Horoscopes for 5.21.2022

Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say, “Ay,”
And I will take thy word; yet, if thou swear’st,
Thou mayest prove false: at lovers’ perjuries
They say Jove laughs.
Juliet in Romeo and Juliet (2.2.90-3)

Horoscopes for 5.21.2022

The sun moves into the Tropical Zodiac Sign of Gemini on May 20, 2022, at 8:23 PM (local). Mars enters Aries May 25. Retrograde Mercury and the Sun align May 21 at 0° Gemini, around 8 PM.


Gemini It not like this is a new observation. It was a fishing buddy’s kid. He was eating a pre-packaged Mac-n-Cheese, cheese puffs, washing it down with hot chocolate. I find the food items, separately, quite tasty as food and fuel. Together? I have to question that combination, but I’ve never understood kids, not having any of my own. For that kid, it was the perfect combination. On a recent fishing trip, there was three-day old Rudy’s BBQ (brisket and sausage), really stale homemade brownies, and Big Red. Again, another combination on the outset, doesn’t look appealing, but after a long day in a small bay boat, it was really appealing to us. This isn’t about foods that don’t get along as much as it’s about satisfying a weird craving at the time. Mercury makes for strange bedfellows, or better said? Mercury makes for stranger Gemini appetites.


There are a plethora of variables. I was looking through some incoming data, and a client wanted to send me some money, and the client wanted to do it via a payment gateway I don’t use. At one time, the conventional wisdom was to accept income in as many forms as possible. If there was a new payment gateway, sign up for it, immediately. New social media? Sign up. Over the years, and through the previous retrograde patterns? I started to limit what it is that I want to do, and I can’t keep track of that many forms of incoming data.

To make it simple, I like cash, or conventional plastic payments. Simple. Easy. No app required for the cash. Instead of making this complicated, and especially now, with both Mars and Venus in Aries? That creates tension. Try my method, see if that works, “We only accept cash at this location, you know, the WiFi thing doesn’t work.” Shrug. Doesn’t solve every problem, and I understand that there is always an extenuating set of circumstances, but yeah, I can take cash. Anything else? I’m not sure my phone, website, or whatever media can handle your payment. Simple. Stick to simple.

The Leo

Old girlfriend used to give her daughter’s husband, incidentally, a fishing buddy still, the old girlfriend would give the son-in-law $50 or $100 as an anniversary gift. I always wondered, wasn’t that like financially rewarding him for staying married? I found that joking about it wasn’t a good idea, and he’s, just a point of order, still married, and he still thinks that mate is a bit of a handful at times, but they’re all happy. Who cares? When I suggested he was getting paid off to take care of the daughter, I was met with a level of disquiet discord that seemed like it wasn’t concurrent with the humorous but factually correct statements I made. The facts line up. Looks like he could be paid off, but that doesn’t really track. My buddy thought it was funny, but he also suggested, when we were in the boat, that no, it would take a lot more to pay him off. He laughed quietly. I was amused. We didn’t talk about this with the old girlfriend or her daughter. As The Leo? You’re faced with a situation not unlike mine, wherein there is a set of facts that support the statement, but we all know that the facts — yes — looks like he was paid off. But that maintenance would cost a lot more than the paltry gift sums offered. It’s about how we stack up the facts, and how we choose to portray that data.


While everyone else — all the nonVirgo people? While everyone else is having a grand freakout, because, you know, Mercury in Retrograde, while it seems like everyone is freaking out? There’s a sense of peace, a centered and majestic kind of pervasive calm that you can entertain. Sure, the planet voted most likely to affect Virgo is in apparent retrograde motion, but that doesn’t mean that other planets aren’t moving ahead and spreading a serene calm for lucky Virgo. Play this one correctly. Be loving, kind, and in the face of obvious mercurial miscues? Smile. Do nothing. Don’t react. Be kind. There’s a quaint Southern expression, and owing to my location and lineage, I can claim I heard it before, but “Bless their hearts.” It’s a staged reaction that buys some time, and lets you see this, or appear to see this, for what it really is, rather than a retrograde reaction. Repeat as need be, “Bless their hearts.” Smile.


I’ve talked about this before, but it’s one that I’ve found, as aural candy, that it helps. I’m thinking about cover songs. One person, group, or band doing another’s famous, well-known song. Not uncommon, and not unusual, but one of the fun ones, when a certain band, group, or person adds their own spin to the song. At one point, early on, there was a legendary mix-tape (CD) of punk bands covering 80’s Disco Hits. It’s easy enough to find now, with streaming, and there’s even a group that turned this into an enterprise, but it was also just as much fun as anything else. There’s a local country group that regularly does a song from Queen. That was also a good way to interpret this week’s Libra mess. In these examples, the cover song is carefully imprinted with its artistic version that makes the song demonstrably different. It’s different but arguably the same. Therein is the Libra clue: the same but different — but the same. I still recall the sheer joy of listening to a — then new — Jimmy Buffett CD when a Grateful Dead Song cycled up, obviously, with Mr. Margaritaville’s own beach-sounding overtures. Mix and match? Imprint one’s own style on an existing art? All of it works. Musically, I’ve mentioned Punk, 80’s Dance, Grateful Dead, Texas Country, 70’s Anthem Rock, and Margaritaville. That’s doesn’t even cover all the possible permutations for Libra.


Timing is everything. I’m not doing well with timing, and neither is Scorpio. It’s as if our timing is off. I’ve worked at metaphysical events for years. Decades, even, into my third decade now. In part, this is a supplementary source of income. In part, though, this is also a chance to see where, and what, the vibe is. I was showing up to set-up, around 9 one morning. Way too early for an event that starts at 11. But once the die is set? I got used to arriving at 9, ready to roll by 9:30, and handling most of the psychics, because, oddly enough, most “psychics” depended on the astrology to give them a hint as to what to predict. Interesting, no? But the Scorpio timing is way off, like arriving an hour early, or more. I’ve long mastered the 5-minute set-up, so that’s not the issue. The current batch of promoters are easy and professional, so I could show up late, wouldn’t matter. It’s just that empty convention hall, there’s some thing vaguely romantic — to me. Years on the road? Enough with the reminiscent thoughts, timing is still off, and better two hours early than a minute late. I hope that’s a useful guideline for Scorpio.


Bit of advice? Sagittarius to Sagittarius? If you can’t hide a crime scene? Pretend you’re one of the victims. Think it was an image of a dog in the middle of a muddy mess, and the idea, holds merit, if we’re going to get caught — which we will — if we’re going to get caught? Make the tableau look like it wasn’t our fault. Or, in the original phrasing? “If you can’t hide a crime scene? Pretend you’re one the victims.” For me, there’s a cinematographic allusion to this, goes back to black and white classic movies. I’ll leave that to you to figure, offering it up as a token bit of trivia. However, there’s still the idea that we’re going to be caught. If we are caught, the best Sagittarius action is make a quick effort to blend in, make it look like we’re not involved, make it look like it’s not our fault. Doubt it will work, but as a piece of useful advice, and especially starting this week? “If you can’t hide a crime scene? Pretend you’re one of the victims.”

Or? “If you can’t hide a crime scene? Hide in the crime scene.”


Old axiom? Remember, about how hard it is to please everyone but I can be quite adroit at pissing everyone off? It’s a leftover holiday sentiment, and then, moving Capricorn forward? There is a reticence that plays better. A certain, spring-like step in the Capricorn gait leads to that sense that everything is better, and it is. Only, there’s a sense, might just be the way I see it, but there’s a sense that not everyone is onboard with that spring, the spring-like step that Capricorn has. Hint: not everyone gets it. The bigger Capricorn issue? Making a false assumption that everyone does get it, when, clearly, they don’t. Simple as that, really, being happy when everyone else is sad, preoccupied, or just down? Doesn’t alway work. Inward smile. Or, a simple reminder, “Use your indoor face.”


A buddy had a mushroom patch on his jacket. Think it was really a sticker, on his pack. I don’t know, it was something, somewhere — maybe a sticker? It was the usual, rose-colored mushroom cap with a few white polka dots, and a stem, growing under it, but the way it was positioned? It looked like a flying saucer, and the stem was the ray, set to abduct a human. Might’ve just been me, but the double-take served me well, as I could see an image that might not have been there. “Yeah, man, eat enough mushrooms, and you’ll feel like you’re being abducted.” I’d giggle, but I actually attended college in Roswell, NM, at one time, so the aliens abductions are no joke. All of this drawn from a sticker image of a mushroom. All of this drawn from a slightly different interpretation of an image. I just looked at it differently, and started filling in my own material. I mean, it could’ve been a UFO abducting someone, right? No, just a mushroom cap and stem. It’s about interpretations, and what you see, whether it’s really there, or not.


I’m not looking up this birth data because I’m basically too lazy. What I recall, submitted as apocryphal information? Einstein was Pisces with Mercury Retrograde in his natal chart. That spells out the way this next few days — for nominally gentle Pisces — explains how this works. It doesn’t. Communication is what’s important, and then when weighing in on that other influences, mostly, not totally, but mostly pejorative? The trick is to not get wedded, not get attached, not get hooked on just one set of facts. Is it fact? Is it a disputable term? Is it true or does it feel like it should be true? There’s a secondary caution that goes with this one, and I’ve long-lamented false quote attributed to various sources. With where the planets are? You have to ask yourself, “Pisces self, this one sounds true, but is it really true?” Ostensibly a secondary corroboration would help. Like, help a lot. Unlike my assertion about birth data, that I’m solely relying on my own memory. See how that doesn’t really work?


“I can’t live my whole life around your stupid Mercury in Retrograde!” I do. Proven fairly effective. There’s a rhythm, a pacing, a gentle push, pull, two steps forward, two steps backwards kind of dance I do. Works well. Over the years, new clients who show up when Mercury is Retrograde tend to be one-time readings for me. There are exceptions, but as a guideline, holds up. Watch out for confirmation bias with that kind of a statement, and purported statistic that validate whatever it is that I want to prove. But I do work in a kind of rhythm, and when Mercury is backwards, especially lined up against Jupiter? I move with an understanding that new stuff might be repeated, reiterated, or hosed and tossed. New client, as an example, just doesn’t like my style, my content, my methods of delivery. Over the years, a number of these people filter back, usually, with the same kind of message, “I didn’t like it then, but you were correct…” So with Mars, Jupiter, and the aforementioned Retrograde Mercury? Two very Aries steps forward. Two steps back. Dance.


Mars is getting close to Jupiter. Mercury is retrograde. Mercury backs down into Taurus, and that’s going to stir up some crap. The location of Mars and Jupiter is going to further cloud the issues stirred up by Mercury’s backwards position. Understanding the nature of the planets and the way they are playing with each other — not really getting along? Understanding that Mars and Jupiter takes that issue Mercury drops in your Taurus lap then applies pressure for a quick, immediate solution. Hint: there really isn’t one, not this week. No easy way out, no quick fix. No band-aid that will ameliorate the situation. The temptation is to let Mars and Jupiter cause an uproar. Again, that doesn’t fix anything. A steady hand, and an understanding that there is no quick fix? That helps nurture a longer, maybe less glamorous answer to the questions.

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About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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