5.21.2009

“The complaints I have heard of you I do not all believe; [but] I know you lack not folly to commit them.”
Shakespeare’s All’s Well That Ends Well (I.iii.8-10)

Gemini: I met this old guy, once. I mean, he was old. Been retired for many, many years. Had a thick Louisiana accent, which set him apart from the local, native speakers in Texas. While Louisiana might just be a few hundred miles east? It’s worlds apart. Not that it matters, just is. As I got the old guy to talk, he was easy to listen to with his Louisiana lilt and the southern cadence as defined by language of place, the longer he talked, the more I liked what I heard. I can’t imitate a Louisiana accent, I can’t reproduce it, I can merely acknowledge it.

He was an oil field worker at one time, and he spent many long years in South Texas and West Texas, yet he retained his native accent. All the years, all the miles, and I’m sure, at one point, a lot of chiding, but still, he was a deep Louisiana native. Better yet, he was still respectful, even when I should defer to his advanced age. I never could tell if he was playing me or being genuine. Either way? Worked. With Mercury backwards, in a sign that precedes you? I can’t tell, no one can tell, if you’re genuine, coy, or playful. Respectful or sarcastic? Can’t tell. Don’t assume that the Gemini message — your message — is getting across. Don’t assume that we can figure out the nuance of the Gemini accent.

ASTROFISH.NET: Clearance Priced

Cancer: “Global warming! Gun control! Starvation! Rampant disease!” Sounds just like one of my Cancer clients, rambling on and on about how this is the end of the world, for sure, and how this means all those bad things are going to happen, right now, in her life. With no hope. While I’m not in the habit of selling hope, I would point out that the Sun is in Gemini all this week (and the next three weeks). Mercury won’t be backwards much longer, and Mars/Venus will move out of Aries before too long.

But this week? All those odds are stacked against you. And that means the feeling of doom will be pervasive. Doesn’t mean that there will be doom and gloom, just that it will feel like that. Devastation. Doom, dum-dum. If you understand that this is trick of the planets? Then you can actually mine some of this miserable feeling material as a source for deep-seated fears. Embrace those fears. Then maybe consider preparations.

Marshaling your resources in the face of the adversity outlined above? Kind of hard to accomplish in a single week. But over time? Like the next couple of weeks? A little preparation makes what you’ve got? Makes that stuff last longer. Which is what this is all about.

Leo: I watched, horrified, as a friend, a Leo, made a huge mistake. However, as a Leo, the Leo, I couldn’t well interject and suggest otherwise. What I did was step back. I watched, in abject horror, as the Leo friend took a situation that was bad, and through typical Leo statement, dramatic influence and other elements, made the situation go from bad to worse, to abysmally awful. This was an example, every inch of the way, the Leo was justified in the response, only, it was a situation wherein the Leo — categorically correct — made a bad situation worse.

From bad to worse to the worst. So the Leo was right, letter of the law, karmically, whatever method of judging? Correct. The Leo was correct. Did that justify the response? No. It’s a matter of being right and being alone. “Well, I was right, wasn’t I?” Yes, the Leo was right. And other than me, standing beside the Leo? No one else was going to join the fray. There is time to be morally indignant. Then there’s a time to know that you’re right, but you don’t have to smite us with your Leo might. I know you’re right. You know you’re right. All that matters, right?

Virgo: When guys hug guys? Normal, all heterosexual males hug other, all normal, heterosexual males? It usually involves a slap on the back, and that slap can be strong enough dislodge the spine of the person being slapped. There’s a solid “thunk!” Just trying to show that we’re normal. It’s also indicative of a deeper emotion, usually a little bravado on top of a small amount of unfamiliar intimacy as evidenced by an embrace. Which is the reason why there’s a solid slap to accompany the hug. It’s like punctuation, and I’ve watched this behavior amongst many of my “manly” friends.

There’s a level of intimacy I’m not sure that some guys are familiar with. Doesn’t bother me, as I’ve moved across so many boundaries, very little in personal interaction will surprise me. Or upset me. Saturn is embracing your Virgo self these days. I’d suggest, like that hug I just described? I’d suggest that Virgo slap Saturn on the back, give a little of extra bravado, and see if that doesn’t help you slug, muscle, and otherwise get you through the problems this week.

Libra: Stop. Mars and Venus oppose you. Stop. Mercury is backwards in Taurus. Stop. That’s three “stop” symbols and by now you should have a grip on this stupid planetary pattern. It’s about slowing to crawl, then stopping, then pausing, then holding still long enough to understand, grasp, and internally accept what the message is. It’s about accepting certain situations, accepting certain limits and understanding that there are some things in life that don’t make any sense.

“Why do we have to do it this way?” That’s the common question I’ve heard, and the answer? Because it’s the way it’s always been done. There comes a time when the bureaucracy wins. It’s that simple. I know, and you can easily see, that there is a way around this, perhaps route or method that would appear to require less energy. Maybe a way that seems a lot more efficient. While that might be the case, an while that might fit our situation here? That doesn’t mean it’s the way we’re going to do this. There’s an accepted process, for whatever reason, and for now, even though we both know that your Libra idea is good? Let’s just do it the harder, more arduous, and time-proven way. Just for now. Humor us.

Scorpio: Start with unbridled optimism. Sprinkle with hope, add a dash of encouraging news. What have you got? Looks a lot better than what you’ve been looking at lately, doesn’t it? The problem being, this mixture of hope and optimistic outlook? It needs to be leavened a little. Perhaps a teaspoon of Scorpio reality? I think that’s the right mix. But that’s also the clue, on how to get by this week.

Just use a teaspoon. Not a tablespoon. Much smaller quantity. This mix is heady brew and there’s just one item that seems to be missing, and personally, I’m not a Scorpio so I can’t say that I tried this, but I’d suggest a shot of tequila, too. A little Scorpio reality, measured by the teaspoon, and maybe, just maybe, for medicinal purposes only, a shot of tequila.

Different concoctions work different ways, and the tequila might be regional influence. But that steaming mug of hope? Seasoned with a small dose of Scorpio real world knowledge? Maybe a shot of hard liquor will help. Or something similar. Me? I just get a second shot of espresso. But I’m not a Scorpio.

Sagittarius: I’m tired of Mercury being backwards. Seems like this one has drawn down for longer than it is supposed to. And it feels like I’ve had more than my share of stupid little “Mercury is backwards” problems, too. Unjust. Unfair. Unjustified in aggression and response, too. People snapping back at what was clearly an ironic statement. Biting sarcasm rather than people playing nice. Just not fair. I could whine some more, too, but then I start to sound like the people that I’m complaining about. However, this all does highlight our issues this week.

Folks just don’t get it. Our Sagittarius good humor and jovial ways are sorely put upon in order to keep everyone happy. At one point, we have to decide for our Sagittarius selves, when are we gong to quit sacrificing our own selves for the sake of others? At what point do we decide that we’ve had enough, and we change the pattern?

Alas, I don’t think we’ll be able to accomplish that change this week. The planets are still stacked against us. More like a single planet is stacked against us, that would be a recalcitrant Mercury backwards in Taurus, and the Sun (and Moon) in Gemini. Against us? Well, not exactly in our favor. However, all that Sagittarius luck, that could come into play, for one, bright, shining moment. Maybe this week. Just maybe.

Capricorn: A buddy of mine had an abscessed tooth. He used alcohol to numb the pain and eventually, once his jaw got swollen, he decided to go to the hospital. He could change only when the pain to change was less than the pain to remain. Either that, or the fact that he couldn’t eat. I think that got him to the hospital. So his mouth was wired shut for a few weeks.

Towards the end, though, he got so tired of liquid (non-alcoholic) support, he finally unwired his jaw himself, and had a burger. From a cheap franchise place. In turn, that re-infected the tooth, and the inflammation flared up and he was back in the hospital with tubes in his arms and mouth, and he almost died. From a hamburger. From a cheap, international chain. He lamented his fate, his second brush with death was far more harrowing with emergency medicine, and the already infected jaw, and surgery, and a scars and everything.

Makes a good story, to hear his version. True story. He is smart enough to not leave out how he unwired the jaw himself — no mean feat — and then it was that burger that almost killed him. At the tail end of the Mercurial Period and as Mars, the Moon, Venus all skate through Aries? Stop. Think about how much pain my buddy had to endure, all for a silly burger that wasn’t that good. Is it worth killing yourself for a burger like that? Maybe leave the Capricorn mouth wired shut.

Aquarius: I think I was on flight somewhere, but this could be in any number of settings. Just a little bit of a conversation, overheard. “Here, take this (aspirin) with the vodka.” Might be, more like, “Here, wash this pill down with a shot of vodka,” but the intent is clear, one might cancel the other. Or the two might work in collusion, and provide the much sought after relief.

I’m not sure which one works better, the aspirin product or the alcohol. Personally, I would stick with plain aspirin, but that’s me, and no one asked me. While I can’t condone mixing substances that might — or might not — belong together, the combined effect might just work. It’s like you’ve got a headache. Not a bad one, not a mean one , just a headache. And it’s one of those that seems to linger. And hold on. Not so bad that you have to sit in a dark room for hours at a time, but still.

That headache? I’m not sure what’s going to be the real cure. Is it the aspirin? Is it the “hair of the dog” remedy? Is it something in between? Is it the combination of drugs and alcohol that works? I’m not sure. However, and I’m not your real doctor, so I’m not really prescribing this, but as an idea, that comment I overheard? “Here, wash that (aspirin) down with a shot of liquor,” that kind of sentiment is what works. That kind of idea is how to alleviate Mercury’s pain and move your self forward.

Pisces: I have a great idea. It’s bumper sticker. You can make this, sell thousands, get really rich, and then you can cut me in on the profit. I’m not asking for much — just one per cent, that’s 1% — off the top. The idea itself? It’s a simple bumper sticker, “This is my other car.” That’s it. I can see a roll of the eyes, a muttered comment, “That will never sell,” but I should remind you, no one has ever gone broke underestimating the American public’s ability to buy, consume, and other wise spend hard earned dollars on stupid stuff.

Suddenly, I look like a bright guy, huh. Then why don’t I rush this into production and make a lot of money? I don’t have the time. I can either write horoscopes or write tag lines for bumper stickers. As a Pisces, you’d rather pay a small fraction of all the money you’re going to make rather than going out and buying one of these from someone else. Sell or buy, which end of this would you rather work? The other idea, in a similar vein, “This is it./This is my other car.” Layout and design, typography and color selection? I’ll leave that up to you.

You have some choices. You have some ideas. I’ve given you a few pointers. What’s stopping you from taking the world by storm? You might have been handed the next big idea. Are you going to make an effort to use it?

Aries: “Communication Breakdown. It’s always the same,” now isn’t it? Where have I heard that before? Divinely inspired lyrics? Or lyrics that have a strong message for the moment? In Aries, there’s going to be a breakdown in communications. Simply put.

The worst of the Mercury stuff is long over, but that doesn’t stop the problem. Nor is that going to alleviate the immediate problem that you’re rushing, headlong, into a situation wherein you might not ought to be rushing. At all. I’m not saying that you’re in too big of a hurry but that’s about it. Mars is fuel, and Mercury is like a little added fuel, so that means you’re doubled up on combustible material. That doesn’t mean you’ve go the right direction picked out. Which what I’m trying to warn you about. Slow it down, don’t jump on the first line that comes along.

Understand that there’s a high probability that there will be a problem with communication. Like a “Communication breakdown. It’s always the same, “now isn’t it?”

Taurus: There’s a place I tend to favor, a little coastal cuisine kind of a kitchen, down on the Gulf. Bay, really as the back patio opens to a bay. But the idea is the same, and anyway, the grub is good. Best food for miles, a combination of Continental and Coastal, with a pleasing touch of Texas thrown in for good measure. On the bar at this place, there sits a huge Espresso Machine. A giant, hulking beast, the old school kind of coffee beast with tubes and handles, pressure gauges and spigots, all manners of plumbing encased in gleaming chrome and flashing jet black siding. Looks like it could handle a space-shuttle launch, or cold fusion, or both.

But when I dine there, at that place? That one restaurant with the good food? “The Espresso machine doesn’t work.” I’ve heard that a dozen times. One evening, I got a slightly more truthful answer from one waitress, “The machine works, but it makes a lot of noise, and it’s, like, a major pain to make Espresso.”

So if you want a real Espresso-based drink, go to the Starbucks down the road. The place, this one joint? It’s more for food than beverages, and certainly, not for coffee-based drinks. It’s matter of knowing what works, and what doesn’t work. While I figure that a little cup of espresso, after a fine-dining meal would be great? The owner, the staff, maybe they know better and maybe they accept the limitations. Which is what this is about for Taurus.