"O, call back yesterday, bid time return."
Shakespeare’s Richard II [III.ii.69]
Aries: Think Mars won’t hurt you? Got to watch out. I was fishing, about a week and half, maybe two weeks ago? Got three of us in the boat, and we weren’t hitting anything of note, but we were having a good time. My one buddy, after our last outing? He carried sunscreen with him, and he was liberally dosing himself, spreading it around. Arms, legs, face, back of his neck, he got it all covered. Except for the tops of his feet. I was thinking about this when I looked at your chart. He called me a up a couple of days after the fishing trip. He managed to wrangle a few days of sick leave because the tops of his feet were sunburned. "I was so careful after the last time, and I didn’t think it would get me…" But it did. Me? I’ve worn sandals for so long, some people can’t tell where the leather starts and the skin stops. Not my problem, either. Sick leave? "I couldn’t pull on shoes. Didn’t think they’d like me barefoot at the office." Either cover your feet — or whatever is exposed — or be prepared for subsidiary damages. Not that a few days off wouldn’t hurt, but does your employer give you time off for sunburned feet? Just as a useless aside, here? At FGS World HQ and Fishing Guide to the Stars? Sunburned feet is good for at least seven days’ vacation time.
Taurus: Old car sales trick: touch. Make someone bond with you a little more by touching the back of his or her hand. I’m not sure that this will work for every Taurus, but there’s a sense, a way, time and place where a gentle touch is all that’s required. I’d take it one step further, just light as a feather, and in way that’s not out of line? Just a reassuring pat, simple stroke, just some kind of apparently inadvertent touch. Back of the hand is usually a good place. It’s non-threatening, which is important. It makes a point, and best of all, it’s way to bend the will of the planets to the Taurus agenda. A simple touch, a reassuring pat, just a simple gesture. A little human contact goes a long way in soothing over a situation that could benefit from a tad of Taurus calm.
Gemini: Put up a picture, of a pet. A pet dog. If you’re like me, and you don’t have a dog, then put up a picture of a friend’s dog. Makes people seem more loyal to you. I had a client and she hadn’t actually met the man she was supposed to be meeting, but she brought me his (alleged) birthday data, and she gushed over how wonderful he was. "He has a picture of his dog, on his My Space page!" Would you just settle down for a minute? Maybe half a minute? A picture of dog, no way to know if it really is an actual dog, on a web page with dubious points of reference? All I’m saying, it’s an old sales trick and it seems to be updated in the modern world. "But isn’t he cute? And he likes dogs, so we’d get along, right?" Then she rattled the birthday off, cited the sign, cited compatibility probability, and made much ado about a-near-imaginary friend. Virtual boyfriend. All because of a picture of a dog. They were going to get together and meet in the real world before too long, but there was always a problem. Which didn’t stop the gush of sentiments, real or manufactured, from my client. Didn’t listen to a word of the warning. Turns out, it was a picture of dog, just not a dog that the guy had. But that’s not really what this is about. Want to build some loyalty? It’s an old sales trick — get a picture of a dog.
Cancer: A curious fact I stumbled across, after moving out a the trailer park? In Austin (TX), one of the most wired towns in the world, it is possible to do more from home, from the comfortable confines of home, online, than anywhere else. Groceries, books, bills, club activities, it’s all online. Never leave the house. Which is odd because Austin is located in a scenic and idyllic place, more suitable for an outdoor lifestyle than a wired lifestyle. Austin’s the place where you want to be outside, active, especially in April. Or May. Before it gets too hot, right? So here’s this town that’s all about outdoor living and it turns out, it’s the easiest place to seclude one’s self. I was moved by live web-feeds of certain artists, bands, at certain clubs. Almost as good as being there, except there was no tangible human contact. Other than that? Same thing. Better yet, the feeds can be paused, replayed, and uploaded. Enjoyed again and again, unlike the real-life experience of sitting there. No need o to leave home, ever. It can all be done from home. As a Cancer, that might be appealing Asa Cancer, it might be a good idea to just do it all online and never leave the house. But like TV Fishing Shows? There are something that better experienced in the real world. Get out. Don’t get too secluded in the next few days. Don;’t pull inside that Cancer shell, the comfortable confines of home, and don’t get to thinking, "I can order it all online."
Leo: I was working at an event, the kind of place where I try and earn an income. I was traveling with friends, and staying with friends, so I was stuck with their rides. I don’t argue, but it was one of those old-fashioned commercial moments, if a client shows up five minutes before closing time, do I stay late and accommodate the client? Dollars mean a lot to me. I tend to be willing to work late in some settings, like that. Especially like that. My buddy, she stepped outside and had a cigarette. Came back in, looked at me, looked at her wrist (no watch, but obvious gesture), and then one of her client ambled up for a casual conversation which, in turn, became the last one of the day. So I didn’t finish last, as my friend was still working when I was wrapped up. I wasn’t the last one to finish, I wasn’t the one causing all the trouble, and I was the one, originally, willing to stay late to get the job done. That’s the clue for my fine Leo friends, be willing to stay late to get the job done. Be willing to be the last one. Bet it turns out like my situation did, I wasn’t the last one standing, or sitting, or rather, working, but I was willing to be that last one. Made everyone happy, all the way around.
Virgo: Tomato plants are starting to grow. It’s spring time and the garden is looking good. Well, to be honest, I don’t have a garden, and as a matter of course, I doubt I’ll ever have a garden again. Too much trouble, but I’m sure I can find a place in the neighborhood where there is a row of tomato plants, and I could point out that the little plants are starting to get big, strong and mature. The plants, like virgo, need a little assistance. Tomato plants frequently need to be bolstered up by a sticks or stakes. Just long slivers of wood that the vines can be tied to? You get the image? It’s not so much a strong support as it’s just a little guidance, a mere toothpick, so to speak, to cling to? Something that helps hold the Virgo vine upright? Gives you a direction in which to grow? It’s a simple kind of support. Doesn’t have to be fancy, exotic or even painted. Simple. Easy, a slim boost to help lend support. There’s a gradual stellar boost just like that, at the end of this scope, the Sun will trine Saturn. But like that row of tomato vines? Consider that this is more directional support rather than areal helping-hand. Nope, some things you have o do yourself. Good thing you’re a Virgo, no?
Libra: For years, I was brand-loyal to Southwest Airlines. Even shook old Herb’s hand — in the old spirit? He passed out peanuts on that flight, and he was staggering drunk. I loved it. This is about the boarding system, though, not Herb (Pisces). The little boarding pass and boarding pass numbers? Twice now I’ve had been lucky enough to get a good one. Twice now I’ve had a coveted spot in the line. Twice now I’ve boarded the plane, got my preferred seat, and twice now, only the times when I have a really good boarding pass, the plane has fully boarded, then sat there. Then unloaded. Once was a mechanical problem and once was a delayed connecting flight — with the pilot. The delays were infuriating. Not a big deal, in the grand scheme of life, just a minor irritant that really pissed me off. There was no emergency, no fire, just going home from a working trip, and therefore, no big issue at all. Just irritating. Then, too, both times? Get off the plane from the good spot? Get back on the plane in a less than good spot. Mars (and Venus) are opposite you. Not once, but twice, there will be delays. Not a deal killer, not a serious issue, just, for some reason, it pisses you off. Like just when you think you’ve got it made, got the lucky spot, that coveted position in line? Whatever you lined up for? Go back and start over. Can’t say you weren’t warned.
Scorpio: A "spinner bait" is a weird kind of fishing lure. In certain situations, it is a highly effective method of attracting fish. Of course I’m thinking of bass in the local lakes, what else would I be thinking of? A spinner bait is basically a piece of wire with a hook and heavy jig-head or weight on one end, maybe a skirt, too. Then, after a 90 degree bend, there’s some blades, little metal leaf-like pieces. The blades wobble, and I’ve seen them copper, gold or nickel. Spinner baits with a brand-name can cost up to several bucks wheres the cheaper ones are less than a dollar. All work — with varying degrees of success. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Like the name implies, a spinner bait is an action lure. Requires a distinct cast then crank it back to the boat. Sometimes with fish, sometimes without. Not that it matters, it’s a usually a good lure. Works in a number of different ways, at least, that’s what the theories suggest. It’s the wobbling of the blades, above the skirt. Or it’s the motion and action of the skirt, the blades just attract attention. My personal favorite theory? The noise of the blades annoys the fish. Bite out of meanness. Three theories, bait that costs anywhere from a few pennies to several dollars, and a bewildering array of choices. Just choose one, stick with it, and see if the wobble of the blades, the sway of the skirt, or the rattle and motion, see if something doesn’t work with some Scorpio action in it, to get what you’re looking for.
Sagittarius: I have these spells I suffer from. It’s a time when I assume that the reading public can follow when I make leap through a poetic metaphor. I’ll make an allegorical jump, and hammer some point home, only the real meaning is lost on the average reader. Or the un-average reader because none of the readers here are average. Sometimes I’ll just make a jump that’s a little far to understand. I didn’t pin enough material underneath the image to make it clear. It happens. I realize that I do this and reel the metaphor back in, try and pin enough material into the scope to make it all make sense. Sometimes I’m successful. Other times? Not really. But what this is really about? It’s about our Sagittarius selves moving along our usual trajectory, only the other people? They don’t understand. That’s where I can help. I’m sure, at one time or another, even a casual reader will agree that my horoscope made absolutely no sense whatsoever. I never claimed to be right all the time. At best, I figure about 75% and that’s only the best case scenario. Blue sky estimate. Done on time and under budget. However, since I have these little episodes that don’t make a lot of sense, think about it. Do you have similar episode? Is this merely a case where you’re moving at slightly quicker pace than anyone else? Think that might be the problem? Make sure you have enough foundation material in place to make it all work right, the first time.
Capricorn: A friend of mine is highly superstitious, quite caught up in the local mythology — the cult of Saints. "No, see, when I got pulled over speeding, it was 85 on the freeway? I picked up my St. Michael medallion and prayed. All I got was a warning. St. Michael saved me." St. Michael, as it turns out, he’s the patron saint of cops, or something like that, maybe Highway PAtrol. I didn’t follow the whole conversation — my testimony is hearsay and as such, won’t hold up in a court of law. But as saints go, I was introduced to St. Christopher a the patron saint of travel, then St. Jude as the patron saint of lost causes. The St. Michael, with his sword of fire, slaying a dragon? I don’t get the connection. "His shield is like a cop’s badge." That makes a lot of sense to me (not really). But it worked in that instance. I’m all in favor os religious artifacts, good luck charms, tokens that have special meaning. I’m not suggesting that you rush out and purchase a saint’s medal or card, or even a token, but I did have an idea, looking at Mars and Jupiter? Instead of relying on a saint, or the image of a saint? How about slowing down, instead? That might prevent a the traffic stop, in the first place. Or whatever the impediment is? Slowing down might help. Prevention is better than a cure.
Aquarius: A girlfriend left a lottery ticket behind. Left it on my desk. I just hefted the little piece of paper, and I eye-balled the numbers. Her birthday (some Aquarius), my birthday, odd numbers from a fortune cookie. But what if that was the magic combination. What if those numbers really won? How would that play out? Buy a boat, a house, a car, a plane? By a new mobile home? What’s really important in here? What are the big issues that need to be addressed? See, the ;lottery win, that lottery ticket, I’ve actually won something on that before. It could happen. Doubtful, because, put your Aquarius mind to work on the odds. Not really good numbers, like one in a bazillion, right? It’s not a good chance. However, that doesn’t stop me from dreaming, especially when it was just a ticket dropped here by an Aquarius girlfriend. What’s gong to happen when those numbers roll over? The big win? A smaller win, but a substantial gain, nonetheless? Something? Anything? I seriously doubt you’re going to win a big lottery this week. But I hoe I did get you going a little, get your hopes up and maybe, just maybe, got you thinking about what you’re going to do. Like maybe, you could start taking one of those steps right now. Me? I think I’ll go fishing even if those numbers aren’t any good.
Pisces: Traditional astrology and me? We won’t agree about this. I got to playing around with a logo idea, a sample for a buddy of mine. He’s a welder. I thought it would be cool to do a black t-shirt in a certain style. "Heavy Metal Welding." I quickly sketched a sample on the computer’s drawing thing, and there was something amiss. I’m not sure what, but some part of the simple project was missing. Maybe I didn’t have the right "heavy metal" typeface installed. Or maybe I don’t really know what a heavy metal font is. Anymore, anyway. So I left it go. Never finished the project. Not that it bothers me, I mean, as an idea for a buddy of mine, I thought it was pretty cool. But as real project? Didn’t pan out. My second attempt was equally desultory. I could see it, in my mind’s eye, but what I saw and what translated onto the computer’s screen, and from that asa screen print t-shirt? Just didn’t work out right. Maybe I’m not running with the right crowd anymore. More and more, my friends tend to not look like the kind who would wear biker leather and black t-shirts with slogans and grinning deaths’ heads. Perhaps I’m too far removed from the project to make it a reality. But it was a nice idea. This is also where I differ from regular astrology and safe horoscopes. You have an idea, like mine, and you can see it through to fruition. You can take the idea from scarce concept to full mass-projection item, and, unlike my Sagittarius self, you can see this deal all the way through. That’s the the point. I see you making headway where other folks just see problems. Matter of Pisces perseverance.
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