Week of: 1/26-2/1
“Might well have warm’d old Saturn; that I thought her
As chaste as unsunn’d snow. O! all the devils!”
— Posthumusin Shakespeare’s “Cymberline” (II.v.12-23)
Aries
It’s a another wonderful week in the Aries Neighborhood. Like any good
amusement park, there are many games to choose from. The game that pits
you against the machine is the best bet. Games of chance are out, but
there’s always the long shot if you’re the double-down type. What I see
in your chart this week is a chance to win at a shooting gallery, just
you against the little row of ducks that float by. A less scrupulous
operator will skew the sights so aim high or low, or just a little to
the left.
Taurus
Despite dire warnings of other astrologers, seers, visionaries and scam
artists, this isn’t a bad week for you. Perhaps you disagree, arguing
that hair loss and psoriasis the last three weeks has made you crankier
than Dennis Rodman not getting a hair appointment, but funny
astrological events are fixin’ to tickle you. Maybe not make you break
out in huge guffaws of laughter, but a nice little tickle from time to
time doesn’t hurt. And this comes at a good time for you. Like an
extra-long coffee break at a truckstop where the coffee is particularly
good and strong, this is your week.
Gemini
You have a brilliant opportunity to make great strides in your
professional life. Any day now. Yep, we’re all waiting. I’ve been
suggesting work as an outlet for you to plug into, but now you should
really consider it. Few obstacles stand in your way as you chart your
course through this murky lake of work, but there are indications along
the way that this is the right route. Navigational buoys lie dead ahead,
so don’t run over them with an over-zealous attitude. Work, as a
concept, can be overrated.
Cancer
We need a chorus, a simple song-and-dance ritual which drives away the
Monday Morning Blues. The old expression, “You can’t sing the blues
until you’ve lived the blues” is how your week starts out. But this
changes just about as fast as the moon changes signs. Long about the
mid-week, things start happening at a frantic rate. I was using the word
“frantic” and trying to come up with something that rhymes with it, but
the closest I could get was “manic.” It’s an apt word for the rest of
the week, but it doesn’t rhyme. But you get the picture, I hope.
Leo
When the going gets tough, Leos band together and throw a party. It’s a
nice idea, but I doubt it will work this week. You have my apologies for
bringing it up. This is the beginning of a time called the
“half-birthday,” and it means it’s a good time for you if you don’t do
too much. Pick one work-related project, one to-do item, and tackle it.
Don’t try too much. Am I making myself clear? Actually, a party isn’t a
bad idea, after all. One group of invites, if you know what I mean.
Virgo
Well, well. Well. Deep topic, these wells. You face unsettling
oppositions this week. Ponder your actions before engaging.
Astrologically, you’re out of shape this week. There’s a road sign up
ahead: Speed bumps next 50 miles. Rather than speeding through the
Parking Lot of Life, try slowing down for the big bumps; they’re called
speed bumps for a reason. Make sure you have good clearance; losing a
muffler because you don’t want to miss the first five minutes of
“Melrose Place” would really, really suck.
Libra
Wedding bells are ringing, literally, metaphorically, or allegorically.
It ndoesn’t much matter. This can be good news because it means a
partnership is coming together. In a good way. Finally. After what
you’ve been through, and all the abuse I’ve heaped on Libra, not too
mention what the stars have done, you ought to be feeling much better
about yourself. Time for a change. A positive change. Of course, most
Libra’s tend to look a the upside of things anyway, but this is a good
one. It’s going to be a good week, and starts about Wednesday.
Scorpio
Make money this week. I don’t care how you do it. Beg, borrow, steal, or
try the old fashioned way, earn it. You are in a major mode for making
some majorly monstrous amounts of mojo money. Do something with this
beneficial energy. Don’t sit there. As much as you want to take a
lighter attitude, this isn’t the time. Be serious. Watch your sarcastic
comments. This isn’t a week for letting your mouth get you in trouble.
Sagittarius
While perusing your chart, I noticed that Pluto moves ten minutes this
week. That’s ten minutes in astrological terms, and it might seem like
an eternity to you. It’s going to be long and weird week, simply put. By
the end of the week, you might be frantically gathering odd pieces of
paper for your accountant. The weird part: You might be doing all of
that while wearing a bear costume. Or wearing shoes four sizes too big
(this is all metaphorical, of course). Look back on last year, reflect
on big changes you’ve made, and start looking forward to this year
because you are at the tail-end of a good cycle. Get your year-end stuff
in order this weekend. And don’t forget to have the bear costume
drycleaned before you return it.
Capricorn
Some long-sought and blessed relief materializes in your little corner
of the sky. It’s time for a major event that astrologers get all
a-titter over. Neptune is departing momentarily for Aquarius. That
means that dreams, illusions, ideals and other problematic areas will
turn into realities. Not bad realities, just huge metaphorical weights
lifted off your shoulders. Or real, tangible weights. Whatever. Your
personal fog has lifted. Enjoy the new day because each day, starting
this week, will be more fun than it has for a long, long time.
Aquarius
Slowly and stealthily, Mr. Neptune creeps into your sign. And slowly and
creepily, Mr. Neptune will sneak up behind you and let your water out.
It’s going to be an interesting few years. Starts this week. The good
news is that the persistent gnawing you’ve felt on your psyche the last
few years is finally revealed. Whatever the surprise, it’s calmly
waiting for you behind Door Number Three. Enjoy the ride.
Pisces
Mars is riding a monster truck through your sign right now. From the
vantage point here, it looks like Truckasaurus. You see, Mars can bring
a lot of activity, like a night out at the truck pull. It can also
really, really irritate you, too, like a night out at the truck pull.
It’s like everyone has this attitude thing, from the drivers to the
concession stand people to the security guards on down, and no on wants
to lend a hand. They just laugh at your obvious ineptitude. I know
you’re not inept, but you sure feel that way. Don’t let Mars and Cars
create too many problems.
