Week of: September 30- October 6

Big doings in the heavens soon enough. We've got Uranus "just fixin' to do it," as he slows down from his backward spin and begins to make hasty tracks though the very early stages of Aquarous. Having some fun now!

Speaking of stages, how about a quote from the stage?
"All the world's a stage/And the men and women merely players."
That's Jacque in Shakespeare's As You Like It (II.vii.138-9)

Aries [3/23-4/20]: You know the old saying that "no man is an island" right? That's the problem this week as you feel like you are stuck on a desert island, and that there is no one left for you to turn to. Now me, if I was stuck on a desert island, I would look at all the time I got to fish, the time I could do just what I wanted.... and think about all the nice surf fishing there would be. Sushi would take on a whole new frame of reference (Sushi: it's not just bait anymore). But this desert island stuff is a mere fantasy, and you need to get back to the real world this week, too.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: Do you ever have an interesting week! That's the good news. The less than wonderful news is that you need to take care of stuff around the house. Like consider cleaning up your fishing gear for this weekend. But being a good Taurus, like yourself, you would probably like nothing better than going to the grocery store and planning a little bit of a feast for the boat this weekend. Just don't let your mouth get bigger than either your wallet or your stomach. And it does look like it will be a good weekend ahead for you.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: The deal is this, dear Gemini friend, you are going through yet another "rough phase" where it just seems like everyone is out to cut you down. Not me! The beneficial side of this week is that there is certain things you can be doing, probably at work, which will yield great rewards. The difficulty is that you are being forced to do this work without recognition right now. Just think to yourself about how you will be recognized later, and that ought to help.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: There's this old cowboy axiom which might serve you well this week: the only way around a rock and hard place is through it. What does this koan mean? Well, you are face to face with cleaning up some miserable stuff at work, and the only way to deal with that is to get on with the troubles at hand. You will find that you are remarkably ambitious right now, there just seems to be a whole lot of obstacles in your way. Like the learned cowboy says, "just go through it." You will realize rewards even before the end of the week.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Now that the nice planet Venus has moved on, you are still operating under a Martian influence and this means you feel like you are in overdrive, hydroplaning along. Not to mix metaphors, but you will want to remember that a herd of a thousand cows begins with a single bull. And that's what you are like this week, aggressively pursuing everything romantic in sight. Don't let your behavior get too aggressive, either because some folks don't cotton to that sort of thing. Fishing is highly recommended as an activity this coming weekend. Just don't use a harpoon.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Venus enters your tropical zodiac sign this week. Good news, I hope. She brings all sorts of calming and benevolent juice with her. In fact, she is a harbinger of love, if that isn't already a happening thing for you. This calming effect is great because frenetic Mercury has you all stirred up. But that's another kettle of fish for your to fry. Speaking of that, it's time to consider getting out the winter ice fishing gear, too, for those of you in the far northern climates.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: It's a happy birthday to early Libra's, and there's a special "howdy" going out to one lucky Libra and his famous hat. Imagine a business feller, all dressed up, except for a really old and tired Stetson hat on his head. Looks like there will be some good changes in the business climate this week. Something you have worked hard to achieve will begin to pay off in a big way. Sort of like winning the lottery, only different. I just wish he would get a new hat.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I hope I never get stuck in a fishing boat with only a Scorpio for company. They all seem to think that I have it in for them. I don't; it just looks that way. The good news is that this week, there is nothing negative about about Scorpio. Nothing bad to report. There's a little asteroid in your section of the sky which is making all the Scorpio's a little more incisive these days, but then, this is not not behavior for Scorpio's. Just be careful with that acid wit -- you could hurt some one.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Virgo is not a common theme to a Sagittarius. But it does seem to be a common theme right now. You will find that you are a lot more grounded and a lot more concerned with the real world these days. Relax a little bit and take a day or two off. The week starts out with a lot of minor frustrations but ends on a hopeful note. Good fishing this weekend, or whatever sports related activities you like. Me? I would definitely recommend taking the weekend off and heading to the lake with your tackle box.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: I was going to give you this week's information as "good news, bad news," but so many Capricorn's refuse to listen to the good news so I'll just skip that part. Although you feel exceptionally lucky right now, it isn't a good week to buy lottery tickets (but if you do win, I would love 1%), nor is it a good week to go to the track or play poker. If there were any good news, it would have to do wit the fact that your intuitive facilities are heightened and your ability to recognize patterns are better than ever before. The problem you have with this is making use of your new-found discernment.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: What a good week this, for the mighty water barer. There is nothing that is so detrimental, though, than to find an Aquarius without any serious challenges, and that's what the story is this week. There are no challenges facing you this week. Everything is going okay. And it doesn't matter what you touch, you will find that it all seems to fall into place, at just the right time. Now, there are some problems coming up at the first of next week, so get as much out of the way as possible, this week. Don't just sit around and feel good--do something.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Well, my dear Pisces friend, there are still some lingering notions about making a lot of money, you just feel like another bad country and western song this week because "your get up and go just got up and went." Don't blame me, I just report what I see in the heavens. The problem you face this week is an apathy. You just don't seem to care, and after the long and hard road you've been on, that's okay. Just don't let it effect you too much.

Week of: September 23-29
Mercury does an about face, to borrow from the military terminology, but that doesn't mean that the problems are over. At least not yet. As one of my lawyers always says, "It's a Virgo thing."

Aries [3/23-4/20]: My dear Aries friend, you've got a half birthday right about now. And that's a good thing. The problem is that you also feel like you are adrift in boat that is leaking. The leaks wouldn't be a problem except that one of them is at the front of the boat and the other is at the rear. Don't give up the ship but be aware that you will feel like all hope is lost. It ain't, you just need to redefine your goals, cut your losses and get on with what's coming up ahead.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: You are going to feel like some one has been rattling your teeth, sort of like a monster picked you up and shook you really good. What's this mean ion the real world? Just because that pesky little Mercury is no longer having a dire effect on your life doesn't mean that there are still some consequences that you need to deal with. News like this never makes me popular, and if you need to complain about the stars, my virtual mailbox is always open. As a Taurus, look on the bright side, things aren't nearly as bad as they wear last year.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Between all the oddball bit of gravel in the sky, and the ongoing debate as to whether Pluto is a planet (it is) or an asteroid, you might feel like this is one, long, dark mean alley of a week. It's not really that bad. It just feels that way this week. It's like the old saying goes, about "taking it one day at a time," and you obviously are sure that the Universe has cooked up a potent stew which has several days attacking you all at once. Don't shoot me, I'm not the cook, just a cooking critic. See? I'm on your side.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: If you really followed my usual advice for times like these, you would have never come out of the house, and if you had never come out of the house, you wouldn't be in another fine mess, like you've gotten us into this time. The problem with Cancers is that they rarely, if ever, follow my advice. Work, is, as usual, a big deal this week, but you already knew that. Go and make lots of money this week. That'll make you feel happier about the sad state of other affairs.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: The good news is that the dynamic duo of Mars and Venus are still playing tag with you, and that means romance is still in the air. As is money. The problems which have cropped up in the last few weeks, though, still need a degree of resolution in your life. Now, this would be a good week to get the old bass boat out, and head on down to the lake for an extended fishing party. You don't need to worry about what every one else is fretting about. Remember, it always makes points with your date if you bait her hook. Cosmobiology is still working on the facts behind this one.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: It's about time to roll up your sleeves and get to work cleaning up after that huge party you just had with those two celestial objects in your corner of the sky. Now that Mercury, sometimes the planet associated with the rulership of Virgo, is not causing any further difficulties, it is time to get back to work. You are probably at the end of three week period where it feels like nothing has gone right. One letter writer called it a "bad hair lifetime." I wouldn't be so negative. Just the usual culprit, and the mischief is over.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: We've got all sorts of nifty things coming up this week for Libra, but the real question is, "did you make any hasty and unplanned decisions last week?" Because whatever got started last week will probably have to be redone this week. or next week. Be that as it may, you are still in great shape, at this point, to forge ahead. The Sun rolls into Libra this week, too, so it's birthday time. Couldn't be better, now that Mercury is off our collective backsides.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Dear sweet, benevolent Scorpio, the best is coming up. Once again, I use my tired and worn phrase, "tedious balance" because it is something that you need to try to achieve this week. With that goal in mind, you can win the metaphorical "Bass Tournament in the Sky." The deal you need to work on, though, is getting the correct weight distribution in your boat. Not too much weight in the front, but make sure there's enough to hold it down when you are cruising really fast. And not too much on either the port or starboard side, either, try to keep an even keel.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Insight abounds this week, and what you can do is take all of that information on your own inner self that collected over the last few weeks, and tell the world. Of course, unless you are part of the miasma that calls itself the World Wide Web, maybe not a lot of people are going to hear you. But it's worth a try. Remember that you are attempting to share cosmic truths. Just remember that your fishing partner, Bubba, might be some what disinclined to hear about the greater verities of life, and more interested in what bait works this weekend. Try some bacon bait this weekend. Keep Bubba happy.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: This is one of those trying weeks for you poor, much beleaguered Cappy's. Life just feels like there is nothing but a serious of impossible tests. It was as if you have been an examination, pass or fail, and you forgot to bring a #2 pencil. Or anything for that matter. In fact, you feel like they didn't even tell you what textbook to study. Now that I've made you feel really unprepared, let me tell you a secret: This life is only a test, if it were the real thing, we would be told where to go and what to do. Get the message? You are not really being tested. Just feels that way.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: William James is quoted as once saying, "A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." Why would I call this to your attention this week? Be wary of just rearranging the thoughts in your head when you have been told to come up with new ideas. This is a common mistake, and since an Aquarius is anything but common, it would be a good idea to work on the new ideas, not just rearranging mental furniture.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: H.L. Mencken once observed that "No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public." Why should I call this to the attention of the much picked upon Pisces this week? Because I know that you have the gem of an idea that can make you a lot of money. And since I have (and Mencken, but he's long dead) have given you the boost to get this idea in production, you are going to give me one percent, a mere 1% of the royalties. It's all profit because you are in position to market something better than anyone else. You heard it here first.

Week of: September 16-22

Aries [3/23-4/20]: There's this two-bit character in Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida, his name is Thersites, and he's a bitter old fart who wanders around making pointed comments at the expense of other characters' sanity. You need some one like Thrusts to wander through your life this week, and make a pointed comment about what's going on in your life, little bon mots like, "What, lost in the labyrinth of thy fury?" (III.i.1-2) See? Don't you feel better now that I've pointed out that you are mad and you're not going to take it anymore?

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: You're really in trouble when your life begins to resemble a good country and western song. And that's exactly how you feel this week. I would warn you about unexpected changes in local scenery, especially on the relationship area, wherein you experience sudden turmoil replaced by sudden calm. I've never been in a hurricane, but I've suffered the weather, being a little bit further inland. You've got the same thing working for you--sudden storm, sudden calm. Enjoy the ride.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Actually, for a Gemini,this is a good week, at least, as good as a week can be when Mercury is doing the backward stumble. Slow everything down. Take a deep breath. Say to yourself, "It's just them darn planets." Repeat three times as necessary. Try to develop some patience. (Hah!) Write long and complaining letters to your favorite astrologer, FGSKramer@aol.com. Whatever you do, don't try to set anything in motion that will last for a long time. Not right now.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: If it's not one thing, then it's always something else, now isn't it? The money making stuff, work as some people call it, is going rather well, except for the the little hiccups we associate with that darn Mercury thing. The way this shakes out, for this week, if you are an early Cancer, work is a big issue, and if you are a late Cancer, typos are a big issue. One way or another, it's a too hot of a week. I would plan an extended weekend full of fishing, if I were you.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: While everyone else is suffering with the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune, you will find that you are uniquely aspected for several things, all of which can be good. There is the usual "Mercury is retrograde" label on everything, but with all the positive energy you've buillt and have managed to maintain, you will be rolling right along this week. Love, or money, is destined to come your way this week. Remember, I told you first.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Mercury is often associated with sign of Virgo. Mercury is doing a hot little dance step with the Sun this week. The problem is that the two celestial objects are on different rhythms, and that makes for a unique dance step. Another way of looking at this dance would collision course. Most Virgo's worry excessively about gloomy subjects, and Mercury will reverse itself and make all of this mess okay before too long, but until then, if I wear in your boots, I world worry needlessly about minute details. Someone's got to do it.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: The god news is another one of those long cycles is slowly drawing to a close. Kind of like an old television series which has run for too long (and lost its ratings), you feel like you've got some things happening in your life that are no longer interesting. Just not the same. No fun any more. You are not alone, either. But since this is a time of great inward reflection, I would recommend a long meditation in a boat, far from the noise of the city, a place where you can really meditate without being bothered by telephones, computers, sales people, and that sort of distraction. The good times start up again. Later. Right now, "concentrate on yourself."

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: The good news is that your intellectual appetite gets a big boost this week. The bad news is that your stomach's appetite gets a big boost, too. So while you are eating away, consider that you are avoiding some kind of intellectual problem. While this may sound like an obsessive disorder, I would tend to regard it as a phase you are going through. In fact, the physical appetite may subside by the end of the week, but the intellectual hunger will continue for a while.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Go back and read Scorpio for this week, then consider that the usual answer, when face to face with this question about "food or book" is not really a question for a Sagittarius. Book wins every time. This is a good week for reading bodice ripper romance stories. Get some new ideas going about romance. Looking for something with a sweaty, over-developed male on the cover, you know the kind. With all the positive momentum you've started to develop, an insignificant planet like Mercury isn't going to slow you down this week.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Okay, listen up. We're going to talk about feelings this week. I don't care if my ex is reading this, I've got some rock solid news for Cappy's this week: You will find that you can communicate your feeling very well this week. There is an emotional honesty which you haven't felt in a long time, like maybe a month or more, that really shines this week. The problems arise when you try to communicate this emotional honesty with other people. Doesn't work. don't worry about it, either. At least you know where stand much better now.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: The only thing I would warn you poor old Aquarius souls about this week is that domestic dispute, that is, if you have anything like a domestic life, will be a problem. It's not a "for sure" problem area, but I would wager that between the odd ball planet doing the retrograde and the powerful love planets of Mars and Venus opposite you, that will feel a certain amount of STRESS in your relationships. Especially anything involving romance. Bet I just lost all my good Aquarius readers, too. Sorry about that. I just looks at them stars and says what they says.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Oh Dear Lord, I know how you hate to work. And I humbly regret, but there was a few things that I just didn't foresee about work: the ugly stuff is coming up again for my dear Pisces friends. Looks like you are supposed to be in two places at once this weekend. Can't do that? Well, best you try, dear Pisces, because there is a lot of money to be made. Clone yourself. Do something. Do something drastic.

Week of: September 9-15

"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."

I cribbed this quote from a the liner notes for a piece of software in the mid-80s, but it is attributed to an InfoWorld columnist, named Robert C. Cringly. With Mercury in full retrograde action, I'd wager you've had computer modem problems this week. I have.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: It ain't none too often that I can start a Monday mourning session like this, but it just gets better and better as the week unfolds. Really. Trust me. If it doesn't feel like things are really taking off in a good way by, say Wednesday, then email me at FGSKramer@aol.com, and we'll talk. But there is great big and beautiful planetary configuration which means you can make things happen this week. While everyone else is cursing about Mercury being retrograde, push forward with new momentum. You've got it, use it.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]:
Okay, so we got a problem this week with self-discipline. If you can get over the fact that you feel good this week, and if you can get past the idea that you need to redecorate, you might get something done. The hassles this week come from that pesky planet doing it's backward dance, and especially now, because Mercury has moved into another earth sign: Virgo. Don't count on Virgo's being of much assistance this week, either. Nope, just try and get as much done as possible, but remember: don't redecorate this week.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Talk about you tough times! You will probably feel like everyone is testing what you do right now. And if no one else is testing you, then you will probably be testing yourself. That's the tough news. The other pesky problem is that Mercury thing that I've warned you about in the past, and since communication is so important to you, it's real hassle right now. Make an effort to be careful about what you say or write. Even talking on the telephone can get you in a world of hurt right now.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Now that Mars, that old god of war, has left your sign, I'm going to try the subliminal advertising again (you want to buy me a bass boat). In the meantime, other than the usual stern warnings I have for Mercury RX, there isn't too much in a bad way that is happening. And since you never listen to me talk about buying a boat for me, maybe this is the week to start shopping for a new car for yourself. The planets say "shop away!" They also say, "Don't buy this week, but shop till you drop!"

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Romance is in the air, and that's not all that is up. The problem with the planetary influences on us mere mortals is that our communications get screwed up with this stuff. But you ought to be feeling great about some one special. You know, that special snookums in your life? Just remember, for all your amorous feelings right now, it isn't a good time to communicate. So what you do is try to find expression through some other means. My big hint is to send flowers.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: The good news is that we are still celebrating Virgo Birthdays! The bad news that the littlest planet that most of Astrologers ever fool around with is doing a bit of headache routine and it's now in Virgo. The central theme this week will the usual Virgo tendency toward perfectionism, and the problem that arises from that is the Universe is trying pretty hard to make it impossible to get every thing right. Double check your work this week, as if you don't do that anyway, and try to catch all the errors. A message like that ought to thrill the Virgo's.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Look on the bright side: the pesky persistent problem of potentially fatal mistakes is passed. And while most Astrologers will tell you not to sign legal documents at this time, I will tell you no such thing. But do be prepared otherwise: try to proof read everything before it leaves the office. And put off looking for new fishing gear right now.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Imagine this: a Scorpio who is withdrawn and not too willing to Sahara his or her feelings. Imagine a Scorpio with a tremendous appetite. Imagine that both these things are going on this week, first the withdrawn and sullen side, and then the more rapacious (hungry, too) outgoing side. Still, there is an undercurrent that you need to hide something from the world this week. I wouldn't worry about it. Astrologers don't know everything, and I'm sure not going to tell a soul about you. Not this week.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: There's this great scene in Shakespeare's ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA wherein a messenger approaches Cleo with the news that her lover has shacked up with someone else: "To punish me for what you make me do/Seems unequal." (II.v.99-101) What does this mean to you? Don't shoot me, I'm only the guy with the message. This is important this week because Sagittarius has a lot of important messages from the heavens showing up this week. Now pay attention to what I said...

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Big doings this week as old flames come crawling out of the woodwork to make you life a living form of punishment. You will find that those "old flames" which should be cold embers by now, have found a sudden breath of fresh air and been fanned to make them really, really bright. Tough call for you guys. I would get prepared to duck. Who sings that song, with the lyrics
which go something like this: "Ain't no luck/I learned to duck"?

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Curiosity killed the cat, is the way the old saying goes, but what they never tell you is that the darn cat has nine lives. If that isn't enough of a mixed metaphorical image for you, how about just a fair warning about getting too curious about some one's business that really shouldn't be poking you own nose into? Keep to yourself, read a self help book, but don't do any detective work, as much as you want to -- it will avail you naught.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: The week starts out with the last vestiges of romance lingering in the air, and since darn near all Pisces are completely unfazed by a Retrograde Mercury, you don't have any problems this week. I hate to sound like the girl in Cosmo, but, there are no problems for you this week. Love goes humming right along (what a tasty image that is) and work is there, if you should be so motivated.