Horoscopes for 3.5.2020

And, by my soul, this pale and angry rose,
As cognizance of my blood-drinking hate,
Will I forever and my faction wear,
Until it wither with me to my grave,
Or flourish to the height of my degree.

  • Richard Plantagenet
    in Shakespeare’s Henry VI, pt. 1, 2.4.107-12

Horoscopes for 3.5.2020

Mercury goes direct March 9, around 9:48 PM, at 28 degrees of Aquarius. This occurs right after an annual Sun/Neptune alignment. Spooky, in a way. Synchronistic to some.


Some years, maybe a decade back, I was called in to be an expert. In the situation, it was a formal, business setting, I was to talk about technology. The challenge with technology? The actual steps to each device, and the function therein? That changes, almost daily. Or so it seems. What I try to do, when I teach astrology, is to teach process, rather than strict, linear delineations. There’s a strong similarity between the way I was lecturing about technology than one night, and the way I understand how the horoscopes work. Process, precious Pisces, process. We’re interested in the general skills required to get from where we are at, at this moment, to where we are headed, whenever that is. Stumbling across my old notes, thanks to Mercury in retrograde, I realized that the process I was teaching, even a decade back, that still applies, even to this day. Not about the individual steps to get from wherever “here” is to wherever “there” is, no, it’s about what general direction, what raw materials, and what steps are required. Directions, goals, understanding what’s up with whatever? It’s about process, dear Pisces, not the individual steps to get from wherever to whatever that Pisces birthday destination might be. To think, my notes are still good, even a decade later.

Process, precious Pisces, process.


One Shakespeare source I was listening to critiqued old, movie-versions of one of the plays. Big name actor, but the actor, in that role, did what the spurious critic called, “That 70’s style of Shakespeare acting.” The movie version was early 1970’s, so yes, the criticism fit. There was a style of theatre, present then, wherein the elocutions, the way the high-notes and low-ends of speeches were held longer, and the gestures were ever so much more grander.

Under the guise of more modern light, the old-school way of acting, as typified by that term, “70’s style of acting,” it seems like a dated format to portray a script. To some, it might be over-acting, or even considered a caricature of acting, but in its era, this was the way it was done. As an Aries, though, in the next few days? Be careful about not over-acting, or over-reaching, or trying to be too dramatic.

(Dramatic pause here.)

The careful declaiming, the over-stressed vocabulary, the unnecessary syllables padded into the words themselves, yeah, all of that? (Sweeping gesture and stern look.) Maybe tone down, if just for the next few days. There’s a reason that the “70’s style of acting” went out of fashion.


For the next couple of years, you get an alignment like this. Mileage may vary, but the details will always be similar. Uranus is associated with Aquarius while Venus is obviously a very Taurus planet. This is a kind of disruption, but it’s not really disruptive. Did that even make sense? Which is part of the problem as those two align. Straight numbers? Uranus: 84 years per orbit. Venus: 260 says per orbit. So, like I suggested, this is going to happen with frequency. Get used to it and figure out how to employ this weirdness quotient, the unexpected, and the outlandish, all at once. This comes too close on the tail end of Mercury in retrograde, so this might not be the big deal you would like it to be, but this gives a sense of some way to plan forward, for the Taurus future as this will happen again. Again and again. Figure that this is just a first pass at something that will be around for a while. New. Different, exciting. From an unexpected quadrant of the Taurus life.


Early spring fishing, along the Texas coast? We spent an afternoon catching — and releasing — undersized reds. Redfish. Red Drum, spot tail, whatever name one likes. The deal, according to the State of Texas, I should only keep three, and they all have to be between 20 and 27 inches in length, nose to tail. One of the guys I was fishing with, no names, he would squeeze the tail fins together and stretch that fish out, trying to get up to the 20-inch mark. We had one grand one, at almost 27 inches, and one that barely 21, but the rest, that afternoon, all all were undersized. I’ve had this experience before, in the spring, those fish I caught and released? I’d kiss them, and tell them to grow up. According to lore, they can grow an inch in a month, in the Texas spring waters, along the coast here. By next fall? Bet they are all right-sized. Until then? Catch and release. For Gemini, my fishing advice is similar to my astrological device: no cheating. “Look, no look, see, if I pinch the tail fins together, it goes to 20!” Dude, it’s 19 inches and change, not really a keeper. Let it go. We’ll come back and catch them all over again the fall, when they will all be keepers. The little undersized Reds? Lots of fight, tons of fun, just, only two for supper that night. Had fun, pictures on the web someplace. Don’t try and fudge the statistics. Or lie about the size of the fish. Rat reds. Lots of fight, hungry fish, just not quite big enough to keep. Yet. Don’t try and stretch this one out, Gemini.


Watch out for the Girl Scout ambuscade.

Any notion that it is some kind of a girly, “ladies” knitting-circle organization? Pure rubbish. It’s nothing short of a tight-knit, paramilitary group, just short of running a coup to take over the government. “Girls,” and yes, that is pejorative, sexist term, but then, this is war, “girls” don’t use hardcore military strategies to just sell cookies. The moms and daughters, some dads, too, set up at various choke points, high in target-rich traffic, and then, it’s like walking into an ambuscade.

Couple of examples? There’s a dive restaurant not far from here. On busy weekend afternoons, just past the edge of the property line, there’s a little table, with a few boxes. The mom kept running back to the mini-van to resupply. They sold crates of cookies, to patrons waiting in line to eat. Choke points at the grocery stores, too, all entrances with Girl Scout Cookie tables deployed. It’s a tactical approach by a potentially subversive paramilitary organization. All right, the potentially subversive part might be me. As delicate Moon Child, got to ask yourself about the way these cookie sales agents are deployed. Also have to admit, freely, that this is a strategic plan in place, not just random occurrences. As this week unfolds, and the planets do their things, watch out for that carefully plotted attack by little girls wearing green informs, selling cookies. Or whatever the enemy might be.

The Leo

There are those of us who find that Girl Scout Cookies are the work of the devil. Looking at package, I’ve long joked about the pints of ice cream that say, “Servings per container: 4,” but looking at a box of Girl Scout Cookies — never mind this is a good cause. Never mind that the cookies themselves are innocuous and blameless, no, that’s not what this about, but what I was thinking? Last package I had, held two sleeves of cookies. To me, that translates to “2 Servings per container.” While I wouldn’t necessarily eat a whole sleeve in a single sitting, sheepishly admit, it’s been known to happen.

“Hey, it’s for a good cause.”

Whatever we have to tell ourselves, correct? So the notion, just between me the astrologer, and you, The Leo? One of us should petition the Girl Scouts to more truthfully label their cookie boxes. I think it’s safe to consider a single sleeve as a single serving. It certainly is among my friends. “Servings per container: 2.” Think of this as the tail-end of the Mercury and Neptune stuff, and this is a way we could all do something for the other people. As The Mighty Leo, it would help us a lot.


I was exiting a particular venue, place I’ve worked for many years, and I paused. Little Virgo girlfriend was walking alongside me. I had this itch, right between my shoulders, and I had travel gear slung over one shoulder, and a phone in the other hand, besides, it was that spot, a little lower, just right where I couldn’t effectively reach. Not a real itch, just a momentary place I needed to scratch. We turned a corner, and I paused, took a single step backwards so I was backed up against the corner of the wall, and I moved back and forth, “Ah.”

  • Virgo looks at me, “Do I want to know?”
  • The last of the planetary mess? There’s a spot you can’t reach except by backing up against the wall, and gyrating. Doesn’t take much, but it does take something. Doesn’t look good to anyone else, but it is a momentary relief for Virgo. To compound the situation, especially with this metaphor, “You know that scratching it just makes it worse?”

    Yeah, I know, but it’s a temporary fix to a temporary problem, and it’s a temporary solution. Looks funny, but brings momentary relief. All that matters.


    I really should’ve used the lines from the end of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream, but overusing a certain quote tends to feel disingenuous to me. Still the pervasive sentiment, layered across the top of this week’s mash-up of planets and energies? “Wow, it was all dream. Maybe.” It’s as if the planets themselves were tripping over each other, bumbling along like a slapstick comedy routine. To some, this isn’t funny, but there’s a macabre sense of humor at play. For others, this is just a silly instance, no big deal, right? If this is painful? Remember that it’s a passing influence, and that the players involved in the painful set-up, there was no evil intent. If it was temporarily painful, then, as I suggested, it was just glancing tap, almost like a stage punch and the planets added that noise, so that the punch sounded just like two blocks of wood being slammed together. “Boom.” Mercury unwinding, and Neptune plus the Sun, all about the same time? Into the shadows, out of the shadows, memories, dream, nightmares, and false starts. Be prepared to redo this material, as it will be back, and what it all means? Depends, individually, but that should be easy enough to figure out in another week or so.


    There is a certain amount of “slop” in all my astrological calculations. No, the math isn’t sloppy, the math itself is quite elegant. The presentation is accurate, it’s the interpretative art in the data, and then the translation into the real world down here on planet earth. In one reference book, the author referred to the lines between astrological houses as gray zones rather than hard and fast, point-wide lines. Upon reading that and then, applying it backwards over the half a decade of charts, at the time, I could see the validity of the point. I understand. Does Scorpio understand that there is more to a translation into the real world than meets the eye? Especially, now that Pisces is cooking along in earnest? The lines are blurry. There are still lines, but the definitions fall into a gray area rather than a hard and fast, basically binary decision. A definite “maybe” goes a lot further than a “for sure yes,” or a “for sure no.” For Scorpio, it’s all gray areas, next couple of days. Definitely a “maybe” serves you in much better stance than a hard and fast answer. Hint: if it’s not black and white? Then it’s not a black and white answer, either. Be politic?


    I’m always a little dubious of family lore. I’ve watched, in my own family, as stories, myths, and lore are modified to present a more fluid, perhaps more welcome, outcome. Myth-making right before my very eyes. The reason I was thinking about the way my own family can twist and pervert a story, one time? It was a situation where I was there, so I know exactly what happened. The myth has since been twisted around so I don’t look so good, but the teller, an aging parent, looks better. On certain days, I’ll have to let that slide. One time, situation it was sister and myself, and we watched, in abject horror, as the tale was twisted around, and what was frighteningly amusing? We were both there, at the event being retold. Not how it happened. We were both there. There’s a sense that a Sagittarius tale is getting rewritten. In my example, I’ll give leeway to aging parents to rewrite as need be, but as a Sagittarius myself? I suggest we benefit from not adding too much emotional shading or judicious editing — just to make ourselves look better. We’ll come out fine, as the truth, despite persistent myth-making by others? The truth finds its way to the surface — eventually. Maybe not this week, but stick to what we know.


    Because I’m located in South Texas, there isn’t a lot of live Shakespeare on stage. Most metropolitan areas will have some play onstage, in the theatre district, just about every month. I was thinking of London, when I mentioned that. However, in and around Austin, I’ve seen a number of Shakespeare’s works done well. There was one version of The Tempest wherein the actor playing the lead role, I think he was a name-brand actor, assumed that the whole play was about him. No subsidiary roles were considered, and while he did command that kind of stage presence, I tend to think of a working version of a play as a team effort. Even little roles, and walk-on parts can carry gravitas, and just because it’s a small role doesn’t mean that the role should be taken lightly. Or that the rest of the team should otherwise ignore the actor. In that example, there’s a game of chess at the end of the show, and that leading man managed to make it all about him. Interesting, and this didn’t come up until I was reading a critique of a recent movie, and I realized what marred that summer stock performance years ago. I didn’t know it at the time, but now? Makes perfect sense. As a Capricorn, next week or so? This is not all about you. Simply put, like that one actor, commanding and commandeering the entire production? Ruined it. Wasn’t nearly as good as it could’ve been because he took over. Capricorn: play nice with others, humor me, try it. Play nice with others.

    “Yes, of course you’re right.”


    Pop psychology suggests that the experience of leaving one room, just walking through a doorway into another room that changes our mental frame of references. As such, that feeling that we walked into the the other room for a reason, and then, can’t remember what the reason was? “I forgot why I came in here?” Know the sense? Might’ve happened to your own, Aquarius self before. A number of my buddies now claim, “Well, I’m having a senior moment,” but this crosses ages with relative aplomb. It’s more a testament to the current astrological condition in Aquarius rather than any biological or chemical issue. Not that those can’t contribute, but the idea that walking from room in a house to another room, and that can change the attitude, and makes the mind perform a quick reset? Sure. As long as you grasp the mechanics of the situation, the deal works. You walk into another room, and then, something changes, and there’s that momentary panic, “Why did I do that?” This more along the lines of keeping the target in focus, and that’s the important image. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Aquarius, understand that you might be a little more scattered than usual. Twin astrological influences, none of this is your fault, but you must deal appropriately.

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    About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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