"The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd
And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven,
The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change"

-- A captain in Shakespeare's "The Tragedy of Richard the Second" (Act II, scene iv)

Howdy, Bubba, and welcome to the ASTRONET home of Kramer, Fishing Guide to the Stars. Speaking of Shakespeare's lean-looking astrologers, if you would like an expanded and accurate reading based on your personal chart, see the order information in the Kramer area.

Aries
You and I know that things are bad right now. Despite this, you are at a turning point where you can actually SEE the signpost up ahead. The next stop is not the Twilight Zone but a halfway mark as Saturn makes his trip through Aries. In plainer English, you are halfway to getting things in life that you really want while some of the trash is being removed from your life, even as you read this.

Taurus
The last of the Taurus birthdays are this week and after that, you should feel relieved because of the commotion in your house lately! The bad news is that the coming-and-going frenetic energy isn't gone yet. But you will do more than survive: You will thrive on the attention you're getting. Look for a little surprise, an astrological bonus if you will, at the end of the week.

Gemini
In another direct but very Gemini-like about-face, you are stuck this week singing those same sweet love songs that you've been singing for a few weeks. You might be in trouble if your life, especially your love life, is starting to resemble a country and western song. It's a sure sign that trouble is headed your way if you can identify with any (or all -- you are Gemini after all) the characters in a decent Country and Western song. Let me know which song you feel like in a week, you old songbird, you.

Cancer
Get ready for too much work and not enough time to get all those tiny details taken care of, especially at work. You know you belong on a boat this weekend, but you can't seem to get everything at the office tied up. Or the workshop. Or the garage. Wherever! Loose details drive you nuts, like getting out to that sweet spot to fish the Southeast side of the lake, only to discover you forgot the bait.

Leo
The problem with being a Leo is that you're always dependable. That's one of your finer qualities. I know I can depend on you for criticism, coercion, and most importantly, completion. Your problem lately involves unscheduled flights of fancy. While this isn't a problem for the usually grounded yet artistic Leo, these little daydreams might lead to a certain amount of inattention, especially at the wrong time. Could be a problem if your BBQ-ing on the outdoor grill. Pay more attention to the details at work. Daydream a little less and check your ego at the door.

Virgo
I want you to think about rodeo, especially bull riding. Imagine an animal that weighs more than a compact car. This fetid devil of an animal has a brain smaller than the average astrologer's brain, perhaps even smaller than that of a house cat. Now, torture this animal a bit to ensure a bad attitude, then hit him with 50,000 volts of electricity to make sure he's really irritated, then sit on top and try to hold on for eight seconds. Bull riding isn't for wimps and this week, being a Virgo isn't for wimps, either.

Libra
Somehow I got started on a rodeo metaphor this week, and you're stuck with it, too: This week is like barrel racing. You need a high degree of finesse as you negotiate the course, looking for beer in the barrels. The worst part is that you have to hurry. This week is a race to hurry around obstacles faster than anyone else. Look on the bright side: barrel racing isn't nearly as dangerous as other rodeo events. You could be on top of a very angry bull who'd just had his tail plugged into the electrical socket. You're lucky this week.

Scorpio
For some odd reason, Scorpios from Arizona think I have it out for them. In fact, I'm grateful for many of the lessons I have learned from various Scorpios, like 1) Stay at least 100 feet away at all times and 2) A court order is a court order -- obey all law enforcement officers. Your lesson this week is about patience -- it looks like you don't have any. This is caused by a difficult angle from a couple of Chris Farley-sized planets. Don't worry about it much: Life without adversity for a Scorpio is just plain BORING.

Sagittarius
Ever try your hand at calf roping? This is the week to wallow in the sawdust and dirt of the rodeo arena and try. Calf roping requires Wal-Mart-sized quantities of finesse, and most Sagittarians don't always possess that amount of dexterity. It doesn't mean you won't succeed, and it doesn't mean this isn't a good time to try something new. All I'm saying is that you might not meet with the success you want.

Capricorn
While other signs are receiving rodeo sports suggestions, the only advice I can give you is to watch yourself around the old Rodeo Arena of Life because those critters with the long horns, the bulls, are liable to gore you good this week if you're not careful. Watch out for long, pointed objects, whether it's on an animal, the hood of a car or the front of a train.

Aquarius
The week starts out well and finishes strong like Panhandle wine: fresh, changing, and with a surprising good taste, too. Just like that stuff that comes from grapes grown outside of Lubbock. I know, it's hard to believe, but this information is direct from reliable sources.

Pisces
One week, I'm telling you to clean house. The next week, I'm suggesting you clean your hard drive. Now I suggest you clean your car or boat. I don't care which one because if you are like most Pisces, everything could use your attention, but you only have the presence of mind to do one task at a time this week. Then again, you might just blow it all off and go fishing. Sounds good to me.

Week of: May 12 - 18

"Yet cease your ire, you angry stars of heaven!"

Pericles in Shakespeare's Pericles (Act II, scene i)

Aries : Life is definitely on the upswing again. and although Saturn's influence might affect some of your apparent upward mobility, old Saturn himself won't really affect this in a bad way. Nope, Saturn ought to wind up giving you an added boost. It's just that, this week, you feel like there has been a certain feeling much like watching the air go out of tire. And yes, you are going to feel a little flat this week. But just like that tire, you'll only feel flat on one side.

Taurus : Look for a wild ride for the Birthday Taurus folks, and for the others, look for a strong influence from Mercury. Now, I realize it was just last week, maybe the week before, that I was lecturing you about the deleterious effect of Mercury. Now I'm telling you how kind this little harbinger is going to be. What gives? It's time to put everything back together that the little planet pulled apart during the apparent retrograde action. Does that makes sense? Unlike some things in life, though, this reassembly process will be much easier.

Gemini : Last shot at some romance, right now. I mean, if I were a Gemini, I would be running around proposing marriage to just about anybody and anything right this week. Such behavior is bound to turn up a few people who are as interested in you as you are. The romance effect of the feminist asteroid Juno is a documented fact around here at FGS World Headquarters. And Juno is "just fixin' to" get conjoined with that "ole love planet" Venus, and now that Mercury is not direct, looks like your ready for some action. Being that your a Gemini, I would see a jeweler and get a bulk deal on little gold bands.

Cancer : I've been accused of picking on Cancers before, and I will patently deny that. And this is the first week that there is nothing tremendously untoward in the heavens pointing its finger at you. The only thing to watch out for is the "all you can eat" fried catfish buffet. This is one of those weeks when your physical appetite and your ability to burn calories just don't match. If you start gaining weight, don't blame me. I tried to warn you.

Leo : You'll find that this week is going to be marked by problems left lingering from an errant Mercury, bits and piece of communication which have broken down and need to be repaired. The big question mark, besides the obvious "why me?" for this week is what can you do to help forge a new alliance in the work place to help overcome some of these communication problems.

Virgo : You'll find that you have enjoyed a certain amount of an "artist's creative rush" of ideas in the last few weeks, but due to one misbehaving planet, you haven't been able to get any of this down on paper, or, depending on the medium that you choose, you haven't been able to get any of the ideas across to the general public, your employers, or even just you mate. The good news is that planets are lining up to make this a much happier time for you so get after that one special project now.

Libra : The darkness which was spread by Mercury is suddenly turned into light. Unfortunately, you don't get to see the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel" until a little later in the week. Monday still feels like a Monday, but by the time the weekend gets within site, you will find that your spirits are suddenly, almost magically, lifted.

Scorpio : You are face to face with all sorts of UNUSUAL energy this week as romance temporarily fills your world with bliss. That's the good news. The problem with becoming all-consumed with romance is that there are other areas of your life which could use a little attention right now. There is some trip coming up, sorry but it looks like a business trip, which could certainly use some attention because the previous plans now have to be modified.

Sagittarius : The good news is that you are entering into a lucky streak. The bad news is that this lucky streak probably won't involve lottery money. In fact, despite the apparent look of success, I would try to stay away from games of chance right now. That's not the kind of luck I was talking about, it was more a fate is on your side kind of luck wherein you get a late start on Saturday to to the bass tournament but wind up reeling in the best catch of the day because you just happen to be in the right fishing hole, the place passed over by so many others, and I told you that you would have good luck this week, albeit a little strange.

Capricorn : The really nice feature about Cappy's is the way ya'll thrive under pressure. And this is a good thing, too, because this week is filled lots of pressure, kind of like a high front which settles over an area and keeps the rain out, turning your own home county into a miniature pressure cooker. Bet that's just how you feel already, and the summer isn't even all here yet. Just wait a bit and then things really heat up. But this week is a bit of a chance to see what the summer heatwave is all about.

Aquarius : This week is brought to you by Sagittarius because the old Sag ruler, Jupiter, is really making its presence felt in your sign. You'll find that you have a lot of that Sag type energy, unfortunately, unless you really are a Sag, you won't know what to do with some of the clumsy stuff that accompanies most Sagittarius types around. Jupiter is certainly pushing on you to expand; I just hope it isn't your waistline that is expanding.

Pisces : Last week was hard drive cleaning time. This week? How about looking at your tackle box? Whatever it is that use in life for work and play, there is a dark corner, a deep recess of your mind where you hear this little voice (it's your own voice) telling you that "it's time to clean up some of this mess." Best bet for this week is live bait and cleaning out the old minnow bucket before the weekend gets here.

Week of: May 5 -11

"My stars shine darkly over me; the malignancy/of my fate might, perhaps, distemper yours; therefore I shall crave of you/your leave that I may bear my evils alone."

Sebastion in Shakespeare's 12th Night (Act II, scene i)

Aries : Well, Bubba, for the next week your principle influences will be a certain lack of motivation, kind of like some one came along and left you a little present on your front doorstep, of the rude [flaming] variety. The trick is to put the fire out without getting anything on yourself. If you grew up in a small town in Texas, you would certainly understand this allusion. If not, then just beware of folks who *seem* to be bringing you gifts.

Taurus : There is some good news on yonder horizon: the pressure from the relationship "issue" is going to ease up this week. After all the trouble you've been through lately, that's a nice note. And it's a birthday time, too, so look for unexpected surprise parties this week, denoting your birthday. I would be extremely wary of dark areas, myself, given that the fact that people like to jump out of closets and generally act foolish on such an occasion.

Gemini : That old Mercury guy will no longer be retrograde by the end of the week. See my note about about Mercury RX for more information. The deal is this: despite no more backwards actions, this has been a tough time, and the pieces ain't fallen into place yet. It's a good week to think about cleaning your your tackle box out, straightening up your old lures -- Venus is coming round the bend soon, and you know what the old love planet herself is going to bring to you....

Cancer : The week starts out rough, but it gets better. Sure it does. Long about Saturday, the week feels a lot better. What that means is you will probably leave (late, no doubt) for a fishing trip on Friday night. That means it won't be until either late Saturday or early Sunday morning that you will feel the fishing starting to bite, and then, all of a sudden like, the fish start jumping into your boat. To be so lucky!

Leo : No that there is no more retrograde action in a fire sign, you can get on back to the important things in life. Once again, life is going to be good, at least, in respect to what you do for fun. Work, on the other hand, is still problematical this week. Nothing I can do will make that any better. There are the remaining vestiges of that ole Merc RX thing still lingering. For you, at least, it wasn't as bad as it was for some others. You should see the email I got about this one!

Virgo : According to certain Eastern philosophies, life is represented by a giant wheel, and this wheel keeps on turning. I realize that you want life to be like Boethius' Wheel of Fortune, but to me, this week looks more like the TV version of the Wheel of Fortune. Same kind of deal, at least, it looks like the dame kind of deal: a big wheel, lots of numbers, and one bad place on it. On the TV version, you lose a turn. That's sort of what this week feels like, you lose a chance to play a round.

Libra : Well, we're just not ,moving ahead this week, are we? Looks like there is nothing but trouble on all fronts right now. Just as much as you feel like the walls are closing in, though, you will find that the latter half of the week begins to being some much needed relief. Sort of like an 11th hour reprieve, all though I'm not to sure that a death row analogy would work to well. I mean, it fits the situation, I'm just not sure it won't bother your delicate sensibilities.

Scorpio : With this tremendously difficult Mercury RX no longer applicable to you Scorpio types, you are probably coming out from underneath a nice big rock, and you're asking yourself, "Self, is it really safe to be in the daylight again?" Probably not. I would give this whole thing a few extra days to blow over and settle down. In fact, I would try to give it a whole week, but I don't know if you've got that kind of time.

Sagittarius : The one constant that you can bet on this week is change. And, being a gambling person (the luck of the Archer is legendary), you will find yourself face to face with a few gambles. The latter part of the week is better for such ventures, and I would avoid lottery tickets, slot machines, and friendly card games which turn into high stakes shouting matches because everyone is upset with your run of luck.

Capricorn : It's a difficult time to undertake new projects, but I'm sure that you will work with this energy and try you get off on the right foot. In an effort to be helpful, let me suggest you try it differently this time, like maybe putting your left forward first. If you can just launch yourself correctly, and not leave your truck and boat trailer behind at the boat ramp, you can get off to a great start right now. The energy is there for you to succeed but you have to be willing to move forward.

Aquarius : You guys are the most irrational characters right now. In part, you are reacting to the pejorative influence of a minor thing like a Mercury Retrograde situation, sort of like sitting in a boat and watching all the other people reel in fish, and wondering, since I keep talking about good luck, you just wonder "Where's mine?" One word might help this week, one simple word: Powerbait. Try some of this stuff, it's like an MBA on a hook.

Pisces : By now, your homestead should be thoroughly clean. Ever thought about cleaning up the computer desktop? I don't mean the desk your computer sits on, I mean that little bit of virtual reality that exists someplace between the modem and the screen. It would be a good week to getting around to cleaning out the system, looking at the various drives you got hanging off your computer and making the whole package a little bit neater. Call it virtual housecleaning.

Week of: April 28-May 4
"Do I look like a cudgel or hovel post, a staff, or a prop?"
in Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice (II.ii.65-6)

Aries : I wish I could write flowery language and make everything sound like the world is a wonderful place for an Aries right now. But I can't. I mean, this is one of THOSE weeks wherein everything that can go wrong will surely do so. It's like you out on the lake, an early dawn is breaking, and as you fire up the outboard motor, you smell something funny. As you go tooling along to your favorite spot, you notice that there is a slimmy trail of oil following you. Looks like you'll have to row back so don't forget the oars on this trip.

Taurus : If it's not one thing, then it's another. Looks like the usual amount of mercury mischief is up right now. The smallest amount of relief can be found in the fact that Mercury moves backwards into Aries this week thereby giving you a little relief. All you problems seem to be compounded by the fact Venus is in Taurus right now. Remember? Venus rules you. She is supposed to bring a delightful influence but with the other stuff that's going on, all can say is watch out for old lovers who surface at the wrong time.

Gemini : If you were a more rebellious sign, I would encourage you to push ahead with that new romantic fling you've gotten started on. Despite my dire warnings, it looks like you've begun a new "relationship" with a "significant other" which means that you are definitely not heeding the usual Merc RX caveats. Oh well, that will be your problem, and it will show in a few short weeks.

Cancer : Despite what is normally thought of Cancer's this isn't a week for you to be around children. I can see it now, some one asks, "Do you like kids?" And you reply, "If they're young enough, and tender enough, or if you can get them slow roasted to make them tender again." Then you will launch into a discussion about various smoke flavorings and the relative merits of Mesquite versus Oak for BBQ. I do believe your wit will be missed, but this is only a modest proposal.

Leo : Last week was cleaning house. This week is cleaning the mind. In fact, there's a new product on the market called "Mental Floss" which, this is just what I understand, you stick one end of the floss into one ear, and pull it out the other ear. This is how you can sharpen you brain, and get a few mental cavities this way, too. sounds a like a great tool for some of the therapists I've seen. Now, this is a good week to hone your razor like intellect and get a few more pieces of the mental picture in order. I would still advise caution when trying to deal with other folks, though, because the planets are still in an uncomfortable position for you.

Virgo : There is a slow, processional piece of music which would be the best thing for you to listen to these days, and I really mean right now. You've just been thoroughly rocked by the universe, and you you feel like now is the time to rock back. I would exercise caution, though, because you will want to quietly consider your options before striking out blindly. Ask yourself, "Self, do I really want to start down that same trail which leads to oblivion?"

Libra : I'm sure you've got kids, and if you you've got kids, you will notice that this is one week when they have a way of showing up a the worst possible time, with the worst possible request: money. I can't tell you how much this means to me, as a son, that we can sure use the bread right now. However, as an adult, I must caution all you Libra parents from forking over too much dough to the restless young ones.

Scorpio : The problem with being a Scorpio is that you guys rarely, if ever, do anything halfway. And that idea of a halfway romance is good for you for this week. Doesn't look like much more than a serious flirtation, but it does look like there is a romantic offering in the start up. After what you've just been through, this last few weeks especially, I guess I can't start lecturing you about "tall dark handsome" cliches. Too bad, too, you could use the lecture.

Sagittarius : It's getting real close to a time when you need to consider getting incorporated. You've seen a steady decline in your business, and then there is this sudden upsurge, and now, I'm telling you, go big time. Go for the brass ring, whatever that means. You've got a strong sense of direction now, and you have strong sense of where you want all this to take you, so I would seriously consider getting one of those "corporate" umbrella things to hide under because there is always going to be a little rain.

Capricorn : Have I warned you about compulsive behaviors yet? Did I tell that habits like smoking and drinking too much whiskey are bad for you? What else can I warn you about? How about Golf? It's a dreadful disease, it starts out so simply, too. Just a few holes a day, and then this disease slowly takes over. Golf pants, golf carts, better golf clubs, silly hats, and so on. You get the picture, I'm sure. Just say "no" to a detrimental activity like this. Your propensity for the compulsive anything right now is pretty bad. I would suggest bass fishing as a good alternative, now that not a bad sport at all!

Aquarius : This is a critical week for you because you are about to see some of the rewards which you have labored long and hard to receive. There is a small percentage of you Aquarian's out there, though, who haven;t labored long and hard to accomplish anything and therefore, you aren't getting any rewards, just an overwhelming sense of frustration. While we're at it, you might want to reconsider your position, and see what steps you can take to making it a little bit better. Of course, talking about hard work offends me -- I just hope it doesn't offend you.

Pisces : While the planets have been in disorder, you have blithely gone tripping along. Now that the planets are headed back to some semblance of order, you are starting to scratch your head and wonder what the fuss was all about. It's like the time when you dropped the fishing hook overboard without any bait on it. You managed to snag a decent trout on a bare hook. That's what you're feeling right now, that same sense of wonder (and confusion).

Week of: April 21-27
"The multiplying villainies of nature
Do swarm upon him."
from Shakespeare's MacBeth (I.ii.11-12)

Mercury Retrograde in Taurus is like them Pancho Villa's of nature, huh?

Aries : It starts out as a tough week, and there's just no way to call this one nice. That's the problem. You are face to face, on Monday morning no less, with some problems which have been bubbling around like a bad oil leak on the old truck. And, it's one of those seals which is hard to fix, in other words, motor oil is cheaper than a decent mechanic. The good news is that car problems and unfortunate situation all begins to clear up as the week rolls by.

Taurus : I couldn't help but be reminded of an old Beverly Hillbilly's episode when I saw what you chart looks like for this week. There's Jethro, trying to act "citified" and it just doesn't work. You can take the person out of the country, but no matter what, you just can't take the country out of the person. With Mercury doing an evil tap dance on your head, I would wager you feel just like Jethro, and it's all so confusing. Fortunately, you will find that your hearty constitution will help you make it through this time of unease.

Gemini : The problem with Mercury is that this is a normal cycle, and it is made worse by two for you. Just the way it goes. If you can imagine a "double your pleasure" ad right now, and then imagine that everyone in the ad is out of synch with the rest of the world, then that's pretty much how you feel. I would hope that bizarre astrology talk wouldn't put you off because the Sun and Mercury enjoy a minor confrontation this week, and after said confrontation, the effect of the retrograde is a lot less. Still there, but not as bad.

Cancer : You really feel like there is something up this week with romance, that old "love" thing, but there's not much in the way of action on the "love thing" scene. I would hope that you realize, what with the planets all making for unusual energy, that this isn't the time to embarking on any new journeys in the "love bass boat" because the timing just isn't right. Delay that departure for a little longer and see what better rewards there are.

Leo : Imagine that you are planning a party. Now imagine that you getting the old kegs out of the garage. Imagine that you are setting up lawn furniture for the party. Now think about what you really have planned for this week, and remember how the neighbors reacted to the LAST party you had. Remember when the cops came at three in the morning because the music was still too loud? While you are feeling very frisky this week, it isn't a good time to actually have the party. Just get the supplies in order for right now.

Virgo : Mars goes direct on you next Sunday, but I ought to warn you you, there are some astrologers who believe that the period of time following a planet's apparent turn-around and comeback campaign is just as bad as the other times. Just thought I better let you know that. However, in true FGS Style, here at World Headquarters, the observed phenomena is that you are well on you way to a speedy recovery from the apparent backwards motion of Mars. In theory, you feel better. In theory, you're driving is improved. In theory, you will catch lots of fish this weekend.

Libra : The approaching full moon leaves you a little overwhelmed. I mean that in good way, too. It leaves you feeling like you know what is destined to be for the coming few weeks. The problem is that you are still a little humorless right now. The incessant pressure from the boiler room at work has left you a little out of it. I wouldn't worry, what you really need is a an extra long weekend away from it all--grab some buddies and some beverages, and head towards the lake. I would set a goal of fishing in mind, but hey, if you never actually get around to the fishing part, who cares?

Scorpio : The moon makes a fast swipe at you during the middle of the week, but this a fleeting experience at best. You have more long range and troublesome problems you are dealing with right now, and no pesky emotions are going to get in the way. It's not a good week to either buy a new car or buy a new bass boat, although, lord knows, I sure could use one. Nope, I would even suggest that you put off some of those chronic repairs on the old fishing rig right now, too. Stuff that crops up this week is like last week's bait: smelly, disgusting but still useful.

Sagittarius : "Think big" is the operative word this week. Now, remember that the little evil one, Mercury, is making trouble with getting thoughts into actions, so just concentrate on the idea of "think big." Don't start anything new right now, just jot those ideas down on piece of paper, run it up a flagpole and see if anyone salutes. It's a great time to arrange for some planning sessions, especially strategic planning, but it isn't a good time to get around to the implementation.

Capricorn : I'll bet that you feel yourself getting reved up for something, but the only problem is, no one can tell just what it is that's getting you all so wound up. I mean, I can see in the stars, but what are you going to do with this energy? For once, I'll try to deviate from the normal and predict that there is a sudden change in your personal direction, sort of like a Bat-Turn, from the old TV series. Now, if you could just reach into your tool belt and whip out a little gadget that make everyone else understand why you are changing directions, all will be well.

Aquarius : As an Aquarius, you've already experienced all this disruptive energy, sort of like a ski boat going across your fishing lines, and now, you've got this inquisitive insight stuff kicking up, too. In other words, you really want to 1] get that ski boat dude who ran over your fishing lines, and 2] you really want to see what was about to strike when your trolling was interrupted. I would warn you about dealing with drunk ski boat captains, they aren't known for having a lot of reason or logic in their little heads when talking to fishermen. Just a word of caution.

Pisces : There are a few pesky little dirt clods in the sky which are hanging around, pestering you. These two little asteroids bring a whole lot of Virgo-type cleaning energy with them. They mean business. Time to roll up your sleeves and get to work straightening out various aspects of your life. It's like doing a thorough reorganization of your tackle box, you know, with all its little compartments, and then there's that one corner, real or imagined, which seems to be collecting lots and lots of dust. It's like a bad movie B-Movie: attack of the killer dust bunnies.

Week of: April 14-20

"Ha, ha! he wears cruel garters." in Shakespeare's King Lear (II.iv.7)
Tax day. Too bad. Mercury Retrograde. Even worse.

Look on the bright side, though, if Mercury is retrograde for you, it's also retrograde for the IRS.

Aries: Things are finally going to start to settle down for the Aries. After all your activity in the last few weeks, a little settling down won't be too much of a problem, now will it? Maybe the course of true love never did run smooth, but you will find the course of your romantic life finally hitting a smooth stretch of the lake. And as the Sun gently eases on into Taurus, you'll find that your financial woes, such as they are, get a lot easier to bare. Just about any way that you look at it, this is a good week for Aries.

Taurus: The good news is that it's your birthday, but the downside of the beginning of Taurus is that good old Mercury starts his hermetically sealed backslide in Taurus right now. Yes, it's the dreaded Mercury Retrograde time again, and a few of you Taurus folks are going to complain and ask, "didn' t this happen last year?" All I can say is, "Yes." Apparently, there is a an odd stellar god who wants all Tauruses to learn something about communication and now is the chance.

Gemini: Poor Gemini, at least you know that you an count on me for sympathy because I do understand what it is that you are going through with this unsettling time. You'll find that all that sweet and gooey romantic stuff I was spouting last week has just suddenly turned your life into a sodden mess because you feel like you are really bogged down by burgeoning relationship stuff. Kind of like tossing a line a out and having it get caught in the weeds.

Cancer: Remember when your arguing with your present employer, that this situation is kind of like arguing with a spouse or a wife, you maybe right, but just being right doesn't insure success. In fact, no matter how right you are this week, it still doesn't pay to argue because this quickly degenerates into one of those pointless yelling matches in which no one benefits, unless you can get it on tape for something like "America's Funniest Home Video" because you're boss/employer/spouse will either say or do something stupid in the argument. But it doesn't matter how right you are., you still loose.

Leo: I've been telling you just how nice everything is for Leo, especially the last few weeks. Now I have to gently break some bad news to you: the coming week, despite an uproariously good start, plummets to new lows as this retrograde thing kicks in. What can you do to protect yourself? Doesn't look there is a whole lot of protection available, and the good energy runs out shortly after dawn on Monday. Look on the bright side, though, if Mercury is retrograde for you, it's also retrograde for the IRS.

Virgo: The way this week starts out,m and the way it's going to continue for a while, it's like one of those fishing stories, the one that got away stories, which you keep hearing from rime to time, throughout all eternity. Shoot, even old Noah himself had fishing tales like that, "Should've been here yesterday, they were really biting them." Can't you just see old Noah on his floating zoo talking like that? I predict that you will come this close to landing the biggest fish you have ever seen this week, only to have the line snap in two, right before you get the fish in the net.

Libra: With your good Libra sense of smell, I want you to step outside and take sniff of the air. Supposedly it's spring time, and Love is in the air, but I just want to get a nice, balanced Libra opinion on this. What with the planets floating backwards, and few other odd happenings in the sky, I was really wondering about this. Is it really love that's on that spring time breeze, wafting its way along? Or is it something a little different, like maybe last week's catch of the day, starting to ferment a bit.

Scorpio: I'm worried about the Scorpio's this week because you guys are going to be pretty hard hit with the planes in the next few days.... first, there's the Mercury thing, and then a Sun things, and then a Uranus/Jupiter thing, all these guys add to a *challenging* period of time. Look, lesser astrological sign would not be able to cope with this strenuous astrological conditions, so I guess that means that you are more than ready for whatever comes your way. I would wonder about taking a long trip at time like this, ever thought of trolling off one of them big ocean liners?

Sagittarius: Mercury retrograde won't bother you too much this time because there is nothing that you haven't already experienced in your meager life. See: Sag is used to chewing on shoe leather from saying the right thing at the wrong time. So when little communication problems arise, like they do with Merc RX, this is nothing new. As an Archer, you can handily take it all in stride. You've got other fish to fry this week, don't sweat the small stuff.

Capricorn: Looks like the Real World is trying to exert an influence on you again! Sorry that I have this to report, but work is once again the highlight, and watching out for what is going on in the workplace is a big challenge. You want to make sure you don't wind up like that one "Gilligan's Island" episode, you know the one where they almost get off the island and then Gilligan blows it at the last minute. You don't want to look like Bob Denver, do you? And you do EXACTLY which episode it is that I'm referring to, don't you?

Aquarius: I took one look at the Aquarius chart for this week, and all I could do was hum that old song, one more time," It's is the dawn of the Age of Aquarius, Age of Aquarius...." I sure hope you don't have the same tune stuck in your head for the rest of the week. But looking at your chart again,. I'm sure that you will humming along, although I'd bet that the music you hear is substantially different from what any one else s listening to.

Pisces: This is a good week to be of service to your fellow man. Try to do one nice thing for someone else, and try to remain anonymous. Good luck on your mission. Other than that, I'd get the boat ready for some real kicking action on the lake with some nice top water plugs because that's where it's all at this week. And nope, it's not a week for catfish.

Week of: March 31-April 6

"April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain."
-- Thomas Stearns Eliot's opening lines from the epic poem, "The Waste Land"

Howdy, Bubba, and welcome to the ASTRONET home of Kramer, Fishing Guide to the Stars. It's spring and before all the Geminis start faxing me lines from Tennyson, I wanted to head things off at the pass with a wee bit of the fertility imagery from "The Waste Land." Happy Spring. May all of your seeds take root.

Aries
For a few of you, this is like a really, really big week for you. A relationship thang has finally come to this: he/she vs. you. You've been biding your time, waiting on the best opportunity to strike. Watch out for work interfering with your night-time plans.

Taurus
Say goodbye to that old, miserable romance and say hello to the hyperactive child of the sky, Mercury. This means that in the next week, you'll feel highly energized, more so than usual. Remember the tee-vee show "Little (Out)House on the Prairie"? Bet you feel like you're living in one of the old reruns, right now. "Shore is pretty, pa." Remember, just like those old tee-vee shows, things always end happily, just like this week, shortcake.

Gemini
My dear Gemini friend. Friends. Whatever. You have a new romance on the horizon. It's like an instant replay from last summer, all that wonderful romance energy filling you full of "sweetness and light" and the little wedding bell asteroid starting to influence you with her power. It's a good time to consider the big picture before you get Love Tunnel Vision. That's where you can't see anything except what is going on in your own life. Your tall, dark, handsome stranger is about to come knocking on your door.

Cancer
Ever notice that life is like a cattle pasture? Lots of fertilizer. Life is like that, too, because between the green blades of grass, there are plutonium-like brown cow patties, and you can't seem to walk across the field without getting some on the outside of your boots. Life is like that, isn't it? Can't seem to get to the gate of the pasture without stepping in it.

Leo
A Far East philosophy talks about the need to "chop wood, carry water." This metaphor illuminates the possibility of hard labor as a way of freeing the mind. The motto of a favorite Austin restaurant is "that which burns the lips, frees the mind." Either do some kind of mindless manual labor for awhile, or go eat hot Mexican food. One way or another, your mind can soar to new heights.

Virgo
Ever been to a rodeo or watch one on tee-vee? None looks as painful as bull riding. Imagine this: take an animal that weighs more than a compact car, put a tight rope around his private parts, jolt him with some high-voltage pain, and then set yourself down on his back and see if you can hang on for a mere eight seconds. I can think of many things I would much rather do than try to wrestle a really, really pissed-off bull. His brain is smaller than a pecan, and he weighs more than a ton. This week, you will remember that it's much easier to get on the bull than to get off.

Libra
It's not like life has been some sort of cakewalk lately. But, this is your half-birthday time which, unfortunately, means that everywhere you turn, you face certain opposition. Persevere this week and you will earn your just desserts, like chocolate-fudge pecan pie. That's the good news. The problem is your partner: He/she catches the biggest bass ever caught in the lake. C'est la vie.

Scorpio
An unfortunate configuration in the night sky is destined to make you irritable and unresponsive. An irritable Scorpio can be dangerous and may require medical care for anyone in your way. The best way to approach this week is to remember that something has pissed you off and that your best revenge is to do nothing about it. Mutter loudly to yourself, "Someday, my little pretty, I'll get you." Plan nothing of the sort; the threat alone works well.

Sagittarius
"Shine on you crazy diamond" is a line from what song? E-mail me an answer, and I'll send you a basic astrology report for free. That line is your line this week because you can shine like it's your chance to wind up in the custom-made Las Vegas Elvis spotlight. Remember to pay homage to the King since you're having such a good week.

Capricorn
If I were to write a nice Sea Goat horoscope, none of the Cappy's out there would believe it. So I'll sling a bit of dirt instead because Cappy's need a bit of trouble and strife to keep harmony in their world. Work is under pressure once again this week. That's the strife. And your partner is not helping things move along, either. That's the trouble. Solution? Work alone or close to being alone. Now that the all-important money question is out of the way, how about a little romance this week? That could be good as wood -- provided that the partner causing problems isn't the same as the romantic partner.

Aquarius
There's a whole lotta shaking going on, and it doesn't calm down until much later. That's the good news. Or the bad news. The long-range plan looks sound. Even better news. But the short-range focus, especially this week, is out of kilter. Not that being out of kilter, or kilts, is anything new for an Aquarius.

Pisces
Dear sweet, benevolent, kind, ever-suffering Pisces. Just when you thought is was safe to go back in the water, along comes another sequel, and guess what? The water isn't safe anymore. I don't plan this stuff, I just report what the stars mess up for you. Caution, especially around water sports, is advised this week.

Week of: March 24-30

It is the stars,
The stars above us, govern our conditions;

Kent in Shakespeare's version of King Lear (Act IV, scene iii)

Aries : Happy Birthday to all the early Aries! And what a nice birthday it is, too, because the benevolent rays of the planet Venus are shining down on you. Yes, Venus has started her annual trip through your sign, and unless you support Maya Astrology, this is a very good time for you because Venus will conjunct your Sun and bring her sweetness and light into all your relationships. There is also a little lingering effect left over from Mercury, too, so you are able to communicate with ease and grace this week. The single problem stems from Saturn, but that just means get back to work, sort of a dull echo on a bright a week.

Taurus : The unsettling news is merely addressing the relationship issues. I remember when I was a part of a large a community, and we weren't allowed to have girlfriends. What we had instead were "issues," although the word "girlfriend" was synonymous with this. You are face to face with "issues" and in this case, it has to do with some unusual romantic entanglements. You might feel like you've cast your line into the lake of life, but all you caught was massive snarl. A more traditional astrologer might tell you about wedding bells, but I think you just find the snarled mass of fishing lines.

Gemini : Gemini's have never been known for their great depth of character. The better word is "breadth" rather depth. This doesn't imply that you are shallow, just well-versed in a number of different subjects. This week, as spring is in the air, perhaps the best thing to to is stick to the topwater lures and plugs because that's where you will find the best fishing. The big bass haven't gone into the deep water yet, and neither should you.

Cancer : This can start out as a most difficult week. That's the problem. Now, as the week unfolds, there will be few unhappy events at work which can put you in a bad mood. If you are careful, though,m and that means to move with a certain degree of stealth, you might find that these little obstacles are miraculously transformed into situations which can resolve themselves in your favor. The question you face this week, with everyone else doing surface flashing, is: "Am I ready to to start working in the deeper water, even if it's ahead of the season?" The answer is yes.

Leo : My dear Leo friend, it's spring and love is in the air, or so that would be the good news. The problem is that everyone else is feeling a bit peckish these days, and even though you feel all right, the rest of the world is draggling you down. It's not that you don't have problem, it's just that you r attitude has been spectacular lately. Work is cruising along doing just fine, as is the romance stuff. Best bets for this week is to stick really close to the astrological home, and find plenty of of other Leo's for a mutual admiration society.

Virgo : Don't you just hate it when astrologers talk in riddles? How about when the stars send you mixed messages? You've gone thing which is slowing down your pace of work, creating whole mountain ranges out of what had been molehills, and then, there's you social life, which, by certain stellar indications, ought to be blowing, and yet, by other indications, ought to be wilting. Which ever choice you make this week doesn't matter. You will feel like you are making the wrong decision.

Libra : Top water plugs or sinker? Spinners or live bait? You know what? It doesn't matter and you don't care. You will be buoyed along by a fresh wave of optimism and this heady crest of water will wash you ashore in a most flamboyant and productive way. In other words, last week's troubles are now, miraculously, transformed into this week's pleasures. Careful with the dietary intake on Wednesday, and that is the only thing to watch for.

Scorpio : Ever thought about working alone? Being a Scorpio, you probably have. This is one of those weeks where concerted, concentrated effort can have a high yield, but only if you do the bulk of this work alone. And you have to be wiling to look at the bigger picture when it comes to addressing this work thing. In fact, it looks like a special assignment or project that you will be working on, and you need to go it alone.

Sagittarius : The Sun makes a strong aspect, strong and POSITIVE angle to you this week, and that means your subtle little plans (okay, so an Archer doesn't usually do anything subtle) will come sharply into focus and fruition this week. Best bait is to stick to topwater plug and artificial bait this week, too, since the deep water fish aren't biting, at least, not for you. But, I do predict that it will be a good week for your own personal fishing plans, wherever that might take you. Look for an opportunity to reel in some trophey-sized fish.

Capricorn : Ever thought about fishing alone? The problem with fishing alone is that no one will EVER believe the stories you tell about the "one that got away" or just how good that one particular spot in the lake was. The good news is that, if you work alone this week, you will have a long stringer of fish to show for your efforts. Nothing is better at proving them wrong than being able to pull that huge stringer of fish up and laughing at them. When you get back to the marina, make sure that some one gets your picture with all those fish.

Aquarius : It is time for you to start making plans for your summer. As a professional prognosticator, I can tell you that there will some rather unexpected turns in your wheel of Fortune, but which way that wheel turns, that is up to you. In other words, start making some big plans, but don't be upset if the plans don't come though. Personally, I would start looking for a new lake to fish in. You are about due for some new horizons, and that minnow pond on the back forty, it's really not big enough for you any more.

Pisces : Pisces, got to love them, you poor guys are so much maligned at time, and after what you've been through, it's no wonder. The problems you are having this week are really rather minor irritants, and some of this comes so close to after your birthday that you shouldn't be having trouble at all. But you are. Get out the old fish finder, dust of the transducer, and get it operating this week because you could use a good fish finder by the weekend.

Week of: March 3-9

These are stars indeed;
And sometimes falling ones.

The Seond Gentleman from Shakespeare's Henry VIII (act IV, scen i)

Aries : You have a special treat this week, a special emotionally charged, almost new moon playing a close game of catch with great cause of work in your life, Saturn. I would look for an upturn in some events at work, in fact, I would expect Monday morning, a traditional day of morning, to be filled with lots of activity, in fact, much more activity than usual. I don't want to scare you about the amount work involved, but remember that a herd of a thousand cows began with a single bull. That's you this week.

Taurus : There is a strong little relationship thing going on in your personal sky. The problem is that the idea of romance is far more attractive than the actual romance itself. This creates some trouble. In other words, while dating a second cousin might be legal, her/his husband/wife takes sort of a dim view of sharing. That's a problem. Like I said, the idea of the romance looks and feels like it could and should work, it's just the picky little nuts and bolts that usually hold a romance together that are getting all rusted with some planets in water signs.

Gemini : Remember when we discussed anger reduction techniques for Gemini? No? I hope that doesn't make you mad. The best thing to do is run about five or ten miles, but given the shape you're in right now, that might not work. Maybe some basketball? Ever try contact basketball? Might be worth it. You will certainly feel like SOME ONE is making you jump through hoops at work, and I wouldn't buy into that mess. A little bit of solitude would do you well for the weekend. Solitude in Gemini terms means three or fewer people.

Cancer : The problem with young love, or old love as the case may be, is that every once in a while we get to looking at our lover and wondering, "what am I doing here?" You will find that you asking the same questions over and over as you examine your new love. Is that person everything you expected? Are there some problems? does he or she want you to make some fundamental changes in your life? And can you live without having that trophey-sized bass on your living room wall? Think about it, and get back to me.

Leo : This week, dear Leo, we study the bell shaped curve--you start the week with an emotionally charged high point, it degrades into a screaming match and then you go back up the other side of the curve to a high point. This is a good thing. In fact, there will be an extra kick at the end of the week from some sort of business/financial partner which just makes the whole problematic week seem ever so much better. Leo's are always right, so I'm not too worried about your hump day slump. Maybe just call it "slump day."

Virgo : I always like the intro to Henry V: "Now for a Muse of fire...." (Prologue, line 1)... all the little dots mean that thee is a lot going on after those simple words. Mars is doing a number on your sign, now transiting backwards onto YOU. What this means is that your physical health is in jeopardy. Not in a bad way, just words of caution that Virgo's need to be extra careful this week. The other thing to watch out for is added stress in the marketplace. Average daily transactions need a little extra scrutiny--fortunately, this is something you're good at....

Libra : I've been going on and on about Mars for the past few weeks, and the negative effect of the backwards planet on your sign. Now for the good news--Mars goes traipsing into Virgo so it's no longer a concern for you. Watch as car problems mysteriously clear up this week, computers start to run the way they are supposed, and significant others become less grouchy. If only your siblings were similarly effected, life would be just great. If you've overextend yourself physically, now is a time to see the massage therapist for a little relief.

Scorpio : As fate would have it, this week you've got the beginning of another one of those unusual cycles wherein you get a chance to right some past indiscretions. The only reason I would remind you about this is because it would really help you in the future, not the immediate future, but in a few months, if you were to take a hard look at your own history. Remember borrowing that lure and never returning it? It's been in your tackle box for a long time now, and the owner would definitely appreciate the gesture if you were to return it now.

Sagittarius : It's not a good thing to come between a Sag and his or her food, but I would take this week to momentarily suggest that you Archer types out there watch your eating habits this week, especially as the week opens. I don't want to sound like anal, but perhaps there's a little too much fat in your diet, and maybe you should do something about that. Don't worry too much about this because most Archer's are "healthy as a horse."

Capricorn : I have liked being the foreteller of doom, especially for the happy Cappy crowd, but this week looks like it is the the end of the line for the new boat. You will have had just about all the trouble you can take from that new outboard motor, and I'll bet, by the time the weekend gets here, you just drop the old outboard motor overboard, right where it quits, and you wind up using your tolling motor to get you back to shore. Either that, or you might have to row your boat.

Aquarius : It's time a for a little astronomy lesson--Uranus goes around the Sun every 84 years and Jupiter every 12 years, so this is the beginning of a wonderful new growth cycle for you. The only difficulty this week (these two big guys are ganged up on you) is that you can't seem to find a direction. You'll feel a lot like Gemini because you'll wish you could just clone yourself, and send some of the clones off to do all the things you want to do. Modern Science isn't that modern yet, so you'll have to wait. Better yet, just pick one direction and watch yourself really go.

Pisces : What an exciting week to be having a birthday, what with all the nice stuff lined up for you--Venus and Mercury all cozy in there, next to that beneficial Pisces Sun. What's it mean? The next year bodes well for Pisces Birthday boy and girls because the stars say that romance and an ability to talk about that romance are both set for the next year. The tone for the next year should be "talk show romance."

Week of: February 24 -March 2

"Whose phrase of sorrow
Conjures the wandering stars, and makes them stand
Like wonder-wounded hearers?"

Hamlet hisself in Shakespeare's Hamlet (act V, scene i)

Aries : Look here, dear Aries, I've been warning you about confrontations, raging ego, your-will versus the universe sort of thing, now, it comes to triumphant victory this week or it all comes crashing down around your ears. What will it be? How carefully did you prepare for this week's examination? The other influence this week is heady sense of destiny, and I';m glad your an Aries because I don't have to remind you to keep your feet on the ground even though you've got all these high fallutin' ideas kickin' around in your head.

Taurus : Does the word "eviscerate" mean anything to you? Or, better yet, does it describe what your feeling this week? It could. Just remember that you are not really going to be stuffed and mounted on on the wall like a trophy fish, or have your head cut off, like a prize buck. You may feel like this this week, though. If you can just get out of the way, and don't take any obvious bait, you'll be okay.

Gemini : Have talked about your exercise regimen yet? I don't want to sound like a nag, but this is a good time to consider getting a new fitness program working. It will help you reel in the big fish which are certainly coming your way. In fact, you have the ability to land a few trophy catches coming up so the best thing to do is get into shape. While other astrologers might recommend Yoga or Tai-Chi, I would suggest pumping iron. Join the fitness center, maybe a gym.

Cancer : You have a great mind. Too often, though, you ignore this great mind and lose track of the obvious. I would suggest that this is a good week to cut to the heart of the matter, look at some work-related situations and DEAL with it. This much easier said than done, though, and therein is your challenge for the week. You do realize that your work is a big issue for you this week, and you need to employ every bit of your brain power to get you through.

Leo : There are some good vitamins to take when you are stressed and feeling run down. I don't even think that run down is the correct choice of words. Bet you feel like you've been run over this week. Sorry about that impression. Now, start eating the right food, maybe include a little less carcinogenic beef in your diet, try to work in some vegetables and greens, and you'll be feeling much better. And fish--it's a brain food, try some of that too. Consider this: Sushi, it's not just a bait.

Virgo : I get mail from lots and lots of people. But I never get any mail from Virgo's. I wonder why this is? Is it because I pick on you guys for being too neat and clean, for being too Virgo like with all your refined qualities? Is it because you can be so difficult to get along with? Did you not like the last round of transits? Or, have you fallen madly, passionately in love with a "tall dark stranger" this week? Didn't I warn you about the stranger types, some of whom are stranger than most?

Libra : Time to consider where you are in life, what is going on, and where you want to be, say, five years from now. Look at it like a five year plan,. which, of course, goes against everything that is near and dear to our political heart in America where we all work on the four year plan. So this is the case, you are feeling a bit put out, almost as if the weight of the entire world is on your shoulders. The good news is that, with your normal Libra calmness and maturity, you can see the other side. And you know, in your heart, that the events will change and stem the tide of apparent problems. Perhaps it won't be this week, but there is hope.

Scorpio : I am often accused of picking on Scorpio. Even my own mother makes this statements. Nothing could be further from the truth, either, just because Scorpio's are always mean and vindicative, doesn't mean that I pick on you guys, that would be inviting disaster. Besides, as the week unfolds, you Scorpio's have a chance to be a little more open, a little less reticent, and you make such nice partners this week, it makes me feel absolutely grieved that I ever said a bad word about this sign. So you're having a good week. Live bait works best this week.

Sagittarius : The dark side of you is clawing to get out, just a like an action figure in a bad horror film. This character, an integral component of your soul, is desperately seek some outlet. The best thing to do is head out in the country, take some old tin cans, and set up a target range some place far away from civilization. A little target practice, blasting a few things with a high-powered deer rifle, maybe running a few rounds through the pistol you keep in the glove box of the truck, anything that is moderately violent brings a deep sense of satisfaction. Now you can go back to being your happy, helpful self.

Capricorn : Romance is in your air. Call up your old high school sweetheart and ask her/him out. I know you're married now, and so is she/he. Doesn't matter. Just run on around to the coffee shop and have a cup of joe. Catch up on old times. Say things like, "We ought to get together again sometime," and then, when it's over, never call back. You will have done your bit. Besides, old high school flames look more like charcoal these days.

Aquarius : I've been struggling a lot with Aquarius for this week. First off, you guys make it a point to be unpredictable. Then, with all the planets, big and small, lined up in Aquarius, you are REALLY unpredictable this week. Whatever this new course of action is, the one you've been thinking about but haven't told anyone about yet, whatever your goal is, then just go for it. It will work out okay. You might feel like one of those e little rubber boats you see out at the lake, you know the type of boat which really doesn't have too much of a direction. Your sense of focus returns, and that little boat develops a rudder.

Pisces : It may not actually be spring time, but it feels like it here in the sign of the fishes. It feels like it's spring and that love is in the air (who said that?). I would encourage as many romantic interludes as humanly possible. That means every where, and with everyone, and take all offers because there is a lot going on--much of it can be good, too.

Week of: February 17-23

What! we have seen the seven stars.

Pistol in Shakespeare's King Henry the IV, part the Second (act II, scene iv)

Them old seven stars, ever wonder which seven it was?

Aries : Look, in the old days, when magic filed the air, Saturn was considered a BAD planet. Not like, "bad" bad, I mean, it was considered a generally evil influence. Here at FGS world Headquarters, though,we have been able to scientifically determine that there are benign influences emanating from Saturn. Especially this week because Saturn makes a really nice little Astrological angle to Jupiter, the Lucky Star. That means you could win the lottery this week. I found that doubtful, but if you do, I'm only asking for 1% because I'm not greedy.

Taurus : That prime little wedding indicator is all over you right now. That's the good news. The problem is that this is a time when you will feel yourself strongly attracted to some one who is probably not too good for you. Problem, eh? You will find that this is the time when you will be tempted to throw all caution to the wind, and run off to Vegas to get hitched to some down its luck person who you have fallen hopelessly in love with. Aren't you tired of this "just needs a little work" type of people?

Gemini : If things get much weirder for Gemini this month, I don't know what I'm going to do. Feel like just about ever loose nut and bolt has shaken loose, and all of this debris is falling down on your head? If you weren't such an adaptable sign, then this would be a problem, but you can adapt to just about anything. Which you will this week. Remember that change is a good thing for you. Shake it up some.

Cancer : What a marvelous week you're going to have. If you didn't win a fishing contest last week, then you are bound to win SOMETHING this week. Long overdue, too. I hope you are feeling much better about things these days. Speaking of winning a prize or a contest, did you get the results back from the doctor? I sure hope that wasn't what you were going to win....

Leo : My dear Leo friend. My dear sweet, wonderful, noble and ever great Leo friend. My ever faithful, always the very best at everything dear Leo friend. What's with me trying to be so nice? There's a little bit of an ego problem this week. Not that you aren't the absolute greatest at whatever endeavors you take a whack at, it's just that this is one week where it really is best to sort of rest on your laurels for a bit.

Virgo : The good news is that there is no bad stuff happening in Virgo this week. The only mess you will have to attend to is a an emotional one, and it really isn't going to be that big of a deal. I would watch out for the "tall, dark, handsome stranger" routine, though, because there is certainly one of those kind of people lurking on your horizons. The only conundrum I face now, is whether to say "avoid the strange one" or "go for it." I mean, if I tell you to avoid the strange ones, then I might never get another date with a Virgo again.

Libra : I was just talking to one of my martial arts buddies, and he said since he got his black belt, he's never been in a fight. With Mars doing a dance on your head, and with Saturn making it that much worse, I would avoid fights, or scenarios which lead to fights. Watch the confrontations. Period. Of course, my black belted friend also said he now knows how to handle situations when they arise. I would strongly urge your Libra diplomacy to the front this week.

Scorpio : Out with the old and in with the new is a great idea. In fact, in your case, my dear Scorpio friend, it's a great idea this week. You might imitate the actions of a Virgo this week and do a little housecleaning, either for real or in more metaphorical sense. That means look around and see what can be straightened up, maybe toss a lot of old files from the hard disk, clean out the web browser's cache, that sort of thing.

Sagittarius : Oh my dear Sag! Oh my dear! Oh my! Oh! It's a reductive sort of an analogy but it seems to work. And work is the big issue here. Changing jobs? Changing income? worried about the boss? Don't fret. While that's easy for a self-employed astrologer to say,. you might have some income-related panic this week. The good news is that there is a whole fistful of dollars headed your way, just be a little more than careful about what you say, and to whom you say it.

Capricorn :
The week meekly rolls in, like a new kitten without its eyes open. But, like the miracle of life itself, the little kitten of the week gets its eyes opened, right before the weekend. I would sit back and enjoy the ride this week, and learn to take some of the unusual activity at work in stride. While I've said it before, and it's a terribly cliched expression, look before you leap this week. Remember, the eyes don't open until right before the weekend.

Aquarius : I don't know that there is a lot I can tell you about this week, I mean you've got SO many planets yanking your chain, and pushing and pulling, you are just full of energy. Just about everything is going good. Well, except for rather major changes in influences which will effect your earned income.... and I wouldn't worry too much about the influences, either. But then, I'm not an Aquarius.

Pisces : Looks like you have a day of reckoning coming. Or, I could try to make a joke about it, and say something like reckon you got some reckoning coming your way. In any case. I would suggest that work on the boat this week. Looks like the old weekend escape vehicle needs some attention.

Week of: February 10-16

"But, O malignant and ill-boding stars!"

Talbot in Shakespeare's "King Henry the Sixth, part uno" (Avt IV, scene v)

Thing of the week: Retrograde Mars trines Jupiter, Uranus.

Aries : You're looking at what some astrologers call a "kite," and my message to you, at this time, is not to kite any checks. You might be sorely tempted into a plan which really resembles a scheme or a scam, but I would exercise a lot of caution this coming week, especially with financial questions and even more importantly, where big money is concerned. What's big money to you? Depends. Around FGS World Headquarters, "big money" is the price of a burger, shake and large fries.

Taurus : Maybe it was wedding proposals last week, but it's divorce court this week, and the arguments are hot and heavy: who gets the (trailer) house, and who gets the matched linen set carefully lifted from the motel during the honeymoon? And this is such a sudden decision to head towards splitsville, too. I would chill out because the energy that's driving you two apart right now will be driving you two back together in a little while, just not this week.

Gemini : The bad news is that your car will break down this week. Okay, so maybe not your car, perhaps that outboard motor on the boat will finally sing its last song. Maybe the refrigerator will lose its cool. Who knows? Bet you got something like this which really disturbs your inner peace this week. That could be a problem, I also thing that you are in position right now where your inner peace is so strong that even a relatively major disaster won't upset you too much. So there!

Cancer : There are three main influences in your poor Cancerian life this week: 1] you are trying to think and analyze too much (leave that for the Virgo's), 2] some scam artist is coming along with a great deal which really isn't too great, and 3] your emotions run flamingly amuck at the end of the week. In fact, you stay pretty much on edge throughout the whole week. It's like being caught with a fishing partner who has every conceivable bad habit, little things that he or she does which just drive you absolutely around the bend. Like popping gum, or chewing tobacco. Or chewing gum and spitting tobacco at the same time.

Leo : This is the the time when you are going to feel like shaking the "ties that bind" loose. In fact, you've got certain dormant energies which need to be released. Go for it. This is the time to let go and move on. The best example of this would be the trailer house that your living in. Certainly a definition of happiness is double-wide, and I'll bet now, more than ever, you are looking for that new double-wide. Choose carefully! Any real estate person will tell you that location is everything, and with Mars in retrograde, you might not want to move right now.

Virgo : The deal is that you are ready for a change. The problem is that you ain't found the balance point you are looking for. It's like this: you want to use some new bait, experiment with some topwater plugs, maybe get out of the habit of using the plastic worms. The problem? The old ways DO work right now, and the old bait seems to be reeling them as fast as you can toss your line out. I'd be extra carefully about drastic changes right now. Of course, like a typical Virgo, you always are extra careful.

Libra : The Mars Retrograde is going to be effecting you for quite some time.. That's the bad news. In fact, I would expect some mechanical failures around you at a time like this. That's the downside. the good news is that that all the unusual energy kicking around in other air signs right should make the these changes a lot more palatable for you. And taste can mean a lot to a Libra. Remember: do it in a fine style, if nothing else.

Scorpio : Poor, downtrodden Scorpio. Some of you guys think that I persecute this sign for no reason whatsoever. It's just not true! I'm merely trying to warn you about some of the changes that are coming up. And with one of your rulers doing a nearby backspin, you find that the best laid plans all seem to fall apart. As does the trolling motor. Best bet: double check the electric battery before going to the lake for the weekend. And if you like Ice Fishing, then really be careful about the cold weather.

Sagittarius : Ever thought about changing your career? I mean, in a big way. Forsake the coat and tie and get into a position that you would really like, something along the lines of wilderness guide? Or, better yet, guiding fishing trips in the Gulf? More than ever, these longings are going to be tugging at your soul. The problem is it ain't a good time to launch just such an endeavor, not quite yet. But, start laying the groundwork, because your day is coming so.

Capricorn : Make more money. While everyone else is really under this great impetus to change, you don't need to worry about a thing. Right now, you feel like you are in control of the work scene. It's about time, too. I would just warn you about watching your driving because you will have a tendency to dream about money scams when you should be paying attention to some matters a little closer at hand. Like the cars in front of you.

Aquarius : It doesn't happen too often: Uranus and Jupiter doing the "in your face" tango. And this little cosmic dance brings a lot of good energy to you. That's the good news. Now, please be careful because you are real likely to get a stray hook in your flesh right now. Be careful handling pointed objects.

Pisces : Everybody else is having on tough week. In fact, you ill feel like the rest of the signs have all gone a little nuts. It's not just you, and, in fact, you are right: they have all gone insane. The question is: what are you going to do about it? I would advise you to take your time, plan carefully, and then be ready to revise your plans before moving ahead. In fact, it's time for a little "recon" mission. Get out the "fish finder" and use it on the boat--it will improve your already good luck.

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