Monthly News of the World 11/93

Monthly News of the World 11/93

“When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.”

(from Mark Twain’s Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar)

Yes, and as if last month wasn’t bad enough: November is going to be one of those years, folks. The month will start out with a bang, and end with a national holiday, celebrating the birthday of all   born in late November. Although the beginning of the month is characterized by intense energy, look for more smiling faces towards the end of the month. Don’t you love the holiday season?

Aries: if it’s not one thing, then it’s another. Not to worry, though, the last of the lingering problems are over. You should find that the scales of justice, which have swung badly in some other direction, are finally seeing things the right way: your way.

Taurus: you’re starting to light up again. For those of you who have quit smoking, the urge is back: just think how nice a cigarette would be after that huge Thanksgiving meal with the family. Just what you need.

Gemini: if last month was good, then watch out for this month. Perhaps this is a good time to add some more vile vernacular to your vocabulary. Learn how to swear in a cute, colorful fashion; it will help keep the peace.

Cancer: now that your life is in order, I told you that you should have looked for a new car. Too late. Instead of shopping for a sports coupe, you might be coerced into buying family mini-van. Tell yourself, “Self, it’s what I want.”

Leo: Except for a few of you, this is another good month, so party on! And for those few of you who do experience some problems, look for some drastic upheaval in the home space, like maybe you’ll move halfway across the country. It’s okay, just tell yourself it’s a career move.

Virgo: how was last month’s journey at sea? Are the tides still pulling you apart from the inside out? There is a storm brewing on your horizon, so it is best to get ready for yet another gale. Or a blast, depending on your outlook.

Libra: last of the good luck and fortune is gone, so consider rolling up your shirtsleeves and going back to work. Definitely watch out for Scorpio this month.

Scorpio: you are sometimes seen as an insect (Scorpion) and sometimes a Phoenix, rising from the ashes. Try to be forgiving these days (hard to imagine) because what you don’t forgive and forget will come back to haunt you. See the Twain quote for solace. Wonder why every one else is watching out for you?

Sagittarius: lighten up some, get loose and try to stay that way. You are energized these days with a number of strong influences. Just learn to enjoy what comes your way and try to avoid being too stubborn. Try to watch out for Scorpio this month.

Capricorn: all that stuff you own is just dragging you down these days. Every notice that you need to spend a lot of time dusting and cleaning? Get out of the house and enjoy the beautiful fall weather-it really is your best season. And these are probably your favorite colors. Just watch out for Scorpio this month.

Aquarius: this should be about the last of the karmic roll call for you. After this month, it is a straight march forward. Remember to keep your head held high, as if that was ever a problem for you anyway. You face some tough calls on just about everything going on. Watch that you don’t have reproductive problems this month, as that is definitely highlighted.

Pisces: with what all your friends are going through this month, you had better consider getting a counseling degree, just so you can help. Maybe a liver transplant would help, too, for all the barroom therapy you will find yourself engaged in. Just be glad that it’s them and not you.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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