Week of: July 8-14
“Rare words! Brave world! Hostess, my breakfast come!/O, I could wish this tavern were my drum!” Falstaff in Shakespeare’s Henry IV, Part I (III.iii.205-6)
Aries [3/23-4/20]: Bang your drum slowly, my dear Aries friends because week that starts out with the Moon in Aries on Monday is good sign. And the way work looks like it is stacking up right now, you could use all the good fortune coming your way that’s possible. Just be careful that your emotional demands don’t wear your neighbors thin.
Taurus [4/21-5/22]: Now, a lot of astrologers tend to think that the Sign of the Bull is possessive and too oriented towards personal belongings. While this is a rash and generalized statement, it does occur to you that it could be true this week. The flip side of this statement is that it is a good week to consider buying a new fishing boat. Or acquiring something else like that, say, a new vehicle or some of those new lures that smell like garlic. They do work, just check with the Salty Sucker Bait Co. for more info.
Gemini [5/23-6/21]: You get the triple – double – throw down – whammy maneuver this week from the heavens as your emotions and a new relationship seem to run amok. Buy that wedding ring! Get him or her that big diamond! Go all out! If this is a new romance, remember to bait your date’s hook, especially when using Sushi as bait. Even if it isn’t a first date.
Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Poor Cancer, what with this being a birthday time and all, you’ve been down in the dumps lately. A little midnight fishing with high powered spotlight to attract the bugs which then attract the fish is the way to do it. You’ll have more luck next week, though, as the emotional trauma gets smoothed over. Since this is my editor’s birthday week, let’s all show our sympathy for his poor Cancer self and send him an email wishing him a happy birthday. That’s “BenBubba@aol.com.”
Leo [7/23-8/23]: The only problem with being Leo is that those pesky emotions tend to bubble up at uncomfortable times, like right now, and you don’t know what to do about it all. Patience, dear Leo, as you time will come! You will find that you are feeling a profound degree of psychological transformation approaching. Ever consider changing the patterns that fish with? The old fishing holes seem to be depleted right now, and you should look for something new…
Virgo [8/24-9/23]: You seem to have it easy this week, but there is a dark and foreboding sense that there is something lurking under the water. Just relax and keep casting your bait out. You may not catch much this week, but the dark and foreboding feeling of dread will soon be gone. I promise.
Libra [9/24-10/23]: You will find that you are hot this week as you seem to burn with an evangelical zeal. This fervent attitude can be put to good use, but the trick this week is finding an appropriate outlet for your energy.
Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: A boomerang is one of those foreign constructs which refers to an aerial device that returns. You throw it and it comes back. And just like a boomerang, there is a relationship issue which has come back to visit you. Now, I told you a long time ago to clean this up but did you listen? I guess you don’t because they’re back, and it looks like they have an army of lawyers, too. I only hope that some tort reform is in action right now.
Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Live bait works best this week. Get yourself a live one, bait the hook well, and the fish will bite. That’s a simple message at this time, but what does it mean, oh great Fishing Guide to the Stars? It means that now is the time to get prepared for some real action. Get the ducks in row, or, in this case, get your tackle all lined up and ready for a big fishing tournament this weekend. Go for the biggest Bass in the lake, that one feller who who has defied all other fishermen. You can do it.
Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: You poor dear Capricorns. I want to tell you about how things are going to be so very nice for you right now, but there is one little problem: I have an ex who is a Cappy, and now that she’s reading this, I can’t say anything nice about Capricorn. But for the rest of you, just watch the dream like quality that seems to lead you drifting off to fantasy world. Maybe it’s just a Disney Land, but watch your step. On a positive note, try playing the lottery.
Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Settle back with a good book, prop your feet up on the gunwales of the boat, and plan on drowning a few worms. If you are an animal rights activist, just drop a bare hook over the edge of the boat — the only fish that strike at that WANT to be eaten. Makes it a volunteer kind of a thing — and you experience absolutely no guilt whatsoever.
Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Concentrate on work in the early part of the week, and call you mother later in the week. Tidy up some stuff around the house. Relax some. Of course, it’s an oxymoron, talking about a tense Pisces, but you should find some much needed relaxation this week. Maybe go fishing this weekend.
