For the week starting: 12/17/2009

"Get you gone, you dwarf!
You minimus, of hind'ring knotgrass made!
You bead, you acorn!"
Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream [III.ii.328-30]

Ah, yes, gentle Lysander with the love potion in his eyes, vexing and cursing his former love. But wait, it all works out by the last act, I promise. However, as Mars turns retrograde in Leo? It's only Act III.


    Mercury RX trilogy
    9.7.2009, 9.14.2009, 9.21.2009

    Just in time! The new book, The Portable Mercury Retrograde, is now available! Barefoot Astrology instructional video is here. Sagittarius: Wrapping up the last of the birthdays, and I thought I heard a chuckle. It was quiet, self-assured, almost like a satisfied smirk of a chuckle. Yeah, that was what I heard. Here in Sagittarius. Smirk. Satisfied chuckle. Not a giggle, not quite that flippant, more like a little bit of a noise that echoes, doesn't really say, so much as it reverberates with a gentle, "I told you so."

    That's the good news. Should be one of us, doing our little chuckle, this week. However, the way it works, there's a one-in-ten chance that you're getting laughed at. Didn't pay attention to my good advice? Oh well, it's not the end of the Sagittarius world. Still, most of us have listened, have learned, and are ready to move forward, or, less like moving forward, and more like staying in the same place, but not losing any ground. Which is what this is all about.

    I stopped at a Mega-Wall-shopping place. I was looking for a tacky, inexpensive gift. Sort of a last-thought kind of thing. Which was what got me where I was. The good news? I found what I was looking for. The painful part? Standing in line with all the rest of the shoppers loading up on crap. Wasn't a "needed" item, so I was good with my position in line. No hurry. Satisfied smirk, and I had a chance to catch up on tabloid gossip. Capricorn: The end of this scope points to the beginning of Capricorn. The beginning of Capricorn reminded me it's high time to buy some fireworks.

    Local ordinances vary. However, here, in parts of Central and South Texas? Fireworks are less of a privilege and more of a right. Not that there's much difference, and in the eyes of the law, I'm sure there is a difference, but amongst some of my friends? It's all fun and games with explosive toys.

    That's also the caution as the beginning of Capricorn arrives. It's with a big bang. "Bang!" Or, better yet? BANG!!! Got an image of this? Where's the point to worry? As the first few minutes, first few days of Capricorn approach, there's a sense that you want to change some aspect of your life. In a big way. Drastic change. Go slow. Take it easy. There will be a big eruption. Are you a cause, or are you an observer? That's your call this week, at the beginning of the holiday week. Personally, I'd opt to be the observer. Aquarius: Young Aquarius couple I know, they were thinking about getting a new car. First suggestion, has nothing to do with astrology, just wait until the new year rolls in and we get closer to Aquarius time.

    Common sense, last year models will be on a bigger sale, and even this year, well, new cars, what can I say? But that wasn't the point. The female of the two, both Aquarius now, the girl explained that, if he ever bought her a mini-van, that was grounds for immediate divorce and forfeiture of everything. Boy would be out on the street, all alone. No hope. All because of a mini-van.

    What was the deal? "I would look like a mom in one of those." She is a mom. But apparently, a safe, more fuel-efficient vehicle didn't go with what and how she saw herself. However, I'm back to the advice. Whether it's a new car, or something else? Big ticket items? Or even small items with big price tags? Not now. Pisces: Some of these days are my favorite. Make no mistake, it's certainly cold enough to warrant flannel pajamas at night. It's just, for a few days in December, here south of the 31st Latitude Line, it's warm and sunny. We'll get a few days when I'm perfectly at home, dressed in my warm flannel sleeping attire, fine until I open the door and sally forth unto the afternoon.

    I tend to get up early and work, toil away in private until noon. Then I'll greet the rest of the day. And I'll do so in shorts. Won't be often, but there will be a few days in December when I'm perfectly comfortable in shorts. I'd like to think I'm getting a jump on the tan lines for the new year. Which is what I want you to get a jump on, too.

    Pisces dear. The new year? Yeah think about it. Think about what's up ahead, and think about what you can do now, to help pave the way for the future. I'm not sure you're in flannel sleepwear, or, for that matter, excited by the prospect of greeting the high noon, comfortably clad in beach wear. Yet there's a momentary bright spot, varies with each location and what makes you happy, but you'll find it, amid the holiday excess. A quiet moment for a Pisces? Pause Pisces Pause then see what we can do for net year. Aries: I have a buddy, he's a good food guy, go-to fellow for BBQ advice, beer advice, bourbon advice, the important things in life. Beer, bait and ammo.

    The problem being, I mistyped his URL one afternoon. I was a little off. I thought I typed the web address to "the fat guy dot com" but I missed a letter, or transposed a digit. The results were alarming. What's worse? I clicked on those results. Spun me off into a very frightening world. Scared me, possibly scarred me, too.

    Although, I'd like to think I'm jaded enough that nothing on the web can scare me anymore, as I just discovered, I was wrong. But it's also like a train wreck, can't watch, but can't look away.

    In Aries, there's a chance for a happy mistake. A chance that a mistake like I just made pays off with a new-found, juicy piece of useful of information. The problem being, like me, you might also found yourself wandering down the long corridors of fear and angst. Careful with your typing -- or where it might take you. Taurus: I kept thinking I needed to add a new set of speakers to my computer's arrangement. I saw some speakers, about two weeks ago, in the discount office supply place. A nice set of add-on speakers, and they were sale priced. Ten bucks. I thought about it, then, and I decided it wasn't a good time to buy.

    I went back a few days later, and the speakers I wanted, for ten dollars? Gone. Whole shelf was empty. They did have an attractively priced boom-box/satellite speaker system, but again, that felt like a marketing "bait & switch" con. I decided that I'll suffer along with the minimalist output that I've got.

    I set a threshold of ten dollars. I wasn't willing to go over that. I bought nothing. And I'm happier for it.

    All about limits, best if those limits are self-imposed, and then, success when sticking to those limits. Set a point, a goal, a price point, some kind of well-thought-out but arbitrary limit. Or goal. Then stick to that limiting factor. Helps if you use your own guidelines. Gemini: "Man, if you only, like, you did this," a Gemini buddy was talking to me, "in writing? I'd read that. You're very funny."

    I wasn't trying to be funny, which might be a problem. I didn't bother explaining that. As far as writing like I talk? I'd like to think that I do.

    A little long-winded, at times. A little circumlocution. Obtuse? Sure. Oblique? I'm sure, that, too. Allegorical jumps that fall short? Yeah, I know, I know. However, I try. I'd like to think that my verbal presentation and my written presentation is identical. Probably not. But I'd like to think so.

    Now, as a Gemini, is your verbal presentation the same as your written? Audio/Video, all the same? As Mars appears to spin backwards in its orbit, while in the tropical zodiac sign of Leo? Consider how your presentation is. Words match up to your presenting skills? Cancer: I was watching a girlfriend do some holiday baking. I was there for entertainment value, I'm sure, although, I might've been just a food taster, I'm not sure what my role was. However, watching that girl work away in the kitchen, checking a recipe book, then looking for ingredients, then sifting flour, I thought the most about the sifting flour and Cancer.

    I jotted down a note, since I'm not party of sifting anything very often, I thought the action was appropriate. For a Cancer sun sign. There's a motion that goes with sifting, and that motion has a lot to do with holiday baking and how to deal with Mars in its apparent retrograde pattern. As I understand it -- this doesn't involve fishing poles or fish so I could be all wrong -- sifting the flour fluffs it all up. Like one cup of flour, sifted, is more like a cup and half? Something like that. Mixes easier, bakes better. Something. Sifting. That's what this all about. A gentle sifting action will help make the next few days a lot easier. Leo: I was talking to a guy who was working the morning shift in a coffee shop in downtown Austin. "Weirdest thing ever happened? I caught a guy smoking pot in the bathroom, one of the homeless? He told me, 'No way! I'm not fool for the city!' I called him Foghat after that."

    Caught smoking pot in the bathroom. Not a good place to be, not if you ask me. Not a good move on anyone's part, but the best part of the response? That poor guy behind the counter. First, he had to throw the guy out. Then there's the legal ramifications of smoking -- anything -- in a building. I can see a headache happening for Leo, just thinking about all the problems. However, the easiest way around the problems? Give them a name. Give them a humorous name -- something that might be evocative of rock and roll legends, maybe classical allusion, maybe pop culture, something. Name it. Claim it. Watch it go away (the problem). Virgo: I found myself with the same picture, time and again, and what I was trying to figure out, why I kept taking that picture of that place, object, sign, item -- a thing -- over and over again.

    What I was attempting to do, what my goal was, what I was striving for? I was trying to capture that one image that truly portrays the object in question. I've found that taking the same picture, over and over, with different hardware, different software, different lighting, different time of day, all of that helps.

    It's looking for that one image that can really evoke emotions. What is the distilled essence of a particular thing? As a Virgo, you've got a sharp eye for detail. And yet, you also understand the subtle nuance of long shadow, the deep shade of an afternoon, how even the midday sun is low on the horizon in the middle of the winter (Northern Hemisphere). That brings about a finer appreciation for the hunt for that one, perfect shot of something. Libra: "Those aren't real pop tarts, are they?" I could say that the girl addressing me could easily be termed a "pop tart," but I don't think that's how this is going to go. She was complaining, eloquently and gently, that my choice of breakfast pastries wasn't so hot.

    It's fishing food. It's hurricane supplies. It's pop tarts only they were called "toaster pastries" for some knock-off legal rule. "But the strawberry, it isn't, you know, strawberry colored." Which was a minor let down. And the flavor wasn't that full-on "artificial strawberry flavor," either. Color wasn't right, flavor wasn't strong enough, just wasn't that good, all unnatural product the girl was used to. I ate the parts she didn't. Tasted fine to me, sort of a combination between cardboard, saw dust, sugar and jam that has no natural ingredients.

    Frame of reference is very important. During the festival times, it's more important than ever to make sure that our little Libra friends don't -- like I did -- lose that point of reference. Fake stuff is supposed to taste like fake, sugary, gooey goodness. With preservatives, I'm sure. Scorpio: There's a kind of perverse pleasure to be found in the way the planets and the Xmas material all plays out. It's fun, in a weird way, and only a good Scorpio will truly appreciate the material herein.

    Starts with a certain amount of pressure, and if you will just stand off to the side a little, none of this pressure will get you. It's like being in the first couple of rows at Sea World. Too close? First row, second row? Might get splashed, especially if the animals are rambunctious today. This week. Which they are.

    But as a good Scorpio, you heed my advice, and you stand off to one side? Or, like in the Sea World example? You make sure you're out of the splash zone? You will be okay. It's winter time here, and while some of the days have been down right warm, not every day is like that, and that sea world water is cold. Wet and cold. Not really welcome. Stand off to one side? Don't sit front and center? See how this works?

For the week starting: 12.10.2009

"You have as little honesty as honor."
Shakespeare's Henry VIII (All That is True) [III.ii.271]

Wolsey to Lord Surrey, who, with others, has accused him of treason.

The official Xmas card is here.

Barefoot Astrology instructional video is here. Just in time! The new book, The Portable Mercury Retrograde, is now available!

Weekly video, or as an audio file. Sagittarius: Xmas Tamales are a local tradition. Personally, in keeping with the spirit of the season, I think the tamales should be served with both red and green sauces. But that's just me. Properly, a tamale is a kind of dough -- usually masa flour and lard -- wrapped around beef or pork, or maybe peppers -- then wrapped in a corn husk.

    Properly prepared, these are the most amazing culinary treats. However, the actual preparation takes some work. It's labor-intensive cooking. Unlike most of my cooking, which doesn't involve labor on my part at all. I've got one client who bemoans the fact that the tamale-making is a dying art. Towards that end, I got to sit in on an afternoon of patting dough, wrapping, and then wrapping in corn husks, and I promise, I will never, ever say anything mean about anyone in the kitchen (cocina) ever again.
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    Fishing Guide to the Stars
    For the week starting: 12.3.2009

Weekly video, or as an audio file.

"I think thou never wast where grace was said."
Shakespeare's Measure for Measure [I.ii.18-9]
Lucio to a gentleman -- speaking on the subject of saying grace.

Kramus Day, either Dec 5 or 6, depends on tradition, a day when the devil (Krampus) roams the streets, punishing evil-doers. Or so goes my version of the Austrian myth. Barefoot Astrology instructional video is here. Sagittarius: I was standing in a long line, waiting on some morning coffee. Ahead of me, at least ten minutes' worth of patrons. I mumbled something about tourists. That coffee shop, they should have two lines. One should be labelled "Local," or "R" for Regular. The second line? "FT," for "French Tourists."

    I don't know if they were all French. I don't care, I just think, in the spirit of cooperation, that there should be a line for those of us who frequent the store on a regular basis, perhaps account for more revenue than any amount of those darn French Tourists. I'd like to think that me, us regulars, we should be cut out from the herd and we should be treated with a special kind of respect.
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Fishing Guide to the Stars
By Kramer Wetzel
For the week starting: 11.26.2009

"Now join your hands, and with your hands your hearts."
Shakespeare's Henry VI, Part III []

Weekly video, or as an audio file.
Happy Thanksgiving Day.
Barefoot Astrology instructional video is here. Sagittarius: I was talking with the counter help at a local coffee shop. The kid was lounging against the cash register, calling out the orders, and his hat -- company hat -- the bill was turned slightly sideways. His demeanor was relaxed and confident, and yet expressly casual, as well.

    I happen to know, it's his birthday this week. His attitude is exactly how all of us Sagittarius types should approach this week. With that hat cocked slightly to one side, we look rakish and yet, still in line with local rules and regulations. Lounging yet working hard. It's not easy to be busy and relaxed at the same time. With T-day and all that? Casual yet refined and uncouth. All about attitude.
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Fishing Guide to the Stars
By Kramer Wetzel
For the week starting: 11.19.2009

"We, ignorant of ourselves
Beg often our own harms, which the wise powers
Deny us for our good;"
Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra [II.i.v]

Questions are always free, some answers require a cash deposit.

The e-mail line is always on, "31" (24 and 7). Barefoot Astrology instructional video is here. Scorpio: I've seen turkey processed and prepared a number of different ways. Having a birthday like I do, that -- intermittently -- falls on T-Day, I've seen more done with Turkey than I would rather think about.

    Here's the deal: deep fried turkey caught on, then the dangers were revealed. Not that it would stop any of my friends, but that's not what this about. It's about the best way I've ever had turkey and for my Scorpio friends? A simple suggestion. The best way I've ever seen the mighty Thanksgiving Bird fixed? Green Chile Enchiladas. It was a New Mexico treat, as that's the best source I know of for Green Chile. Use that stuff in everything, but one fall, I caught it just when the Hatch (NM) crop was coming in. It'd been dry that year, which makes the peppers meaner. Better as far as I was concerned.

    The only time I've had a truly "hot" turkey, although, I'm still hoping for a Cajun/Louisiana bird some day. Look at your chart, last day of Scorpio, then it's all onto new stuff. Lingering Venus and the Cardinal pressure. Think about new ways to cook the bird. Maybe a new recipe. Maybe a new spin on an old-style dish. Let me know what you cook up. Sagittarius: What if there really was a secret conspiracy to keep the public in check? What if there really was a secret body of knowledge and some sort of evil cabal was in charge? What if there were state secrets that could change the world forever -- and what if that was not a good direction for change?

    Lot of "what if" questions these days. I'm just figuring that Sagittarius is in a secret-revealing mood. Not mode, as I'm not sure it's time for us to reveal all our secrets. But it is a good time to think about our secrets, and it is a good time to think about revealing them. Toy with the idea.

    Would the greater good be served? Maybe, just maybe, I know, it's the beginning of our birthdays, the holidays, everything going on, but still, is it time for the great secret to be unveiled? Maybe not. Okay, I'll tell one secret: 3-inch, salt and pepper curly-tail on a weedless 1/4-ounce jig head. Secret bait. Always works.

      Weekly video, or as an audio file. Capricorn: Time and local traditions vary, but there's always a "rite of passage." As Thanksgiving looms closer, and as the Pluto/Saturn thing becomes more apparent, I couldn't help but think of certain rites of passage. The first girlfriend (or boyfriend), first date, first kiss. First beer, first fishing trip. It's mid-November, in Texas, it's also the first deer-hunt.

    Don't worry, I don't hunt. But these are merely examples of rites of passage. The only real warning, as this week unfolds, what with the moon's condition? I'd watch for the term, "Right of passage," as compared with "rites of passage." One is ritual. One is earned. One is irrevocable. And the last one? Might not have anything to do with this. Don't confuse "Rites of Passage" with "Rights of passage." It's a small point but an important distinction for Capricorn. Aquarius: In my times, I've seen some pretty interesting fishing rod repairs. Or fishing gear, in general, I've seen some strange attachments, editions, and a few just plain weird set ups. One of the more bizarre that I've encountered was at a garage sale in old East Austin. It was an expensive model of fishing pole and reel, just a "push button automatic," and I fear that the fishing line was older than me, not to mention the antique nature of the hardware.

    What interested me, though, was the way the rod tip had been attached, for a second or third time. I know how easy it is to break fishing rods, having done so myself, on a number of occasions. There's a certain "snap" sound that goes with it. What I was looking at, though, was the rod tip itself, about six inches of busted plastic, and then, wrapped around the tip, holding it adjacent to pole, wrapped in old-style electrical tape, the broken tip. Snap. Then the tip, hastily re-affixed to the pole, and it's been like that, maybe longer than I've been around.

    A temporary fix with really long-lasting results. That's what this is about. You'll hear a "snap" kind of sound in the next few days, like a fishing rod tip being broken. How you fix that? Careful, might last longer than you think. Pisces: I answered my mobile phone, "Saddlebags." The call was from a buddy, and he wanted to know where I was at that very moment. Something to do with plans and trips, and getting a drink later, a cup of coffee, and I'll bet, he also had a girlfriend figured in the equation. Somehow. His version, anyway.

    I looked around, I was with a girlfriend, in a mall, in a store, in a mall, someplace in Central Texas, but could be anywhere on the planet, for all I care, and all I saw was saddlebags. Wasn't a good collection, or for that matter, a manly collection of saddlebags, but that's what it looked like to me. The walls were lined with all types and shapes, mostly leather, although some had cloth trim, and at least one had fake-fur trim, which, of course, makes no sense on a saddlebag, but then, they didn't ask me for help.

    My duty was to stand by idly, or carry bags. Either way, I finally stumped my buddy. He was busy trying to figure out which Western Tack store I was in. He didn't catch on a quickly. It's all about changes, big changes, little changes and naming conventions. Aries: I just wish this stuff would hold off. Regrettably, the Xmas push is here. So far, I've received the link and/or video to "The House with Trans-Siberian Flashing Lights" -- at least -- a dozen times thus far. Cool. It was cool, the first season or two. It's boring, and at this point, mildly annoying, anymore. Seen it. Don't need to see it again, but thank you forwarding me the link and/or the video. But please, don't repeat sending it to me again.

    That's the problem in Aries land, either you're sending -- or receiving -- the same message over and over. Once was fine. Twice, okay, that's tolerable. By the third time, it gets a little boring and by the fourth or fifth time, it's annoying. Six or seven times? And you get my point, don't you?

    "This is SO Cool!!! You Have to WATCH THIS!!!!" Thanks. No thanks, but thanks for thinking of me. Get the point, my fine little Aries friend? Stop. You're either sending or receiving, and my guess is you're about to forward that link to my e-mail address. Please, think about the children. "But it's Xmas spirit!"

      Weekly video, or as an audio file. Taurus: After I finished my six or seventh book-length manuscript, I found out the hardest part about being a writer? The most difficult part of writing isn't the writing itself, it's the rest of the business. It's -- relatively speaking -- easy to write. But that's less than ten percent of the job. The other ninety percent? Promotions, publicity and public relations. Much harder work.

    I was thinking about this example since that's what's happening in the Taurus slice of the heavens. It's about the supporting roles and the other pieces that make the way this all fits together. The fun stuff? For me, that's the writing, but for you? The fun stuff is whatever it is, but that's not the point. There's still plenty of fun stuff around. It's the rest of the toil that's required. Just as an idea, here we are, holidays looming on the horizon, and there's still some career stuff that needs attention. Pay attention now to make sure everyone is pleased. (Still waiting on that literary agent to get back to me, too.) Gemini: Some folks will encourage an attention to detail at times like this. Look after the little pieces, and then the bigger pieces all fall into place. It's a nice idea. Doesn't work.

    That attention to detail? That looking at the smaller parts and pieces? You're missing a bigger point. The short version of the scope? Quit obsessing about minute details.

    The longer version? You keep looking at the smaller and finer points until you're working -- in typical Gemini fashion -- on microscopic level. Then it's a sub-atomic level. Fine for theory, but there's a point your missing, up here, in the real world. That attention to detail? Skip it for the duration of this horoscope. Now, make a note to yourself to come back and thank me since you did get to see the big picture. Write it down, you know, part of a list of items that need to get done. Cancer: I was reading a coffee (aficionado) website. There was a short article, had to be humor, about how to make coffee if a coffee-maker wasn't available. The usual ingredients, the coffee grounds, then a coffee cup and boiling water, and then straining the grounds out with a strainer. Just seemed like a lot of extra effort to get a cup of morning brew. I used to only drink specialty coffee, and I've outlasted a variety of coffee makers, and I've outlasted a variety of coffee shops, too.

    I do prefer fresh roasted then fresh ground coffee, but the rest of the details are subject to what's available. Think about it: headed out at "oh-dark-thirty," for fishing or hunting? Doesn't much matter what the coffee source is, as long as it works. What was amusing, and the point about that "do it yourself" coffee making process was the depth of the process to get a single cup of coffee.

    Coffee beans (ground), hot water, container, that's all that's really needed. I prefer, just a choice these days, but I prefer to have the grounds strained out, but that could be me. I was thinking about this and that -- hopefully humorous -- coffee process because it seemed like it was taking a simple task and making it that much more difficult. Which is what this all about. Don't. One word: don't. Or, the longer version? Don't take a simple process and make it unnecessarily more difficult. Leo: Robert Earl Keen is a regional favorite. Locally, he enjoys real "rock star" status. Although, apparently, he's not as widely known outside of Texas. Not that it matters, either, because part of the problem is he defies typical taxonomy. I was listening to a custom play list I've got of a sampling of a long and storied career. I pulled songs from a half-dozen albums, and when I was looking at them with my music/media player?

    Each CD was labelled in a different way. Rock, Blues, Country, Folk. Yeah, well, no wonder his music isn't more universal, the folks outside of this area don't know what to call it. Reminds me of another Capricorn with a similar problem, Jimmy Buffett. But this isn't about Capricorn musicians, this is about Leo. Notice that the example are real people whose work defies being shoved into a single category.

    Other than being Leo? (THE Leo?) Other than that? Stay away from striated and opinionated categories and classifications.

      Weekly video, or as an audio file. Virgo: By the end of this horoscope, it's time to bust out the Xmas Album. I collect material and put together a play list and burn a couple of "Kramer Xmas Holiday" CDs for friends and enemies. Couple of important pieces to consider, I've gotten to where I use the Cheech and Chong clip, highly recommended, and the Robert Earl Keen "Merry Christmas From the Family" song. Run DMC, "Christmas in Hollis," too. Variety. One year, I found a number of xmas mash-ups, and I dropped them onto the CD's tracks.

    Some people do Xmas cards, some do Xmas letters. Me and one cousin, "Hi Brad," we make Xmas CDs. All depends on what we're in the mood for, too. I was thinking because I was looking at the way the stars fall for Virgo? Planets, really, and the line up is a time. Time to think about one Xmas chore, item, choice, pleasant experience? Something. One of them. Like the Xmas music CD? Could be as simple as that. I thought about the xmas music and Virgo, really, it was last week's quote, but you get the idea, last week's idea, this week's project. A little thought and preparation can help go a long way towards a festive holiday time, all the other influences included. Libra: Scorpio is a strange time (Northern Hemisphere, European Traditions). It's the beginning of the long winter nights. The spookiest of times, too. What happens though, as Scorpio closes? There's a point where you wake up one cold winter morning and you see the bright (cold) winter sun? Bright light, perhaps a little weaker sun than we'd all like, but still, it's clear and crisp, the leaves have fallen and it's all good.

    Winter clothes, or fall outfits, or, for some of us, just long pants, but still, you get the idea?

    There's a sense of rejuvenation, a spirit of rebirth at the onset of winter. All I'm suggesting, though, for the Libra friends and family? Enjoy the bright spots. Could be as simple as the way the leaves skitter on the sidewalk in the fall's breeze. Could be the crisp feeling the air. Could be the afternoons at the lake when we can still fish. Could be a lot of individual influences, but I tend to suggest we all find the brilliant little spots of light, wherever it falls.

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