Week of: Jan 29 - Feb. 3

Aries [3/23-4/20]: You know what, dear Aries friend? You're right, it is about time that I said something exceedingly nice about the sign and what is coming up. And indeed I will, because you will find that there are no "speed bumps of life"; ahead ion the next week. In fact, when it comes to cruising over speed bumps, you will find that this next week is like a tune-up to the old truck's suspension. The rough and ready ride is so much smoother this week, in fact, at one point, you'll be tempted to hoop out and take a look at the truck itself, just see why everything is going so well.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: There's this feeling, what with all the recent events, that this is not going to be a good week. If you are patient, and I've never known a Taurus who is not, then there is a chance that you will wait until this week starts to improve. The deal is this: you are emotional a little edgy, and you can't reach out and touch the reason why. It's probably something lurking in your subconscious that is bother you. By the weekend, though, all of this will be nothing more than a memory of an unpleasant dream. It's really not too big of a deal. Start getting prepared for the new fishing season because spring can be such a terrific time of renewal.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: There are big changes occurring in your sign as the "Dark Lord of the Winter" passes opposite of you. This unfortunate astrological event is taking place for the next few years, so don't get all fired up and worried about everything. Just get ready to let go of some old ideals. There is also a lingering, nurturing feeling. Perhaps this is left over from the holidays. Perhaps this is an expression of something you think you want. Perhaps this has to do with your Moon Sign. Perhaps you just feel like smothering your partner/mate/wife/husband/fishing partner right now. Take two steps backwards and think about how important the relationship is. Too much attention can hurt right now.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Get prepared for will be a great weekend to lock yourself in the house and sort through those boxes of old fishing gear. Look: you must have hundred of old lures that you no longer use. Find a new place for them: donate them to a charity service like Goodwill. Better yet, if you want to pick up a little extra cash, just flatten the barbs on the hooks, and sell those old lures as earrings. You think I'm kidding, right? I'm not. Go to any college town-type boutique and look in the jewelry section. What does most of the ear art these days look like? Old fishing lures. Now, I have just offered you a financial way to help clean out the house. What's in it for me?

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Dear, sweet, troubled Leo. If there was a way I could relieve your pain, I would. Believe me. I have a lot of compassion for the almighty Lion, the Leader of the Pack (or jungle, or savanna, or whatever it is that you lead). Right now, there seems to be a lot obstacles coming from groups of you adoring fans. In fact, right now, you feel like you have no adoring fans. They haven't all abandoned you, either, it just feels that way. What should you do? Be careful not to stress yourself too much, and be extra careful when it comes to exercise. Maybe it would be a good week to stay away from the gym altogether. Now do you feel better?

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: I've received some complaints from Virgo's, they are concerned that I'm not being technical enough. So? So here you go: The week starts out with Venus and Saturn in opposition to you and the week ends with Venus and Saturn in opposition to you. The deal is on Friday, there is a direct conjunction between those two planets. Big deal? We think not, me and the staff here at FGS World Headquarters. But you do need to be concerned about your interaction with loved ones because you will seem a little critical of them despite the fact that you will feel more loving and sociable this week. Go figure.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: There was one astrologer who forecasted marriage at this time for the Libra sign. I don't think so: there seems to be an attention problem with serious romantic relationships right now. Like, you might be serious about one relationship this week, but next week, well, there's a new person on your horizon. Don't make the big commitment just yet. Even though things have definitely turned around for you.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I know this is going to bother some of you Scorpio's, but you will have to deal with this in form or another, right now. There is a lot of critical energy moving through your world right now. What does that mean? Your mental clarity, you're ability to see straight into the heart of the matter, especially at work, is greatly enhanced. And, that's the problem, too, because although you can see what is going on, no one else around you is inclined to believe you. The most correct course of action right now is wait and see. Put off some quick satisfaction for a more rewarding long term goal.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Go hug a tree. If that doesn't work, go hug a tree hugger. If that doesn't work, send an earth-saving charity some money. And if that doesn't work, make a big, political statement about healing Planet Earth. What's the big deal? It's one of those weeks when you feel unusually caring and giving, as demonstrated by your action. Since all the aforementioned solutions don't seem to attract you too much, consider taking a tree hugging person to dinner. There, now don't you feel better? You can discuss the nature of things in the Universe right, and make plans for a brighter tomorrow.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: There is one thing which is near and dear to every Capricorn's heart: money. And there is no time like the present to start making more money. Jupiter, that great, big, beautiful lucky star is winging its way all over you. What this means, is that now is the time to put the wheels in motion to get rich soon. Any thoughts on how you are going to make your next million? I realize, and you know this is true, that money can't buy happiness or love, but you can certainly rent those attributes for a period of time. Leasing, besides the tax break, also afford an emotionless commitment, too.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Well, this is no big news here, but have you set the next wedding date? I realize that the average Aquarius needs several relationships to keep that average Aquarius happy, and this wee it looks like you are planning on getting married. If you can, it does deserve some time and consideration. Of course, with all the disruptive energy going on in OTHER SIGNS you haven't had a moment to yourself, now have you? I would urge you to reconsider the wedding date. Maybe consult with an astrologer who could also serve as a wedding planner.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Nice thoughts, pleasant thoughts, a wonderful world. Everything going your way. It could happen, in an ideal world. The problem is, when you wake up this week, you will realize that it is not a perfect world. Social change plays heavily on your mind at this time, and you will feel more like getting out and trying to help some of those who are less fortunate. That's might magnanimous of you. Just be careful about some of your aesthetic decisions at a time like this, while your judgment is normally quite sound, it might be a little off this week.
© Kramer Wetzel
Austin, Texas
October 1995
rodeo voice mail: 512/209-2200
fax (Bubba's fax line is ALWAYS open): 512/448-0970
http://www.io.com/~fgs/
fgs@io.com

Week of: January 27- Feb. 2

Mars and Saturn are doing a head to head rematch which is going to make the Heavens look really exciting. And Poor Libra's have finally found some relief, but now Scorpio is under pressure to perform. Curious? Read on....

Aries [3/23-4/20]: We got trouble this week, right here in River City (that starts with T, that rhymes with P, that stands for "Pool"!) Saturn is in your sign bringing in all kinds of work related material, and for this week only, Mars, the God of War (and Cars), is opposite Saturn. Two planets, head to head, toe to toe, calling each other names. Saying things about each others Mama, familial lineage, and just general unease. Now, it doesn't have to be bad, if you are cautious. Very cautious. Don't leave the house. No power tools except for an electric can opener. Nothing sharp, and that includes you tongue because that thing seems to get you into the most trouble of all.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: I know that Taurus thinks of itself as the sign of the Bull, but let's pretend, just for a moment, that you're a cow instead. You are face to face with a choice: open gate or bale of hay. Which would you take? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the bale of hay is the safer, better, more correct route. And with you facing just such a choice this week, I would stick to my earlier prognostication: the bale of hay. You don't want to know what's beyond that open gate, now do you?

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Tough week for the Twins. Just when you thought everything was going to get better, you run into a little trouble. I would watch out for too much exercise right now, and remember the stretch them muscles BEFORE you hit the gym or track. The other thing to watch for, but fortunately, it's just this week, is a thing called a "stress related disorder" and that means you've been thinking too much. We all got problems, and sometimes thinking helps, but it looks like you've been obsessive about it lately. Lighten up.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: You are coming up on a period of time when you will find that you work best alone. In other words, load of the boat, stop off for a weekend's supply of groceries, and get out of here. You don't need any distractions, and you will find that interactions with co-workers leave something to be desired. In fact, try to work alone at this time because that will make the most productive. Better yet, take the next two years off from work.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: I realize that you are probably going to think that I'm nagging you just like your mother, but if I could convince you to spend just a little time at home, straightening things up, maybe doing a little bit of cleaning of some kind, I would also promise that there will be many benefits in the near future. Work should continue to go well, and let you reel in whatever deals you've got cooking right now. That's a positive note, too.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Last week it was Elmer Fudd. Who will it be this week? Realize that you are more like the Roadrunner this week, a lot more like the winner than Wiley Coyote this week. HE always gets flattened by he ACME products. After the last few weeks, you probably feel like him, but I promise, and you can trust me, that the figure you are a like this week, with all its luck, is that darned roadrunner.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: More than anything else, you should feel a little relief. That's the good news. Now for some interesting updates about mars: it;s like fishing with dynamite--very hazardous yet also very good for a high yield. The problems are that it could all blow up in your face. Literally and figuratively. The good news is that it might not, as long as you exercise caution. Still, you must remember that this is a time when the game warden might frown on your activities, so please be careful.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: If you are a November Scorpio, then you will have a good week, maybe even a great week, maybe even a superlative week. But if you are a Halloween baby or earlier, then there is a curious thing stirring up in your soul, a form of panache combined plus a sense of destiny which means this could be a week to reel in the single biggest fish on the lake. Be careful, though,you might get pulled back into the water while you're fightin' that sucker....

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Right on the heels of a good time, OK so last week wasn't such a good time, but right on the heels of last week comes something deep and dark and mysterious floating to the top of your consciousness. That's a fine way to say it, but what does it mean? It's like using a bottom lure and hooking a bottom feeder, and then opening up that catfish and discovering auto parts in its belly. How did they get there? And that lump of black stuff, scrape the slime off of it, it might be a nugget of gold.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: After what you've been through the last few weeks, I wonder if you ever want to read my stuff again. I didn't warn you? Is that your complaint? All I could do was tell you to expect the unexpected, and you Cappy's have an affinity fer not listening when I DO warn you. Enough of your whining, you sound like my fishing partner. You should start to reel in a lot of cash, beginning this week. In fact, it should be easier than shooting fish in a barrel.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: At the beginning of the week, you approach what can be a very difficult period of time if you channel Mayan folks, or have past lives that deal with that sort of thing. The good news is that in Western Astrology, and sometimes here at FGS World Headquarters, we have determined that this isn't such a bad time for you. In fact, there are a number of truly wonderful opportunities looming on your horizon. Your biggest problem this week? Deciding what affords you the best chances. If I were an Aquarius, I would go for the long shot and Door Number Three.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: I don't think you're going to like Monday morning. There is the usual conflagration with the boss, supervisor, parent, insignificant other, ex wife, that sort of personality, and this confrontation can escalate into a full fledged shooting match if you don't back down. While a good tussle on Monday is a nice way to start the week for some signs, it doesn't look like it bodes well for you. There is another approach: grovel. Trust me on this one: a groveling Pisces is not a pretty sight, and it will render the opposition useless.

Week of: Jan. 23 - 28

Aries [3/23-4/20]: My dear, sweet, blunt and direct Aries friend, how are you today? I would trust that you are fine, if not exceptional this week. While everyone else is dealing with the difficulties, the trials and tribulations of a Retrograde Mercury, you, my fine Aries friend, should be sailing along almost without a care. Okay, okay, so the first part of the week starts out a little rough with your emotions on edge, but as the week unfolds, all of this trauma smoothes out. Really. You will find a certain ease and grace comes at the end of the week.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: Now there's this renegade planet thing with Mercury and then there's this other stuff with the odd bits of stellar dust in the sky: you have certain knack for a lack of attention to detail. Your normally sharp mind feels like a bowling ball right now. In fact, you will probably be asked this week to make a sacrifice for someone, and you know, you just don't feel like doing it. It would disturb your own comfort too much. You've got the comfortable chair all arranged, the beverage, the radio, the portable TV, everything is just right and just so and then along comes someone else to disturb your perfect world. Sorry about that.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Like any good Gemini (there is no other kind), you have certain maternal longings. Well, these earth-muffin feelings are especially strong right now. It is, however, unwise to act on these feelings right now. Go rent a child for a day (mothers are always willing to give one up for some free baby-sitting), and see if this doesn't answer this ache in your heart for tiny people. It doesn't take too long with a wee one to realize that, as a good Gemini, there isn't much difference between you and that child. In fact, it's pretty easy to see you two fighting over what is the best ice cream flavor. Or you, because you are bigger, grabbing the candy away from the child. It's not a pretty sight. That's why here at Bubba World Headquarters, we recommend Rent-a-Kid. This is really strong this week.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: By now, you should have felt the ever-present approach of the cash cow. The cash cow is a beast that lives in dark antiquity and mythology. However, in the case of this sign, Cancer (the homebody), this mythological beast is about to appear. "Problems?" you ask. Well, this beast brings a lot of energy, and right now, that energy is best directed inward. This is the best time to cook up a few get-rich-quick schemes. Don't actually do anything, just think them up. The time to act is not just yet. Concentrate on the Cash Cow, Grasshopper.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: You are getting incredibly restless right now, and all of this energy which is flowing through your veins feels like it has a lot to do with THE RELATIONSHIP. Your perfect mate, at least you feel this way, is upon you. Idyllic dreams of a permanent and lasting bond forever with visions of loveliness, dance in your head. The problem is that all of this is dancing in your head, it ain't happening in the real world. Get over your silly self. Move on. It is a good time for relationships, but I would sincerely urge you to consider the word relationship to mean friendships and their ilk rather than the strictly romantic type. You feel the drive, just don't drive over someone right now.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: You get a double hit early in the week, and this sets the tone for the rest of the following days: you feel more emotional than usual, more prone to teary outbursts, and more persecuted. Since you're on a computer net right now, maybe you ought to consider checking out the conspiracy archives. You feel like there is a conspiracy against you right now. There isn't really, but try to convince you of that? It will never work. So delve off into some kind of research and see if you can find just who is out to get you this week. Although you find yourself more social, you will keep looking over your back to see who is there.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Dear Libra, is this a good mercury Retrograde, or what? While everyone else is feeling the effects of a negative influence, for some odd reason, this influence seems to be passing you by. The key to surviving this pejorative effect is simple: don't interact too much. Other people (mostly Capricorn's) will misunderstand you. I wouldn't worry about it too much, just limit your interaction with these people.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: You know, for a long time it seemed like I was picking on this sign. But, since I am an astrologer, I certainly know enough about Scorpio to comprehend the fact that it is the wrong sign to pick on. After all, I did prepare you for what is going on now, didn't I? You attitude has never been better -- you have successfully dealt with demons from your past, and now you can turn your sharp and incisive mind to work on new problems. During this week, a little bit of self-sacrifice is called for. Not a lot, just a little, The benefits, as you will see, are easily within your grasp. Short term oblation yields long term gain. Bottoms up.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: What you are looking for: a practical, nurturing, tree-hugging relationship right now. Since most fishermen don't hug trees, though, this poses a thorny dilemma, how to resolve the desire to hug a tree and cut that tree down at the same time. The answer? If you keep pestering me this week, we'll cut the tree down. If you would just relax for a moment or two, though, the real answer will come to you: forgo the forestry tree trimming and concentrate on the tree hugging thing. There are some changes brewing, and you need to consider acquiescing to the new ideas. Besides, you might get a date out of the deal, and that will always sway your attitude. Wink wink.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: My dear Capricorn friend: you are getting hammered by the heavens as the celestial spheres roll back and forth across you. Tough times, no? Sorry about this report: you and I both thought your troubles were over last week. Not so! The Mercury thing, the Neptune thing, and now the Jupiter thing are making you miserable. You're all dressed up but have no place to go. Keep your hat on for just a few more days, though, because there are some big things in store for you, right around the next bend in the creek. You do what creek* this is, don't you? *Need a hot link to the lyrics for "Cripple Creek".

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Scorpio is accused of being the most sexual sign. Sagittarius is accused of being the most sexually prolific sign. I always like Aquarius because this sign respects no fences. It's the rebellious nature that I like. The problem is that you are seriously considering tying THE KNOT right about now. Now wait a minute. Wait a cotton picking minute. You are an Aquarius. You are a rebel. You respect no rules except your own. Why are considering a formal wedding? Will it work? Doubtful. I think you are merely awestruck by the person you are with. Get those rose colored glasses off of your face. In a few more days, this matrimonial idea will pass, like digestive turmoil. Then you're back to normal.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: I've been singing about work, and you've been complaining about my singing. The problem only gets worse this week: you will find that almost no one has any sympathy for you. Well, after looking at your planets, I decided to do this: I feel sorry for you. I realize how hard you have worked and I see that no one else is giving you the proper recognition. So there. I was sympathetic, and praised you for your hard work. I hope that helps alleviate some of the pain you are feeling this week. And to think, some Pisces thought I was heartless.

Week of: Jan 15 - 21

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Well, by now, you will realize that there seems to be some divine and ultimately untimely (for you) design in the sky. You often feel like you can't seem to get ahead, no matter what you do. The good news is that this little time of trial and tribulation is over. The small errors which seems to leap out and attach themselves to you are going to be gone pretty soon, off to bother another sign. The brief period of relief is right around the corner, literally. Get ready for some sweeping changes soon.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: The good news is that you are especially sharp and incisive this week. On the other foot, waiting for the next shoe to fall, as it were, the rest of the world does not understand one bit of your wonderful insight right now. In other words, as smart as you are, you can not communicate what criticisms you have with out appearing like an overbearing blowhard fool. Best course of action? Keep those sharp and wonderful observations to yourself this week. The time will come, later, much later, when you will want to call upon these bits of knowledge.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Talk about your winds of change! The good news is that you are a mutable air sign therefore you can adapt. The big promise for this week is that nothing at the end of the week is going to be like it is at the beginning of the week. No tired old work routine. No tired old home if routine. No tired old vacation routine. No tired old sex life. Not tired old mate. No tired old, well, by now you get the picture. Just watch, though, because it could be your own frustrations which trigger some of the problems.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: If you weren't a Cancer, I would tell you about all sorts of mystical revelations and great spiritual insight that you gaining this week. But you don't believe in all that "metaphysical claptrap" anyway, so it doesn't matter. Look at this: Mercury is opposing you right now, so keep your head down at work. You will probably want to tell the boss to try an anatomical impossible procedure. It isn't a good idea to be giving such commands, not this week.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: We all know, and we all acknowledge that Leo's have the best taste. Usually. The problem is that week, your taste seems to be a bit off. In other words, your sense of style is out of date. While that may appear fashionable to some folk some of the time, it doesn't work right now. This is a good time to keep your self and your big mouth out of trouble. Watch out for the pesky, annoying, but ultimately minor Mercury thing. Look out for daily minor annoyances. It's bound to happen, and your royal patience is going to be tested.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: There's a bait place in Bransom, MO that has the lovely name of Salty Sucker Bait Co. You can find them at http://www.usa.net/branson/salty/salty.htm. Why should this be a concern of yours? You need to look at what bait you used last year. Remember, not everything last year worked, and I think you would do much better if you spent this week looking for some new fishing supplies. Don't fish? Then get out the catalogs and start looking for some new something. It is high time that you refurbished your old lifestyle. Begin the research this week.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Stop me if I've lectured you about this before, but there is a ball of ice in the sky that both astronomers and astrologers don't know exactly what to do with. It's called Chiron, and the name is derived from a centaur. The current astronomical thought is that Chiron is an old comet nucleus, four miles or so of ice and mud. For just old ice and mud, though, it is playing an important role in your life right now. Health and healing moves to the forefront with you. Especially this week. Get the fishing gear ready for the season coming up.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: After innumerable years of ill fortune and bad luck, I have managed to incur the wrath of just about Scorpio on this planet. Well, at least the ones who read this stuff, anyway. It wasn't intentional, I merely look at the stars and the signs, and after a profound analysis, I come up with serious prognostications. What's this week hold for the Scorpion? Put off short term happiness in the short run for a long term satisfaction in the long run. You'll be happier. This really applies in a relationship situation.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: The way things are going right now, it looks like that new romance has turned sour. Get over your silly self and get on with the real matters at hand right now: new fishing gear. This is vitally important to your upcoming fishing season, unless, of course, you were like those brave souls who fished on New Year's day at Lake Abeline. 30 degree weather for fishing indeed!

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Poor old Capricorn! There is at least one astrological writer who suggests that all Capricorn's are old souls. I'll wager that statement pretty well sums up how you feel this week. No, the world is not out to get you, although, a little paranoia wouldn't hurt too much. The problem is that pesky Mercury takes you for a backward tumble right now. Introspection, navel gazing, and wool gathering are highlighted for the week. Don't attempt too much right now because it could backfire. This is a good time to be "collecting your thoughts," like collecting butterflies. You'll be a little more scattered than usual.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Oh dear me. Oh dear. Oh. Relationships always pose a special problem for the Aquarius because you Aquarius types insist on being unusual. Open relationships, serial monogamy, polygamy, all seem to appeal to you. For some strange and almost inexplicable reason, you feel like settling down this week. Please remember that the planets merely indicate a cyclic direction, but do not indicate anything absolute resolve. What does it mean? You want to get married this week, but the feeling will pass, just like other bodily functions. And trying to tie down an Aquarius is an equally repugnant idea.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Aren't you the social butterfly this week? All of a sudden, all the doom and gloom is a bright spot! Every other sign is suffering the slings and arrows of an outrageous Mercury Retrograde and you are enjoying better everything. Your social calendar fills up this week, you feel like dressing up and going out, you attract a lot of attention and bask in the warm glow of your friends' spotlight. Enjoy the cool influence right now, it's too good to last very long, but it is a welcome respite from the boring work routine. Just a little bit longer.

Week of: Jan 8 - 14

Aries [3/23-4/20]: While everyone else is suffering, my dear Aries friend, you are going to be doing ever so much better. This is, in part, due to your ability to deal quickly and decisively with problem which arise. And the problems will arise, you just happen to have an effective way of dealing with this little hassles. Okay, then, the deal is this: be prepared to have an inordinate number of small and inconvenient annoyances crop up, especially in regards to work. Since you can usually deal with these in a straightforward manner, do so. Life gets easier for the next week for so as long as you don't wait around.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: It's just one of those weeks, you know? Well, of course you know, you're right in the middle of it all. What's going wrong is that nothing you touch or say seems to come out right. Now, I wish I could make this all better, but I can't. I wouldn't advise this for many people, but in your case, you might want to consider just hiding your head in the sand for a few days. The progressive degradation of the planets, though, is going to make this feel like everything is just worse all the time. It is. Wait a few weeks before you come out.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: The way, and you can certainly feel it right now, the way for big changes in your life is being cleared. Are you ready? Can you adapt to some new events? I'm talking about something major like a possible career change. If you've been wearing a monkey suit for the last few years, consider getting a real suit. If you've been in the world of business suits, maybe it's time to change to a leisure suit. I hope you understand the concept here: it's time for some serious thinking about what you want to do in life. Don't out anything in action yet, but get started thinking about it.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: There! Across the room! Your eyes lock onto each other! You're sure it is the soul mate that you have been searching for, all your life, there is that person! Sorry, but it isn't so. Sad but true. You need to be wary of fast infatuations right now. If you are already involved, be careful that it doesn't get too deep at a time like this. With the mercurial nature of the planets right now, you are not doing too good. I wouldn't plan much of anything right now because work is going to wind up taking a lot of extra time. Forget the eye lock. Plan on staring at a work screen for a while.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: after such a long time when things have been going along so swimmingly for you, I have a little bit of disturbing news: there is some rain headed for your parade. If not today, then tomorrow. The advantage of listening to an astrologer is that you now know that it might rain so you can take a rain coat. And an umbrella. And maybe some plastic bags. In other words, you are looking at a torrential downpour which has the capacity to slow you down. What's worse, you being to think you know a way around all of this meteorological disturbance. You might have a clue, but I would strongly urge you to hold you cards close to yourself until the rain has stopped.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Poor old Virgo. Everyone is always picking on you, aren't they? Neat freak? Retentive? Always too critical? Well, in uncertain times like these, yours is a job that no one likes, but some one has to do it. Thank God, Goddess, whomever, that you are here to worry about these things. The good news this week is that everyone else is suffering the slings and arrows of an outrageous Mercury retrograde, and it is sliding right on past you, almost as if there was nothing there at all. Poof! Just like that! No big deal. Just watch out for irate Capricorn's who want to get in your face.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Romance is considered a big issue this week. You will find that romantic overtones are compounded, perhaps in a less than wonderful light right now, by the Aquarius/Capricorn Mercury thing. What does that mean? You will feel more loving and kind this week, but your attempts to display your affection might be misunderstood. Be careful in your decisions about love. Be careful in communication with other Air signs, like Gemini and Aquarius.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: go and let an evil and maniacal laugh. This is especially good is you are at the office. Actually, there isn't a whole lot going on this week for you. The laugh is just to upset anyone who is close to you. They will know, absolute certainty, that you are up to no good. Which might be the case, but it's not due to an stellar influence. In all actuality, you are probably beginning to recover from the holidays, and this is a good time to consider getting rested up.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: The last time a small, insignificant blue ice ball was introduced to the sign of Sagittarius, just a few short months ago, Astrologically Aware Sagittarius types were complaining about lower back pain, lower Scorpio pain, and how rotten the world was. Now, there is one word for what is starting in this luckiest of all signs: transformation. It also is deeply symbolic of change on many levels. The question you have to ask yourself, my lucky Sagittarius friend, the big question, is: how willing am I to accept these new changes?

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Well, the week starts out with numerous celestial events really making some interesting changes for you -- you are going to be cursed with the windows 95 bug -- that means every old fashioned computer you touch will need to be upgraded after you get done with it. Every computer you even look sideways at is going to need some expert help. This is because of a couple of electrifying planets which give you the ability to fry electric's. And then there's that pesky and slight mercurial problem associated with that pesky and slight planet Mercury. Oh well, with a week like this, nothing is going to be big deal.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Good news/bad news this week -- the world will appear to be an increasingly difficult place to understand over the next week. That's the bad news. And Mercury begins its little backward journey in your sign, that's even worse news. All of this bad news might have you wondering, "Kramer, is there any hope for us Black Leather Jacket Types?" Yes, there is hope, just because you are a rebel in some strange ways. While all of this bad energy might play a holy havoc with other signs, you will seem to thrive on the chaotic effect it has on your life, especially this week. Just don't touch any computers that I use.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: The time seems to flitting by at a very rapid pace -- the best way to define this is like vacation time, you know, it's as if you are living in FAST FORWARD and everyone else is just stuck in regular time. The good news is that the work problems, that ugly word "reality", seems to be the stuff that is slipping past you so fast. For this next week, despite the usual Mercurial Caveats, your life is in high speed motion forward. Just watch out for the other people who think they belong in the fast lane.
© Kramer Wetzel ´ Austin, Texas ´ October 1995 ´ rodeo voice mail: 512/209-2200 ´
fax (Bubba's fax line is ALWAYS open): 512/448-0970 ´ http://www.io.com/~fgs/ ´ fgs@io.com

Week of: Jan 1 - 7, 1996

Only 11 more signs until Xmas!

    Aries [3/23-4/20]: I sure hope you had a fine night of it, what with all the parties, the coming and going, and maybe just a little bit too much cheer. What a way to bring the new year in, huh? How's the head? I hope you didn't make any foolish New Year's Resolutions which you haven't a chance of remembering. No, the cosmic new leaf turning over doesn't happen until a little later this month, so just nurse yourself back to health over these next few days. You will be feeling better soon enough.

    Taurus [4/21-5/22]: If there ever was a party that you did enjoy, it should have been last night. The one thing to watch out for, and I sure hope this doesn't set a precedent for the rest of the year, is a certain Jealousy you felt last night. Some where, in the Great Work of Kramer, it is written, "Thou Shalt Not Be Overly Desirous of Thy Neighbor's Bass Boat." Well, it may be a shiny new pick up instead of boat, or the new trailer house, but you need to move past the pangs of jealousy because that really is unhealthy for you.

    Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Well, almost as if by magic,. The terrible burden that you have been carrying around with you gets lifted -- the extra weight is gone from your shoulders and you can stand tall and proud again. You might find yourself in a position to start making some serious money, too. That money thing is dependent upon what you have actually accomplished what you were supposed to do last year. If you got in behind the scenes and studies, like I told you to, then this year starts out with ease and grace. And it only gets better.

    Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Frustrations run high right now. Real high. You might trey ice fishing only to get out on the lake, and discover that you don't have the correct hardware to cut a hole in the ice. And that's the easiest example. I would think twice about ice, because you will find that you are (I love to mix metaphors) you are on thin ice in two areas right now: at the office, and on the homefront. It's a double lose situation unless you check your equipment before you head out on the water. So to speak. And watch it, because the winter water is very cold.

    Leo [7/23-8/23]: Talk about the hang over fit for a king! The holiday was good, but now your mood is beginning to sag. Just like the lines under your eyes. You look like you've played just a little too hard, and I'll bet you could really use some rest. If it were possible, the best course of action is for you to take the rest of the Month of January off, and go rest. This week is a troublesome only in that you either need to rest up from the holidays, or that you feel like the holidays never stopped and you want to keep having a party. Either way, work does not figure prominent in your plans.

    Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Look, my Virgo friend, things are not what they seem to be. All you see is the inky blackness and the fiery pit of despair. No, that's not all there is. By the time the Fishing Season get really cranked up, by the time the Big Ones are hitting, you will be in better shape. The trick right now, the trick is to trick yourself into thinking that things are getting better this week. Avoid foolish and improbable resolutions. Let's face it, no one can keep up with that list you made. It's not human. Of course, it can be argued that Virgo's aren't human, but that's a horse of a different flavor.

    Libra [9/24-10/23]: Well, dear Libra friend, we've got some unexpected changes occurring in your schedule at the very last minute. These little challenges are here just to see if you can adapt quickly to the new order of things. The Universe is constantly evolving, but you knew that, and it wants you be more adaptable. In order to effect this change, there will be some last minute, unexpected delays. Nothing you can't accommodate, either, just be warned. And carry an umbrella.

    Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: If I run into one more pessimistic, downtrodden Scorpio, I am just going to SCREAM LIKE A WOMAN. The deal is this, and you Scorpio's listen up good: the bad stuff is over with. Quit complaining. There is nothing but smooth water ahead for you. You ought to be feeling this new and calming effect, even as you read this. But do you let the water stay calm? If you encounter any turbulence WHATSOEVER you had better figure out why you caused it. Nobody else is foolish enough to disturb Scorpio's anymore.

    Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Well, it is time to get down to work. There is a big fishing season coming up, the first of the tournaments are scheduled, and you, my fine Sagittarius friend, have much work to do to get ready for these bass fishing tournaments. The boat needs the motor over-hauled. The boat needs a fresh coat of varnish. Your gear needs to be cleaned and sorted. (Virgo's are handy at a time like this.) You need to get the proverbial ducks in a row. Line them little guys up. Now's the time.

    Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: You, my fine and wonderful Cappy friend, have so much good stuff going on you might not know what to do. Now is the time -- all of the upheaval in the last couple of years, all of the work, all of the development is coming to a head. Do something. Anything. Just take some action. Movement is required at this time. There's no two ways about it: you are energized and ready to act, so don't sit there on your hands: JFDI! (Just Do It, the F is silent.)

    Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Well, you know, everyone else is concerned with the holiday, the new year bash, the economic climate, and global warming. You are concerned with deeper psychological issues which are burning in your brain right now. You have much to think about. Give it a chance. We already know that you are the most analytical of the bunch, the best brain wave power sign, so use it. Everyone else is off with false hope and false promises. You,. however, spend the week in deep mediation. You are charting a new course for what is on the horizon.

    Pisces [2/19-3/22]: There's a brave new world awaiting you. Really. You just can't seem to get away from this work thing. It looks as if work will stretch on forever. Especially right now. Don't despair, please, because I know that relief is literally right around the corner. Keep a stiff upper lip until then.

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