“Fie, this is hot weather, gentlemen.”
Falstaff in Shakespeare’s 2 Henry 4 (III.ii.34)
Horoscopes for 5-5-2026
Mars square Jupiter 5/5 19° Aries/Cancer
Third-Quarter Moon 5/9 19° Aquarius/Taurus
Horoscopes for 5-5-2026
Where to find Kramer Wetzel…
Taurus
Birthdays are a good time to reflect back. It’s quite all right to look over your Taurus shoulders to see where you’ve been, but dwelling in the past? That just causes ennui. The last dozen years have set a path forward, and looking over your shoulder, just once, birthday reflections? That’s good. But moving forward? That’s more important. The current conditions suggest this is a time to plot your own, singular, just for your Taurus self, way forward. Plot a course that works for you. Make this places you want to go, and I’d suggest? Make this route and mode that you prefer. Happy birthday, happy cinco de mayo, happy planning.
Gemini
In my early years, I learned a hard lesson at the hands of a Gemini friend. Started as a client, but together, we’re too immature, too worldly, too adolescent. Gemini buddy, what’s can one expect? Lower those expectations. No, I mean lower than that. There is a kind of a frenzy, a flurry of words, kind of a cacophony cascading through the Gemini brains? I learned not to get too wrapped into whatever that is. These are idea people. Gemini is best as a revered fount of inspiration.
Some great ideas are borne out of catastrophic, or apparently catastrophic situations. Adversity is both a teacher and a healer, eventually. The idea is that the Gemini brain is over-full with ideas, and those need an outlet. Talk about it, write it down, post online, something, anything. Just remember, Gemini, none of this is etched in stone. “But I mean it!” I believe that you believe that.
Cancer
I work on my own posture, such as I can. In part, I use a standing desk, as I’ve found that helps more than just abut anything else. But I was thinking about posture, and sit up straighter to write this, thinking about my own posture, and the way body language conveys meaning. I had a client sitting opposite me at my table in a show. I said something, and she leaned back, crossed her arms, and shifted to one side in her chair. I’m observant enough to know that I either stepped someplace I ought not, or what I said didn’t resonate. Thinking about that interaction, though, and thinking about how I sit, when I’m in that kind of a setting?
The Leo
Planning and preparing. Or, to that one special Leo? Preparing and planning. I tend to do this backwards, so maybe that one Leo has it correctly, preparing and planning. Why does the correct order matter? I think we etch out a plan, sketch some loose ideas on paper, and then figure out what needs to be prepared for that plan to be executed. So I’m thinking, planning and preparing. However, for certain intuitive types, grab what your intrusion tells you grab and build out from there. There are two types: recipe followers, and then, there are those like me, we just grab what looks good in the moment, and throw it in the pan. Either one works. But this week, for The Leo? It’s about planning and preparing. Or preparing and planning. Either way works.
Virgo
The “Ouroboros” is usually a snake eating its tail. There are variations, and the accepted “western” image is a simple drawing of a snake, with its own tail, in its mouth. I got here because my very first instinct, looking at Virgo with the weird array of other planets in play? I thought about a dog or cat, domestic animal, in the early stages of life, chasing its own tail. Puppy. Kitten. Taurus is a gentle forward influence, Gemini is a going in circles influence, mildly infuriating, and Aries could go either way. The fall out, the leftover material that washed downstream from the Full Moon is another element. At least one decent Virgo will look up the meanings for the Ouroboros, and suggest, “It’s all bad, man.” I think it’s more of a chasing, maybe catching, but definitely chasing its tail kind of week. Only you can stop yourself from running in circles.
Libra
I had a meeting, part social, really, just a some side business for me. I was seated behind a conference table, and I looked over, a friend I know, musician, showed up wearing the exact same outfit I had on. This was a few months back, when it was cold. I had on black jeans, black t-shirt, and black-patterned flannel shirt. He had on black jeans, black T, and a nearly identical black-patterned flannel shirt. Long hair down, more grey than blonde or brown, and he even had short boots on. I wore more traditional cowboy boots, as is my style when it was bitterly cold. I looked over, as he sat down, smiled, bumped fists, “Don’t you hate it when you someone shows up in the same outfit?” I grinned. He smiled. It’s funny, to me, as a sexist, non-Libra male, because it tells a story. Same bargain-bin sweat-shop shirts, same off-brand jeans, looking eerily similar. “Got the memo.” All that matters. In this situation, it was funny, both kind of male, not worried at similar attire. How this works for Libra? Bump fists. “Don’t you hate it when someone shows up in the same outfit?”
Scorpio
You do know that there’s a certain grudging respect that I have for Scorpio? Better than most, and like my old mentor used to suggest? “Scorpio isn’t intense, it’s just every other sign is so shallow.” (His words, not mine.) With that in mind, understand that I’m coming from a point of love, respect, and admiration? There’s a point, this week highlights that singular Scorpio situation wherein you’re being stupidly stubborn. Not a condemnation, not a slight, not a suggestion that you’re in the wrong, but it is an observation, that, given these weird stars, you’re being stupidly stubborn. In one or two weeks, you’ll see this. Until then? You can make the stand if you want, but you might regret it later. “It’s the principle!” I can see that. Can you see — into the future — how that might play out?
Sagittarius
Writing online for as long as I have, I’ve discovered that the act of creation gives me space to wrestle with ideas. Questions, technical issues, personal problems, all of that, I can find a vein, open it up and let the material drip onto a web page, and then? I tend to arrive at an answer. Originally, this was “Thinking on paper,” but I’ve been digital for so long, I’m not sure the metaphor stands up. Still, looking at this week, and the time up ahead? We have a very Sagittarius problem, and the solution? We don’t have that — yet. Now, maybe not bleeding onto a web page is the best answer for everyone, but in one form or another, objectively getting the parts of the problems together, and looking at the goal? Maybe our Sagittarius selves can start to come up with an answer, a solution, a possible permutation that fixes some of this. Or all of it? Yeah, that’s doubtful, but some of it is fixable. Start by wrestling those ideas to the page — however that works for you.
Capricorn
Over the years, I’ve played with the length of the weekly horoscopes. Since these have been in production for some years, three decades, there’s a growth and pattern that emerged. I didn’t always record the opening quote, and the first few years are rough, as the method of delivery wasn’t entirely sorted out. But looking back, mostly at the average length of the horoscopes themselves, I tended to run around 100 words per sign, and that’s gradually doubled. It’s about texture, nuance, language, or, according to some, I’m just full of more (male bovine excrement). I’d like to think it’s texture and style, descriptions that are carefully crafted to evoke certain images. When I looked at your “stars,” planets really, I kept thinking about carefully crafted Capricorn messages and missives, perhaps a little more circumspect than before, but with certain attention to detail in order to tease out the gentle shadings, the poetic, the artfully described, and the material that needs to be soft-peddled. Wrap it flowery language; you’ll get farther.
Aquarius
Mentioned this before, and I’ll mention it again: Tibetan Prayer Flags. I understand very little about the faith itself, other than whatever I picked up from the zeitgeist and casual curiosity. However, there’s a local version, the Mexican Fiesta Flags, and the resemblance, to me, is remarkable. The main difference is the local version — Fiesta Flags — tend to be cheap plastic whereas the original Tibetan Prayer Flags, from what I gathered, are simple cloth, originally a thin cotton material. The cotton flags, as they gradually disintegrate over time? The individual threads with the well-wishes, hopes, dreams, and prayers are carried up into the valleys.
Pisces
Not in Pisces, per se, but certainly next door? Or just over one slot from Pisces? There’s a certain absolute refusal to budge off a sticking point that is wrong. It’s clearly a problem for Pisces persons because the other signs, Pisces adjacent, seem stuck and unwilling to budge on a point that is clearly not in your most-enlightened self interests. It ain’t good for you, and they are being stupidly stubborn. The problem isn’t your fine, Pisces self, no, that’s not it. It’s the recalcitrant nature of the people on either side, and therein is also the way to understand a solution. What to do? Understanding that this is not really a Pisces problem is the first part of the solution, then? Not getting involved in trying to persuade the incorrectly informed and resolute characters that this isn’t your problem, that’s the second part. “Wow. Man, I am so sorry to hear that.” No effort to offer anything but a drop of empathy. Didn’t break it, not yours to fix, but some folks have to learn the hard way. Let them.
Aries
This works well when the situations are carefully stacked up, like? “Problem. Fix. Resolution.” Then onto the next problem. It’s easy when the problems all come in a single row, organized, one at a time. The real challenges occur when there’s an overlap, or multiple minor miscues get together and occur all at the same time. Feels like a conspiracy against Aries? Really?
Going with the conspiracy theory so fast?
I’m less inclined to believe in the conspiracy against Aries, and more likely to see this as an inconvenient series of coincidences that combine for a short amount of misery. But it’s not all bad! Break down the collection of problems, separate them into individual stacks, and then? Work on one at a time. Much easier, less overwhelmed. You can get through this mess, but it takes a gentle hand, not pushing too hard at one time, or, for that matter trying to do it all at once. That tends to result in being overwhelmed. Break it down to single objectives.
