News from heaven!

News, news from heaven! Marcus, the post is come.
Sirrah, what tidings? Have you any letters?
Shall I have justice? What says Jupiter?

Titus in Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus (IV.iii.78-9)

Horoscopes starting 3.28.2022

“Illegitimi non carborundum”¹…

Venus conjuncts Saturn March 28. Mars conjuncts Saturn April 4. New Moon in Aries April 1st, 1:25 AM, Venus enters Pisces April 5, 10:18 AM.

Aries

For about a month, I’ve got the perfect scenario. For the duration of this horoscope, about ten degrees of Aries, we have that situation. The situation is even funnier every time I dig into the facts behind that Latin quote, with the Wiki précis rather amusing (at the time). The message is clear, though, whether Dog Latin, or just the alleged English translation, and either way, it sounds about right. As much as anything else? That expression, and its variations, captures the essence of what we’re all dealing with between the various planets in Aquarius, the stuff in Taurus, and the location of the Sun and Moon. Now is the time to not let the bastard grind you down. Sounds more melliferous in Latin, though.

Taurus

My neighbor, a kindly gentlemen, has a trick, and I fall for it every time. I’ll find a new taco joint, and suggest we go there. These tend to be dives, like food trucks without the truck? The culinary experience tends to ethnic, and usually quite excellent, many places only take cash, and that’s where the neighbor wins. “Oh man, I’ve only got three buck on me.” He ceremonially pulls out his hip wallet, flips open to the cash, and shows that he’s only got three single dollars.

Be perfect for a coffee shop tip, I could take him three times. Yes, I know, we all take credit cards, but there’s something about just carrying the three dollars. One of the most effective tricks I’ve ever seen. I would do it, too, but I’ve found I like to make sure I have enough cash on hand to buy a book, or a cup of coffee. What’s likely to happen to Taurus? “Man, I’d like to pay, but look, I’ve only got three bucks with me.”

Gemini

One of the most iconic album covers for all time? In my opinion, Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon.” It was a square foot of inky black, night background with a simple prism splitting the single band of white light into its myriad of rainbow shades. Simple, austere, and yet, rather evocative. Now, let’s take a look at the stars and how those lights affect gentle Gemini. With the way there is the one-two influence from Venus then Mars as each aligns with Saturn? Imagine that album cover, a simplistic depiction of the light being separated into the various shades of the spectrum, got that image? Now, in true Gemini fashion, run that backwards. Instead of a single stream of light being split? Imagine that the planets are herding a bunch of Gemini thoughts into a point, like that prism, and you’re coming out with a single destination. Flip it around. From many points to a single point. Focus on just one. From the usual myriad of associations to a single, just one focal point. Like that prism, only backwards. One thing. Concentrator on one thing, as Saturn will help with that.

Cancer

The doggerel latin verse at the top? More so than the Shakespeare, the intent of that Dog Latin line is a simple, and clear, message to gentle Moon Children. The historical bits with it, the story behind it, and the way it really doesn’t quite translate properly, sure, all of that is fun, but the essential missive is one that is straightforward: don’t let them grind you down. The way the planets, technically, the moon is a satellite of earth, but just call this mess “planets,” the way the planets play out? There’s that incessant irritant. It can grind on you, if you let it. Look into that Latin expression, its meaning, and its implied meaning. Source, roots, and placements. A little distraction like that, and then? The term itself as a reminder, for the duration of this horoscope, not to let them grind you down — which, sure as a can be — at least one will incessantly try working on those soft parts.

The Leo

“Don’t make me release the flying monkeys!” (link) Just a bit of fun, in a time that is fraught with frightful allegations flying left and right. “He said that she said,” that “they said,” and no one knows for sure. There’s a twin Saturn punch for The Leo, starts with the aforementioned Venus and Saturn, and ends with this week’s April Fool’s of Mars and Saturn. A big roach went scuttling across the back patio. I don’t like roaches. While not really dangerous, they are (supremely) yucky to me. At the time, I had on a pair of sandals with a thin but hard sole. Did I mention, while not really bad, I just don’t like roaches? Eaters of dead things. Just unpleasant. I stepped on the roach. That smashed him just fine. It was a dead bug, but I gave a quick turn to my step, just to be sure, grind the critter into the flooring. Just a quick, crunch, grind. Not just dead, but very dead. Emphasis. Flair for the dramatic? Sure, all of that. That’s what those two planets, three planets, that’s what it means. Spike the balls, so to speak, to mix metaphors. Venus then Mars, this lends a need to make sure. Otherwise? There’s always the flying monkeys. “Fly!”

Virgo

I tend to think that language is more like an operating system for the brain. Language is the way I order thoughts. By that extension, grammar is the rules that govern the way the language is ordered. The grammar is the framework. Moving backwards, then, the idea of those math equations are just like the language and grammar rules. Same kind of structure, just in a different order. To me, my way of thinking about it, astrology is nothing more than a language of energy, symbols, and feelings. However, to convey this information, I need to have words, and words have to march in a certain order, and we’re back, full cycle, to language. Helps that I have a smattering of other languages, besides English, or rather “American English.” There’s strong, very Virgo temptation to bend, break, or otherwise redefine the rules. No. Don’t. While I break rules of grammar every day, I do so with a conscious understanding that I’m bending, breaking, and otherwise refining the rules as need be in order to get a message across. Or sometimes, just, you know, I’m too lazy to follow all the guidelines. “Rules? Rules were meant to be broken!” Great idea. For the duration of this scope? And on into the near future? Hew to the exact letter — and spirit — of the law.

Libra

“Have you tried our extra-healthy cauliflower hot wings?” No. And I’m not going to. I enjoy the “buffalo” sauce which, in its first incarnation, was just a paste with its heavy dose of Tabasco. In the ensuing decades, the flavors and presentations changed, mutated, and became what it is today. Personally, I would welcome a tofu version of wings, but cauliflower? That is a specific vegetable that I was forced to eat as a child, and I never liked. So, as an aging adult, I won’t eat it. One meal had a side of cauliflower done in a garlic-cheese sauce, a sharp cheddar with a heavy dose of butter and garlic, and while the cheese sauce smelled heavenly, it was poured over cauliflower. I didn’t bother. As a lover of all things Libra? It’s all right to just say “no” to something that doesn’t sit correctly. Like cauliflower.

Have you trued our extra-healthy cauliflower hot wings? “No.”

Scorpio

One of my favorite Scorpio musicians is known for “grit and groove.” It’s the gritty side of what he does that makes it special. There’s an earthiness, an element of reality, special essence that is lost in more polished works. A little less polish, but a little more Scorpio soul? Think that’s the secret, and think that’s what works, a little less polish, and little more “real.” This can show up a number of different ways. He plays in an open key or minor key, something a little different. Just half-a-beat different, more soul, less shiny production values, more of that Scorpio soul. Mars, Saturn, Venus, yes, all of that, there’s way to show a little more Scorpio than usual.

Sagittarius

Writers are weird. Some of my associates have to have everything just perfect in order to produce. I’ve learned, the hard way, that “good enough” is the key. I didn’t wake up early enough, I woke up too early, neither one matters. The coffee was too strong, the coffee wasn’t strong enough. Again, easy enough to adjust and it doesn’t matter, not when it comes to working. There’s a point where “good enough” is what works for Sagittarius. “Just ‘good enough’ is that it?” Yes, that’s it. Simple enough because there’s a confusing array of disparate energies pushing, pulling, leaning in, pulling apart, and none of this is perfect, but in many situations, it’s Sagittarius good enough. It’s not a perfect time, but we can get this done. Did I mention it might be a good time to fish, the New Moon and all?

Capricorn

The rule is “ten thousand hours.” I tend to shy away from rules, but as an idea, the notion that a lot of time practicing a particular skill improves one’s ability? At some point, muscle memory kicks in, at some point, the intersection of mind and matter, the way our body might respond, at some point, it all comes together. I like the idea of ten thousand hours as goal, a destination, a target for Capricorn. Perform a specific action long enough, practice a reported step frequently, and see where this lands you. This is about practice and practicing over and over in order to get to that goal. Doesn’t come quickly. Doesn’t come easily — what good Capricorn want easy? But practice, repeated over and over, yields results. Gradually, it gets easier.

Aquarius

Some time, next five, ten days? You’re going to get that huge, “Ah-HA!” moment. Not just a gentle awakening, or brilliant little epiphany but a lightening-bolt (like) strike that suggests “This is it!” I would use three exclamation marks, and you’re going to find that you want to use three exclamation marks, too, to indicate the exuberance and passion that this evokes. I would suggest, look: I like to see you super-excited about it, but that insight? I’m just a single voice of caution, it’s Saturn, you know? That single insight might be a little misleading. Right idea, but is now really the time? Might want to stop and examine the possible outcomes, all the way through. “But this will work!” It just might, but the excitement might also dissipate when you found that there might be more steps required.

Pisces

One of the foibles of modern life is that the art and science of the movie trailer has evolved to a point that the trailer is oftentimes better than the movie. Happened more than once, “I so want to see that movie,” only to find out the critics were right, and the action, dialogue and throw-away one-liners were all used up in the trailer. No substance to the piece of work. I treat books like that, as well, but I have a slightly broader source for their recommendations. All of the digital book sources have a “preview” feature, but that never works for me. If I like the book, I’ll want to keep reading, and if I don’t, I can’t know that in the first half of a chapter, or whatever to the preview is. But somewhere between a movie trailer that gives it all away, and book preview that doesn’t give enough to get me hooked, there’s where we fall for this horoscope’s version of Pisces. This is a preview, a teaser, a taste, a sample. We’re getting precious close to Jupiter and Neptune aligning in a tight formation. Means something. This little bit of time? It’s a preview. Now, individually, is this a movie trailer that gives away all the plot details? Or is that insipid book preview that doesn’t really give enough? One way or another, this is a preview for what’s up ahead. Just as an educational note, in historical astrology, Jupiter was the planet associated with Pisces so we’re looking at a preview of an old ruler and a new ruler. It’s just a preview; stay tuned for more!

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1. Fake Latin for “Don’t let the bastards grind you down.” ↩