Week of: May 27 - June 2
"Woe upon ye, and all such false professor!"
in Shakespeare's Henry VIII (III.i.114-5)
Mercury goes direct on May 27. Oh joy.

Aries: Other Astrologers might have words of warning, seeing as how the mighty Saturn, Laord of Karma, is traipsing through the early degrees of your sign. While this can be considered a challenge, it also brings certain elements with it -- Karma ain';t always a bad thing, you know -- and there is the tenuous strain of music, a romantic melody, playing on a lute, somewhere in the back of your head. Romance is not yet full in the air, but I would be on the lookout for a new star-crossed fling soon. Or new light on an old relationship.

Taurus: Now that Mercury is completely finished heaping havoc upon you, Mars and Mercury are playing tag. This usually means relationships are brought sharply into focus. Now, which way do you want to go with these relationships? With the searing influence of the Red One (Mars), I would urge you to jump all over that new fling and enjoy it for what it's worth. Just watch your driving and be careful with sharp objects, like when your cleaning fish, making sushi or slicing bait.

Gemini: Venus is doing mean little retro number on you this week. Sorry about that. This means that the new relationship is under pressure. It's not like you haven't already had enough pressure as it is, it's more like a cosmic joke. But I don't guess that you find the humor of the universe very funny this week. If only you would lighten up some, then things wouldn't appear to be so bad. Step back and contemplate just where you are in this relationship. You know you needed some perspective.

Cancer: Work is difficult this week. Romance is difficult this week. You're busy trying to take steps forward but it feels like you have one foot nailed to the floor. Look on the bright side, while you are going around in circles, at least nothing will get stolen because you are nailed down. If I were in your boots, Bubba, I would watch my wallet -- some one wants into it, and I don't think that it is a friendly person.

Leo: Leo. What can a humble Astrologer tell a Leo for this week? Not much. In fact, you probably won't even be reading this week's 'scope because nothing is happening right now. That's it. A lot of nothing. Unless, of course, you allow me to remind you to start gearing up for your birthday party. But even with that bit of information, I still get Leo's who complain because that's all I ever talk about for this sign. So? So enjoy yourself this week.

Virgo: You will find that you have lots of energy this week, and the nasty old retro thing is over. That's the good news. The even better news is that you will also experience a much lighter attitude this week, too. In fact, you will find yourself downright happy a few times. Go ahead, enjoy the glow. Makes the other signs really, really nervous to see a happy Virgo. Let them worry this week.

Libra: Poor old much maligned Libra. I keep promising new and better things coming up, but this week, you seem to be holding onto old baggage a bit too much. Just let go! Sure, and if I knew how that was accomplished, I would write a self help book and make a lot of money. But try letting go of some of the old fears -- you're down with a lot of the inward contemplation stuff. Really.

Scorpio: Well, the troubles are almost over. But it has been a tough haul here lately, now hasn't it? No chance of more work and now the unemployment checks are late. The solution is to not kill the postage person. Just because the check is late doesn't mean that there is some one, some where, plotting to make you miserable. But I bet you've felt like that lately. Bad time for fishing with explosives -- doesn't work and it's against the laws in most states.

Sagittarius: The first of the week is a downer and the last of the week is an upper -- almost like you were getting ready to go out of town, or something. Well, the weekend travel plans look great, if that's in your schedule. If not, then you might want to consider a getaway of some kind. Doesn't hurt to have bag packed, just in case that guy from the Sunday Morning Fishing Show should call you up and ask you to help with a show this weekend. There's just something wrong with a Sagittarius as a Production Assistant -- what is wrong with this picture?

Capricorn: Jupiter is smack dab in the middle of your sign. And Saturn, your ruling planet, is smack dab squaring you. One way or another, you feel like one of those Salmon: Spawn To Death! Well, it was a nice sentiment for a Capricorn. You really liked the swimming upstream part best because that's what it feels like right now. All that money, just waiting to be made, and you can't get your hands on it right now.

Aquarius: You guys, I swear, if there ever was a sign luckier than a Sagittarius, it would have to be an Aquarius, especially right now. Use this new found luck and put it to work. No, here at FGS World Headquarters, we don't endorse gambling, but this would be a good week for you to buy a lottery ticket. If you do win, you could always donate a mere one-tenth to your astrologer. He would be ever so grateful.

Pisces : The love which was in the air, sees to have flitted off some where else. Nothing we can do about that. Sorry guys, it was just a fling, really. It's okay, sometimes even a Pisces can make a bad judgement call about a relationship. You were supposed to learn something from this romance, and that's a fine sentiment, but what does that really mean? Learn to make better choices about fishing partners next week. There's always another Bass Tournament next weekend. Get out to the lake.

Week of: May 20 - 26

Here's to Mercury:

"If she lives till doomsday she'll burn a week longer than the whole world."
in Shakespeare's The Comedy of Errors (III.ii.97-98)

Aries: Work. School. Work. Nose to the grindstone. More work. Other Peoples' Mistakes at work. These are a few of the themes this week. You will notice that the operative phrase concentrates on a four letter word: work. So? So there is lots of it this week. Go ahead, move and make some more money. You can always blame it on Mercury.

Taurus: Now that all the Taurus birthdays are over, you will think you have taken quite the beating from the stars. Between the fierce energy of Mars and the unsettling effort of Mercury, and then, to top it all off, the Sun itself compounding and amplifying all the problems, well, with all of these elements at work, you need a vacation. Just wait until next week to rest because the stars (and odds) are still against you. Blame it on Mercury.

Gemini: The sun comes strolling on into Gemini, but with that other pesky stuff going on, it isn't too good of a Birthday Week. Doesn't mean that life isn't good this week, but there have been better days, and especially, there have been better birthdays. If you are having problems reading this or understanding what I'm trying to tell you, you can always blame it on Mercury.

Cancer: Despite the problems that other people are encountering this week, you will find your attitude is definitely lighter, you are perhaps happier, and there is hope in your life, and maybe even a spring in your step. Look out, Bubba, the stars are really stacked against you right now. Despite the "new attitude" you should be careful. Blame it on Mercury.

Leo: Well, we're done with that, the little tantrum you threw? I sure hope so because the stars are beginning their annual pilgrimage towards your sign and the Summer Party Bonanza. Don't confirm any plans just yet, though, because there are still some details which should be left up in the air. If people ask about this, just shrug and say, "Blame it on Mercury."

Virgo: The week rolls in with a whimper and you seem to be taking this Mercury thing way to seriously. Then, as life changes, it all gets better. Like, in the middle of the week as the Moon shifts into your sign. Then there is a distinct climatic change in your attitude. Of course, everyone around you will remain sour but that's just so you can blame it on Mercury.

Libra: The problem with being a Libra is that you can usually, if not always, see both sides of a difficult situation. As an example, Libra's a great when it comes to arguing both sides of problem. Often as not, the Libra doesn't need an opponent. Can be quite convenient. The problem is that all the headway you have made lately seems to be headed down the proverbial tubes. What's the answer? Blame it on Mercury.

Scorpio: Using your razor-like eye for detail (it's a metaphor, Bubba), you have uncovered some great truth, hidden deep within you own inner resources. What's that mean to real folk? You figured something out, a puzzle in your life. Or maybe it was the jigsaw puzzle with the missing piece and you found the missing piece. You are a hero this week. All that limelight -- blame it on Mercury.

Sagittarius: some of the vague rumblings and ratings which have been plaguing you for the last few months will now, thankfully enough, shut up. Doesn't mean that the problem goes away, or that the problem is solved. No, that's negative by any stretch of the imagination. But the problems are buried, if only for a little while. When they resurface, you can blame it on Mercury.

Capricorn: Unlike some other signs who are too flaky to mention, Capricorns are never going to be accused of engaging in a dream like trance for hours on end. Well, not usually, anyway. Perhaps you've been more contemplative this week, more inward directed. Maybe you've been caught staring out the window, transfixed with a minute detail in the far distance. Maybe you just didn't get enough sleep the night before. Whatever the case, you can always blame it on Mercury.

Aquarius: There always seems like there is just one Aquarius out there who is fighting against all odds, on lone character who is carrying the banner forward, trying desperately to move ahead with his or her agenda while facing insurmountable odds. Does this feel like you this week? If so, you can always blame it on Mercury.

Pisces: You know, there is some rule that says that "anything which begins well-ends badly." I don't want to sound like the eternal pessimist, but that relationship you were just entertaining, the lovely little thoughts of marriage, the little white house with a picket fence, two cats frolicking on the front lawn, well, all of that is going up in smoke this week. Doesn't mean the end of the world, just one more dashed dream. I warned you first. Blame it on Mercury.

Week of: May 6 - May 12
It's another Monday the Thirteenth. Not a happy day at all, now is it? Of course, the wisdom about Monday the Thirteenth is not derived from usual sources. No, I first learned about this horrible freak of nature through the comics. And my life, and now yours, will never be the same.

Aries : This week starts out with you actually willing to sit and listen to some one pour his or her heart out for a while. You have sympathy. You care. Your normal rash response is taken in a much different format as you display kindness and compassion. Then the week gets to you, and this kindly attitude goes away. But there, for one albeit brief and shining moment, we all thought that the Aries was a new a different person. Surprise, the old you is back by Friday.

Taurus : Well, there are still a couple of planets really stirring up the stew in Taurus this week. Mars, the odd god of War, sometimes called the little red one, is activating a good deal of positive Taurus energy this week. And Retrograde Mercury, the odd god of lost mail, is still spinning backwards and making life that much worse. So what will it be? New car? Lost papers? Flip the coin and pray for the best. In the meantime, it would be wise to double check all your work. I don't think you are quite ready for the new car.

Gemini : I told you about the cruel joke the heavens are playing on you -- the Mercury in Taurus, Venus in Gemini deal. Well, these feelings of being split, just like the classic Gemini archetype, really fit. Don't know which way to go? Go fishing or draw small stars? Whatever you do, don't panic, because such an action will avail you naught. The hardest thing for you to do this week is to keep from spinning in circles like a top. And talk about feeling like one of the twins this week!

Cancer : I know you feel like this is a bad week. Well, maybe it is. Perhaps it's just a Cancer thing, too, with you being all moody and depressed. Look on the bright side, other signs are suffering more than you. Go and read what it says for Gemini this week, and that should make you feel better. Of course, all that Gemini misdirection might confuse you, too, so think about reading Capricorn as well. Oh those silly planets.

Leo : Every once in a long time, there is a good. Every once in a much longer time, there is a series of good days. As long as you are getting over the trauma and avoiding conflict, you will find that this can be a most excellent week. The changes which didn't work last week are bound to take effect next week. Now that you know that, you can rest easy, even act a little smug.

Virgo : Still reeling in the romance? That scenario is going okay? There is one thing that I should warn you, since this looks a fairly new romance for you: When you start a new project (romance is a project) under the auspices of Mercury being backwards, there is usually a short lived nature to it. As long as you make adjustments for the ephemeral quality of this new project, you will find that, contrary to what other folks are saying, the romance is proceeding smoothly.

Libra : There is some interesting energy which is forcing a few things to the top for you lucky Libra's. Some projects left over from some time ago has recently come to fruition. Now, you have to turn your attention elsewhere because you complete one of the goals. What's next? A little well-deserved rest and relaxation would be a good idea.

Scorpio : There's an axiom from Cowboy Country which is more than appropriate for you Scorpio's this week, "It's easier getting on the bull than getting off the bull." For those of you who really don't get the analogy, well, perhaps you had better just stay in bed this week. Actually, though, it will a be a good week as long as you remember what part of the bull is the business end.

Sagittarius : I guess that you have found this to be a most unsettling period of time, and there is nothing that I can say or do that will rectify this feeling which are experiencing. Occasionally, times are tough. Other Astrologers will tell you that this is a good time to make money. The only thing I would spend any money on this week is a kindly Astrologer. Like myself.

Capricorn : Sorry about this one, but it looks like the moodiness has finally set back in. I know I won't win any favorites with THAT prognostication, but realize this: as long as you have moods, you can use them to your advantage. And besides, with all the mood swings, you can get a lot more accomplished than you would if you were out and out angry. Go with the flow this week.

Aquarius : Romantic winds of change are heating up this week. That much is sure. Which way these winds of change blow, that much is unsure. It's hard to p[predict for Aquarius because you guys never know which way you are going to go until the last minute. So? So be prepared for some changes. That's all I can offer this week. Bet you will like the outcome, though.

Pisces : Let me tell you, a Pisces in love is a pretty thing. Really. Those big Piscean eyes turn all goo-goo, and that normal, dream - like trance state you call reality is further heightened by the endorphins resulting from love, well, the image is almost too good to be true. I should just REMIND YOU that Mercury is backwards right now, and this feeling is merely a FEELING and it probably won't last. But do you listen to me?

Week of: Apr. 29- May 5
Mercury Retrograde on Friday the 3rd

Aries [3/23-4/20]: How are things going at the Old Salt Mine these days, dear Aries friend? Bit rough on you? There is some nice energy floating along a little later in the week, and you will find a welcome relief as Mars moves out of your sign. The need to "get it done with it" is over. That Martian urge is relaxed a little as your ruler moves on into a sedate sign, Taurus. Concentrate on "pretty" at work.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: I'm telling you, you have the best of possible configurations for a birthday this week as Mars makes a grand entrance into your sign. Along with the hot headed planet comes a sense of urgency: birthday parties are going to go "swimmingly" well, if you give it all a chance to unfold according to a cosmic time table. Tired of astrologer riddles? Have party, but find some one else to drive -- that's sound advice.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: You should be in an enviable position this week -- even better, for the rest of the week, you have a greater appreciation of beauty and art, and you might even like opera. That's where some barrel chested babes belt out songs in a foreign language, you know. This merely highlights what is going on deep within you: communicate those innermost feelings and sense of appreciation this week. It will help you along your diverse paths.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Oh dear me. Oh dear. Oh. Relationship woes are on the horizon again, for you, dear Cancer. Sorry about that. You might find yourself examining your romance in terms of how it affects your work performance. Because you are a water sign, too, you have to be careful that you do not allow the work/romance issue to cloud your judgment. Really. Trust me. I am a professional.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: The only problem you Leo's have this week reside in an earlier sign in the zodiac: Taurus. Being a fixed sign also, Taurus tends to think that they are always right. Being a good Leo, you know you are right. But it's their birthday, so ACT like they are right. It's a just a phase of the stars right now, and it won't last for long. Just acquiesces to them, even if you rattles your cage a little.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: some Virgo's think that I mercilessly pick on them because, as a rule, the sign tends to be too tidy, too neat, and too clean. It's really not true, it just appears that I pick on them. Now, this week, starts out with a good stuff and only gets better. You are fine shape at the beginning of the week, and this fine shape gets better and better as your normally pinched expression turns into a wide grin. There is much for Virgo's to smile about this week.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Poor old Libra, always the stalwart in the face of adversity! Well, things are looking up. So I hope. Maybe. Just a little. There are those annoying loose ends which need to be tied up this week, and the romance department needs a little attention. But other than that, things ought to be pretty good. Really. Well, sort of. I dislike sounding like I'm hedging a little, but after the last round of email from Libra's, I'm hesitant to say anything definitive. Sort of.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Maybe it's because I have, on occasion, been romantically linked with a Scorpio that makes me sensitive to their needs. Maybe it's because my own, dear sweet mother is a Scorpio is why I am sensitive to their needs. Maybe it's because I read all the painful email from Scorpio's that makes me sensitive to their needs. Or maybe it's JUST IN THE STARS, but you guys really need to lighten up a little this week. Relax. Chill out. Quit thinking about it. And don't call me, fax me, or email. At all. (Bubba's fax line is always open because the fax machine drinks truckstop coffee: 512/448-0970)

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: As a good Sagittarius, let me tell you: the last week wasn't that great. And things start out this week not looking that good, either. But wait, there's more. Much, much more! As the week draws to a close, there is a sudden change in attitude. No, there are no major events which are going to change you, but your way of looking at things gets much better. A little adjustment in attitude, as were. Fishing looks good this weekend.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Poor old tired and abused Capricorn! Seems like everyone is picking on you this week. If it's not in the toilet at work, then it's your home life which seems to have disappeared down the proverbial drain. I warned you, didn't I? About the "too good to be true, get rich schemes"? Did you listen? Time to t take a break and figure out how to pull this one together -- I know you can.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Ever work with cattle? Ever feel like you work with a people who behave like a herd? You might benefit from realizing that it's always possible to get the herd to move in a particular direction, like a cattle drive, but the cows themselves are probably not going to understand what all the fuss is about. Remember this as the week unfolds -- you might have problems educating a few people along the way.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: After what you've been through, I would hate to even suggest that wedding was in order, but you will find that the idea of a wedding intrigues you. What would be even more intriguing is if it were YOUR wedding. Think about that one for a moment or two. Now consider this, dear Pisces friend, you are face to face with a situation which could lead to trip down the aisle. Do you dare take that first step?

Week of: Apr. 22-28
"In 1880, 40 thousand tons of steel barbed wire were sold to Texas cattlemen."
(page 108 of "At Least 1836 you ought to know about Texas)

There is still a little collateral damage from the last of the celestial events which have occured on a Aries/Libra axis. Been a fun time for them. That, and all the love planets are really stirring up the old spring time feelings, too. But you might be feeling a little hemmed in, and hence the statistic about Bob Wire. If you know any good quotes from American authors about statistics, let me know.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Dear Aries friend. Dear Aries. Oh Dear. Mars is leaving shortly and with it is its imprint: a hot, war-like attitude which goes with just about everything you touch. The good news beyond this fiery disposition is that you can get a lot done, that is, get many thing accomplished with this energy. Saturn is snuggling in for a couple of years, too, so get used to the idea that good karma is coming around for you.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: It's birthday time for the mighty Bull of the zodiac. Don't forget that in FGS Astrology, the sign of the Bull is always associated with Venus that planet of good taste (and all things that taste good). Get ready for the big birthday thing since you will find that you are a tad more flighty this week. What with all the birthday stuff coming, there will feel like there is never enough time to get everything ready! Relax and try a Leo move: party on!

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Well, dear Gemini, looks as if you are the down side of long a downhill run, and it doesn't feel like this one has been too much fun, either. The good to better news is that you are poised for some better things to happen, just about any day now. Do the Gemini thing, keep light on your feet and be ready to move off in a new direction at a moment's notice. You have got interesting, and what should be good, changes right around the corner.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Oh no, you Cancer types are going to begin to hate me. I can feel it already. You start this persistent whining like a main bearing in an outboard motor just about to cease all functions, and this whining just starts to build to a tremendous roar. The idea that you are slowly, ineffably, moving your career ahead is the notion I want you to work with. The facts are this: you must work long and hard hours in order to achieve what you want right now. The better news is that you can do this thing. Just don't whine to me about work.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: I was sitting on airplane, just the other day, with a Leo. No complaints here. All I could think about,m though, was how bad it has been for Leo, that grand old sign, and how nice it is starting to be. Yes. The party season is just around the corner. You like the summer time weather -- after all, the Sun is your ruler, so you stars couldn't be getting much better. You've just come down from a month long party time, and you are looking at doing it again. I would suggest that you consider setting aside some time for boat maintenance right now, though. Just as a thought.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Talk about a week that starts out weak, but has a strong finish to it! Sounds more like a wine. Or whine, as the case may be. Beauty is highlighted this week, along with the concomitant problems of your exquisite taste and judgment. Oh where oh where does it say "judge no lest you be judged"? because that expression really applies this week. Remember, dear Virgo, I did warn you.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Well, dear Libra, there are just a few minor transits going on right now. Mostly these little movements involve a few minor asteroids so I wouldn't worry about things too much except that these minor asteroids seem to concentrate your ability too worry. So you are a little more high strung than usual. It's not really a problem, just an observation. Delivering this message to a Libra, though, I feel a lot like that poor character who gets beaten by Cleopatra.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Well, dear Scorpio, it's your half birthday, or something close to that. To exacerbate matters, there is a single asteroid floating through your sign which will make behave a lot like a Virgo. Scorpio with Virgo over tones -- it's not a pretty sight. The news that I have, as we approach your half birthday is that you are going into a period of time often referred to as a "slump." I wouldn't worry about it too much -- you emerge on the far side of this "slump" thing as a better person with a more sensible attitude. We just got to get you there, first.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: At the risk of alienating three quarters of the readers -- there's a particular archetype which I refer to as an "Earth Muffin" -- big hips, hairy legs, sandal wearing, tree hugging women. I've had a crush on one or two, so this is by no means a pejorative description. And this so called "Earth Muffin" energy is waxing and waning it's way through the happy archer right now. You might be tempted to settle down. Thing twice, that's all I ask.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: There's a planet called Jupiter, who rules Sagittarius, and who works like a cattle prod: 20,000 volts of energy which is sometimes misdirected. Some one came along and juiced you good with the cattle prod. Especially this week. Now, if you can make up your minded on a direction, pick a place to go, you will feel much better. You've got the drive and the stamina, you just need to render a decision. Good luck. Send me a post card from the edge.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: I like you fixed air types because you are the utmost in being unpredictable. I say one thing, and you do something else, just to spite me, spite the world at large, and perhaps even tempt fate. Well, Fate (it's actually a town in Rockwall County, Texas) is woven by three spinster sisters, and they are all having one heck of a a time with your fate these days. It just doesn't want to follow any sensible pattern. Sorry, but there is nothing I can do about it, either. You are experiencing gale force winds of change, and this is merely the beginning. Furl the sails and get ready for some heavy weather.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: After what you've been through, I bet you are one happy camper right now. Making wedding plans? I would hope so. Things just look really, really good for you. Of course, I'm going to assume that you did your homework last winter. You remember when I assigned that reading? No? Better get after it, there will be a test soon.

Week of: Apr. 15-21

Aries [3/23-4/20]: The significant events in your life, and the stuff (or things or fame and fortune) that you have all wanted now lays firmly within your greedy little grasp. If you really want it, now's the time to go for it. Right now. Do it. Go for it. Grab the brass ring. In case you don't understand that last one, the Universe (or whatever belief system you've got) is conspiring to make your life one long, hard day at the office. The upside is that you reap a reward from hard work.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: This week will find you a lot more animated than ever before. In fact, you will appear to be so animated, some of your friends won't want to sit in a fishing boat with you, at least, not for long. Be careful that you don't find yourself over-acting when you should just sit down, shut up and fish. When you're bait is in the water, it is a good time to be contemplative and reflective, not running your over-active mouth. Get the hint?

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: The week starts out with a cool angle between Venus, the Goddess of Love, and Pallas, the feminist asteroid of quick and insightful thinking. And what does this mean? If you can, this is a good week to take a serious look at making an investment in the art marketplace. In fact, if you are really interested, I happen to know where you can get some special black velvet painting: Jesus, Elvis and Willie Nelson, the Holy Trinity -- all on one painting. Really. Special deal. Remember, it's not just artwork to enjoy, it's also an investment.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: I sure hope you overhauled the outboard motor last week. I really do. And charged up the battery for the trolling motor, too, because we are definitely going to need it this weekend. It's time to go trolling. There's a special sweet spot, just under the willows along the northern edge of the lake, I'll show you. We can catch our limit in no time, then take the rest of the day off. Make sure you are ready for the fishing party!

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Is the divorce final yet? Actually, I guess I should back up and start at the beginning... have you started the proceedings for a divorce? Thought about them? Maybe this isn't affecting your love life, but you might find that there is trouble in paradise in respect to a business dealing. If you went halvers on a boat, you might find yourself in a deep trouble because you are going to be "discussing at the top of your lungs" where the boat should go, and whose weekend it is. If you follow my advice, you'll bail out of the partnership.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: The wedding notion seizes you again this week, and you get even more emotional about it. Sorry about that. You just feel like you should be married right now, and the one thing I would definitely caution you about is making unwise decisions regarding mates. Be wary of "love at first sight" which might be "lust at first sight" which might really turn out to be "disgust at first sight" because that's what the object of your attention will do to you in the long run.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Go back and read Virgo for this week, so I don't have to copy and paste everything all over again. Basically, this is the message: careful with the romantic relationship questions right now. You are gazing deeply into your own navel, trying figure yourself out, and that should be work enough. Trying to make heads or tales out of some one else's life is just plan foolish. Like I said, check with a Virgo, first.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I've been accused of picking on Scorpio's. But what other sign would be a more apt sign for a little SARCASTIC humor? You realize, and this idea is certainly highlighted this week, that most Scorpio's (I know you are different) have this intense look, and burning stare which melts mere mortals. It looks like you know something. The problem you came face to face with this week is that maybe you don't actually know anything. Someone might be stupid enough to call your bluff.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: This week starts off with a remarkable interest in home and taking care of the homestead, and the week finishes up with you doing something really productive like fixing the riding mower so your significant other (wife, spouse, whatever) can finish mowing the back 40. In other words, probably no fishing this week. That's the bad news. You do, however, manage to clean up a few loose ends around the house.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: By now, the good fortune has passed by the Christmas babies, but the later degrees of Capricorn are start to reel a little bit from the effects of Jupiter. To make matters worse, we had a Capricorn moon this week, and you know what that does to you.... Anyway, the pressure is beginning to lessen, if only by a degree, but knocking a stringed instrument out of tune can be unpleasant. What will it be, dear Capricorn?

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: I would never think about sending anything too highbrow past you guys, but some of the repartee from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing would really, really fit. I was considering some of the opening salvo between Benedict and Beatrice. "She is too low for high praise, to brown for fair praise, and too little for great praise." (I.i.164-6). Get the hint, Bubba? Honeymoon is over, and the new has worn off the boat. Did you make a good decision, or what?

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: The stars have been treating poor, old hapless Pisces with a cruel turn every day for what seems like an eternity. The best of possible news is here: the good times are right ahead, and you are set to enjoy them. Although it is against my nature to wax romantic or happy about an upcoming situation, you are definitely headed in a direction this week which will yield many happy moments. I would appreciate a wedding invitation. I'll decline, of course, but the invite would be nice.

    Week of: Apr. 8-14

    Aries [3/23-4/20]: You know Easter always signifies a pleasant kind of rebirth process, and the spring time, along with Spring Break, signifies a change a in the seasons when one can experience growth and life, and all that good stuff. It also means that it is time to make sure all the fishing gear is is in place and that you have a current fishing license. Just a friendly reminder because you don't want unwarranted visits from a game warden this week.

    Taurus [4/21-5/22]: You get lit up by good old Mr. Mercury this week. While most Taurus types are accused of being slow, this small planet whips you into a high degree of mental activity -- your mind will literally be racing from point to point, and most of your friends and acquaintances will wonder where the energy is coming from. Don't be too surprised if there is talk of checking your caffeine intake, or someone wants to look through your medicine cabinet because of all your activity. Tell them all to get over it -- you are just a little mercurial right now.

    Gemini [5/23-6/21]: You are going into a phase when it would help you to learn to be a little more passive. Not passive aggressive, but this week is one in which inner discipline like mediation is a good idea. Venus brings her calm and benevolent influence to you this week so use it wisely -- contemplation (not normally one of your better traits) is highlighted as a possible avenue for you. I would suggest a strong cup of coffee and a prolonged morning session with the comics because spiritual enlightenment can always be found in the funny papers.

    Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Work is heating up and romantic relationships are cooling down. Or rather, work is going well, but the romance department has left you a little confused. That's the problem with romantic relationships: some part of the equation never, ever equal;s the other part. Balance in romance is what you are looking for this week, and, sad to say, it ain't happening this week, either. Shoulder on through workload.

    Leo [7/23-8/23]: It looks like just about everyone else is having a difficult go of this week, but for you Leo types out there, well, it's a good time to party on. Unless, of course, you live in either Washington D.C., or Harris County. In those two extremes, I would exercise a high degree of caution. But the rest of you guys? It's going to be a good week.

    Virgo [8/24-9/23]: If you have suddenly noticed a ringing in your head, it isn't something a doctor can do anything about: it's wedding bells. No, that doesn't mean that you are going to take the plunge (if you haven't already), it just means that this is a thought which seems to occupy your central brain thinking unit this week. In a big way, romance and relationships are occupying a lot of what you are thinking about.

    Libra [9/24-10/23]: Relationships, especially of the romantic variety, are under close scrutiny this week. Looks like your significant other is taking a long and hard look at you. On a brighter note, there is movement afoot at work which should bring you some reward. I would be careful, though, of any type of multi-level marketing scheme which seems to be too good to be true. It probably is.

    Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Scorpio's are renowned far and wide for their sexual proclivities and the inherent intensity of their sign. The problem you face this week is that the inherent proclivity seems to have taken a vacation. In other words, despite everything being wonderful and rosy, you are acting a bit like a Virgo. Get over your silly self and quit taking things so seriously.

    Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: "Fly! Be Free! Splat!" That little ditty just about sums up what your week is like -- you have an urge towards freedom, a giant desire to run away, and every time you try to take off -- splat! You land face first. Fortunately, you are a Sagittarius, and as such, you always manage to make it look good. The splat, that i s, you manage to make it look good, almost like you panned it that way.

    Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Well, it has started, finally. About three, maybe four years ago, you started building towards this moment, and it has finally gotten here. So much for the good news. Now, you must be ready to capitalize on the events which are taking place, even as you read thus, events which will help propel you forward in the work place. That's the good news. And, of course, there is the ever-present influence of Jupiter's benevolent influence, too, just making your picture a little more rosy than most. And who was it who suggested that I was never nice to Capricorn's?

    Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: There are some fundamental changes occurring deep within your psyche, and these changes will probably be reflected in your actions and wardrobe choices this week. Be careful about what you wear: I realize that is a tacky suggestion to an Aquarius, but there you have it: your choice in attire is changing drastically and you don't want to get too far ahead of the crowd.

    Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Love is in the air, and you have reverted to a state where you are most happy: dream land. This is a good thing for you. Life has never been better, and you will notice that the spring growth is prettier than usual, and you feel better than usual. In fact, I would look for some windfall profit this week, too, just to be on the safe side.

Week of: Apr. 1-7

Aries [3/23-4/20]: This is it, dear Aries friend, the penultimate moment before Saturn makes a grand entrance into your sign. What does this mean? It means it's a Good Friday! And Work! Lots of it! You already are feeling the beneficial effects of your ruler resting in your sign, the almighty red one: Mars. What does the next year hold in store for you? More work! That's right, and there will also be a lot of travel associated with this work thing. Enjoy the ride, and have a great birthday. In fact, you might want to start the parties now...

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: Have you noticed, despite the calming influence of Venus being Taurus, you have encountered some difficult moments? There seems to be a degree of consternation as you muddle along. Best bets would include reclining postures, carbonated beverages, muted colors and soft music. Relax a little. Don't worry about the work situation which has made you so uncomfortable recently. Relax some more and let the stress ease its way out of your body.... trust me, I am a professional.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Oh boy, oh boy. This is a good time for you. At least, I hope it is a good time for you. Dust off them rose colored glasses because you are going to be needing them throughout the next couple of week, but this idea is particularly highlighted this week. Everything just seems to glow with a new, spring-like sheen. If you can see auras, then you will notices everything seems to shimmer and glow right now. You can detect beauty where ever you turn your attention. Should be good, huh?

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Watch the pie in the sky money making schemes right now. In fact, consider getting a reading from a qualified fishing guide, as need be. What you're looking at right now is a time to move ahead with your professional credentials. Add to your resume or portfolio. Now would also be a good time to consider making some moves in the stock market arena. Just be careful that you don't make any buys based upon strictly visceral attitudes. Do your homework; research that stock buy first!

Leo [7/23-8/23]: I would never, ever suggest that a Leo would be a dull person, but you will note that you will enjoy a greater than average ability to discern problems and see matters more clearly in this next week. That's right, your intuition is spot on, and your ability to navigate through an otherwise foggy surroundings is heightened. Enjoy this insight while you've got it. Leo's in Houston are, of course, exempt from all prognostications.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Talk about some one who feels like they are in love! Or need to be in love. Well, it's bound to be one of those feelings for you this week. The week starts out on a positive emotional swing, but given your typically Virgo sensibilities, you can see right through the happy fog and get to the bottom line. Still, it is a good time for you and your relationships, either romantic or otherwise. I'll bet you stay happy most of the week, almost as if a lucky star is shining on you right now. It isn't but that doesn't matter, now does it?

Libra [9/24-10/23]: I guess we're still playing with the relationship stuff this again, aren't you? Still wondering about that "significant other" and what is going on with them? I wish I had more or better news, but alas, I don't. Just keep putting one foot in front of the next, especially over the next few days. You are on a roller coaster ride which will end up beneficial, but you emotions might lead you astray later in the week. Try and maintain a sense of balance.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I guess we're looking at a veritable plethora of bovine byproduct this week! And it will probably hit the fan, too. In plain English, look forward to a time of great mental clarity but insubstantial physical reality to back up those things which you know are true. In fact, this would be a good week to trust no one, especially what some flaky astrologer person says. Your own insight and judgment is sound so be prepared to stand your ground.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Hug a tree today. The "feminist asteroid" which is characterized by the "big-hipped, hairy legged, tree hugging, sandal wearing, leaflet toting Earth Muffin" is in your sign. You feel like settling down this week, being domesticated like cattle, and searching for that dream of a little house with a white picket fence, a dog in the yard, 2.3 children, and so on. Face some reality here, Sagittarius, it won't work. You've got wings on your feet, but those wings have been clipped recently. Don't worry, your ability to fly will return.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Right now, you should feel like someone has jumped all over you and given you twenty three odd things to get accomplished. All before noon. Will you make it? Of course, because if you can get some of this stuff done, you can make a fistful of dollars, and, for almost every Cappy we know and love, a fistful of earned income is a good thing.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: You realize, of course, that week starts out with another one of those "bangs" which usually indicates a problem has erupted--like a dormant volcano which is no longer dormant. Best bet for dealing with this week? Surf that hot lava! Am I crazy? Maybe, but you might find a good way to deal with rising vicissitudes of life is grab a surf board and some appropriate beach apparel and head on done towards the waves. Me? I would grab a fishing boat, but we all know that I'm a little different.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: "By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy „ and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher," Socrates said that. It sure feels like it applies this week, now doesn't it? Tired of the same old message? Well how about turning all your attention to this romance and relationship stuff now. It's okay, dear Pisces friend, you can go back to your dreaming now. The world is a better place just because you're in it. Thanks!

Week of: Mar. 25-31

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Yes sir, this is the week for Aries. You guys are not only headed for a birthday, or Solar Return as we say in Astrology - speak, but you are headed for a good time as well. The planets have taken a decidedly good turn to make your life just that much better this week. The usual warnings apply with mars making a hasty visit and bringing all of his hot energy with him, though: good week for fishing tournaments; bad week for cheating, i.e., don't carry a an electrical generator in the boat. The judges may not get a charge out of that.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: See what I said last week. Being that you are a good Taurus (there is no other kind, in all reality), you probably didn't take advantage of your more than amplified excellence in taste. Try looking at it this way: it's a good time to redecorate the fishing boat. Some new carpet in the bottom of the Bass Boat might help with your attitude when the fish aren't hitting too well. You should be able to find some decent shag carpet for the boat this week, something in a tasteful Burnt Orange. Either that, or try Avocado, because green is always an attractive color for you.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: The problem is this, you feel [pretty rotten at the beginning of the week. This does change in a big way, but then, as a Gemini, you often experience mood swings wide as an 18-wheeler making a tight right corner. What this week hold for you? Money. Money and work, if you can hold your attention to it. That's the good news. The dark side of this good news is that it requires your UNDIVIDED attention, which can be a tedious prospect, at best.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: If you are really quiet for a moment, you will claim that off on the distance you can hear wedding bells. I will assure you that it is a momentary planet line up involving a certain asteroid which acts like a wedding bell rather than the real thing. It is merely your hopes which are ringing right now, and not the real thing. Don't despair, though, because the real thing is right around the corner. Don't forget: it is always polite, on the first date, to bait your date's hook. Just some Fishing advice for the lovelorn.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Well, for you Lions this week, you have a really spooky time coming up. There are going to be a few events which appear out of no where and would, on the surface, seem to have no relation to anything else. That's just the appearance, though. There really will be something underneath it all. Synchronisity is more than a song by the Police, you know. There will be an underlying thread which will tie events together. Don't eschew the obvious! Pay attention to the details!

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: With all of your lovely critical facility and great attention to detail, it's just too bad that you couldn't lend poor old Leo some of that energy -- they could all use it right now. You, on the other hand (or other paw as the case may be), need to tone it down just a little bit. There has been a lot of interesting energy stirred up in respect to relationships, especially in the last few months and this stuff is all coming quickly to heated and rolling boil. Romance is hot this week. Deal with it.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: It doesn't matter what I say, or what I tell you this week, you are probably not going to listen to me, or anyone else for that matter. You've got your head made up about what is right, and that is that. I guess I should leave well enough alone, but I can't. Watch out for faulty depth finders in the bass boat. In the real world, be wary of mechanical or electrical devices which let you down at the worst possible time. It could be people, too, but I would look more for a conspiracy amongst machines in your life.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: You know, it was just last year when Pluto finally got done with a the Scorpio Tango, and now you've got an additional burden from two toxic twins, Pallas and Vesta are doing this harmonic number with you and both these guys want you to be shrewd and analytical of situations. First of all, these are mere asteroids, not planets and the effect is greatly lessened. Secondly, this won't last long. Thirdly, like any good Virgo, you just need to "GET OVER IT!" Did you understand that, oh mean spirited Scorpio?

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Oh don't you feel cavalier this week! Things are running along as smoothly as possible for you. The spring time looks like it holds some more excitement and travel for you, and it is a good thing that passport is up to date, because foreign travel looks imminent this late spring. What? Your passport is not up to date? Better get on it, dear Sagittarius friend. You are going places soon.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Money, an ever popular topic with Capricorn, is ever more popular now. You should be making a lot of it. First off, though, I trust you didn't buy any schemes which promised quick riches overnight. If you did, you will learn the painful lesson about no one ever getting rich quick. Ask any billionaire -- they all will tell you it took a year or two. So be it. You are in a position where you can lay the groundwork to make a lot of money, later. Like next year. But you have some background checking to do, first.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: You know, all I can say right now, is that I wish I had more Aquarius in my chart. You people with the Sun in Aquarius are getting beneficial blasts from about three different directions, the least of which is not from your own ruler who is making life incredibly interesting for you. I just hope you stay away from MY computer. You feel as if there is a jolt of electricity flowing through you, even as you are reading this. That's the good news. Now, if you could only figure out how to direct this juice....

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Feel a collective and welcome sigh of relief from all of the those (un) fortunate souls born under this last sign in the zodiac? I kept telling you it was getting better in March, and now, as the month draws to a close, you feel like you are closing out another chapter of the book life. Relax a little and enjoy the spring time coming up. The Blue Bonnets will be out in force soon enough, and that ought to make you happy. times like this, I just wish I had more Pisces in my chart, too. Yes, it's supposed to be that good.

Week of: Mar. 18-24
Spring Equinox! Party On! Astrological New Year! Surf is UP!

Aries [3/23-4/20]: I'm sure you felt a very welcome relief as a great and dark burden was lifted from shoulders just when the Sun crossed that make-believe line and with the Sun now firmly in Aries, everything is going to get better, right? Well, it is "supposed" to get better, now, and you should look forward to a good birthday celebration. But all of this party action is not without an occasional downside: work. Time for the big real estate deal to come together, time to earn some money, time for some work. Better get used to it because Saturn is coming to town. Fortunately, you like work.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: There's a long-standing tradition I have about advising buy artwork. Well, tradition not withstanding, this is a great time for you to do just that: buy artwork. Or anything else which enhances and beautifies your home and living arrangements. Your sense of taste and elegance is at an all time high. The problem you might encounter is that the funds you use to buy this would be of the plastic variety and that could create difficulties on down the road of life, i.e., when the bill comes in the mail. Like next month. Be wary of over-extending your credit, no matter how good your artistic sensibilities are right now.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: The bad news is that this week starts out as a bad hair day. And then it turns into what feels like a bad hair week. Look: you were expecting that I would say that it would be a bad hair month next. Nope, that's not the trend. That Moon moves into your solar first house which means you start feeling a lot better. Look for a giant upswing in events as of the weekend. surround yourself with friends, and take a clue from a Leo: party on!

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Remember when I suggested that Cancer's help buy a new bass boat? Did you? Remember, as a water sign, a Cancer needs as much exposure to the calming influence of the water as possible. See? I told you to buy a new boat, but did you listen? No. Now, instead, you are stuck with a romantic relationship which seems to be going no where, and no boat to escape on. Maybe next week, you will remember to look for a new boat.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Big issues this week? Probably not. Just as the Sun hits that magic spring number, the Equinox, you will feel like things couldn't get much better. There is, as usual, one small drawback: you seem to be rather insistent that you are right and the other person is wrong. If you could watch yourself in the arena of work especially, where you try to impose your own sweet self (and your will) on someone else, this would be helpful. It would be a good time to avoid confrontations.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Circumstances beyond your control. That seems to be the theme you have been facing, especially lately. Problems at work due to "circumstances beyond your control." Problems at home due to "circumstances beyond your control." Problems with romance due to "circumstances beyond your control." Do you see a repetitive pattern here? Is there hope? The answer should be yes and yes, because what is going to unfold this week is a chance to bring about some effective changes, especially at work, where the change will benefit you the most. The other stuff? Well, it is due to circumstances beyond your control, so don't sweat it.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: If there ever was a good time for taking up self-destructive habits, then this would be the week to start. Last year, the popular escape was heroin. This year? We're looking at sports like Bass Fishing (always popular) and Golf. Research here at Bubba World Headquarters has indicated that these sports are as addicting as Heroin, and the physical trauma is not nearly as severe. Still, you should not try these sports with adult supervision, nor should you try them when you don't have A LOT of time to kill. In fact, you don't have a lot time of time to kill, it's just that you are looking for a way out this week. Try dealing with what is hand rather than running away. Confrontation this week can yield good results.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: You know, just about everyone else is suffering to a degree this week, and you are no different, it's just than when you compare how you feel to how everyone else looks, you come across as a being in really good shape. The problem area for you this week has to do with the intimate details of romance. You and your significant other (Politically Correct terms: Lifemate, Animal Companion) are experiencing difficulties in the ability to communicate what each other wants and needs. Try to tone down the sarcasm, if only for a day or two, just let it drop and see if the relationship doesn't smooth out.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: The watchword for this week is "don't do it." You seem to be considering marriage pretty high on your list, and you need to remember that you are essentially a "free bird" and don't need to be confined to a static relationship. In fact, with some of the recent scientific advances, you will find that you have the "relationship challenged" gene in your body chemistry, so think about it before making a lifetime commitment.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: The way things are going for you Capricorn's right now, I ought to be able to interest you in get rich quick scheme. No, it's not Amway, it's merely a gig where you peddle Astrology Reports. Why am I trying to get you set up in a Multi Level Marketing scheme? Because I know, astrologically speaking, that you would buy just about anything this week that smelled like money. Even if that aroma is really faint and view is hazy. Yes, you would buy just about anything this week. I would, of course, advise caution against buying anything but my astrology reports.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: This is a good time for romance. Something along the lines of the marriage you just started. The problems you will face, especially in the coming week, is that you get up just got up and went. You probably have no desire to get up and go to work. If you are a self-employed astrologer or fishing guide, this presents no problems whatsoever. However, in the real world, in real life, there are certain complications. Employers and bosses don't seem to understand that you need a prolonged and protracted vacation.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Talk about energy and a wild time! You sure are feeling the effects of the last vestiges of the "heavy duty responsibility" stuff that Saturn is throwing at you right now. And look at the other stuff that's here, too: Mars and the Sun and the Moon, and even little old Mercury is here, too. What this all means: the springtime bodes a good, if not great, fortune for you. All of your hard work will be suitably rewarded. It's about time that I came up with some good news for you, isn't it?

Week of: Mar. 11 - 17
"Beware of the Ides of March!"
in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar Act 1, scene 2
Aries [3/23-4/20]: The good news is that negative influence of Venus goes rolling out of your sign this week. That means you can stop with the war-like actions because these actions will result in nothing. What does it mean? You don't have to worry about running over anyone with your boat. No more small arms fire to take out pesky Wave Cycle Ski Do things. Most important: don't run over any of these guys either because that would get you in trouble. Nope, you'll notice that they tend to leave you alone by the end of the week. Safe boating is THE operative word this week.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: Perhaps you've been listening when I've been talking about this idea of putting off glory and reward and buckling down for a little self sacrifice. Then again, maybe not. In any case,. you will find that the idea of delayed gratification comes swimming to the surface again this week. While it's a great idea on paper, you might have some problems with the actual implementation of the concept. It works like this: do something good right now and expect to get reward in about, well, it looks as if it is going to be a very long wait on the reward. You have been warned.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Take a deep breathe, my good Gemini. The brown stuff is about to be rather unevenly distributed because it is going to hit the fan. Sorry about that. Just consider this a fair warning. The problem is that you have certain feelings of wanting the most out of your domestic arrangement. In plain English, you probably want to get married and settle down. While that's a great idea, this over-powering domestic feeling will pass in a week. Don't do anything foolish right now -- it's not time for it quite yet. Your hour in the sun is coming soon, though, and I promise that.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: The good news is that the romance department is working better than ever before. That's the good news. The unfortunate downside to romance being so good right now is that awful stuff called work. Sorry about that, but just remember, I merely report what the stars say, not the way it has to be. To make matters worse with work, you will probably try to expand beyond any reasonable limits this week. Try and remember where you are and keep your goals within reach.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: One way I consistently describe Leo the Lion is as a creature who like to roar. That's the nice part, too. The Leo Lion should be a doing a lot of roaring this week, too, because there is some interesting stuff being conjured up in the relationship department. There are also some repressed energies which must find a way out (hence the roar analogy). Well, Mr. Know-It-All Astrologer Dude, what's this mean? Look for some exciting and noisy changes this week for Lions. Relationships, especially romantic ones, are in the spotlight. Don't be surprised if the Mighty Lion turns cuddly.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Dear, sweet, obessive - compulsive Virgo, what a week you've got coming up! You're about to wrap up some work-related projects which feel like the projects themselves are long overdue. Then, there's this romantic element which keeps nagging at the back or your mind, or maybe it's your answering machine that keeps getting the annoying tone, but you know that's all about. It's that relationship thing. He or she is back in your life right now, and the problem with the OTHER PERSON is that he or she is not as neat as you are. Drive them crazy, doing something out of character--don't clean this week. Then watch the fun!

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Well, more than any other sign, this week feels like a it's a relationship week for you. A couple of big indicators, astrologically speaking, is Venus striking a pose opposite you, Chiron and his pesky demeanor is riding on top of you , and the ever-present Lunar Node, is making life a little more difficult. What all of these astrological pointers mean is that you are examining how you relate to people in new and constantly changing light. This is more than romance, too, because you spend all day relating to people. Even your chance encounters are under scrutiny at this time.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: The week starts out really rough for you arachnid archetypes. There is nothing I can do to make that any better, either. That's the bad news. Like any good Scorpio, you need the bad news first. The good news is that the Moon moves into your tropical sign by the end of the week, and that brings a certain pensive moodiness quality to you. And, better yet, you begin to feel a lot better. Much better. The world is not your enemy anymore. For one, brief, shining day day, you will be a happy camper. Don't let it go to your head.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: I guess that now is as good a time as any to let you know about a few things that might be going on for the next few years: changing world view. That's your world view which is destined to reach a sharp and abrupt turn around. Used to a be a Yellow Dog Democrat? Watch you vote Republican in the next year. Well, maybe the change won't be that severe, but you get the idea. You do have some drastic changes coming along, however, since you are a good Sage, you will take this changes in stride, so to speak. Be careful with your paramour this week because you don't want to needlessly alienate any of your friends right now.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Money. Dreams. Fantasies. Do you remember which piece of American Fiction has a character who like to pile all of her money on the bed so she can roll around in it? It's not a pretty scene, but there you have it. Anyway, the two problem areas which you need to address this week are 1] making money, and 2] not dreaming about how you will spend that money. Too much. Don't spend too much time dreaming. Reality took flight from you a little while ago, and now you are all revved up with no where to go. Just be patient and pretend that you will soon be counting your dollars.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: The good news is the wedding and all its attendant problems is over. The bad news is that the honeymoon is over this week, too, as Venus and her gentle ways leaves your sign. Now that the honeymoon is over, it's like you are going to wake up one morning this week, look your partner in the eye, and think, "My God, what have I done?" I tell you what, I'll give a bonus point and chart to any Aquarius who can tell me what song I was thinking of.... It's time to get back to work, down to the nuts and bolts of this relationship if you don't decide on a quick annulment, time to make it all work.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Oh dear, often maligned, but always good-natured Pisces: the good news is that the the party is almost over. The bad news is that the elements of the heavens are conspiring to throw you a party like one that you have never had before, a chance to say good bye to old Mr. Saturn, but the heavens want to make sure you remember his trip through Pisces, so.... get ready for the invigorating Mars/Sun/Saturn threesome tango. It will be fun.

Week of: Mar. 4 - 10

Aries [3/23-4/20]: In the middle of the week, you feel a little bump. This isn't a bad thing at all, no, what this feeling is an outward manifestation of power, a desire to help achieve a more nurturing and stable environment for yourself. And yes, there is a degree of raw energy associated with this feeling, too. So much for the good news. You have big changes staring you in the face this week, are you willing to deal with the emotions which are motivating you? If you're not, there are going to be some serious ramifications. Get ready for a fast ride in the boat which crosses the inland sea of emotions. Then we'll talk fishing.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: If nothing else is happening in your astrology chart, and I mean nothing else, then you are fortunate because Venus brings her lovely self to make you happy. The downside is that, being the good Taurus soul that you are, you would much rather avoid doing thing with all this beneficial energy. That's not the way things should go. You are on the edge of some mighty big changes for yourself, hopefully, a little bit of self realization is occurring. Take a moment to stop and contemplate the nature of the universe, and just exactly how you fit in the grand scheme of things. This is a great week; make the most of it.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Poor, maligned, and much misunderstood Gemini! No one seems to understand the nature of your plight, now do they? The usual astrologer would tell that it is a good time for looking into investments and making money through work. Little platitudes like, "It's a good time for seeking investment back now-talk to your broker...." C'mon, that's lame. Act like a Robber Baron, or better yet, act like a Highway Robber this week. Just be warned, the English weren't too nice to the Highway Robbers who got caught. My advice? Don't look back over your shoulder.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Come on out of that shell for a little while. Me and the other fisher people (that's the PC term for fishermen) are going to be sitting around, boosting a few, and telling improbable stories about great conquests at the fishing pole. Okay, so what we will really probably talk about it is the legendary "one that got away." All we're trying to do is get you out of your house long enough to join us. If there's a party, consider it. You've been isolated with nothing but work for too long.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: This is the last vestiges of the romance urge for a little while. Then it is one to more serious endeavors. In the meantime, enjoy this quiet moment to reflect on what you want in a mate, and what you have to offer: stability, grandeur, love, they can kiss your boots.... the list goes on. What is happening is that other signs are feeling rather uncomfortable right now. You should rest assured that your own sign is in for a period of a degree of stability which is long awaited. Maybe stability is the the wrong choice of words, but this week looks like a fun in a good way.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: I love most Virgo's, I really do. It's just that occasionally, a Virgo will get that look on his or her face, and you just know that there is something wrong with the Virgo world view. It's as if reality has an awful smell to it. The Virgo turns his or her nose up at that smell while the rest of us make our way through, oblivious to the fact that there is something upsetting the poor old Virgo. if only the Virgo would tell what was wrong, then maybe we could help.... The things that Virog's find so obvious aren't always clear to the the rest of us. Do you get my picture?

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Remember January? Remember December? Rather than trying to make this some sort of reminiscent journey, let me just explain: In those months, there were certain, at the risk of sounding too cosmic, lessons to be learned. Did you learn what you were supposed to at that time? Did you try the easy way out instead of doing what was right? If you took the harder, lonelier, more correct route then, you wouldn't be in this mess right now. Oh well, now is the time to clean it up.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: You Scorpio's are feeling just about fine right now. And you are going to continue feeling just about fine for the next week. Actually, this might last longer being a such a long term influence, but for the moment (can a Scorpio ever live in the moment?) things are going along "swimmingly" well. In fact, the waters are so calm and the way the world is treating is so good that you know there is something amiss here. It just won't rear it's ugly little head above those calm waters this week. That you have to look forward to.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: That master of entertainment, Pluto (okay, so his real name is Lord of the Underworld) is starting to backtrack just a little bit which means that some of the more difficult changes you have been presented with in the last few weeks are over. Well, maybe they're not over yet, but you ignore them for a while. Like so many other persistent Pluto problems, the changes which this small planet has evoked will not go away. What is happening, though, is you can sit back and laugh at some of the effects of this small, insignificant planet right now. That's why we call him a master of ceremonies.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Well, dear Capricorn friend, of all the oddball luck I've ever seen in the sky: you have a tenuous romance headed your way. Look, if you already happy with that special someone in your life, then okay-fine, leave this one alone. But if you are doing a little seeking, it looks as if your seeking will finally hit some pay dirt. Or payoff. Or you will earn a degree of happiness. Now then, you knew there would be a caveat, too, didn't you? The problem is this: the word "tenuous." That's the challenge presented by commencing on a relationship at this time. Of course, if it was all too easy, you might balk, so the universe is doing its dead-level best to comply with your wishes.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: I haven't heard from too many Aquarius's who are actually getting married and therefore, I'm beginning to doubt what this book told me about certain planets and relationships. According to my research, just about every Water Bearing member ought to be happily involved with that someone special right about now. Perhaps there are one or two f you who are having a hard time finding the right person, but I haven't heard from near enough happy couples. What wrong with you guys? No romance? Or, just not communicating?

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: After what seems like an intolerable period of time, you have finally hit a degree of peace. Not quite but almost. And after the last few weeks, this degree of peace is beast exemplified by something Ulysses says in one of his monologues in Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida: "Take but degree away, untune that string,/And hark what discord follows." (I.iii.109-10) No untuning this week. Please.

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