The Sun enters the tropical zodiac sign of Aquarius, the Water Bearer, January 20, 8:54 AM CST, more or less. Mileage may vary. Pluto and Saturn, conjunct in Capricorn. And it means?

Capricorn

Capricorn
First of January, actually, more like the end of December, I started cleaning up and clearing out. Crap that no longer serves me. Books that I won’t ever read again and carry little — if any — sentimental meaning. There was an old computer, an outdated laptop. Again, of no value to me. It was so old the battery was dead, and I failed to even have any kinds of connectors for it — no way to plug it in. Dropped it off to be “recycled,” and this kind of adventure?

Clearing out and cleaning up? Really an apt choice for the times. That first attempt at Capricorn cleaning and clearing? Didn’t work out so well, now did it? This next few days, late Capricorn birthdays included, this next couple of days are superior for that cleansing process. Shows up differently for different folks. But the process to get engaged with? Clearing, cleaning, cleansing. In some order, adjust as need be, Capricorn. (Concatenate.)

Aquarius

There’s always an event like that — feels like being on what I imagine a rocket sled would feel like. Or top fuel dragster, only more. Faster. More hurried. Rush, rush, rush, then a gentle stop at the end. Maybe not gentle, but not as abrupt as the start. I always liked the image of the little parachutes slowing down the top-fuel rails. It does feel like that, doesn’t it?

The biggest problem, not really a problem, just an observed phenomenon? Seems like you’re not getting hooked up with the idea that there’s an urgency at hand. A driving force. A sense that this must be handled, like, right way. Not later, sooner. While this wasn’t originally from an Aquarius, in the next few days?

“Instant gratification takes too long.”

The point about all of this is understanding this is a starting point, not an ending point. This about getting the ball rolling. This is about the start point of consequence, not about the end of anything. Well, it will be the end of Capricorn and the start of Aquarius soon enough, but that’s not what I meant. Or maybe, it sort of is. Like a rapidly, non-linear acceleration.

Pisces

For me, I can trace this influence back most near 30 years ago. That’s more than a cycle of Saturn, for timing questions. The influence started with specialty ice cream in Austin, Amy’s now ubiquitous, Mexican Vanilla. Then, an article in mainstream media talked about the special seductive powers of the same type of aroma. Finally, there’s the hint from all the baking shows now — isn’t there even a baking channel?

Anyway, the hint for Pisces is “Mexican Vanilla.” When I was overseas, I found that the Europeans preferred some kind — Madagascar? Or Tahitian Vanilla? Something like that. While this type of aromatic blend doesn’t evoke such strong reactions, like the smell of fresh-ground coffee, it does have a similar, pervasive influence.

Pisces likes that. A simple, easy way to make this week work better. Make it more flowing, less combative. Spread a little vanilla extract around. For me, this is simple, a drop or two of the extract on the coffee filter in the morning. Hints at the smell, the fragrant and tasty suggestions, but it isn’t so strong that it overpowers everything. But that’s just one suggestion. It can be an oil, an extract, the dried vanilla beans themselves, for some, vanilla ice cream. For others, vanilla cake. For me? Just a drop of the extract on the coffee filter. Of course, I get my vanilla in quart-sized containers at the market, so I’m getting real Mexican Vanilla, but that’s not universally available. Go with what works, but that kind of aromatherapy? Works wonders to make this a better — more productive Pisces week.

Aries

There’s a kind of busy-work that overtakes the good, orderly flow that we’re all supposed to be engaged with. That sense of urgency for mundane matters and getting spurious details sorted out is part of the problem for Aries and this week’s goals.

Aries goals for this week? Don’t get caught up — then distracted — by little details. The easiest way to see this? Stopping in mid-sentence to attend to a small matter that could easily wait. Or pausing while moving in one direction to make a correction in a matter that doesn’t need to be corrected at this time. There’s an inability to filter priorities as Aries sees it.

Typically, I consider this “Virgo energy,” but this kind of attention to details and perfectionism? It’s in Aries at the moment. “You’re making another pass/swipe at Virgo, aren’t you?” No, this is all Aries. It’s warning not to pause, along whatever pathway you’re currently plodding, don’t pause to pick up other peoples’ litter. Noble gesture. Likewise, this isn’t a time open a kitchen cabinet to get something out, only to discover that the spice rack is not in alphabetical order, and then, stopping long enough to rearrange all the condiments, only to realize that the junk drawer also needs cleaning, and then? The kitchen is trashed and nothing’s been done. See? Stay on task.

Taurus

There’s a singular definition I use in other circles, has to do with understanding that opposites can work well with each other. As an outsider in this issue, though, think about the way that opposites can work well with each other. This isn’t about anything in opposition to Taurus, either. This is about brokering a peace of some sort, or getting two opposing factions, together and in agreement.

    It can be done.

Taurus has the strength, resolve, and verbal skill set to make this happen. There’s a plus side, too, or an added bonus, or a special skill set that Taurus brings to the counter-top for this week’s planets, as an addendum. There’s an ability to see resolution and problem-solving where others can only see problems and difficulties. There’s a way to see how to thread a path between opposing forces in such a manner to make it so everyone is happier. Looks for that narrow pathway between the opposing forces, and see if there isn’t a very Taurus answer to the questions.

Gemini

This one isn’t too bad, it’s just this is about making “adult” decisions. The term “adult” has numerous connotations and even some less salubrious denotations, as well, like “adult beverages,” and “adult entertainment,” just as an example. This isn’t really the direction I was seeing — for Gemini. This more along the lines of, “I want to do this because it would be fun, but duty calls, and the adult Gemini decisions would to be to do this, which is less fun, instead.” That’s the kind of Gemini adult decision this week holds.

Perish the thought that I would try and suck the fun out of a Gemini week, but I would be remiss if I didn’t suggest the adult decisions, not always the most fun at the moment, but those adult decisions tend to pave the way for more fun in the immediate future. Next week, next month. I realize that’s a long time away, but adult answers now? I know, bad words to most of the Gemini that I know but adult answers now? Greater reward — more fun — in the near future. Just as a reminder, I don’t like having to deliver this kind of information, any more than you like receiving it. I’m just trying to do what’s right.

Cancer

Can’t complain that this situation has snuck up on your gentle Moon Child self. Not like I didn’t warn you about this a while back, in preparation.

“But I didn’t know it was going to be this bad,” and there’s an added emphasis on the expression, “this bad,” like whatever — however — this is individually interpreted?

No, can’t complain. On one level, you know you saw this coming along, well in advance. I’m just here as a Not-So-Subtle reminder, you know about this ahead of time. I will entertain no complaints. Brook no vindictive notices from the Moon Children, not like you weren’t alerted ahead of time. However, just as an afterthought, looking at it now? Could this be an opportunity for change? Opportunity for change, carefully concealed as an obstacle?

The Leo

The odd part about all of this? It makes sense, in an oblique, weird way. Which is part of the clues for The Leo, that this makes sense in a weird way. Instead of the grand entrance, most of The Leo are used to that, but instead of the fanfare, the theme song, the grand, sweeping entrance wherein the rest of us (non-Leo) pause and look up?

Consider this an weird, sideways entrance.

A weird approach to stuff that doesn’t always seem to make sense, but, you know, it will work out. How it works out? There’s a thing, an essence, a certain feeling I tend to just refer to as “fate.” Not “The Fates,” which are proper terms from mythology, but just apparent whims of people around The Leo, people seemed to determined to operate within The Leo orbit, and exercise some kind of influence. Like the way the Moon makes tides in large bodies of water? There are a number of smaller signs exerting a a minor influence in one direction or another, and as such? In part, this feels like you’re buffeted about by the winds of fates, but in part? This makes a weird kind of sense, because this opens up new pathways that your majestic self might not have otherwise tried. So it makes sense. Sort of.

Virgo

A typical, to me, Virgo complaint? “I’m not (thin, rich, ripped, buff, blond, brown — pick one) enough.” When, from a holistic and mental health perspective, we both instinctually know, you are enough. “No, no I’m not, look at this!” Please. Please?

Please leave the drama for other signs more adept at drama (thinking The Leo, you know). if you can isolate the dram, and the urge to be overly dramatic, I know there were still a few, personal points, that you want to work on, and there will be cosmic strength to make that happen, albeit, these are slow-moving planets so the changes are slow-moving as well.

“Glacial is more like it,” says the Virgo with a pout that was once cute, but c’mon, we’re over that now. We’re passed that, right? The missive is simple. One, quit pouting about some particular aspect of the Virgo life that is out of whack. The second part of that is to ascertain what steps will allay, ameliorate, or alleviate the issue. The problem. The thing that’s still bothering your sweet Virgo self. Stop putting on a petulant face and start doing something about the stuff that you can do something about.

Libra

Time for yet another Libra “Performance Improvement Plan.” The term might’ve been lifted from old management tactics, and years gone by, the terms used to motivate and get maximum utility from team members. “Team members” being a highly euphemistic phrase for front-line workers, also known as drones, worker-bees, the hoi polloi, and other, similar, sometimes less salubrious terms.

The problem is with my own understanding, and source, of the term, “Performance Improvement Plan,” while the real source — internal Libra organs — and the stated goal? Here’s a chance to figure out, quick, what is working and what isn’t working to your own, Libra, benefit. The catastrophe in Capricorn is really a slick way to give Libra a moment’s pause, long enough to stop and assess the routes we’re all taking.

Think about this next few days, maybe less time than that, as a quick course correction. More like a series of finite adjustments. More like gradual shifts in a new direction because it is just easier that that way, rather than this way. The Libra weekly “Performance Improvement Plan” might just be a slightly new direction, or the old direction, just a few degrees different. Won’t know for sure until one stops and assess.

Scorpio

To quote myself, from some time back, “It’s been many long years since I’ve threatened...” &c. The simple idea is to write a series of communications as Haiku, or some other limited version of the poetical arts. Not sonnet form — that's too long, and mostly too difficult. But the idea, it’s simple enough, a message from any Scorpio should be carefully crafted in a form that is ornate yet highly restrictive. What I’m trying to prevent, this week — especially this week — for Scorpio? I’m working to keep your mouth in check. Fewer words carry more weight. Less verbiage is better.

When I first embarked on horoscopes, I tried to fill a single page. Then, as the process and outlets matured, first real editor removed the constraint of “75-100” words. Some days I need more space. Other days, less. Scorpio: a tight constraint on words used to convey the message is important. I like Haiku for you.

Sagittarius

Started with the sexist joke about “Arguing with a woman,” and how that’s like the Apple iTunes software license, just click “Agree.” But that software license was an inspiration for the long form of my own terms of service, the fineprint. One inspiration, or more like a continuation.

Still legally binding, I might add.

There are times when arguing, cavorting, and carrying on are effective routes to get to an end. The message, if I’m totally not clear? We can argue, kvetch, hold forth, and dissemble as long as our oratory Sagittarius selves want to, but we’re going to capitulate at the end.

Look: when you accessed my site, you agreed to all the terms as outlined in my semi-random Terms of Service. So far, no one I know of, besides myself, have ever read the terms all the way through. But it’s all still binding. As the Sagittarius times unfold, think about the joke, the original set-up, and if the sexist language offends, then change it to better words, like arguing with a life-mate is like the old Apple terms of service, just click on “Agree,” as you know you will, eventually.

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About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.