Horoscopes for 5.28.2020

’Twere good she were spoken with, for she may strew
Dangerous conjectures in ill-breeding minds.

    Horatio in Shakespeare’s Hamlet (4.5.14-5)

Horoscopes for 5.28.2020

Gemini

Gemini
I will be forever changed by a cup of coffee I had with my sister. (Gemini Sister, not that it matters, but it might.) It was an exotic coffee bean, hand-roasted, then artfully prepared by the cup, in a single pour-over style. Left Coast, north of San Fransisco, a cross between surfer paradise and Seattle coffee heaven. The price of the single cup of coffee was off-putting, to say the least, but from a single farmer, and an exotic locale, with a specialty name, in a place that extracted coffee by the latest, greatest methods known?

Sure, I’m in. Was it that good? I can’t answer that as I don’t have the refined coffee palate for the nuances of a fruity after-finish and earthen overtones. I wasn’t sure if it was paint or coffee. Tasted good, but I refined my coffee palate on fresh roasted Kona beans, and that’s what I know. Then, too, those real Hawaiian beans are more and more difficult to find with the real Kona flavor. The experience, though, of the coffee itself? That was well-worth the price. Watching the preparation makes me feel better about how I buy, store, and then, prepare my coffee. Take a moment and try an outside source for something familiar. As a Gemini, an outside effort results in what you’re looking for. It’s a birthday time “compare and contrast.” Like me, bet you come up looking pretty good.

Cancer

These clear and present energies are just names for a very uncomfortable time for the gentle Moon Children, nothing else can be said. Well, sure I can say a lot, and there will be one Cancer person who will swear, up and down, that I am clearly mistaken. Know what? I’m very willing to be mistaken about this clear and present energy. I’m very willing for there to be no confusion, no distractions, no outside and untoward influences confusing matters for the gentle Moon Children. Yeah, all for that.

Let’s think like this: close. We’re so very close. So close you can taste, see it in your Moon’s Child’s mind’s eye, feel it, but not quite really touch it. Therein is the problem, as this might — or might not — be a clear and present danger. All sort of depends. I still think a little time spent preparing for a worst case scenario helps go a long way in making life better for Cancer — being prepared, helps. Then, when I’m wrong? We all get a hearty laugh.

The Leo

First comment the came to my mind? “Man, I love my Leo’s.” Next suggestion? “Shut up.” Then weighing that, I realized that I can’t, with good conscience, suggest that a Leo shut up, much less, The Leo, no, quietly going into that good night is not the style. There’s an axiom that I collected in one of my books, something about, “If you can’t be right? Be wrong as loudly as possible.” I may have that wrong, feel free to check the the text, but the sentiment is the same. As there’s that urge to loudly proclaim whatever truth that your Leo self feels is true — at the moment? Go ahead. Just keep this in mind, what’s you’re so sure about — right now — might turn out to be incorrectly displayed data. In other words, you’re not seeing the whole picture.

I don’t mind being wrong. Frequently, I am. Not an issue. But I’m not The Leo. Which gets back to the original idea, if you’re not dead-sure about the facts, or if looks like there might some kind of a judgement call required? Wait. Or, for now? Shut up. Or you can be like me, be wrong as loudly as you want.

Virgo

There’s an intersection where a couple of items run together, and this — to me — looks more like stuff crashing into each other. There’s a tension and a certain lack of release set-up in the next few days. There is a realistic release point, but this is weeks away, so for the time being? No hope. Uphill struggle. Against all Virgoodds. Toil and trouble, no hope. There is a chance, there is a release, there is a way out, but it’s not happening quickly, not coming easily.

What I would warn about is “inelegant” solutions. In one group, we use the term “gorilla,” because it implies both strong but ugly. I don’t get that, but the expression has been bantered about by several groups of friends. One welder, for example, looks at a seam of hot metal, and calls it a “gorilla weld,” as in strong but unattractive. When we built motors, we used a certain gasket glue and it was termed “gorilla,” as well, as it was color weak puke, but strong and performed its function well. So we’re looking at either an inelegant solution, or worse, using something that has the moniker “gorilla”” in it, as that applies both strong and ugly, or, maybe? Maybe don’t do anything at all, and wait this one out.

Libra

I’m good at this one. Experience is all that’s required to surmount the Libra challenges that this week holds. But as Mercury shifts to Cancer, and Venus still does her inconvenient thing? That necessary experience, the tools you need to accomplish that Libra set of goals? You won’t get the experience until after the time you require it. This is a week wherein we’re flying solo. Old buddy used to use that term, and it works, in a sense. It implies that it is just Libra, bereft of outside assistance, and especially at a time when someone with more experience would be handy as a guide, a mentor, or just an assistant. I’ll agree with you about that. Herein is the part, the tools you need to finish this off? The experience required to understand how to fully work this in your own favor? You don’t get that experience until after you need it.

“Oh so that’s how this works. Wished I known that before.”

You gain the correct experience, right after it was required. Way the planets work, this next few days.

Scorpio

“I have zero tolerance for BS today, Kramer.” Got it. Dear sweet Scorpio, got the message loud and clear. “No, I mean, ‘zero tolerance,’ are we clear?” Perfectly, my little Scorpio friend. “No, I mean it (this time).” As soon as a the non-Scorpio person hears that? “I mean it this time?” Soon as a non-Scorpio hears that or an expression that is a similar disclaimer? That’s when it starts. That’s when we start up the crap with the poor, beleaguered Scorpio. You gave us a target. You said, “Not this time, ever again.”

I got a fishing buddy, he will, on occasion consume a few too many malted beverages on an evening before we fish. Next morning, he has a headache. Might be a little groggy. One trip, in a similar condition, he failed to put the drain plug in the back of the boat, and we started to sink until he realized his error. All from a little much beer the night before, and then, the next day, the “I swear, this time I will never do that again.” I just smile, and be quiet. No need to exacerbate that Scorpio situation, but we both know, the term, “Never again” is the same as “this time I mean it.” There are two take-away points> careful with the threats, commands, or other verbal statements that might not bear the weight — gravitas — that your Scorpio self desires, and as a second note? Even if you’re hung over this weekend? Check the drain plug before backing the boat into the lake.

Sagittarius

In some of my earlier world, I used the expression that I had a typical Sagittarius mouth, it was a size 19. That’s two size 9-and-half feet in my mouth — my very own. As I am used to choking on my words, this is less for me, but this is about what to look out for like coming up. We do have a way of saying the best possible retort, at the worst possible time. We do have a way of opening our mouths and insert both our feet, to not mix metaphors, and we do have way — when silence is golden? We’re leaden. Instead of being weighed down by our verbal gaffes, miscues, and other times when our Sagittarius mouth oversteps what we know is right? There is a much easier way to approach this week’s weirdness. Consider the idea that a closed mouth gathers no feet.

“But wait, I just need to explain....”

Closed mouth. No feet. Think. Do not speak.

Capricorn

“Oh man this is bad, right? So very, very bad. I just know it.” Not really, but never hurts to try the Boy Scout thing and “Be Prepared.” So is it bad? Despite the dire predictions from a certain Capricorn, yeah, no, it’s not really bad. Or is it? I think it’s not bad. I see that there is an easy way to navigate this feeling that Capricorn is surrounded by stupendously stupid people. Move slower.

It’s really that simple. There’s a series of seriously stupendously stupid souls surrounding Capricorn. Instead of struggling with their lack of mental acuity? Slow down. Let that one sink in: just slow down.

Sort of like slowing down to their level so they can grasp the urgency of the situations at hand. Slow it down for the rest of us.

Aquarius

Read enough horoscopes, and this is fun for me, read enough, especially online? All have these dire predictions for life in Aquarius land because this or that or whatever. Know what? I refuse to make the same kind of predictions for Aquarius because, well, I don’t think it all logically follows, not if one pays attention to the directions the stars are pushing our Aquarius selves towards — no — this is hardly bad at all.

We've had to social distant, and I guess we should be washing our hands, but that's not new, is it? There’s a tiny bit of Aquarius discomfort, but even that is rather slight. Not a big deal. The pandemic and panic? Should be a “Pebble in your shoe” kind of thing. For me, I’ll get a burr, when I’m out in just sandals, and that would be most of the time, now. The little burrs are problematic, but ultimately, not a deal killer. I pause long enough to flick it away, and I’m good. Likewise, for this week’s Aquarius reminder, just flick off the offending discomfort, and it will be all better almost immediately. See how easy this is, some days? While others are predicting dire situations, that problem, issue, or the cause of the discomfort? Pause long enough and it will go sway, just flick it off.

Pisces

There’s a weird emphasis, occurs as the stars align, or misalign, this week. Mostly a Gemini type of thing, but the angle, oblique that it might be, occurs here in Pisces, as well, a sense, a sense that… a sense that something isn’t quite right, but you can’t figure out what is misplaced. What’s out of shape, out of its proper sequence, what is extra that doesn’t belong here, there is something amiss.

Something not right.

The way to play this? Understand that out of three picks, the first two are probably wrong. Straight up, statistical probability. I might be off, but out of the three Pisces choices, you get? Best guess you’ll guess wrong the first two times. Knowing that, now? Still, bet you guess wrong. Should be this one, no, wait, Kramer thought I would guess wrong, so I’ll take that one, no wrong again! Curse you, Kramer! You must hate all Pisces! No, not at all, but the deal is, there’s a confabulation of planets that conspire to make this less than uncomfortable for Pisces, so the answer is? Bend us to your will, “I want this, this, and that one!” Get all three, one is bound to be right.

Aries

One of my fishing buddies gave up beer for a month. Gave up all stimulants and depressants, too, no coffee, no energy drinks, no cigars, nothing. He was on some kind of a health kick, and promised himself that he would go the whole month of April with no booze, no cigars, and no super-sweetened sugar drinks. No caffeine, too. At the end of the month, he just wrapped it up a few weeks back, he claimed he didn’t feel any better, and for that matter, he’d only lost 2 pounds, so the beer and sugar water wasn’t the contributing factor. It was an interesting experiment, and I was kind of glad we didn’t fish during that month, as he seemed a little more cantankerous than usual.

“Cranky” is not too strong of a term. But he made it, and everyone around him, and he calmed down a little after that. Not nearly as agitated over certain issues. I wonder if it was easier in quarantine. Now, it’s too late to go back to last month and give up all the bad stuff in the Aries life, but it’s not too late to adopt his attitude. While slightly garrulous, it does speak to a certain sentiment that one is willing to give up all pleasures of the flesh to see if this enhances life. Hint: I think not, but then, I wouldn't give up everything. Cutting back, this next few days, in just one area? Reaps big benefits for Aries.

Taurus

Most people divide the world up into months. It’s an accepted practice, and the months themselves are named for the Roman names. Talk about the way a bureaucracy can stretch forward in time? Anyway, I tend to divide the world into 12 signs, instead of months. As we get thoroughly into Gemini, there’s an added bonus not always present, and it applies to Taurus — this is like a whole extra month of birthday fun. The good wishes? Still present. The glad tidings? Still present. The idea that there are some gifts that haven’t caught up to you, like extra late delivery? Still present. This is an astrological gift that will keep on giving for another few weeks. The biggest obstacle for this time? Venus. We’ve talked, at length, and worried our way along, but embracing the idea that Venus is going affect matters of taste, and not in a good way? Understanding that means it’s still OK to enjoy the next week, just grapple with the fact that some matters — like you pick the wrong outfit, or you grab the wrong sauce, some of these “problems” turn into happy coincidences as it works out. “Who know sweet and sour would get along so well,” or, “plaid with stripes, it does kind of work.”

astrofish.net/travel for appearances

astrofish.net sig file

“Nothing runs on automatic.” - L.W. “Bud” Shipley, Jr.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.