astrofish.net
Week of: 1/3-9/2000

"Love is a smoke made
with the fume of sighs."
Romeo in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet [I.i.190]

Trivia is buried in Sagittarius this week...

And I'll be in El Paso, all weekend long. If you want to know what the new
year is supposed to look like through my astrological viewfinder, stop by,
and we'll see what we can do for you. The event is listed in the calendar.
Here's a money saving hint: tell the guy at the door that you're "with
Kramer's band, man," and see if he won't waive the entrance fee. Usually
works for me.

Wondering about the Friday FGS update in the newspaper and on the web? Drop them a line at technopolis@statesman.com.

Aries : I realize it's the
new year, and I realize that you are ready to tackle it with a great deal
of new energy. There's a seriously little problem coming along this week, though, and it ain't going to be
making your life any too easy, not just yet. Submarines, of the old variety
come to mind. And these old submarines are none too useful for fishing. But
that's how we all developed the new fishing technology, things like a decent
sonar transponder on the hull of your own boat. This week, Mars moves into
your 12th house. So, it's time for you to look below the surface. With Jupiter
starting to move at a late degree of Aries, you can be hooking some great
fish this week. But you need to pay close attention to what that old radar
ping shows about stuff under the surface, just like the old submarines. Tread
a little more careful this week — pay attention to what is underneath
your normal scope of vision.

Taurus : It could be worse,
you know. I don't believe that's the best way to start out the new year, but
while everyone else is sorting through the year end problems, and getting
the good stuff going again, we're still relying on a gasoline generator here
at World HQ in order to get the electrical service going. Then work continues.
You're going to feel like that, too. So the rest of this week you're going
to hear the dull thud of the generator running the camp's power supply while
you work. Every one else isn't experiencing a similar trouble, but you feel
like they should. And even though you hate it, you're going to have to get
up a couple of times in the middle of the night in order to make sure that
the generator in your life has enough fuel to keep going. That motor's noise
might keep you awake at times, especially this week, but I promise that you're
going to be making progress while everyone else is just getting by. Thank
Saturn and the New Moon.

Gemini : I refuse to make any romance
predictions for you for this week. Love is much bantered about, and with Venus
over there, in Sagittarius, opposite you, you're going to be a little weird
about this whole romance thing. Besides, on some level, and every Gemini is
on one more than one level at any moment, you're going to find that you want
to stop and assess this whole "love" thang you started a while back. Either
it works or it doesn't. Besides, with this whole "new millennium stuff" happening
this week, I know that you have other fish to fry. I just hope that it isn't
a real Pisces, just a metaphorical fish this week. And if it's not a relationship
problem this week, consider yourself one of the lucky few — certainly
beats being one of the lucky feud, now doesn't it?

Cancer : This whole "Why Two Kay" thing has your normal set of Cancer
priorities set a little on edge.
Maybe a lot on edge. And perhaps there's some soothing words I should be telling
you right now. But I doubt it. It's the same thing, just about every year
at this time, the sun is over yonder in Mr. Capricorn's Sign, and that's opposite
you. It's the darkest part of the year, as far as all of ya'll Cancer
types are concerned. Doesn't make it easy for a useful prognostication. It's
the beginning of the new year, and it's time to make a rational assessment
about some goals for the coming year. Fishing tournament game plans should
be in place by now. Y2K compliant bait should already be in your hands. Y2K
compliant fishing buddies ought to be ready to roll, too. In fact, you should
be checking your private stash of supplies to make sure you're really ready
for the coming year. It's going to be a good one, if you let it happen.

Leo : This year is going to start out rather well because there isn't
anything leaning
too heavy
on your sun, not right now. It looks like you've got a clear
runway for take off, and that's something we could all use, but you get it
this week. The clouds which have been hovering over your head, the problems
which you have been experiencing, and most of the trouble from the last year
is all gone now. Mostly. For the large part. Not completely, but the effervescent
party attitude is going to stay around for a while. Unlike most champagne
which goes flat in a hurry, this bubbling attitude is going to last all week.
There are some vague rumblings from a special corner of the sky, and these
sound like a passing freight train, in the middle of the night. These vague
rumbling are alluding to Venus and what she might be bringing you in the new
year, but that will take some time to see if anything develops. After all,
it takes a while to unload that freight train.

Virgo : Back when I first started riding and racing motorcycles, there
was a beast called a "kick start." On certain Italian motorcycles, this little
beastie would bite back, and he was known to break a few ankles, or severely
damage shins -- I speak from a perspective of having limped around and cussed
the thing a time or two. This week is like that kick start lever. Approach
it with a degree of caution, maybe a little fear, and blame Mars. Maybe the
Moon, as well, because the Moon is suggesting that you get a good start, but
by the end of the week, Mars is lumbering into Pisces, and that's going to
give a little bite to things in your world. So it's going to be just like
that kick start lever -- you need it to get going, but you need to time how
you hit it just right. There's no need to go limping
the rest of the week.

Libra : Stop and hold your horses for just one cotton picking minute.
My fine Libra friend, just
chill out
for a second. Just take it easy for a minute. Relax. Stop. Think.
Are you so sure that this is the best course of action for yourself? There's
a little tickle in your personal horoscope chart for this week, but it's like
one of the scratches you just can't quite itch. Sure enough, it's the new
year, and sure enough, you still feel like there's one of those infernal drum
machines going in your head, and sure enough, there's a little trouble with
this week, but like that scratch you can't itch, there's something wrong.
New Moon in Capricorn (which, if you're an alert reader, you will realize
is another Cardinal sign, but no where near as nice as Libra). So the Moon
will upset you some, and my suggestion is that you consider resting up some
this week. Whilst everyone else is predicting the end of humanity as we know
it, this isn't the end for you. It's more a like a rest area on the superhighway
of life. Take a break, stretch your legs, take a load off for a spell.

Scorpio: Welcome to the new
year
. Welcome and party down. Now that the turmoil is over, and it's definitely
another year, just like any other year, you're going to find that some of
the problems you've been having are suddenly, and I mean suddenly, becoming
less problematic and more joy-filled. There's just one little hint, something
I should warn you about. No "cost to benefit" exercises this week. If you
look at the price you paid for your boat, the price you paid for your motor,
the fishing gear, the motel rooms, the gas, food, lodging, and so forth, you're
going to be looking at a mighty expensive dollar per pound cost. Now, maybe
it isn't fishing, but there might be another pursuit in your life like this.
The last time we figured this here at the office, it was costing roughly three
to four thousand dollars per pound of fish caught -- good thing we're professionals.
You might want to think about these numbers, as they apply to you right now.

Sagittarius : I don't care what the pundits, naysayers, or, for that
matter, other soothsayers have to say this week. "Thangs is good," as my dear
Bubba would say. It's not a big deal this week, there is a little fall out
left over from the parties. There is a little sweeping up to do. In fact,
you might just want to park yourself in front of the television set and watch
reruns. Personally, I've found that I can always get this show which involves
a buxom
brunette
with a really big sword, and she's always out kicking butt. For
a chance to win a Y2K compliant astrology report, tell me what the connection
is between that heroine's story and Austin, Texas. There is a link here. But
personally, I figure that this is a good week to channel surf. Rest a little
bit for what you've got coming up.

Capricorn : Happy belated now Y2K compliant birthday, to that one special
Capricorn — you know who you are. This is going to a happy, emotion -
filled week. The one little biting problem has less to do with emotions and
more to do with where Venus is currently riding -- she's over in Sagittarius,
and that's the sign before your sign. So, like the position suggests, there's
one little biting problem right now. I realize that January isn't the time
for biting bugs in Texas, but you might feel like there's one out there, sort
of nibbling away at you right now. Some decent mosquito repellent might help
some, but as luck would have it, you wind up with that one kind of bug spray
that this little problem finds attractive. It's going to be like that. But
don't let bugs
ruin your good attitude this week.

Aquarius : Most folks are about done with the New Year, New Millennium,
New whatever festivities. You should be done with them, too. You should be
using your long–range–view–finder
right now. You should be looking on down that long and winding road, and thinking
to yourself, "Self, while everyone else is still groggy, I can get a jump
start on this new year business thing." That's exactly what you should be
doing. Long range sights are the best right now. You need to make sure you
can look at the big picture. And that will include romance. Love. Whatever.
You're going to find that the relationship scenario you've been waiting might
actually begin to work out. I know at least one Aquarius got married on New
Year's Eve. Good luck, you might wonder about it, a little later in the year,
but for now, you're on a good course.

Pisces : Late this week, call it next week, but late this week, Mars
creeps into the sign of the fish. Good news, indeed. Mars brings some much
needed activity to your sign. Ya'll have been a little too lazy as of late. This whole holiday thing, this whole millennium thing,
this whole party on the patio thing... it's gotten in the way of getting anything
serious done. Now, if you want to get serious, this is the week to start doing
it. Too bad that Capricorn Moon thing is going to upset the equilibrium
this week, for you. You are supposed to do two things this week, two major
items on your agenda. One involves a team project where you are no more than
a team player (even though you and I know you should be the captain). The
other item is a lone wolf project, something secret and on the sly. Tend to
both of them week with the extra energy.

Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week Starting: 1/2/2003

“Beat him enough: after a little time,
I’ll beat him too.”
Shakespeare’s The Tempest [III.ii.83-4]

That quote, while it might be a little misdirected, is surely how I feel right around now. Even as Mercury starts his little moonwalk action. Yee-haw. Happy New Year.

Capricorn: The fun just never stops! It’s that simple. If you're not having any fun, there's not a lot you can do but blame yourself. You're entitled to a full 20 minutes of either self-doubt or self-pity, but it has to be one or the other--not both. After those 20 minutes of loathing are used up, though, we’re back to fun times in Capricorn. The recent New Year's antics have been a little rough on you, and frankly, you've got no one to blame but yourself. However, and that's a big "however," it's still good from henceforth. Tied up a few loose ends, got something out of the way, and now there's miles and miles of smooth road ahead. Remember, that 20 minutes of angst is only available if you're a regular reader. Casual Capricorn readers have to adjust their amount of time spent agonizing over that one situation, it's all got to be squeezed into less time. So out of the next seven [7] days, you've got one, tiny, infinitesimally small window wherein you get a load of self-generated angst that ambushes your psyche. The rest of the time? Sun's in Capricorn, stretch that birthday celebration out for several weeks--I know you can. And we'll keep that moment of pity to ourselves.

Wondering about an in-depth, planet by planet outlook for the next year? Get it here.

Aquarius: It’s a new year, right? It's a time when things are supposed to move forward. You're in the process of shedding a few items that are no longer required. Unload some of your baggage. Look, everyone has emotional baggage. By the time we're all two years old, it's because we were bottle fed, or maybe it's because we were all breast-fed, it's something like that, but by age 2, the damage has been done. Everyone I know is getting over something. Everyone has some kind of emotional baggage. Personally, I think about 90% of it is made up to keep self-help authors, lawyers and therapists employed. I'm willing to be wrong, though. Are you? Anyway, about this emotional baggage, everyone's got it. You're just a in unique position, exacerbated by the twin planets of good deeds [Venus and Mars], and you can get your own Aquarius baggage down to one, single, roller board, FAA "approved" carryon suitcase. Got it? Trim down the things that you think you need, that stuff you cart around with you everywhere you go. Get it all down to one, single, slim, little package on wheels. Makes it easier to manage. Now, as you start the new year, you get to trim all this stuff down to a manageable size. Do it. Your back can thank me later.

Pisces: Nothing works quite as well as a little "Mercury going backwards" action to slam home a point or two. Even though "thangs are s'pose t'be good" over here in Pisces, there's a little hint of discontent, a little suggestion that something isn't lining up quite right. Relax. The year starts out well, the first week has a low point or two, but the long term, overall prognostication is good, if not excellent. Don't confuse a temporary low point, a momentary lack of action, as signal that everything is taking a turn for the worse. It's not. It's a trick of the light, maybe a sudden change in the weather, or just the effect of the seasons on your soul, but it's not drastic, dire, or even that big of a deal. The overall scenario in the "World of Pisces" looks rosy. In the next few days, you've got a big plan for the new year, and that one, big goal is going to get off to a halting start. It's like the truck I use, it takes a little while to warm up. You can't just jump in it, turn the ignition key over, and expect to take off right away. It may only have six cylinders, but usually starts up on four, then gets going on all six in a minute or two. Precludes any hope of a quick getaway. However, if I need a fast escape, I know to leave the truck running. Or use another vehicle. Means some of the plans you've got don't get off to a roaring start. Doesn't mean you don't win, just not as fast. Go slow.

Aries: Let's get the new year rolling along correctly. Of course, in different accounting methods, it's not really the end of the year. It's January, it's cold, it's dark, and us folks in the Northern Hemisphere are suffering through what feels like a long, dark winter. There's a feeling in Aries, and it's like there's a hole in your soul, and the wind keeps blowing through. Or, it could be more like a minor annoyance I get at this time of year: a hole in my boot's sole. It’s not a big hole, but on those rare, wet days, it lets an extra measure of moisture through. Resolve to get that hole in your sole, or that hole in your soul, patched up. You stand a better chance than most at making one new year's resolution stick. Plan on it. Make the move, or do like I do, and drop off that pair of boots at the special "boot repair place." After the weekend, due to subtle change in her position, Miss Venus starts warming up your life a little, as well. Just don’t get too self-indulgent at that time--beginning of next week.

Taurus: I was in San Marcos, a town a few miles south if Austin, for dinner. During the school year, it's a college town, and when school lets out, the place goes back to being either a suburb of Austin or just another eccentric, little town on the Central Texas prairie. Because of its [relatively] large student population, there's sort of a young, transient feel to a lot of the local population. I was in a particular coffee shop on the square, locally owned, politically correct coffee, and the young person brewing up my double cappuccino saw a friend come through the door. My coffee was put on hold while she greeted him, then she went back to her immediate task of making me some espresso-based drinks. She was talking over her shoulder to her recently arrived friend, "What are you doing after midnight?" I couldn’t help myself, "Dude, I don’t know what your plans were, but you're suddenly available, I hope." The coffee maker had to interject, "No, it's not like that, I mean, he has a girlfriend." "So I have a mean girlfriend?" he asked. The coffee maker got more and more frustrated, and between the two of us, we kept the banter up long enough to dig someone a big hole. Problem being, you're like that girl making the coffee, your intentions are honorable, decent, even sweet, but the two opposing forces, even though we're just having fun, us pranksters seem to have the upper hand in your life. It's Mars, or it's Venus, or it’s both, and they're going to be like two guys on the other side of the counter, twisting your words around to suit themselves. You can fight it, but you just keep winding up with things being worse because there's two of us and only one of you. Laugh at Mars and Venus--it's about all you can do.

Gemini: The cat got a hold of one of the stockings that had formerly "been hung with great care," and she decided that the stocking itself was the best toy. For an old lady, she can occasionally have some rather sprite-like energy. At one time, there had been something in the bottom of the stocking that she wanted to get at. See what I get for leaving odd decorations laying about the trailer? I don't know from personal experience, but what I've been told, from parents, sometimes a child will find the packaging as attractive, if not more so, than the gift itself. Such was the case of the cat in the stocking. She burrowed down to the bottom of the stocking, to get what was there. She has this unusual little meow she lets out, too, and that was muffled by the green felt material. Whatever it was, she was displaying certain Gemini-like characteristics. Get to the bottom of it. Don't throw away any packaging material, as it might prove more useful than you think. Now, if you're like me, you found that cat's behavior amusing for a little while, but when the claws come out, it lost its appeal. I was afraid she was going to shred what she was burrowing for. Same applies to you--it's okay to get to the bottom of the situation, but be careful you don't tear it up. Happy New Year, too.

Cancer: One of my casual acquaintances is a waitress, down the road at the diner. She's a sweet and dear Cancer, always bring me a fresh glass of tea when I walk through the diner's door. For a while, she would bring both ice tea and coffee, but the coffee at that one place is just horrible. Great food, friendly staff, just bad coffee. I’m not going to let a little bad coffee get in the way of an otherwise excellent atmosphere--not as long as the food is good. There's a double effect from the planets right now, well, it's just from two planets, Mars and Venus, and you're going to be just like that nice waitress who brings me coffee and tea. You're trying something twice, but only one of the two efforts will really be successful. Come on, you know that the coffee is bad, and when it gets rejected, you can't be too upset--you wouldn’t drink that stuff yourself. So when Mars and Venus suggest a double offering, a chance for you to make two offers, don’t get upset with me, or the other recipient, when one of the two offers gets rejected. If this were baseball, it would mean that you're actually hitting one out of every two pitches--those are good odds. Excellent numbers. I’ve been kind enough to warn you, so don't get upset, take in stride. I'll leave a nice tip, just for your efforts.

Leo: Out with the old and in with the new. Nothing beats having a few items thrown back at you to make you realize what does work, what doesn't work, and some items you've been holding on to? Throw them away. I used to prowl thrift shops and charity stores for good, used Hawaiian shirts. However, I live in a small trailer, and there's no room for an extensive wardrobe. Means that I occasionally have to go through and prune my clothing. At last count, I could wear a different Hawaiian shirt every day for a month, and I'd still have one or two left on hangers. I think I have enough of this type of attire. I could outfit a whole row at a Jimmy Buffet concert. Maybe even a whole stadium section. Not that I'd want to, but it’s nice to know I could. A couple of the shirts are vintage, i.e., over 20 years old. A few of them have shrunk--I could wear them 20 years ago, but they don't have the right look anymore--not quite baggy enough. Time for some of these items to find a new home. Just don't make my mistake, I donate a bag of cloths to Goodwill, then a few weeks later, while shopping, I pick up one shirt, "I used to have one just like this, no this one doesn't fit, but in a few weeks, when I lose some weight, I’ll bet it would fit...." Didn't fit when I got rid of it, won't fit again. If didn't work before, it probably won't work again.

Virgo: Time to come busting out of your shell. Time to get up and go. Time to pick up the phone, pick up the pieces, and get on with it. It's like that second cup of coffee in the morning. I'll sit outside [in what passes for clothing], look at the wilted plants on the trailer's patio, and sip a tiny cup of coffee. The river seems to be a mysterious body of water, lazily pushing itself downstream, and there's a gentle flow. It's quiet at that hour. Maybe there will be a winter fowl, floating on the surface, or some of the ducks, bobbing for breakfast. Take another pull on that cup of coffee, get ready to roll. You've got about 14 different new projects that need your attention. The deal is, with Mercury starting its backwards motion, all of those projects require your attention, like, right now. And then, there's only one of you, and you can't be everywhere, all at once. However, if you make a list, and then, start at the top. No, wait, that first item can't be attacked right now. Go slow. Do what you can, when you can, but the things you can't do anything about right now? That's why I suggested a list. Get to what you can, as you can, and don't worry about the details--details about stuff you can’t fix.

Libra: There's one particular Libra that I've studied for many years. Makes for an interesting case study as this one particular Libra manages to look like he is always working hard when, in fact, he isn't. I wouldn't exactly use the term "lazy" because that implies sloth. But what does happen is this one Libra spends an almost inordinate amount of time working at not working. It takes a lot of energy to be lazy like that. There's some behind the scenes machinations, a little extra effort is required here and there to grease the skids, and keep things moving along. It's real important to make sure it looks like everyone else is doing all the hard work. It's not an easy task, but I know from my careful observations, that this is possible. More and more, you're getting yourself worked up into a pitch. You've got a sales pitch, a task at hand, a job you want done, a goal you want accomplished. It's best to let as many informed and helpful individuals assist you in attaining your goal. It's not going to be without a few unforeseen problems, but that’s why the little delays are called "unforeseen"--no one could predict that it was going to go like that. Gather up your entourage of assistants and accomplices, cohorts, as it were. You've got an amazing year ahead, and it starts with soliciting some assistance.

Scorpio: Just in time for the new year, Miss Venus exits your sign. She’s had an extended stay in Scorpio, warming, cooling then warming things again. I had to fight my cat for some left over brisket I had on hand, in one of those "to go" styrofoam containers. BBQ is usually best the first time around, but really good BBQ is okay, even a few days later. The cat knows this, and when she saw that container come out of the ice box, she got real excited, howling and mewling like she hadn't been fed in days, weeks, or even months, according to the sound she was making. Poor, mistreated kitten, right? And poor, mistreated Scorpio, too. It's like you've been treated as unfairly as my cat, no one ever loves on you, no one pays any attention to you, or no one even feeds you. Poor Scorpio, left to fend for themselves out in the harsh, cold, cruel world. I tend to think you're a lot like the cat, rather pampered. Like that leftover brisket, though, you've been reheated one too many times. The coming year is most excellent, but it gets off to an awkward start with Mercury heading into a backwards position. If you fail to garner sympathy from other folks, that's because we can all see that things are going well for you. Take it easy, this is a time to assess your goal of taking over the world. Some of your plans need fine tuning, not major revision. Work on it.

Sagittarius: It's an immortal line, one that's etched in my memory, as if it were engraved in stone: "Man, it's January 1, I might have to wear long pants, that's just [byproduct of male bovine]." It was three, maybe four or five years ago. It was one of my drinking buddies, and we were out for a big New Year's Eve night on Austin's Sixth Street. Cigars in hand, swigging on bottles [actually, bottles of water], we toasted the new year. Unlike some parts of the world, Austin's merchants are in the habit of raising a giant Lone Star for the event. I kept my cell phone handy because I was expecting a call, any minute from one particular person I was hoping [in vain] to hook up with later that night. Okay, so it wasn't a bad night, and the next day, it warmed up nice enough to sit outside and sip coffee on the trailer's verandah, and yes, that one girl did show up, looking a little worse for the wear. With the way the two romance planets are, do like I did, and do like I'll probably do again--take it easy the day after New Year’s Eve. Some of the stuff that was supposed to happen--and didn’t--that's coming around the bend. But for now? Mars and Venus are in a sign that comes in front of you. Let that Scorpio [energy] go first.

(c) 2002, 2003 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
Related stories: last week.

"I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano;
A stage where every man must play a part"
Antonio in Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venus (I.i.77-8)

The astrological momentum is good this month. Time for some changes. There's a series of quotes which fit a pattern, one from the character of Macbeth, some from other sources, that espouse the point of view that the world is nothing more than a stage, and that we are merely actors following a script. What part are you going to be picked to play this month?

Aries: There are numerous beneficial planets doing abundant nice things to you right now. Saturn, though, is fooling around, almost dawdling, compared to the way he usually moves. Between his resistant dawdling, the sun in Capricorn, and the tiny fact that is often over looked about the association between Mr. Mars and Aries, there's just a hint that you are a little too wound up this month.

Taurus: Saturn really does act as if there is a cosmic ray channeled through the planet and this ray imparts a subtle influence in your life. If I didn't have kin folk in Deep East Texas with sworn testimony about Alien Abductions, I'm not sure I would believe myself. Unlike my kin folks, though, I'm sure that this ray is going to impart something a little different than deep space probes on your body. It's more like a shackle and chain, and it looks like it's work that needs your attention.

Gemini: It's not a stretch to see that the planets have dealt you an uneven hand of cards, especially this month. The "fated feeling" has a lot to do with a certain planet, like the last piece of a puzzle, and this planet is beginning to fall into place. At one point, this month, shortly after the first, but most assuredly before the 12th Night of January, you are going to get a crystal clear vision of what this is all about.

Cancer: This is a month to think about who your friends are. The trick is to figure out what's what. Like my "friend," you've got a hidden ally in the most unlikely of places. In fact, it might be a sworn enemy who comes to be by your side. And it might be nothing more than a tidbit of advice this month. But that advice can make all the difference, on certain days. This month has that feeling to it, and it's Saturn who is doing this.

Leo: You've just got to use the beginning of the month to do a little pruning in your one, personal tree of life. There are some people who no longer worship you for the magnificent Leo that you are. This sort behavior does not bode well with you. If it ain't working, then consider getting rid of it.

Virgo: This month gets off to a rousing good start, but like most New Years' Resolutions, this strong kick which begins the early part of the month quickly fades into a series of tough, little obstacles which seem bound and determined to block every new resolution. Being a voracious Virgo, however, you will be able to surmount these minor obstacles.

Libra: At one point this month, you're going to look at the parties, the fluctuations in various markets, and the general upheaval going on around you and just wonder what the big deal is. "It's the new year, so what's the big deal?" you ask yourself. Fortunately, you're in good company, and this good companionship will offer insight as to what the general uproar is all about.

Scorpio: This is a month when you get to make a decision. I never like to see a Scorpio coerced into a decision making process, and this month, with Mars starting out at a late degree of Aquarius, and with the push from the planets in other fixed signs, you're going to feel a need to render a decision in hasty fashion. All I can suggest is that you weigh the decision making process and prolong what ever it is that have to decide for as long as possible.

Sagittarius: This month starts out with Venus at about one degree of Sagittarius. Venus then continues right on through the rest of Sagittarius for the rest of the month. You're going to get called away, probably for "business" reasons, and this is going to interrupt your month long degree of peace at home which you were so looking forward to. And as long as Venus is in our sign, a word of caution is suggested: be very careful about extravagances.

Capricorn: Venus moves from Sagittarius into your sign late this month, and Mars spends a great deal of this month in Pisces. Both are good indications that there's "something up." This is a good beginning and it bodes well for the future. It even bodes well for this month. There are some long overdue awards and you finally get a chance to cash in on some of this.

Aquarius: This is a month that should be approached by thirds. The first third of the month is full of nothing too important other than the year end stuff, and of course, the concomitant parties that go with the year end stuff. The second third, or the middle third, is sort of a dark time. It's like hangover from the big party, and you groan a little as you need to get to work, and complain some about the way things are. The final third is good, but there is one little catch.

Pisces: Shortly after the big celebrations die down some, not long after the big parties are winding down, and after the general tone of the times begins to resume a normal course of events, in other words, after the big weekend, then everything in Pisces land heats up. Mars comes careening into your sign, and thus, he comes careening into your life. It means he's going to take your gentle and delicate Pisces nature and add a degree of heat to the equation.

Week of: 12/27-1/2

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts."

Jacque in Shakespeare's As You Like It, [II.vii.139]

I can't speak for anyone else, but New Year's Eve, I'm going to be in a special position, by the breaker box, at the party. At midnight, I'm throwing the breaker, counting to ten, and then turning the juice back on. "Surprise!" I'll exclaim. I'm sure at least one Virgo will be heavily armed and ready to do battle, though.

Aries : Xmas is over, and the changing of the guards is approaching. There are big things afoot right now. I know you've heard it all before, but in this case, it's a matter of not falling for the hype, especially this week. You're going to find yourself a little disgruntled with work. It's like having a fishing a buddy who just doesn't quite pull his own weight. He shows up a few minutes late, he's not always completely dressed, and in the dark hours before the dawn, he's still pulling on an extra shirt or spilling coffee. It's a week when you keep running into people just like this, and you keep asking yourself if you should be hanging around these guys. As long as there's a new year around the corner, a new decade, a new century and all that, you can consider some sweeping changes this week.

Taurus : While everyone else is looking at the big picture, let's turn your Taurus attention to the fine details, the minute little things which usually a require a Virgo-like eye to discern. By looking at the fine print, being aware of the minor details, observing the subtle nuances in inflection and speech patterns, listening for the small changes in a note or a voice, you're going to open up new avenues of your own perception. And what will this lead to? It looks like it will lead to certain realizations and revelations. Nothing could be better when you're wrapping up one big day, and you have another big party coming up.

Gemini : I know you've been planning on this week for a long time. In fact, it's been such a long time in your planning phase that you might have forgotten about what you were planning about. I know that these plans could stretch back as far as the beginning of December. That's pretty far-sighted for a Gemini. I think you ought to be congratulated on being so far-reaching in your plans. Now, if you can just remember what it is that you told them. There was this Gemini once, I knew her well, and she has a photographic memory But even her photos are going to fade a little bit in this weeks astrological haze. If you find yourself irritated and short tempered with other folks this week, go back and check your notes to see that you remember the myriad of details you were going to look after BEFORE you embark on the big party thing. Remember those plans you laid.

Cancer : I love this when it happens to a Cancer. Couldn't happen to a more deserving sign. It's finally time for something good to happen. Of course, there's always the big celebration, and along with the celebration, there are prophesies of doom. According to some pundits, we are looking at the end of civilization as we know it. I seriously doubt that this is going to happen to you. In fact, the only thing I can see happening that might be a little unlucky is a the fact that the government might lose a few of your records. It's not like you're really going to miss the data from 1982 or 1983 too much, now is it? So it's a good week, and as events transpire, you find yourself in a lucky position, perhaps in more than one way, if you know what I mean.

Leo : I know that the are few of you lovely Leo types who are complaining that there is nothing good happening right now. If I could just convince you to abandon your negative attitude, if only for a week, then you would notice that things aren't really so bad. to be most certain, there are some dire prophesies floating around right now. Some of the numbers people would have us believe that the end of the world is right around the corner. While there 's a little, rather logical, side of your brain which wants to follow this number game, you will find that it lead to an infinite number of possibilities. And I hardly think that you need to spend this week with so much thinking going on. It's that little bit of time and space between Xmas and New Years that you need to worry about. If I were you, right now, I would party just so you can be in good shape for the big blow out.

Virgo : For a change, I want my most excellent Virgo friend to take a look at the big picture. For a change, step back and disassociate yourself with mundane, every day action. If you can gather yourself up and look at the over view of the situation, you will realize that there is something you've been working on for a long time that's just about to pay off. The problem with this pay off is that it doesn't hit this week. It's like having the lottery numbers to next week's big jackpot. That means, you can hit it big next week. I know that you want good news about love and money this week, but the way I see it, it looks like it's a more than a week off. Of course, my timing might be a little on the rough side, I'll accept that point. Still, it looks like there is something fixin' to bust loose in a big way, in about 10 days. Got that? Heard it here first.

Libra : It's time to wrap up a few loose ends right now. I know that it's a prediction which could be said for everyone, but in your case, you've got the little extra dose of energy necessary to finish up a few odd tasks which you wanted to get down by the end of the year. I realize that we're all facing this, in one way or another, but it's of particular importance to a Libra this week. The moon is in a position to influence this, you know. And listening to the circadian rhythms of the planets right now might help with this "wrapping up" that you need to attend to. Perhaps if you were to turn it into a game of some kind, a little set of goals which are easy to accomplish, you might find this a series of smaller, easier tasks. In fact, I would suggest that you work out a sweet reward for getting to every goal you set this week.

Scorpio : I've got my long tresses down right now, stretching halfway across my back, the curls floating down. On the patio, there's a cow's skull with long horns, and a few fishing poles underneath it. And there's a certain amount of calm in this scene. On the jukebox, a sad country song by a hillbilly is playing. It speaks of death, transformation, and broken hearts. Out the artist's angst, there is a sense of hope. I'm not suggesting that this scene is for everyone, but for the Scorpio this week, there's a degree of hope which can be drawn from a sad lament. Move from the sad lament by some country star to a sense of rebirth. Ah, c'mon, it's that time of year. Say good bye to the old, and welcome the new with open arms. It's like the next song on the jukebox, a much snappier number. You'll hear it before the end of this week.

Sagittarius : It's no use baby, calling my name just isn't go to work this week. Imagine sweet smell of patchouli drifting up, as if from an incense burner. Then imagine a pair of cowboy boots. Now, in Austin, this isn't such an odd combination. However, in every other place in the world, it might be a strange set of elements drawn together. Maybe you've never watched a sandal clad female two stepping with a cowboy. It could happen. This week is going to being just such obvious opposites together in your life. Celebrate the diversity. Fortunately, this isn't such an odd combination around here, but it's the rest of you that I'm worried about. And this week, it's really a little too late to call. Sorry about that.

Capricorn : You're heading into a new century with lots of hope. After what you've been through, and with a few of you are celebrating birthdays right now, it's a time to be hopeful. I'm not too worried about you at all. In fact, while there might be concerns about clocks and timing of events, if I only had more Capricorn in my chart, I would be getting ready for the big celebration in style. You're going to won't to get yourself into a location where you can celebrate the New year for several days running. After all, if you just want proof that world isn't going to end tomorrow, look at Australia because it's already tomorrow there. So get ready to celebrate every hour on the hour.

Aquarius : There's an old joke which has made the rounds of the joke lists and the fax lists before, it's about how many of a certain sign it takes to change a light bulb. For Aquarius in the version that I saw time and again, it started out with "First you have to understand that electricity is energy..." and this was an obvious play on the intellectual side of the Aquarius. It's that heady, intellectual side that I want to appeal to this week. Relax a little from your head over heels rush that has been going on. Let's look at some mythology, according to some, we are entering the Age of Aquarius. According to others, it's just another week. Mars has been in your sign for a spell now, and he's fixin' to leave which means that you can begin to tone down the excitement. Or maybe it's just been the activity. Any way you care to look at it, though, you begin to get a break, later this week.

Pisces : I realize that patience might not be one of your virtues, especially this week. But from what I can see, and I keep rotating the astrology dial around again and again, all I turn up is patience. No matter how I dial you in, I can promise that the coming year, the coming decade, the coming century all have some extra fun in store. that's the good news. The problem being is that cosmic timing is like fishing, both require a degree of patience in order to get there from here. So to get what you're after, this week, act like you know what is going on. Give them a nod of your head, agree, at least in principle, and tell them, "yes, but can I get back to you later...." This sort of committed noncommittal answer will help you get ahead in the coming few weeks. I realize we should all look at the big picture, but right now, just pretend like you have that big picture in crystal clear focus.

Week of: 12/20-26/99

"At christmas I no more desire a rose
Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled mirth;
But like of each thing that in season grows."
Love's Labor's Lost Act I, scene i.

Did you ever see Dallas from a DC 9 at night?
Well Dallas is jewel
Oh yeah Dallas is a beautiful sight
And Dallas is jungle but
Dallas gives a beautiful light.

Did you ever see Dallas from DC 9 at night?

Well Dallas is woman who will walk on you when you're down
When you are up she's the kind you want to take around
But Dallas ain't a woman to help you get your feet back on the ground
And Dallas is a woman who will walk on you when you're down.

Did you ever see Dallas from DC 9 at night?

Jimmie Dale Gilmore, Prize Music, 1989

Aries : I like giving good news to a good sign. And I've got good news this week, from the astrology realm of life: Jupiter changes roles, and his position moves in a more direct method. That means that you have a few projects which have been in a little backwater position right now. Those projects, more like a theme for the week, all start moving ahead. And you're going to find that you are infected this week. Not that kind of infection! No, there's a degree of mirth which effects you this week -- mirth which has been sadly lacking in the last month or so. I realize that you have kept up the good attitude, and I realize that you have been pushing forward despite a few items which have been in your way. Some one this week will pave over the rough spots and you can finally get moving forward.

Taurus : You get a lift this week. It's like being stranded on a deserted West Texas highway, and there you are, with your thumb hanging out, and suddenly, out of no where, a pick up truck arrives with a cowboy driving it. What do you do? Act grateful. The old boy driving the truck is actually headed in your direction. Now, if you're out on a West Texas highway to begin with, the chances are pretty good that you enjoy the kind of music which will be coming in over his radio. It's the old time country stuff. What are you supposed to do? Enjoy it. Enjoy the ride. I realize that this might offend some of your delicate Taurus sensibilities, but you know, when you're looking for a little help, it shows up in the strangles of places, like this week.

Gemini : You've got a lot of stuff going on right now. I kept thinking about one Country song which properly evoked the feeling you've got this week. Of course, since I'm in a Gemini mind set right now, that song has changed its tune several times. I know that you guys are all having a great deal of fun right now. I'm looking forward to the Gemini Xmas cards which all start to dribble in right after the first of the year. And that's the way this week is going to go: you have great plans which you want to get in place before Xmas day; however, as Fate would have it, or maybe it's the planets, you just can't get everything accomplished that you've set out to do. You will get it done, just not quite as soon as you would like. It's like that country song I was alluding to earlier, and I'm sure you know the sweet strains of the accordion music when you hear it....

Cancer : I know you don't want to get sentimental this week, but I keep thinking about that last Elvis Xmas special, and then I think about my Cancer friends, and I remember how it was so special, us sitting there in front of the TV in the living room of the trailer, out by the lake. It was special time, that one Xmas. Just me, the Cancer, and Elvis. Enough maudlin mush. Get on with it and start moving ahead. You're going to get a kick in the pants if you just stand there and get teary eyed. And since no Cancer really deserves a kick in the pants, perhaps you should motivate yourself this week before the rest of us are forced to motivate you. Get the picture? The correct term used in Texas is "Get the lead out, and move!"

Leo : There is a certain frenetic activity associated with this time of the year. Due to the odd orbit of one particular planet, this activity is turning into activities for you. Yes, my fine Leo friend, you are supposed to be in two place at once. Usually this is a trick reserved for the Gemini set. You're going to want to concentrate on your team building exercises this week. Coordinate gift giving. Work together. And work out. Make sure you work out. I don't know if mall walking is still fashionable, but it's worth a consideration right now. The problem you encounter, though, is much like mall walking of the past, you leisurely stroll past a store and hawker cries something in your ear, you get a sudden inspiration, and there goes that money you had carefully saved to buy yourself some new gear with. Look on the bright side, you'll be making some friends happy with your recent purchase, in fact, every one will be happy but your bank balance.

Virgo : You know, there's a feeling in the air right now, a sense of impending change. Some would call this a little bit of doom because there's a big number change around the corner. I seriously doubt that this is going to have that big of an effect on you. But that doesn't stop your Virgo analytical ability from worrying about the change. I had a professor who once detailed the changes in the year 999. Right now, we have history repeating itself, just like that, right here in your Virgo brain. Now, the good news, come the big day, Xmas day, you will start feeling a whole lot better. There's something afoot in your little Virgo brain that will hatch at this time, and this is not a reference to a horror movie. Or strange mythology from the Greek.

Libra : Nothing but bright lights and Xmas carols for you. If it fits, you might try "Christmas Carol's," if you know what I mean. One way or another, this is a the beginning of a good cycle for you. So it's a short lived cycle, nonetheless, it's a good little period of time. There's a certain joy you get in the coming week which is derived from many different sources. There's the work thing which is wrapping up nicely. To be sure, there's one annoying problem with work, but that situation can wait until after the holidays. Then there's the party atmosphere of the holidays, and you've got that spirit infused in your system, much like the secret family recipe for egg nog which has about two quarts of cheap brandy in it. Finally, there's a romance element going on, too. Can you balance all of this? Not really, but who cares?

Scorpio : Talk about feeling good this week! That's you, through and through. Of course, over yonder in Aquarius, there is s still some disturbing energy, but I'll wager that you can let Miss Venus -- firmly on top of you, win this battle. Let the good times roll, as they cry down yonder in New Orleans. It's a good time to be a Scorpio. It looks like you're freshening up the place, too. A really good Texan usually leaves the Xmas light up year round. I know I do. But just to do something special this week, it looks like you'll actually attempt to replace all the bulbs that don't work. So plan on a little extra part decor at this time. You've earned a rest, and now is the time for it. Rest, relaxation, a little enjoyment, and it looks like you will be entertaining at home this week. That's why I suggested you work on those burned out bulbs.

Sagittarius : Oscar Wilde once wrote about the fate of an artist when he "falls in the careless habits of accuracy..." and that could be you, this week. Don't let the careless habit of accuracy get in the way of a good tale. My father used to point out that my mother never let facts interfere with her telling of story. This week, dear Sagittarius, don't let the facts get in the way of a good time. Truth, honor, justice, and so forth are noble causes. But just as noble is your ability to pontificate at length, perhaps on a topic wherein you have little, if any, learning. Never stopped my kin, and it shouldn't stop you. This week, you hold the floor, so hold forth is your true style.

Capricorn : This Xmas reminds me of the time we spent together at the lake. Just you and me, and the hunting dog. I tell you what, it was an idyllic scene. We had a choice that week, too, if you recall, because the highland lakes in Texas offer both good fishing, and at the right time of year, good hunting, too. Best of all, that one Capricorn knew how to cook up possum. This brief reverie is brought to you by a fortunate little asteroid this week. You're going to find that you are longing for the good old days, that the past looks really good, and that the present is pretty nice, too. It's up to you to do something with the past and the present in order to make way for the new year. I still think it looks obnoxiously good for you this week.

Aquarius : If you can just convert some of your energy, the time you spend sitting there and thinking about that one problem which won't leave you alone, if you could just develop a little particle accelerator, and move that mass forward, turn it into forward momentum, then you can get something down this week. There's a problem with using an atomic theory about which I have very little understanding as a metaphor, though. Too much stuff going on your head and not enough activity is a bad thing. And activity like running down the same path every day this week doesn't count. You wind up like one of those atoms in the text books, you keep circling the same pathway each day, never getting ahead. Do something different this week.

Pisces : I do believe that my cat provides the best metaphor for this week. In fact, it's not really even an allegory or metaphor, it's a shining example of what you can do this week. When the weather cools off, some would call it winter, my formerly distant cat decides that I am a giant heat generating device. Here's an animal that won't even consent to being the same room me in the summer, and now that it's cooler out, she seems to think that I am made for keeping her warm. She gets affectionate, she sleeps on my chest, she burrows under the covers with me at night. Yes, it's a perfect picture of harmony. You should try being just like my cat. Purr, place your cold paws on some one special, beg them to fed you, absorb their warmth, dominate their ever waking motion. You get the idea. You might have fun, and, at the very least, you'll stay warm this holiday week.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

Week of: 12/13-19

"Love is too young to know what conscience is;
Yet who knows not conscience is born of love?"
Shakespeare's Sonnet 151

Who what is the name of poet listed in the Cancer Scope? And what's the date of copyright for that publication? (I can't make this too easy for ya'll, you know....) Get me all the correct data in an E-mail, and I'll see about getting you a an abbreviated "El-Cheapo" back in the same volley of E-mails.

Aries : We've got a bubbling sense of optimism running this week -- all over your sign. The end of the year, the end of the decade, and the end of a century is approaching. Some of this "end" suggests change, but right now, the only thing you can see is what is right in front of you. In some groups of people, Deer Hunting is considered a scared act, and this is a sport which requires a lot of patience. Now, I'm not about to tell you to go out and slaughter some poor animal, even if it does mean good chili meat for me, but use this as an example. The longer you are willing to be patient this week, the greater the chance of the reward. It's just like those deer hunters freezing their backsides off in the deer blind, just a little north and west of Austin. Make sure you don't get "buck fever" this week.

Taurus : There is a movement afoot to convince all of us to head towards the high country right now. Grab a few essential items and take off for the secure and secluded environments, far from the maddening cry of civilization, far from the problems of the changing of the times. Some of us tend to regard this exodus as an alarmist reaction rather than a well thought out plan. While everyone else is looking for supplies, you're going to be thinking about this sort of escape, too, only, you'll do this in fine Taurus fashion. The easiest way to "take it with you" will look like an extra pass at the dinner table to us. It will look like you're lingering at the happy hour buffet for an extended period of time, loading up on the free fried stuff. It will look like you're not concerned at all about weighty matters. I firmly believe in that, from the perspective of several years in the future, your actions this week will actually benefit you in the coming months. No lean times ahead for you, not this week.

Gemini : Bang! I know that fireworks can become confused with small arms fire, and no where is that more evident than in one of my old neighborhoods, just on the other side of the river. The problem this week is that your week starts out with just such a bang, and you're not too sure whether it's pistol shot, small arms fire or just fireworks. After looking at your chart, I'm pretty sure most of the banging is coming from fireworks -- it's an old Texas tradition to set off small explosive devices to welcome in the New Year, and this one is coming along with an even bigger bang than usual. And all the commotion is being caused by some one getting an early start on the new year. Any ideas of that person's sign? It wouldn't be a Gemini, now would it? You might want to be a little cautious with your celebration this week, it is a little hasty.

Cancer : There's a particular poet who I am fond of, and one of her collections of poetry is called "The Moon is Always Female." While that's a nice sentiment, and while that's a logical deduction from time-worn observations, it doesn't fit with the lunar treatment you're going to be getting this week. It's worthy to note that the Moon is always an important player in the Cancer Camp, and the strong influence of the Moon right now might be confused with a strong male influence. There's a certain amount of zest you're going to be feeling this week. Nothing evil, bad, or untoward, just a cheerful, happy place for you. Of course, with a lunar influence like this, you are set to enjoy some of the holiday festivities more so than other signs. There's a small problem with your love of the party atmosphere right now, though, and that's some work which really needs to be wrapped up before the end of the year. If I were you, I would try to balance the work thing with the play thing this week. Good luck.

Leo : I'm not too worried about my Leo friend this week. The coming Millennium celebration, even though it shows up a year early, isn't going to be too bad. In fact, it's a giant party. What did you expect? After the last few months, though, you are approaching this week with a certain degree of fear and trepidation. Why? Just because. There's no real reason to worry about the coming weeks and months, and it looks like you've got a good party coming along pretty soon. Of course, I'm preparing just like you are. I've got a manual typewriter so I can continue to get my astrological data out onto paper. Manual typewriter. It works without electricity. Unless I have a Leo to plug into, I don't know if I will have enough electricity to run anything.

Virgo : The end of the year brings us a time for quiet contemplation, a time for meditation on what the last year has been like, a time to pause and reflect. Okay, we've had enough of this navel gazing, wool gathering exercise. I realize that you would like a little more time to consider everything that has transpired in the last year, and what changes you want to make before you go careening forward into the next 1,000 year epoch, but it's not the week to do that. Nope, not this week at all. Eschew the quiet moments, get out and get into the holiday spirit. There's at least one of my regular Virgo friends who will do just that. "When life gives you lemons, it's time for shots of tequila." Not a bad spirit at all.

Libra : Everybody else is concerned with the larger issues at hand: parties, end of the year, financials, and so forth. Instead of belaboring the obvious, I would merely start humming a tune which gets stuck in my head at this time of the year, it's an old Elvis number, "Here comes Santa Claus cruising down Santa Claus Lane..." The nice thing about this little ditty from the King is that it has no references to various religious systems. Avoiding a confrontation about religion at a time like this is a good idea. It's a good week to exercise that jovial, heart warming Libra nature of yours and enjoy the good things that life has to offer. I would really encourage you to break out of any cage you have paced yourself in right now, too, because there can be a bit of a mental battle raging in your brain. Listen to that old Elvis Xmas special, take a look at the Xmas lights, get out and quit thinking so much. That mental horsepower can be harnessed for work, after the first of the year. You deserve a break. "Here comes Santa Claus cruising down Santa Claus Lane...."

Scorpio : There are many little secret hiding spots in the Scorpio mind, many little places where data is tucked away for safe keeping. There are so many nooks, crannies, and hiding places that even the razor sharp and ever perspicacious Scorpio mind can forget some of the places where this information is hidden. This week, you've done such a good job of hiding things that you might have hidden something from yourself. I suggest an extra evening in, an extra day spent alone, a little spare time to be devoted to searching these various nooks and crannies, the patented Scorpio hiding spots, just to see what you can turn up. Just between your Scorpio self and me, I'll tell you that it looks like you've got some extra surprises for the holidays tucked away, and it wouldn't hurt to spend a little time this week looking in the old spots to see what you cached there.

Sagittarius : The only problem with a being a tail end Sagittarius is that it seems like you get a lot of dual purpose gifts. I don't mean this like the nice camouflage and day-glo down vest I got last year. I mean, it's usually a gift accompanied by a little note saying it's for Xmas AND your birthday. Fortunately, you're Sagittarius, and this doesn't get to you too much. So here's a non-dual purpose happy birthday for all the late degree Sagittarius people. As far as how the week goes, though, you need to double up on some your efforts right now. You know the old saw, "there's no rest for the weary." Seeing as how your a Sagittarius, and given that Mercury aligns with Pluto this week in Sagittarius, I would prefer to hear you say, "There's no rest for the wicked." I don't mean wicked in a bad way, I mean it in a good way. A fun loving, Sagittarius way. Looks like you have an extra surprise up your sleeve this week, and I want to hear about it after the fanfare. Fanfair. [Whatever!]

Capricorn : For a change, for a drastic change, in fact for a major drastic change, I have really, really good news for that one Capricorn who still insists that I am unkind to Capricorns. This is the week for you. I know that the Sun and Mercury are still in your 12th Sagittarius House. And I realize that Mars along with a plethora of planets is in Aquarius. But for that one special Capricorn, this week, and you know who you are, this is a week for love. Or romance. Or a reasonable facsimile thereof. It's something like that. It might not be the giant love of your life, but it sure looks good for you. No matter how you slice and dice the stellar array right now, you are feeling that light-hearted feeling so commonly associated with being love. Personally, and not to be a curmudgeon about this, I would check the office egg nog for an extra high dosage of Tennessee distilled spirits, that could be the cause of this feeling, too.

Aquarius : There is such a thing as a straight Aquarius, a particular person comes to kind, but let's not talk about her right now. This sort of straight arrow Aquarius is what you're like at this point. The problem with the "straight arrow" analogy is that you are a little less directed than an arrow shot from a bow. In fact, you're more like a "flight" of arrows, and here comes the ubiquitous Shakespeare bit, like the arrows Henry V used to defeat the French at Agincourt. Now, if you can just get it together this week, and act like a single arrow shot from one of Henry's English Long Bows, you might do rather well. Regrettably, the way your chart is looking at the moment is that you are a little scattered, and although I've never heard of, much less seen one, a shotgun bow is what your like right now. Try to direct that straight arrow into one target. You can pull it off this week.

Pisces : There are times when Pisces is accused of being a little spaced out. Some folks would have you believe that Pisces are the original space cadet, devoid of direction, ambition, motivation or serious goals in life. I understand because, as a fishing guide, I deal with Pisces every day. And while the image of listless, lost, unconcerned Pisces makes for an interesting metaphor, you just reply, in your kind and uncommitted Pisces tone, "It's not easy being a mutable water sign (but some one has to do it)." This apparent lack of forward motion right now, this week, in fact, is of little concern to you. It might bother other signs, but I'm not going to let it get to you. Or, better yet, I tell you not to let it get you down. You do float through this week, and that's a lot better off than the other 11 signs right now. Enjoy the float trip.

Week of: 12/6-12

"'Tis well said again,
And 'tis a kind of good deed to say well:
And yet words are no deeds."

King Henry VIII, Act 3, scene 2

For a quiz question, send me the name of the artist alluded to in the last part of the Scorpio Scope, and get a chance to win a free "el-cheapo" (abbreviated version) report delivered via E-mail.

Aries : There are a lot of good things, as if they are sitting under the Xmas tree, and this is the week to get in there and rattle a few packages. You will notice that some one, some place has remembered you. It's as if a long distant love affair has caught up with you. And, it looks like that the long distant affair of the heart is going to resurface, if only a brief time. It's like an Xmas package from an address you don't notice. Now, in keeping with the spirit this week, it would be unfair to open this package ahead of time. Patience, not an Aries characteristic, is required. It will pay off if you are willing to exert a small degree of restraint right now. I know how hard that can be, but it will pay off.

Taurus : I would implore of my fine Taurus friends to be a little more restrained than usual this week. The week does hold some rewards, but I beg of you to remember that the best gifts are from the heart rather than something store bought. Besides, I seriously doubt that the corner "bait and tackle" shop has what you're looking for in the way of gifts right now. Not to mention the local convenience store, either. The possible exception would be a good selection of lures, and every fisherman knows you can never have too many of these things. Despite the good Taurus sense of taste, this week, it might not be a good time to be shopping for that special person on your list. You might find that your selection process runs a little more towards your own tastes rather than what we want.

Gemini : There are numerous little astrological events which are getting you all riled up this week. None of these events are particularly bad, just a little unsettling. Being the good Gemini that you are, I know that you have carefully prepared for this time, right? I also realize that making a list and checking it twice is not a characteristic of the good Gemini that you are, but it's one of those times when just such a list might prove to be rather effective. There's something that you are forgetting, and nothing is worse than heading off to the shopping mall, or similar battle ground, and forgetting to take what you needed most. That's why, just for this week, I suggest a contractor's "punch list" of the most important things which need to be accomplished. Works here, and I'd wager it works for you.

Cancer : There is a subtle influence right now, and it's a good subtle influence. Of course, subterfuge, which seems to have the same etymological root as subtle, is beyond your noble Cancer self. Avoid the "sub" stuff as much as possible this week. In fact, a direct approach is a better solution. I realize this form of open confrontation might go against some of your basic nature, but the ability to act right now is a good idea. I don't much care about how you act, other than you take some form action. Like I've suggested, it's a weird week with a weird astrological configuration. Might as well make a go of it, and tackle this sucker head on.

Leo : Ever feel like the whole world was out to get you? Ever notice a black helicopter in the sky, slowly circling over your prescribed route? Ever notice an unmarked black sedan with a limousine tinted windows following you around? At one point, this week, you are going to have those creeping, gnawing feelings that some one, some where is out to get you. Now, rather than let this almost overwhelming feeling of dread invade your every waking, even sometimes sleeping, moment this time, I suggest you step back from the whole paranoid, conspiracy theory thing and look at the big picture. Yes, maybe there are some folks out to test your mettle. Or maybe they will test your metal. But the folks who are following you? I suspect that some of those people just might be "Santa's Helpers" checking to see if you've been good. Since you're a Leo, of course you've been good, and there is a special gift coming this season.

Virgo : Even with the ever present press of media attention on your central nervous system, even as the marketing hype reaches a fevered pitch, warning about the end of the millennium, and even as you are personally worried about the collapse of Western Civilization as we know it, there is time to take a nap. Yes, the New Moon in this week's chart promises a chance for you to rest your weary brow, if only for a moment. Yes, all that stuff might just come true, but between you and me, I really think that a lot of it is merely the mass media caught up a feeding frenzy. Besides, and I will call upon your innate Virgo analytical ability, technically, all the timing is off. So you can rest easy this week. Too bad you're going to feel like your cerebral cortex is wired into this mass media machine, but you should be able to sleep it off.

Libra : Some folks live and breath according to their astrology chart. If that's the case, then you will feel this week in a big way because Venus leaves Libra and Mercury switches into Sagittarius. If that's confusing, then how about you feel much better, all week long. There are some folks who are having a tough time with this millennium bug, and the new year looks like it will really kick them around. It looks like you are in a jovial mood for most of the week. In fact, I would suggest that you're in a jovial mood for all the week. In fact, I would suggest that you have a good time coming up. It looks like it's the beginning of a good "social" season for you. That means that all your fishing buddies are all willing to spend a little more time socializing and a little less time working. This is good for you, and I guess I have to invoke that one song, one more time, because you should "party like it's 1999...."

Scorpio : I keep hearing as refrain from a particular country song when I look at your chart this week. Now, I'm not about to suggest a specific lyrical reference at this time, because each and every Scorpio has his and hers own lyrics in mind. But there is a sweet suggestion that this musical message is where you're at this week. It could be a heartbreaker of a song because, statistically, that's what the genre usually deals with. Of course, with Venus making her entrance into Scorpio, it could go against the law of averages for this kind of music. It might be one of the happy ones. Or, it could even be a comical song. Whatever music you hear this week, I just hope it isn't the tune everyone in Austin sings to me when I talk about traveling to El Paso. That's one song we can all do without, at least, for this week. Plan on a happy song from the Country and Western variety. It fits your week best.

Sagittarius : The nice thing about being a Sagittarius is an obnoxious, infectious good attitude. And this good attitude just got a little better this week. To be sure, there is a little bit of uncomfortable stellar dust kicking around in the heavens, and some of this is making you a little worse for the wear and tear. Parts of you are going to feel like that faded circle where a can of snuff rides around in the back pocket of a pair of jeans, that one spot which might be a little more faded. But like that can of dip, the faded spot indicates a piece of faded glory, a small reminder of feeling good. Now, since this snuff is a metaphor, you need to be careful because dipping snuff is probably bad for you. This week, you can experience the joy the holiday spirit inflicts on you. You're going to want to exercise a little caution though, be careful with the dip this season. Especially right now. No need to spray tobacco juice into other peoples' egg nog right now.

Capricorn : I'm pretty sure you are tired of rodeo metaphors by now. However, after one quick glance at your chart this week, I could think of nothing better to say than "Ride 'em Cap Cowboy!" I suppose, to honor the western tradition, there should be a hoot and a holler at this point, but I refuse to tape such a sound into the system. I'm sure you get the general drift of the concept though. It's an exciting time, and you have a monster - sized problem that you've been wrestling with, and it looks like you're about to triumph over the obstacles. Remember that there is a lot more to riding in a rodeo than just sheer physical punishment. And as one FGS Faithful is fond of reminding me, "This ain't my first rodeo...." So don't be afraid to apply a little bit of mental muscle to the problems this week. Then get a good grip on the reins of life, and hold on.

Aquarius : I'd be getting prepared for a wild ride, just about now. Okay, so last week was a wild ride, and I know you hate it when I say, "I told you so...." so I won't say that. But Mars is exciting, and as the weekend gets closer and closer, the Martian Energy is working on you. Of course, this might evoke a mental image of a particular cartoon Martian, but I don't think Marvin is going to have a lot to do with this week. His cool, analytical ability doesn't properly describe the animated passion you are feeling this week. I would suggest that you enjoy yourself this week. The office Xmas party looks like it might be a good bash.

Pisces : I have a special family tradition I observe with my sister. For one, brief, shining, moment, we go out to the mall, look at the Xmas trappings and sit there, drink a little coffee, and act bitter about the commercial aspects of the holidays. Then, as the caffeine kicks in, we get in the spirit, get ourselves in gear, and by the end of the afternoon, we leave the mall with lots of packages in our arms, the spirit of the Yule time properly observed. I might add that our collective charge cards have the magnetic strips melted off, and somewhere there is a banker bemoaning the credit limit. Such is life. The coffee is bitter and black. Just wait, though, because sometime this week, the bitter brew will kick you into a holiday spirit. Just be careful about the plastic meltdown which can occur.

(c) 1998, 1999 Kramer Wetzel

Week of: 11/29-12/5

"Men are April when they woo, December when they wed: maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives."

Rosalind in Shakespeare's As You Like It [IV.i.182-4]

"He's the Shakespeare of Country Music" (Tom T. Hall on Austin City Limits) Who's he talking about? You only get one guess per e-mail address, but a correct answer (along with this singer's sign) can win you a free e-mail "planet profile" custom crafted in Bubba's Bait Barn and Fang Sway Emporium.

Aries : With all the big Thanksgiving feasts behind us, it looks like a long haul to the holidays. And this week, at some point, you're going to start feeling lazy. It's one of those pervasive feelings you get from time to time, except, being an Aries, this feeling doesn't hit you too often. However, you're going to get that happy and helpless feeling that you just don't want to do anything. It's like sitting there and staring at the motel TV, giving it your rapt attention, but you never turn the set on. It's not like there's a wild visions dancing before you, it's just that turning on the TV would be too much trouble. This is one of those weeks when you feel like you just can't be bothered.

Taurus : At times like this, I wish I had a bit of programming which would do one of those "Millennium Count Down" clocks. You feel like this is what is going on, and I'm pretty sure the madness has caught on. Now, I know all my material is Y2K compliant. I can rotate my astrology software up until the year 2040 or 2050 or something like that. Of course, looking that far in advance is a little difficult for me, when I'm like you, I'm not too sure about my next paycheck. I know that you're tired of work related stress disorders, but this week is full of them. It's not a pretty sight. Or it's not a pretty site, at work, is what I mean. The problem, and this where a background with a fishing is a plus, is like a boat that is slowly leaking. Of course, when you put your boat on the trailer and think about fixing it, there's no leak. Which doesn't mean there isn't a problem.

Gemini : It looks like you are going to be involved in an all out verbal war this week. I can only hope that, being a good Gemini, that this is a war of words and that it doesn't escalate into a brawling matching of some kind. You don't need to be attacking with anything more than verbal barrage this week. To make this situation a lot worse, I'm going to warn you ahead of time that you might be prepared to go back and say, "I'm sorry" a little later. Now that you aware of this, perhaps you can go easy on the poor victim that you have your sights set on. There's an odd bit of gravel in the sky which indicates this might have to do with romance, but being a the good Gemini that you are, I seriously doubt that you are going to be dealing with more than two aspects of you life this week, and the romance, as long as you don't blow your top, is going to be relatively minor.

Cancer : Minor positive influences should be regarded as such. If you're out there considering what to get folks for Xmas, I'd suggest a good truckstop. It might sound like an old redneck joke, but I'm serious. I was in a truckstop in West Texas, just the other day, and I found the perfect gift. I know, it doesn't seem like a the usual place for most folks to shop for Xmas, but believe me, this one worked. It was giant peppermint stick. It was the perfect gift for a some one special, I just hope she doesn't read this before she unwraps her present. Now that's my Cancer side appealing to your Cancer self, and think about using some of your shopping energy in a different way. How did that grammatically incorrect advertising campaign go? "Think differently"? Head on down to the truckstop and see what you can get.

Leo : I may love a Leo, but right now, no Leo is going to be loving me. It's Mars. Or it's Venus. Or it's Jupiter or Saturn. As far you are concerned, it could be any one of the astrological objects we use, except for the Moon. The Moon may be a harsh mistress, but she's being nice to you right now. That doesn't stop the rest of the planets stacking up against you though. I realize this isn't exactly the holiday cheer message you were looking for, but there you have it. The best thing to do is be a little extra cautious. I know that you were thinking about getting some fireworks ready for the big New year, New Millennium celebration. I would suggest to your kind, party oriented, Leo heart that anything larger than a sparkler is a not a good idea. It's not suggested as a form of merriment, and I'm not even worried about the legalities of high yield explosives for you. I'm more worried about something blowing up in your face because of a short fuse.

Virgo : On mornings at this time, here in Austin, I can look out over the lake and watch a slow mist drift up from the water's surface because the ambient temperature in the morning makes for this kind of foggy condition. It's peaceful and reassuring. There's also one die hard fisherman who gets out, and watching him work the north side of the lake, his little trolling motor pulling him along, his rod gently arcing a line out to the shore makes for mysterious sight, like a specter in the fog. Shoot, maybe it is a ghost. This apparition is you this week, and if you are willing to get up early, perhaps even before dawn, you will find that there are some lucky breaks waiting for you. Even though it's not really a good time to fish, there's a chance, a long shot at best, but a chance of landing something decent this week, especially closer to the weekend.

Libra : According to some of the astrology texts I have consulted, Libra is an inherently lazy sign. I suppose that could be said, at one time or another, about any of the signs. However, as Venus makes the last of her fly-by passes at you, this inherent lazy streak might become more apparent. There's is a catch, and you knew with a Fishing Guide there would always be a catch, and that's Jupiter, over yonder in Aries (the opposite side of the wheel). He's still stirring things up, and that's going to make the later part of this week, and this lazy attitude, a little more interesting. Is that "good" interesting or "bad" interesting? Depends on what you do with it. A little extra effort this week would certainly help. Getting you to put in that extra effort is going to take some strong motivation, and I hope that Jupiter is strong enough for you.

Scorpio : I have this vision of a Scorpio, holed up in a trailer house in East Texas, casually cleaning his and hers firearms. Ostensibly, it's just deer rifles, and theoretically, it's just because the Scorpio has been hunting. Of course, after the deer rifles come the handguns, we use them to shoot snakes. Then come the shotguns, even though dove season is long gone. Why all the firearms in East Texas? This Scorpio feels like the world is about to end, even though the new millennium is more than 13 months away. Instead of getting a creeping sense of paranoia this week, do something useful. However, I'm not sure that playing with all your armaments is the best way to relax. Personally, I would prefer to see you with a shopping list and a charge card, watching the shopping channel. It's still a dangerous scenario, but a lot less likely to blow up in your face.

Sagittarius : A creeping sense of destiny playing a fine hand in your Fate? That's the sense for this week, and there is no escaping it. It's there, through and through, a careful message etched in the stars. Now, before you get too worn out by this message which has been delivered about fate, consider some stellar person coming up to you and suggesting that "we go back to my place to look at my etchings...." There is an astrological signature, and it could well be engraved in stone, which suggests that this week is going to have some ups and downs. Bummer, dude. I was careful observing a fellow fisherman on the river, just the other day, and he was having no luck whatsoever. You might feel just like that guy this week, no luck whatsoever. Then, when you least expect it, but perhaps when you need it the most, there will be a sudden break. Long term, long run, big picture video all looks good. The short run stuff, though, that looks a little cloudy. Like my buddy with no luck.

Capricorn : Late in the week, there is a sudden flare up of an old relationship problem. I would like to think that this is a work related relationship issue, but you know, the fine line between work and play gets pretty confusing here in Austin. We have so many musicians and other tawdry lots who seem to work when most people play. And play for work. So this confusing issue about a relationship problem gets even more difficult to understand. I'd suggest that you treat this flare up with some medication. Check with your pharmacist for some soothing balm to help with your problem. The problem will heal itself, eventually, but there's nothing like a little bit of cosmic "Blue Star" ointment to help ease the suffering a little. "Tequila soothes a chapped mind," admonished one associate.

Aquarius : For the sake of the astrology forecast for this week, I'm going to divide Aquarius into two halves. The second half, those born after the middle of Aquarius, say, after Feb. 4, have nothing to worry about this week, and nothing to look forward to that is either good or bad. Now the other half, that first half, you guys have an extremely exciting week ahead. It starts and ends with Mr. Mars exciting you to new heights. Regrettably, there are also frustrations which accompany Mars and he's going to cause a lot of action, one way or another, as he touches the big planets you've been dealing with for while. The action of Neptune and Uranus are prominent this week. Bait? Who needs bait this week? Use a net. In fact, a trawling boat would be more appropriate for your week. Use the big strokes as you paint your week. And lots of color. Use lots of color, too, for this week's outlook.

Pisces : The nice thing about being a Pisces is that you are a Pisces. Use your very best Piscean judgment this week, and listen to that inner voice. You might be a little tyrannical but that's just one of those energies that you must deal with, work with, and subjugate for your own goals in order to get by. In the annals of your life, you're going to find that this is a big week for you. Yes, you might get accused of being tyrant at times, but your ability to overcome the opposition is at an all time high. Put this to good use. And please, try to remember the friends who helped you on your journey to the top. A little kindness at this time would surely help.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

Week of: 11/22-28

Marry, sir, half a day's journey; and I'll tell you, he hath
a fair daughter, and tomorrow is her birthday; and there are princes and
knights come from all parts of the world to joust and tourney for her love.

First Fisherman in Shakespeare's Pericles, Act II, scene i.

I never miss a chance to plug a decent Sag birthday bash -- coming up at the end of the week. I just wonder if any princess is willing to joust for my attentions?

While we're at it, tell me the name of the author mentioned in the Scorpio Scope, and the work the quote is from, maybe the character's name, too, and I'll see about hooking you up with a free abbreviated "el-cheapo" chart report, custom crafted in the South Austin Birthday Barn, delivered via E-mail. Hint: the author is allegedly a Scorpio, too.

Aries : This whole Mercury retrograde thing which suddenly and supposedly gets a lot better this week might be a little over rated. However, with all due respect, you're still going to feel some of the lasting effects of this mess for an entirely different reason, and that's Mr. Jupiter who is still moving in a motion that is less than conducive to a good time. About the only thing that you'll feel from this is the usual lethargy associated with the post prandial Turkey day gig. It's more a little lunar lift, and the usual festive times might leave you feeling like you meant to start a diet this week, but the holidays are approaching, and that's always something you can tackle in the next millennium.

Taurus : There's a little degree of relief that comes along this week. And with that small amount of comfort, there's also going to be a larger amount of food. I realize that not all Taurus people take solace in food -- all generalization about this sign are false, but the American holiday this week does offer quite the cornucopia of delights to feast upon. In popular mythology, though, the Turkey substance seems to have a large quantity of some sleep producing substances in it, sort of like a natural sedative. And, with this coming along, I would be very careful about getting impulsive on the day after Thanksgiving -- you don't want to get out there and do your Xmas shopping in your sleep. There's a new millennium right around the corner, and it's time to consider changing your shopping habits.

Gemini : It's an uphill week for you. Of course, the idea that all your movement is uphill is a good thing for a delicate Gemini because it means that you are moving in forward direction. And I'm not talking about "uphill battles" either. In military tactics, that's always a more difficult scenario. In fact, I don't feel like you have any battles until you get to the top of the hill. As such, your week just looks better and better as the days go by. Mercury rights himself, the sun changes signs, and Mars goes into Aquarius. All of this makes for some good Gemini energy, if you are willing to make that long trudge of the hill. Hint: if you are fighting a battle to get up the hill, maybe it's the wrong hill this week; change directions.

Cancer : You get two kinds of relief this week, three if you count the American Holy Day of Thanksgiving and its ensuing football games which are of paramount importance. Nothing seems to be better than pushing away from the big Thanksgiving Day spread, letting off a little accumulated steam, and taking a nap in front of the TV set with a ball game on. In Texas, it's easiest because we merely ask, "How bout them Cowboys?" The astrology relief is a lot like, with Mercury setting itself upright in a compatible water sign and with Mars moving out of an incompatible sign for you. The only hassle, and it's not much of one, is Venus, but even she's conspiring to give you good dreams this week as nap in front of that ball game. I don't want to incur the wrath of any other fans, but being in Texas is fraught with complexities. Go Cowboys?

Leo : There is a creeping sense of paranoia that's going to get you this week. Now, just because you're afraid that "they" are out to get you doesn't mean that you shouldn't be a little more cautious than usual. But it is a hot tip to avoid Area 51 as a vacation destination this week. And watch out for strange figures lurking on grassy knolls, too. Now that I've got you sufficiently riled up, let's look at the cause of this. It's Mars, swapping positions with Neptune. Since this is a waxing aspect, this feeling of suspicion and dread only gets stronger as the weekend gets closer. And in honor of this approaching angle, maybe get out and wax your truck this weekend, on those rare, beautiful falls days we have. While you're doing that, keep one eye peeled for strange, black sedans parked in your neighborhood.

Virgo : We'll look on the bright side of this week, while every one else is having a tough go of it, what with all the astrology indicators lining up in a way that spells certain doom for certain football teams on the big day, you've been playing at this underdog routine. In the event that your memory might be a little shot, it was a cartoon from long ago, and Underdog was really a mild mannered shoe shine dog, and his heroine in distress was always Polly Purebred. Oh for the days when it was easy to determine what's bad and what's good. I'd like to suggest that your cry for this week is none other than, "There's no need to fear, Underdog is here!" I just hope the modern world doesn't confuse you about what's right and wrong at this time.

Libra : Under the benevolent influence of Venus, and now that Mercury is becoming a morning star, you will find that you are getting more and more attention this week. In fact, some of this attention is good. There's one minor, insignificant detail that needs to be attended to, however, more like a reminder than any kind of evil influence, it's time to know when to say when. I realize that this sort of information might reach you a little late. It's like that 14th cup of coffee in the morning, you know you should have stopped at 12, but you kept going. Now you're doomed to listen to the buzzing in your ears for the rest of the afternoon. I can't be too sure, though, because I haven't had that much coffee in a day or two. And it might not be coffee, either, it could be something that involves too much turkey and then too much sweet potato pie. You get the idea, though, watch out for a little too much of a good thing.

Scorpio : It's another week when I won't be popular with Scorpio. So it goes, as one author termed it -- "So it goes." So the Sun moves on into yonder Sagittarius early in the week, and Mercury starts being visible at sunrise. The good news is that Mercury does an abrupt turn around this week, and you feel better. The problem being that you just don't want to get out of the house. With the pretty fall weather here in Texas, everyone else is moving around, after watching too much football on TV. You might be full of ideas right now, but you're not as active. Perhaps you're not just as inclined as everyone else is when it comes to getting out of the house, but you are active. My suggestion is another turkey sandwich this week, a little dressing on the side, and enjoy some more of the television fare. You deserve a break.

Sagittarius : Break out of your routine, dear Sagittarius. This is a good time, a great week for it, if you will, to get out and try something new. Try something a little different. Fly in the face of convention. Be careful that it's not a rash action, or make sure it's not just a reaction to your environment. I like to try new bait, or better yet, new lures. I have the cutest little lure with a pattern that looks just like a Hawaiian shirt. In fact, one fishing buddy has suggested that the pattern on the lure was taken from one of my shirts, but I guess that's a different story, and my sartorial choices are best left unpublished. While that lure might look more odd than most, it does seem to catch its fair share of fish. So try something a little different this week, perhaps something radically different and see what happens. The worst thing that can happen is you get no strikes.

Capricorn : Mars is leaving you behind now, and that's supposed to be good news. If I were to just concentrate on the good news, I would also explain that Mercury gets itself straightened out this week, at least a little bit. But there's a problem looming on your astrological horizon this week, and that has to do with the sun creeping into Sagittarius. As the nights get longer and the days get shorter, you'll notice that you're going to be forced to increase your night time activity. This would look like after hours work. Something you take home. So despite the party atmosphere floating around, I still think you have a little cleaning up to do from the last few weeks, and it looks like this has to be done on your own time. Ouch.

Aquarius : If it's not one thing, then it's another. It reminds me of watching the huge number of guys with old cane poles, showing up after a decent rain. It was one of those rare afternoons in the late fall when the air sparkles with a certain clean, just washed feeling. And it's really too late in the season in Texas to be seriously fishing. Especially along the river with live bait, but there you have it. Being the good Aquarius that you are, you might find fishing at just such a time might actually pay off. I realize it flies in the face of convention, but you never can tell what's going to work. Besides, I've never found any Aquarius to be conventional. In that one respect, you are all alike, every one of you is different.

Pisces : One of the advantages of having a slightly off center astrologer is that I can tell you things that no other astrologer can express. It's a good time for "you know what." In fact, this week is full of "you know what." As far as with "you know who"? That's certainly up to you to decide. But you're going to be particularly appealing this week, and it lasts all week long. It's as if you've found some kind of new perfume, and it attracts everybody. It reminds me of that great bait from, of all places, Missouri, and the bait smelled like garlic. But it worked. Really well. So it depends on what you're fishing for this week, but I figure you will do really well. Don't be afraid to use whatever is necessary to hook what you want. After all, you are Pisces, the sign of the two fish.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

Week of: 11/14-20

Now, luck yet send us, and a little wit
Will serve to make our play hit;
According to the palates of the season,
Here is rhyme, not empty of reason.

Ben Jonson's Volpone Prologue

Tom Waits suggested this particular Texas musician was "Caruso in sunglasses and a leatherjacket." For a chance to get in the running for a free "Planet profile" complied in the FGS Astrology Shop and Recording Studio, let us know who Tom Waits was talking about.

Aries : It's going to be an exuberant week, one with lots of energy, lots of fun. As the traditional Texas holiday season begins to grow closer, as we get ready for even more fun, you're gong to find that you have an equal, if not greater, growing sense of anticipation. Now, this is like Deer Season, but you've missed the opening shots. Not much of a chance of bagging Bambi's daddy at this point. However, the idea of getting together with friends, perhaps swilling some beer, and hanging out in a deer blind for the weekend seems appealing. Let's face it, you're not really going because you want to hunt, it's the idea of camaraderie, old friends, getting together, a certain party like atmosphere. And a chance to get out some firearms, which is always a favorite sport around here, whatever the excuse. It's your excuse for play time.

Taurus : There is a certain vested interest I have in what is going on with Taurus this week. In fact, there's a certain vested interest you have with what is happening in the Taurus sky. Visually, there's a not a lot to see, other than Saturn who pops up shortly after sun down, and he traipses across the night sky every evening. And that is Taurus, the Tropical version, where he's at. Unfortunately, he doesn't make Taurus feel very tropical right now. And there's some other, less visual, but nevertheless important little planets kicking around. Insight is the keyword for the week. You are going to be afforded great insight this week. Problems which had no visible solution will become clear. In moment of reverie, you'll cast your mind back to this last summer, and realize that you missed a good place to fish. That spot along the south shore, where the cypress tree was, yes, you needed to dally there longer. Write down your ideas, make a Post - It note to yourself. You'll get it next time.

Gemini : True love, in its highest form, is a wonderful idea. And it looks good for Gemini this week. There is also a slightly less elevated for of true love, and I would admonish you to be aware of that, as well. It's the influence of Venus, as she begins to approach an angle to Uranus, and you get to fill out the third leg of the triangle. Unfortunately, Mercury, your ruling planet-thing, is still going backwards, and that creates a small degree of havoc with the aforementioned "luv thang". As long as you are willing to work within the constraints of the Mercurial Fling, I believe that you can work something good out of this. I mean, the bigger planets are working to your advantage, so it's not at all bad. Big influences are good whereas little influences are detrimental.

Cancer : The first of the week begins with the frustration meter on the fishing depth gauge looking pretty bad. But as the week slowly unfolds, or quickly deteriorates, you'll find that your attitude is getting better. No, none of the situations are getting any better, but your feeling towards these situation greatly improves. In fact, you don't care too much when your depth gauge indicates that there is plenty water underneath your Cancer Bass Boat in the Lake of Life, and you suddenly run aground. It's just another one of the little Mercury tricks, perhaps the computer's inboard memory skipped a beat, but you just don't let it get you down. And if you do run into extra shallow water, and if this lack of flotation encumbers you for a the rest of the week, just remember that you're not the only one who is getting bad depth readings from their software and hardware. Look around the office, and you'll see that you're not the only person cursing at these machines. Or the Mercury outboard.

Leo : We are now entering the midnight phase of the Leo year. It's the time when you are more concerned with deep, dark and brooding thoughts. It's a time when your normally light and insouciant attitude gets a little more serious. This is further exacerbated by the fact that Mercury is still in the midst of an evil tailspin. A little brooding this week, a furrowed Leo brow, for a change, would do you some good. And when the other signs aren't solicitous enough of your worried look, don't worry about them. This is a week to concentrate on yourself. Rather than sound like some sort of motivational self - help book, though, consider that this is merely a front so people will leave you alone. As long as Mercury Machinations are making matters miserable, keep up a good front so every one else keeps a goodly distance. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

Virgo : There are highs and lows associated with this week. Of the good stuff, well, you're Virgo and perhaps no more need be said. Of the lows, it looks like these fall in the category of interpersonal relations. I usually try to write a relaxing horoscope for Virgo, but this week, settling down and accepting the status quo is not the idea. Get up and go. You've got a little extra energy this week, so put this to good use. Remember the condition of the heavens, thought, and remember the admonishment about the Mercury cycle, so perhaps a direct confrontation is not the best avenue. But getting out, and getting about, and just generally "doing" is an important idea this week. I know it might be a little out of season, but perhaps a "social" trip to the bait shop will help at a time like this.

Libra : Libra is almost "lucky Libra" this week. Almost. Not quite, but almost. And with luck so close, a little bit of effort, a little late night work on your own, might just yield up some pretty tangible results. Of course, this good luck for Libra is dependent upon your actually taking some kind of decisive action. And this looks more and more like work that you bring home with you. It reminds me of the time I brought my work home with me, and the girlfriend didn't take kindly to seeing me appear on her doorstep with a stringer of fish that needed to be cleaned. I did a pretty thorough job of trashing her kitchen. Her cats, however, still loved me. The message in that parable is that you want to be careful about what you stuff in your briefcase to take home to work on. Some of your projects are not as acceptable as others. Pick and choose a little.

Scorpio : Halfway through the week, Scorpio's Sun and the Mercury (apparent) trajectory get confused. While this normally leaves a higher than usual degree of confusion, in your Scorpio "mind of minds," you're going to get a little break. It's not a big step forward, not yet, but at least you feel like you've stopped the bleeding. It's like one of those puncture wounds from a large fishing hook, the kind of poke that keeps bleeding even though it's not serious. But just as you think you've hit a vein or something, come on, it's only a flesh wound, in the middle of the week, the bleeding starts to stop. Like the blood from the wound, the ideas begin to flow from your brain. The only problem we still have is that Mercury is still in a bad way, and this presents a challenge. In other words, you might have the "right stuff" but getting your ideas across to the rest of us might prove to be challenging.

Sagittarius : I hate weeks like this. The little romance asteroid is playing a game of pick up football in Sagittarius. What started out as a friendly game has gotten serious. Mercury is retrograde in the sign before Sag, which makes for some uncomfortable situation in respect to communications. And the whole mess is crowned by other, positive but not strong influences, like Jupiter, Uranus and even Venus. I know I've used this example before, but I think it's worth repeating... nothing is worse than sitting in an East Austin Taco Stand where English is not the common language, ordering in a reasonable version of Spanish from the rather attractive serving person who you are trying to impress with your bilingual ability... then, as your supper arrives, and she asks a quick question in her native language, you answer in flawless French. What worse is the Southern French accent which may be linguistically related to Romance Languages, but it doesn't resemble anything the server can understand. It's okay, they all think I'm a crazy white boy anyway, which maybe true, but that's another story.

Capricorn : You week starts out like an all-terrain assault vehicle rampaging over the countryside. You're just out there, tearing it all up. The only thing I would try to caution you about is the terrain you've decided to make "all-terrain" test with. There's a good chance that you went flying over a an old fence this week, and in your haste, you failed to notice a little sign that said, "Trespassers will be violated." Your limitless enthusiasm, this week can get you in trouble. It seems that there are few details you might overlook. In fact, that sign which suggested you shouldn't trespass might have already been face first in the mud. Doesn't much matter, though, the owner will kindly point out that it's there in spirit, and he has the same spirit to motivate you right off his property. I don't want to get int he way of you having fun this week, just check out the details before you go restlessly wandering into some place you shouldn't be.

Aquarius : We're only going to try this once. Okay, maybe twice. Or we'll keep trying until we get the point across. It's not such a hot week, not for you, because you've got this growing sense of some impending doom that's been building up like a rain cloud over West Texas. Sooner or later, you know that one lone cloud will unleash a torrent of evil weather, high winds, hail the size of base balls, floods of biblical proportions, you get the idea, typical Texas weather. Happens all the time. So you've got this uneasy feeling that this is going on. You can see the clouds, you just don't know what to make of them. Instead of trying to make too much of some silly, metaphorical clouds, just realize that this feeling of impending doom won't last much longer. And the base ball sized hail doesn't happen every time. I think I've only seen it two or three times in the last two or three years. See? Nothing to worry about really -- but covered parking does help.

Pisces : I should have warned you last week, but you wouldn't have listened then, however, this week, maybe, just maybe, you'll pay attention. You've got this new romance thing kicking around, but it isn't doing you any good. And when I speak about romance, Pisces always assumes that it means with another person. It looks to me like it's romance with an idea, a concept, perhaps something you've lifted from a book or a magazine you were reading. Perhaps it's a new piece of software. That always gets me turned on. Whatever the idea, it's there in full force this week. Go ahead and indulge this new "thang." In the long run, it might turn into more of an obsession rather than a real and valid concept, but you won't know until you've run with the idea for while. So get on the metaphysical track shoes and work on it.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

Week of: 11/1-7

Eno. Caesar? Why, he's the Jupiter of men.
Agr. What's Antony? The god of Jupiter.
Eno. Spake you of Caesar? How! the nonpareil!

Enobarbus and Agrippa in Shakespeare's
Antony and Cleopatra Act III, Scene II

Astrology is the music of the spheres, like the old "astrologer's guild" suggests. And in keeping with the music of the sphere, there's a good question about a Texas musician that can earn you a chance to get a real, abbreviated, "Planet Profile" custom crafted in FGS World Headquaters and Sound Studio [sent via email]. Texas boy: Meatloaf. Now just exactly where did he get that name from? Accuracy counts, so the writing between the lines on your page.

Aries : Jupiter is, indeed, firmly in your sign right now, and that's supposed to be a good thing. Unfortunately, there is another influence, albeit a little more oblique, and that angle seems to be pushing on you harder. It's one of Jupiter's neighbors, and in some terms, it's called a small planet. However, except for the fortunate few Aries, the rest of you are going to be feeling the effect of Mars on your Marigolds. I don't mean this one lightly, but with the Sun and the Moon working in such close neighborhoods this week, and with Mars over yonder pushing all your Martian buttons this week, I'd take it a little easy on what you say. Be careful you don't develop my "foot in mouth" or "boot in mouth" condition right now. That special leather isn't good to chew on.

Taurus : You get to enjoy a growing sense of expectation right now, a sense that destiny and fate, and lady fortune, are all about to deliver something unto you. It's right there, in a place where you can almost touch it, almost taste it and almost feel it. Sounds really good, doesn't it? Sure enough, it's "almost" there. I guess you have to have the right spin on the word, the right nuance of expression. In Texas, the word "fixin'" seems to appropriately convey the expression. It's just fixin' to get better , and this week, there is a ray of hope, like a single break in the astrology clouds that have lowered down on your head for a while. It's like you're about to break open a new package, a new gift that the stars have left at your feet. The trick is not to step in it, rather than take gentle advantage of what is about to come your way.

Gemini : By the end of the week, astrologers, especially yours truly here, are going to be pretty high on the Gemini list of people you do not like this week. It's not the messenger, really, it's merely a small planet, maybe the smallest planet in the system, and the quickest planet, too, which is causing the disruption in Gemini's world. It's Mercury Retrograde again. To make the best of the little one's errant pathway through the sky, or to make the worst of it, this all starts at a very early degree of Sagittarius. Opposite you. And opposites attract. Did I tell you I loved you, how Gemini is the most exciting and best looking sign there is? And did that little love note fall on deaf ears this week? Sure enough. Usual cautions apply.

Cancer : There are good influences this week as the Sun and Moon swing through Scorpio. There are indifferent influences as Mercury goes retrograde, and there are negative influences as Mars continues to oppose you as he rides his red chariot through Capricorn. Take your pick as to which one fits you best. Being the sensitive, lunar influenced water sign that you are, I'm hoping that you get to feel the benevolent rays emanating from the Moon. Not to instill a level of doubt in your world view at time like this, but I doubt it. The Mars irritation is going to be exacerbated by Mercury in a stand still situation leaving you with a stand off situation this week. Walk away. Hold up or fold up, and this week, fold up looks like the best option for you. Some fights are a just not worth the effort.

Leo : Doesn't much matter this week. Doesn't much matter what I prognosticate for you, you're going to be feeling fine right up until the weekend gets here. Then you're going to be upset with me. Or, if it's not me, it might be another Sagittarius, but I think some one will serve as a dark cloud over your normally sunny skies, come this weekend. Now, I've warned you about it. What can you do? I suggest a good book, perhaps a piece of fluff fiction, you know, something that's fun, but you wouldn't want your more literary friends to see you reading? Something light, without a lot of plot to get in the way of the swashbuckling action. There might even be a person with impossible but entirely attractive dimensions on the cover of this book. Plan on reading it this weekend because your party ideas just all got canceled by the planets. Doesn't mean it's a bad time, but a little time alone, out of the mainstream, might help.

Virgo : The planets are moving in an orderly, predictable way these days. Too bad people can't move in the same, orderly, predictable way, too. You're going to find that this a good week, except for one little problem. It's like the days of the old cattle drives, and one weird cow keeps refusing to stay with the herd. You're going to spend a little bit more time this week trying to get this one, errant critter back with the herd. You keep pointing out to them that everyone is going this one direction, and it would benefit this person to move in a direction with the rest of the herd. This might even be you, but I doubt it. It looks more like some cattle you are in charge of, and it looks like this one special person keeps refusing to follow the lead. The only thing you can do is go out, round them up, and hustle back in line, rustle them back into the herd. The nice thing is, this late in the season, the dust isn't too bad. Small consolation. Good luck with the cattle drive this week -- hope you can make it to the railhead without losing any of your stock.

Libra : "The few, the proud, the ones most likely to be sent to the front line in suicide mission..." that might be how the ad tag line should really run. And you're going to feel a certain degree of camaraderie with the Marine Corps this week. You're going to feel like you have been sent on an impossible mission, across enemy lines, to strike terror deep in the heart of the enemy. It's one of those odd astrology facts, but more generals wind up being Libra than other sign. Or maybe that's "little generals" I can never remember which it is. Of course, this week, you're going to feel like you're nothing more than an elite foot soldier, and the general obviously doesn't have a clue. Other signs might have trouble with impossible odds, however, I humbly suggest that the greater the risk this week, the greater the rewards. And being the good Libra that you are, your special strike team has a chance of pulling it off this week. Remember to use stealth. It's being clever that counts this week, not brute force.

Scorpio : I searched, in vain, to find some good Country OR Western lyrics that dealt with the New Moon. In fact, my C & W musician friends seem to be painfully unaware of the astrology influences in their lives. And they all seem to be concerned with the Full Moon, not the New one. But this weekend promises a New Moon, right here in Scorpio. Two things come to mind, and one of them is a nap. The other one involves planting some type of a crop that you want to harvest in about two weeks. It's a little late for a winter planting right now, I've seen snow in the Panhandle of Texas in early November. But figure you've got some sort of winter crop is in order right now. The usual Mercury Retrograde stuff applies right now, too, because he's going to back up into your sign for the duration. But get some kind of seed planted right now, maybe even something fun, in keeping with the Scorpio sense of humor, of course.

Sagittarius : Mercury is not nice to use Archer types right now. I was standing on the patio, talking to the guy who does the pool maintenance, and I was remarking about how it was an awful day because it was so cloudy, a virtual fog lowered on the lake and the pool. "But that's what's so good about it...." he insisted. This week is matter of perspective. What's the point in having a pool, or a view of the pool, if it's too cloudy and cool to enjoy it? Of course, if you work outside, the cool weather is a welcome relief. This week is a matter of perspective. I know I'm repeating myself but with Mercury starting his retrograde path in Sagittarius, it never hurts to emphasis the important points. Never hurts to say things twice. So it all depends on how you approach this week. It can be nice, if you enjoy the cool and cloudy weather.

Capricorn : There's this little bit of odd, astrological lore that I've picked up, and it suggests that Mars actually likes being in Capricorn. I sure hope so, because that's where Mars is right now, and it's supposed to be nice to you. From what I've gathered, however, Mars is exciting you to a point where the rest of us can't stand your inability to contain yourself. Boundless enthusiasm is fun at times, but right now, your unlimited glee can rub some of us the wrong way. And if you are one of the very few who gets irritated by Mars, then it the situation gets worse. Now, the proper thing to do is put this extra Martian energy to work for you. Harness yourself up to one of hose treadmill looking things at the gym. Or toss some weights around. Something. Anything. The more physical, the better.

Aquarius : To some, Bass Fishing is merely a hobby. To others, it can be the most religious of pursuits, not a mere hobby, but a spiritual experience. Trying to explain this sort of behavior, however, to non-believers, is an exercise in futility this week. Especially this week. The gentle fog rising off the lake at sun rise, the purr of the trolling motor, careful selection of a lure. Picking bait leftover from last night's sushi dinner, opening up a thermos of coffee and enjoying a silent first cup in the predawn moments of the day as the sun is slowly leaking orange light over the water's edge.... they just don't get it. Too bad, too, because this is important to you this week. There is some aspect of your own, inner sanctum, that you want to share wit the world, and worst of all, they just don't get it. Don't worry. Keep it to yourself this week.

Pisces : In the Texas Hill Country, just south of Austin, there is magnificent temple, and it rises like a beacon above the scrub oaks and gently rolling hills, like giant light in the night to attract pilgrims from afar. It's a real temple, a center for one of the more profound Eastern sects. I've been there, they have a special grove for peaches. During the summer harvest months, you can pick and save all the peaches you want, for a nominal donation. The tall spires of the temple rise above the landscape and look quite out of place -- it's building that belongs in India, maybe some place similar, and what it is doing here defies normal logic. But this temple's rainbow hues preside over the Texas countryside, and its groves of fruit bring in a collection of tourists, seekers, and the curious. you might want to consider a pilgrimage to just such a place this week. A little break from the routine, a perhaps an hour or two of meditation in the quiet confines of a holy place would help. Of course, that means my Pisces buddy is going fishing this weekend. Probably alone, too, because no one seems to understand you this week.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

Week of: 10/25-31

"O weary night, O long and tedious night,
Abate thy hours! Shine, comforts, from the east."
Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream (Act 3, scene 2)

Looks like Halloween starts in earnest this week. And here I was getting ready last week.

Aries : There is a remarkable degree of insight that you have this week. Suddenly, the whole plan comes into a sharp focus. Some nebulous ideas that you've been kicking around (and then kicking out), come bouncing back and you've got a good chance to pull it all together. And, unlike the other signs, I'm not talking about costume changes. No, this is on a deeper, more metaphysical level. You've got an ability to see something for what it really is. What are you going to do with this clarity? I would hope that you would right it down, maybe on a piece of paper, maybe on the computer, and do you're best to let this idea percolate. It's like making coffee the old fashioned way: you grind the bean, and toss them in the coffee pot on the campfire; it all heats slow and steady, and then you add a drop of cold water so the grounds settle. Cowboy coffee is best if you take your time and let assimilate properly. Let this idea do the same thing.

Taurus : "But Fishing Guide to the Stars dude, you said it was going to get better!" It is, it is. Monday is not a day like any other day, and it's a day when you are inclined to not believe a single word I say. Or type, as the case may be. In fact, you're not going to want to believe anyone on this day. Actually, you will want to believe everything -- but in your fine Taurus mind, I hope you use a degree of caution and weigh what we all say. Now, that being said, let's look at the rest of the week. On second thought, it doesn't get a whole lot better. Between Saturn in your Sun Sign, and the Sun over yonder in Scorpio, opposing you, it's just not a happy week. The sole bit of relief comes late in the week, when an idea pops into your head. This is one of those ideas that seems to come from galactic void beyond time and space. Put your space cadet idea to work for you.

Gemini : You realize that everyone else is imitating you this week as we all get ready for the big weekend. People with single, solitary lives are all starting to develop a little bit of character, an alter ego, a masked-fantasy version of their lives. Most of the good Gemini's I know, in fact, they are all good Gemini's, are getting ready for this fantasy time as if it were another week. Let's face some facts, you guys are used to dual nature of life, and this concept of putting on a mask is nothing new to you. The only problem your going to encounter is trying to decide just what it is that you want to be this Halloween. With the planets where they are, it looks like there is a romance issue at stake. More than anything else, that "love thang" will probably affect what it is that you want to be.

Cancer : Halloween! Candy! Treats! And the personal, Cancer favorite? Moon Pies. Why would I be carrying on about all the fattening foods that are available right now? It looks like you are going to want to spend a portion of this week sampling the foodstuffs for the coming weekend. I realize that you're getting tired of me talking about Cancer's and food, but I really like the allusion to that redneck delight, the Moon Pie, and I really liked the idea that you're eating again. This week, one way or another, you get a voracious appetite, and it's going to become your holy mission to sample as much of the sweet stuff as humanly possible. By the weekend, you might find yourself a little green from trying a little too much of the candy, but that's not a reason to slow down. With the way the stars look for you, I would plan on having a lot of extra goodies left over, and gosh darn it, some one has to eat that stuff.

Leo : The Halloween Weekend promises to be very fruitful for you. "Fruitful?" my Leo asks. Yeppers, and you will have some fun. The only hitch to this nice prognostication for a party weekend is that getting there, you are going to discover that you don't get what you want. You go to rent a costume, and the one you reserved last year is already checked out. You go to pull something together, and the only thing you can think of is you need to go shop for a few extra items, only the charge card is already at its limit. Now, in a situation like this, follow the lead from some other signs -- although no Leo likes to follow anyone -- and improvise. You've got a chance to pull something to together, but this time you're going to be coerced into being a little more creative than usual.

Virgo : There is a fated feeling to this week, for you. At least it begins that way. Being the good Virgo that you are, you have some tricks up your collective Virgo sleeves and you are willing to try them -- early in the week. But shortly after that, it seems like your props and tricks don't work as well, that sleight of hand seems to fumble about half way through the gag. Nothing is worse, unless you do like one of my Virgo friends does and just ham it up a little. Act like you dropped the ball on purpose. Act like it's part of the act. Act as if you meant to do that. It makes for a much better time, and this is coming up on a weekend where you need to be willing to laugh at yourself. And as far as that old flame is concerned? It looks like it turns into a hot cinder -- but not much else.

Libra : The standard Halloween game of kids getting out and tricker treating has fallen by the wayside these days. Perhaps there's been one or two less enlightened souls who ruined it for all of us. That's too bad because it was something I loved as a kid. We would all pile in the family buckboard and get carted off to the "rich" side of town, the folks with big houses and plenty of goodies for us to enjoy. This is a week much like the old days when I rode in that horse drawn wagon, you might want to hitch a ride to the better side of town, and appear like a wraith on the steps of the folks who can afford to give you such pleasures. You know what I'm talking about, use your good Libra balance, and pick yourself a suitable target for getting a few succulent sweets this weekend.

Scorpio : The Moon is going from larger to smaller, and it's time for you to do the wildest, most disturbing thing possible, consider, just for a moment, consider revealing your true, inner nature. What could be the most terrifying event imaginable for a Scorpio? Drop the mask. I know how much you love Halloween, so do something with it. This is a concept, and you don't have to embrace it, however, this is the time that you are most likely to welcomed into the hearts of others, and you might as well make some use of this generous nature. Besides, with the annual masked ball this week, the chances are that no one would ever take you too serious. You can merely refer them back to what you said this week. I never noticed a Scorpio to be reluctant to refer back to something they said, even if it was years ago. Or lifetimes, depending on which Scorpio I'm talking to.

Sagittarius : The weekend promises to be fun. The weekend promises to hold true to its ideal of getting to be what we're not. The scariest, and you can ask my friends about this one, the scariest costume I ever put together was my three piece wool suit, a power tie, and a bleached (and pressed) white shirt with one of those little metal clip things that holds the collar together. Frightening. I looked like a normal person on a boring day, going to work. I even borrowed a pair of loafers with the little tassels on the end. And a pair of socks (that weren't white). It was a little bit of a shake up. Of course, that costume opened up some doors for a relationship that I didn't know existed. My clothes, the custom cut of the suit, the fine tailoring made some people who had dismissed me as "just another Texas yahoo," why, them clothes made them sit up and notice. But be careful because once the big day is over, just like me, you can get yourself back into what's comfortable and the big night might be forgotten.

Capricorn : I've been thinking about a special gift for my Capricorn friends, particularly at a time like this. See, it's Mr. Mars in your sign, and he's going to make you an active person. The only problem with all this activity is that you would be inclined to run over your old friends, like myself, and all I'm suggesting is that you make some sort of an effort to be a little more sensitive to what we suggest. You've got the drive, and we're trying to help, but gosh, we just can't keep up with you right now. My Capricorn fishing buddy swiped a bunch of those pole holding things from the last off-shore charter. He's got them glued down in his bass boat. Don't try to get too many fishing poles going this week because something is going to break under the stress. Now, if had just asked me about how to do it, if he had been a little more sensitive....

Aquarius : I'm certainly glad we had our little talk. It seems like someone needed to sit you down and give you a ration or two of sound advice. Too bad you're going to do the typical Aquarius thing and avoid all that good advice right now. Doesn't much matter, things couldn't get any more interesting than they are this week. Until next week, but that's another story. This week kicks off with a mild dose of paranoia. Doesn't mean that they are not out to get you, but just exactly who "they" are remains a little in doubt, perhaps a little mysterious. If you had more Pisces in you, I could shake you up with a little reference to "black helicopters" and "grassy knolls," but that isn't going to work for you. Don't fret the conspiracy, or the conspiracy theory at the first of the week. It's only a fleeting passage of momentary influences. But you had better be careful and see who is looking over your shoulder before sending me any email.

Pisces : I know it is a little too early for a decent Pisces to be worrying about scholastic matters. I realize it's a bad time to bring up the end of the term which doesn't occur until December. I know that it's more than 4 weeks away. And I know that you want to get ready for the big Halloween Masked Ball. But during the week, while thoughts of Candied Yams dance in your little Pisces brain, think about wrapping up some project for the end of the school year. This is a week when a little advance planning, perhaps a trip to the library, could do you some good. I wouldn't be surprised if you hit on a new Halloween idea, at this time, too, something that would really scare us all. You will be the belle, or beau, of the ball this weekend, so get some homework done ahead of time.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

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