Week of: Feb. 12 - 18
redo: ValentineÍs Day!

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Just like there can be a Bad Moon on the rise, there can also be a good planet on the rise. And that's what you've got coming up this week because Venus swings her lovely and sweet self into you hot and fiery sign. Between the cool and gentle sussurations of the goddess blowing in your ear and the difficult work that youÍve got ahead, you feel like one of those people who is being torn in two different directions. The solution? Pick as course and stick to it. Perhaps the most correct route ainÍt the easiest.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: The really good news this week is that you can attract the fancy of a passing stranger. The flip side of this two headed coin is that although you attract their fancy, the strangers do continue to on their merry way. WhatÍs that mean? It is a mere infatuation, not the real thing, when it comes to this love affair which might, or might not, get started this week. If one does get started this week, donÍt say I didnÍt warn that it might have a very short duration. You really must learn to curb you emotions when dealing with these little infatuations. Perhaps itÍs just the season that does this to you, what with St. Valerntine so promienently displayed.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: I warned you about being ready for some big changes, more than a month ago. In fact, these changes have been at work, behind your scenes, for almost a three month period. The deal is this: you are rapidly approaching a frustration peak, and this can be surmounted if you are willing makes some quick adaptations to a new lifestyle. In other words, there are some big changes brewing themselves up just for you. Traditional therapy isnÍt such a bad idea, not this week. Nor is non-traditional stuff, either, like working out, and eating from a more healthy diet. Wait, IÍm starting to sound like a doctor, and I donÍt even play one on TV. That one serioous love interest is even more serious this week.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Dear Cancer Friend. Oh Dear. We seem to be face to face with yet one more small and seemingly difficult period in your life. The first part of the question has to do with romance, and no, that area is not going to improve in this next week. You do develop a momentary affliction of the eyesight when some person catches your eye, but this fleeting. The second part of the question is money, and yes there is more, you just have to work for it. I know you hate it when I give direct answers like that, but there you have. Romance? Yes, albeit temporary. Finance? Yes, albeit work.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: By the time the weekend gets here, you will be ready to party like it was 1999. Who sang that song? Do you care? Does it matter? No, except that you haven't been feeling very regal lately, what with all the odd bits of gravel in the sly exerting a negative influence. Worse yet, youÍve just had a half-birthday. What that means, though, is that it is time for you to get ready for the slow ascent to the real party of the year: your birthday! ItÍs only six months away, and now is the time to starting getting prepared.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: IÍve been telling some VirgoÍs that it is high time they consider getting a new boat. IÍve been telling some VirgoÍs that it would be a good investment for our coming fishing expeditions, what with Spring practically staring us in the face. Most of these VirgoÍs are waiting for the best buy of the season, and that isnÍt going to happen, at least, not one that would make them happy. However, there is a decent buy, just waiting. Go ahead and task the plunge, splurge and get us a new boat. You will be happier. Trust me.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Well, itÍs about time! After what youÍve just been through, I think youÍll agree that you need a rest. Problems? Not to worry because time has a way of settling these things without any input from you. For just once in your life, the passive - aggressive Libra thing is going to work for you. The deal is this: set back and assess your directions and goals. Get your fishing gear in order -- thereÍs a great season ahead!

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: The week starts out with you being really, really moody. Like this is any surprise for a Scorpio? Surely not (and donÍt call you ñSurely,î I know, I know). While the week starts with a black cloud on Monday, by Friday your spirits have been lifted and you can sally forth into the great unknown. By the time the weekend rolls around you feel like getting out and socializing. Go for it -- itÍs time for the little Scorpio in you to play.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: You will feel, before the end of the week, a huge burst of energy to get out and get things done. ThatÍs the good news. It gets, better, too, so just hold on. Business, the art of making money, as opposed to winning it in a game of chance, figures very strongly right now.. you have some new ideas which, if you could just implement them, you can make some serious cash. Once you get shoved off, you are really moving forward. Just remember where you came from. You will have a slight tendency to get lost this week, partly, because you feel so good.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Good news, bad news this week. Expect some terrific challenges as you attempt to communicate some the things that you are working on. Now look: you have the potential to do a lot of good right now, thatÍs a plus. You also will encounter some rather large obstacles, too. If you can just assess what it is that seems to be blocking your forward progress, you will probably find that much of the problem is from yourself.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Judging by the Aquarius slice of the night sky, you got a lot of stuff going on right about now. A lot of lines are dangling into the river of life, and you are trying, not entirely in vain, to hook a lot of fish. All at once. Big deals coming down the pike, to mix a few metaphors. What to do? Aquarius is supposed to be technically proficient. This week, though, you might find yourself creating more problems on computers than you would really like. Give yourself a little extra time to reboot, to get yourself going again. The bad stuff is gone by the end of the week.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Well, if itÍs not one thing, then itÍs another, right? DonÍt complain to me now that youÍve got mars in your sign. Mars brings a lot of energy -- thatÍs good news. He also makes accidents happen -- itÍs a good time to be careful with sharp objects, cutting edges that sort of thing. You could hurt yourself. As a personal note, this isnÍt a good week for heavy military artillery, either. The standard warning is this: no flamethrowers for igniting the barbecue grill. You could wind up torching the entire neighborhood. In fact, it would be a good week not to attempt too much because you will be prone to over extensions and related disorders.

Week of: Feb. 5 - 11

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Feel like you've just been shot out of a cannon? Maybe feel a little bit like a human cannonball? Or is life beginning to resemble a concrete drop at the end of bungee line? I hope this all doesn't worry you, either. You get off to a good start, all full of activity, and ready to take the town by storm on Monday morning, and by Tuesday afternoon, you will find yourself completely fed up with all the petty bickering. You need some sort of chemical attitude adjustment because everyone else is being difficult this week.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: I'm not going to say that you lack foresight, or that you cannot effectively plan ahead for some things, but I am going to observe that this would be a good time to lay some groundwork for future expansion, and the risk of this future expansion? It looks like you are going to have to approach life from a somewhat more ascetic point of view. This is nice way of saying make some daily sacrifices for a bigger reward later. If you can.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: The good news is that your razor sharp mind is like the cutting edge of a giant oil tanker, plying the seas of rational thought. What a nice image, you: cutting through the other people who are some much more sluggish than you. There is one obstacle for you, though, and large chunk of ice. Now, I wouldn't want to be a doom seer, but remember what happened to the Titanic, it was unsinkable. Be careful with that quick mind and quick tongue this week: try not to make any more enemies.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: I know that you will find this hard to believe, dear Cancer friend, but remember that arrogance is the first step downward for you. What does arrogance have to do with all the good things that are happening this week? I just don't want you to get too overconfident and cocky because it should be a good week, as long as you keep a tight check on that ego. Look, I'm only telling this because I'm your Fishing Buddy.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Well there you go, dearest Leo, you should feel like one of the greatest dramatic creations of all time: Falstaff. For those of you who are unaware, this isn't a beer, but a character from Shakespeare's Trilogy in Four Parts about the History of Henry IV who becomes Henry Sank. The character has phenomenal good luck and good fortune, and he lives a very well-rounded life: wine, women, war, all the great things. And he's the king's good buddy. I can't promise war or women, and the wine may be metaphorical, but there is plenty of metaphor and party time this week.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Well, it looks like you were about to raise up out of a slump last week, and then, all of a sudden, along came Monday Morning and you fell right back into that pit of despair. Your emotions are bit ragged and dull this week, and you feel a little frayed around the edges. Somebody ran their fingernails across the chalkboard and that set the tine for the rest of the week. Look: none of these are obstacles that you can't overcome with a little perseverance. Get after it.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: While I am certainly of the group that would like to completely do away with fatalistic Astrology-oriented "Astral Determinism", I fear that this week you Libra's will feel a greater call of destiny. In simple English: your ship will arrive, and you have a chance to get on board. I'm not talking about a ferry across some dark river, rather this is a time where you can have a greater sense of accomplishment. If you achieve that balance. Balance is always a tricky subject with the Libra's, well, sometimes it is a tricky subject, and then, other times, it's not.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: You are acting almost too gleeful for the rest of us. A happy Scorpio gives one a moment to pause and think, "What's that Scorpio up to make them so darned happy?" Actually, in this case, you are up to nothing., Like the expression goes, "Nothing up my sleeve." And, to be really truthful, there are no tricks here. You just feel a lot better right now. Which makes the rest of the other signs really wonder about you. Why are you so happy right now?

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Maybe this is merely a Sagittarius experience from my own lifetime, but I think you just missed the bulk rate date for Valentine's Day. Now all those form letters "To the One Person I Really Loved (insert name here)" are going to have to be mailed First Class Postage. Unless, of course, you can get some bulk deal on e-mail. The biggest problem you are facing right now is how to juggle three dates on the 14th. I have no advice for this. This is not a situation I would ever get myself into. You hapless Sagittarius types should know better.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Money. Is there ever enough? No! What can you do to make some more? Get more work! What should you do this week while there is a good stuff pushing on you? Get more money! How are you going to do this? Think long and hard, now. You have the drive, the ideas, the ability to make all of this happen, the big question now is can you do it? Put some of your ideas to work for you, and I'll wager you will be surprised with the beneficial results. The one thing to watch out for right now is a tendency to be a little lazy at times.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: I'll assume that you have a passing familiarity with Biorhythms because this is an important concept, specially at the beginning of the week, when you start out with everything in a slump. That's where the emotion, the physical, and the psychological all fell drained, down, bottomed out. So much for the slump stuff. Since this is such a short cycle, by the middle of the wee, you will be starting to get back into action, and by the weekend, you will back in shape and on top all over again. Cautions for this week: careful with the Ax, Eugene. (Trivia Question, who sang that song?)

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: As long as we are setting the controls for the heart of the sun, I guess we can take a look at you, too.. The way I see it, there has been two disturbing forces at work on you, and by the end of the week, there will only be one disturbing force at work on you. This should be good news, the only hassle will be that reality is still finishing up with its march across Pisces and it is still not a great time for you. One final note, the end is in sight, and you may soon be allowed to drift back to that other world you live in.
© Kramer Wetzel ´ Austin, Texas ´ October 1995 ´ rodeo voice mail: 512/209-2200 ´
fax (Bubba's fax line is ALWAYS open): 512/448-0970 ´ http://www.io.com/~fgs/ ´ fgs@io.com

Week of: Jan 29 - Feb. 3

Aries [3/23-4/20]: You know what, dear Aries friend? You're right, it is about time that I said something exceedingly nice about the sign and what is coming up. And indeed I will, because you will find that there are no "speed bumps of life"; ahead ion the next week. In fact, when it comes to cruising over speed bumps, you will find that this next week is like a tune-up to the old truck's suspension. The rough and ready ride is so much smoother this week, in fact, at one point, you'll be tempted to hoop out and take a look at the truck itself, just see why everything is going so well.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: There's this feeling, what with all the recent events, that this is not going to be a good week. If you are patient, and I've never known a Taurus who is not, then there is a chance that you will wait until this week starts to improve. The deal is this: you are emotional a little edgy, and you can't reach out and touch the reason why. It's probably something lurking in your subconscious that is bother you. By the weekend, though, all of this will be nothing more than a memory of an unpleasant dream. It's really not too big of a deal. Start getting prepared for the new fishing season because spring can be such a terrific time of renewal.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: There are big changes occurring in your sign as the "Dark Lord of the Winter" passes opposite of you. This unfortunate astrological event is taking place for the next few years, so don't get all fired up and worried about everything. Just get ready to let go of some old ideals. There is also a lingering, nurturing feeling. Perhaps this is left over from the holidays. Perhaps this is an expression of something you think you want. Perhaps this has to do with your Moon Sign. Perhaps you just feel like smothering your partner/mate/wife/husband/fishing partner right now. Take two steps backwards and think about how important the relationship is. Too much attention can hurt right now.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Get prepared for will be a great weekend to lock yourself in the house and sort through those boxes of old fishing gear. Look: you must have hundred of old lures that you no longer use. Find a new place for them: donate them to a charity service like Goodwill. Better yet, if you want to pick up a little extra cash, just flatten the barbs on the hooks, and sell those old lures as earrings. You think I'm kidding, right? I'm not. Go to any college town-type boutique and look in the jewelry section. What does most of the ear art these days look like? Old fishing lures. Now, I have just offered you a financial way to help clean out the house. What's in it for me?

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Dear, sweet, troubled Leo. If there was a way I could relieve your pain, I would. Believe me. I have a lot of compassion for the almighty Lion, the Leader of the Pack (or jungle, or savanna, or whatever it is that you lead). Right now, there seems to be a lot obstacles coming from groups of you adoring fans. In fact, right now, you feel like you have no adoring fans. They haven't all abandoned you, either, it just feels that way. What should you do? Be careful not to stress yourself too much, and be extra careful when it comes to exercise. Maybe it would be a good week to stay away from the gym altogether. Now do you feel better?

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: I've received some complaints from Virgo's, they are concerned that I'm not being technical enough. So? So here you go: The week starts out with Venus and Saturn in opposition to you and the week ends with Venus and Saturn in opposition to you. The deal is on Friday, there is a direct conjunction between those two planets. Big deal? We think not, me and the staff here at FGS World Headquarters. But you do need to be concerned about your interaction with loved ones because you will seem a little critical of them despite the fact that you will feel more loving and sociable this week. Go figure.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: There was one astrologer who forecasted marriage at this time for the Libra sign. I don't think so: there seems to be an attention problem with serious romantic relationships right now. Like, you might be serious about one relationship this week, but next week, well, there's a new person on your horizon. Don't make the big commitment just yet. Even though things have definitely turned around for you.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I know this is going to bother some of you Scorpio's, but you will have to deal with this in form or another, right now. There is a lot of critical energy moving through your world right now. What does that mean? Your mental clarity, you're ability to see straight into the heart of the matter, especially at work, is greatly enhanced. And, that's the problem, too, because although you can see what is going on, no one else around you is inclined to believe you. The most correct course of action right now is wait and see. Put off some quick satisfaction for a more rewarding long term goal.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Go hug a tree. If that doesn't work, go hug a tree hugger. If that doesn't work, send an earth-saving charity some money. And if that doesn't work, make a big, political statement about healing Planet Earth. What's the big deal? It's one of those weeks when you feel unusually caring and giving, as demonstrated by your action. Since all the aforementioned solutions don't seem to attract you too much, consider taking a tree hugging person to dinner. There, now don't you feel better? You can discuss the nature of things in the Universe right, and make plans for a brighter tomorrow.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: There is one thing which is near and dear to every Capricorn's heart: money. And there is no time like the present to start making more money. Jupiter, that great, big, beautiful lucky star is winging its way all over you. What this means, is that now is the time to put the wheels in motion to get rich soon. Any thoughts on how you are going to make your next million? I realize, and you know this is true, that money can't buy happiness or love, but you can certainly rent those attributes for a period of time. Leasing, besides the tax break, also afford an emotionless commitment, too.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Well, this is no big news here, but have you set the next wedding date? I realize that the average Aquarius needs several relationships to keep that average Aquarius happy, and this wee it looks like you are planning on getting married. If you can, it does deserve some time and consideration. Of course, with all the disruptive energy going on in OTHER SIGNS you haven't had a moment to yourself, now have you? I would urge you to reconsider the wedding date. Maybe consult with an astrologer who could also serve as a wedding planner.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Nice thoughts, pleasant thoughts, a wonderful world. Everything going your way. It could happen, in an ideal world. The problem is, when you wake up this week, you will realize that it is not a perfect world. Social change plays heavily on your mind at this time, and you will feel more like getting out and trying to help some of those who are less fortunate. That's might magnanimous of you. Just be careful about some of your aesthetic decisions at a time like this, while your judgment is normally quite sound, it might be a little off this week.
© Kramer Wetzel
Austin, Texas
October 1995
rodeo voice mail: 512/209-2200
fax (Bubba's fax line is ALWAYS open): 512/448-0970

Week of: January 27- Feb. 2

Mars and Saturn are doing a head to head rematch which is going to make the Heavens look really exciting. And Poor Libra's have finally found some relief, but now Scorpio is under pressure to perform. Curious? Read on....

Aries [3/23-4/20]: We got trouble this week, right here in River City (that starts with T, that rhymes with P, that stands for "Pool"!) Saturn is in your sign bringing in all kinds of work related material, and for this week only, Mars, the God of War (and Cars), is opposite Saturn. Two planets, head to head, toe to toe, calling each other names. Saying things about each others Mama, familial lineage, and just general unease. Now, it doesn't have to be bad, if you are cautious. Very cautious. Don't leave the house. No power tools except for an electric can opener. Nothing sharp, and that includes you tongue because that thing seems to get you into the most trouble of all.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: I know that Taurus thinks of itself as the sign of the Bull, but let's pretend, just for a moment, that you're a cow instead. You are face to face with a choice: open gate or bale of hay. Which would you take? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the bale of hay is the safer, better, more correct route. And with you facing just such a choice this week, I would stick to my earlier prognostication: the bale of hay. You don't want to know what's beyond that open gate, now do you?

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Tough week for the Twins. Just when you thought everything was going to get better, you run into a little trouble. I would watch out for too much exercise right now, and remember the stretch them muscles BEFORE you hit the gym or track. The other thing to watch for, but fortunately, it's just this week, is a thing called a "stress related disorder" and that means you've been thinking too much. We all got problems, and sometimes thinking helps, but it looks like you've been obsessive about it lately. Lighten up.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: You are coming up on a period of time when you will find that you work best alone. In other words, load of the boat, stop off for a weekend's supply of groceries, and get out of here. You don't need any distractions, and you will find that interactions with co-workers leave something to be desired. In fact, try to work alone at this time because that will make the most productive. Better yet, take the next two years off from work.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: I realize that you are probably going to think that I'm nagging you just like your mother, but if I could convince you to spend just a little time at home, straightening things up, maybe doing a little bit of cleaning of some kind, I would also promise that there will be many benefits in the near future. Work should continue to go well, and let you reel in whatever deals you've got cooking right now. That's a positive note, too.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Last week it was Elmer Fudd. Who will it be this week? Realize that you are more like the Roadrunner this week, a lot more like the winner than Wiley Coyote this week. HE always gets flattened by he ACME products. After the last few weeks, you probably feel like him, but I promise, and you can trust me, that the figure you are a like this week, with all its luck, is that darned roadrunner.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: More than anything else, you should feel a little relief. That's the good news. Now for some interesting updates about mars: it;s like fishing with dynamite--very hazardous yet also very good for a high yield. The problems are that it could all blow up in your face. Literally and figuratively. The good news is that it might not, as long as you exercise caution. Still, you must remember that this is a time when the game warden might frown on your activities, so please be careful.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: If you are a November Scorpio, then you will have a good week, maybe even a great week, maybe even a superlative week. But if you are a Halloween baby or earlier, then there is a curious thing stirring up in your soul, a form of panache combined plus a sense of destiny which means this could be a week to reel in the single biggest fish on the lake. Be careful, though,you might get pulled back into the water while you're fightin' that sucker....

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Right on the heels of a good time, OK so last week wasn't such a good time, but right on the heels of last week comes something deep and dark and mysterious floating to the top of your consciousness. That's a fine way to say it, but what does it mean? It's like using a bottom lure and hooking a bottom feeder, and then opening up that catfish and discovering auto parts in its belly. How did they get there? And that lump of black stuff, scrape the slime off of it, it might be a nugget of gold.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: After what you've been through the last few weeks, I wonder if you ever want to read my stuff again. I didn't warn you? Is that your complaint? All I could do was tell you to expect the unexpected, and you Cappy's have an affinity fer not listening when I DO warn you. Enough of your whining, you sound like my fishing partner. You should start to reel in a lot of cash, beginning this week. In fact, it should be easier than shooting fish in a barrel.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: At the beginning of the week, you approach what can be a very difficult period of time if you channel Mayan folks, or have past lives that deal with that sort of thing. The good news is that in Western Astrology, and sometimes here at FGS World Headquarters, we have determined that this isn't such a bad time for you. In fact, there are a number of truly wonderful opportunities looming on your horizon. Your biggest problem this week? Deciding what affords you the best chances. If I were an Aquarius, I would go for the long shot and Door Number Three.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: I don't think you're going to like Monday morning. There is the usual conflagration with the boss, supervisor, parent, insignificant other, ex wife, that sort of personality, and this confrontation can escalate into a full fledged shooting match if you don't back down. While a good tussle on Monday is a nice way to start the week for some signs, it doesn't look like it bodes well for you. There is another approach: grovel. Trust me on this one: a groveling Pisces is not a pretty sight, and it will render the opposition useless.

Week of: Jan. 23 - 28

Aries [3/23-4/20]: My dear, sweet, blunt and direct Aries friend, how are you today? I would trust that you are fine, if not exceptional this week. While everyone else is dealing with the difficulties, the trials and tribulations of a Retrograde Mercury, you, my fine Aries friend, should be sailing along almost without a care. Okay, okay, so the first part of the week starts out a little rough with your emotions on edge, but as the week unfolds, all of this trauma smoothes out. Really. You will find a certain ease and grace comes at the end of the week.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: Now there's this renegade planet thing with Mercury and then there's this other stuff with the odd bits of stellar dust in the sky: you have certain knack for a lack of attention to detail. Your normally sharp mind feels like a bowling ball right now. In fact, you will probably be asked this week to make a sacrifice for someone, and you know, you just don't feel like doing it. It would disturb your own comfort too much. You've got the comfortable chair all arranged, the beverage, the radio, the portable TV, everything is just right and just so and then along comes someone else to disturb your perfect world. Sorry about that.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Like any good Gemini (there is no other kind), you have certain maternal longings. Well, these earth-muffin feelings are especially strong right now. It is, however, unwise to act on these feelings right now. Go rent a child for a day (mothers are always willing to give one up for some free baby-sitting), and see if this doesn't answer this ache in your heart for tiny people. It doesn't take too long with a wee one to realize that, as a good Gemini, there isn't much difference between you and that child. In fact, it's pretty easy to see you two fighting over what is the best ice cream flavor. Or you, because you are bigger, grabbing the candy away from the child. It's not a pretty sight. That's why here at Bubba World Headquarters, we recommend Rent-a-Kid. This is really strong this week.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: By now, you should have felt the ever-present approach of the cash cow. The cash cow is a beast that lives in dark antiquity and mythology. However, in the case of this sign, Cancer (the homebody), this mythological beast is about to appear. "Problems?" you ask. Well, this beast brings a lot of energy, and right now, that energy is best directed inward. This is the best time to cook up a few get-rich-quick schemes. Don't actually do anything, just think them up. The time to act is not just yet. Concentrate on the Cash Cow, Grasshopper.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: You are getting incredibly restless right now, and all of this energy which is flowing through your veins feels like it has a lot to do with THE RELATIONSHIP. Your perfect mate, at least you feel this way, is upon you. Idyllic dreams of a permanent and lasting bond forever with visions of loveliness, dance in your head. The problem is that all of this is dancing in your head, it ain't happening in the real world. Get over your silly self. Move on. It is a good time for relationships, but I would sincerely urge you to consider the word relationship to mean friendships and their ilk rather than the strictly romantic type. You feel the drive, just don't drive over someone right now.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: You get a double hit early in the week, and this sets the tone for the rest of the following days: you feel more emotional than usual, more prone to teary outbursts, and more persecuted. Since you're on a computer net right now, maybe you ought to consider checking out the conspiracy archives. You feel like there is a conspiracy against you right now. There isn't really, but try to convince you of that? It will never work. So delve off into some kind of research and see if you can find just who is out to get you this week. Although you find yourself more social, you will keep looking over your back to see who is there.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Dear Libra, is this a good mercury Retrograde, or what? While everyone else is feeling the effects of a negative influence, for some odd reason, this influence seems to be passing you by. The key to surviving this pejorative effect is simple: don't interact too much. Other people (mostly Capricorn's) will misunderstand you. I wouldn't worry about it too much, just limit your interaction with these people.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: You know, for a long time it seemed like I was picking on this sign. But, since I am an astrologer, I certainly know enough about Scorpio to comprehend the fact that it is the wrong sign to pick on. After all, I did prepare you for what is going on now, didn't I? You attitude has never been better -- you have successfully dealt with demons from your past, and now you can turn your sharp and incisive mind to work on new problems. During this week, a little bit of self-sacrifice is called for. Not a lot, just a little, The benefits, as you will see, are easily within your grasp. Short term oblation yields long term gain. Bottoms up.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: What you are looking for: a practical, nurturing, tree-hugging relationship right now. Since most fishermen don't hug trees, though, this poses a thorny dilemma, how to resolve the desire to hug a tree and cut that tree down at the same time. The answer? If you keep pestering me this week, we'll cut the tree down. If you would just relax for a moment or two, though, the real answer will come to you: forgo the forestry tree trimming and concentrate on the tree hugging thing. There are some changes brewing, and you need to consider acquiescing to the new ideas. Besides, you might get a date out of the deal, and that will always sway your attitude. Wink wink.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: My dear Capricorn friend: you are getting hammered by the heavens as the celestial spheres roll back and forth across you. Tough times, no? Sorry about this report: you and I both thought your troubles were over last week. Not so! The Mercury thing, the Neptune thing, and now the Jupiter thing are making you miserable. You're all dressed up but have no place to go. Keep your hat on for just a few more days, though, because there are some big things in store for you, right around the next bend in the creek. You do what creek* this is, don't you? *Need a hot link to the lyrics for "Cripple Creek".

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Scorpio is accused of being the most sexual sign. Sagittarius is accused of being the most sexually prolific sign. I always like Aquarius because this sign respects no fences. It's the rebellious nature that I like. The problem is that you are seriously considering tying THE KNOT right about now. Now wait a minute. Wait a cotton picking minute. You are an Aquarius. You are a rebel. You respect no rules except your own. Why are considering a formal wedding? Will it work? Doubtful. I think you are merely awestruck by the person you are with. Get those rose colored glasses off of your face. In a few more days, this matrimonial idea will pass, like digestive turmoil. Then you're back to normal.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: I've been singing about work, and you've been complaining about my singing. The problem only gets worse this week: you will find that almost no one has any sympathy for you. Well, after looking at your planets, I decided to do this: I feel sorry for you. I realize how hard you have worked and I see that no one else is giving you the proper recognition. So there. I was sympathetic, and praised you for your hard work. I hope that helps alleviate some of the pain you are feeling this week. And to think, some Pisces thought I was heartless.

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