Week of: September 16-22

Week of: September 16-22

Aries [3/23-4/20]: There’s this two-bit character in Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida, his name is Thersites, and he’s a bitter old fart who wanders around making pointed comments at the expense of other characters’ sanity. You need some one like Thersites to wander through your life this week, and make a pointed comment about what’s going on in your life, little bon mots like, “What, lost in the labyrinth of thy fury?” (III.i.1-2) See? Don’t you feel better now that I’ve pointed out that you are mad and you’re not going to take it anymore?

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: You’re really in trouble when your life begins to resemble a good country and western song. And that’s exactly how you feel this week. I would warn you about unexpected changes in local scenery, especially on the relationship area, wherein you experience sudden turmoil replaced by sudden calm. I’ve never been in a hurricane, but I’ve suffered the weather, being a little bit further inland. You’ve got the same thing working for you–sudden storm, sudden calm. Enjoy the ride.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Actually, for a Gemini,this is a good week, at least, as good as a week can be when Mercury is doing the backward stumble. Slow everything down. Take a deep breath. Say to yourself, “It’s just them darn planets.” Repeat three times as necessary. Try to develop some patience. (Hah!) Write long and complaining letters to your favorite astrologer, FGSKramer@aol.com. Whatever you do, don’t try to set anything in motion that will last for a long time. Not right now.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: If it’s not one thing, then it’s always something else, now isn’t it? The money making stuff, work as some people call it, is going rather well, except for the the little hiccups we associate with that darn Mercury thing. The way this shakes out, for this week, if you are an early Cancer, work is a big issue, and if you are a late Cancer, typos are a big issue. One way or another, it’s a too hot of a week. I would plan an extended weekend full of fishing, if I were you.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: While everyone else is suffering with the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune, you will find that you are uniquely aspected for several things, all of which can be good. There is the usual “Mercury is retrograde” label on everything, but with all the positive energy you’ve buillt and have managed to maintain, you will be rolling right along this week. Love, or money, is destined to come your way this week. Remember, I told you first.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Mercury is often associated with sign of Virgo. Mercury is doing a hot little dance step with the Sun this week. The problem is that the two celestial objects are on different rhythms, and that makes for a unique dance step. Another way of looking at this dance would collision course. Most Virgo’s worry excessively about gloomy subjects, and Mercury will reverse itself and make all of this mess okay before too long, but until then, if I wear in your boots, I world worry needlessly about minute details. Someone’s got to do it.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: The god news is another one of those long cycles is slowly drawing to a close. Kind of like an old television series which has run for too long (and lost its ratings), you feel like you’ve got some things happening in your life that are no longer interesting. Just not the same. No fun any more. You are not alone, either. But since this is a time of great inward reflection, I would recommend a long meditation in a boat, far from the noise of the city, a place where you can really meditate without being bothered by telephones, computers, sales people, and that sort of distraction. The good times start up again. Later. Right now, “concentrate on yourself.”

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: The good news is that your intellectual appetite gets a big boost this week. The bad news is that your stomach’s appetite gets a big boost, too. So while you are eating away, consider that you are avoiding some kind of intellectual problem. While this may sound like an obsessive disorder, I would tend to regard it as a phase you are going through. In fact, the physical appetite may subside by the end of the week, but the intellectual hunger will continue for a while.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Go back and read Scorpio for this week, then consider that the usual answer, when face to face with this question about “food or book” is not really a question for a Sagittarius. Book wins every time. This is a good week for reading bodice ripper romance stories. Get some new ideas going about romance. Looking for something with a sweaty, over-developed male on the cover, you know the kind. With all the positive momentum you’ve started to develop, an insignificant planet like Mercury isn’t going to slow you down this week.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Okay, listen up. We’re going to talk about feelings this week. I don’t care if my ex is reading this, I’ve got some rock solid news for Cappy’s this week: You will find that you can communicate your feeling very well this week. There is an emotional honesty which you haven’t felt in a long time, like maybe a month or more, that really shines this week. The problems arise when you try to communicate this emotional honesty with other people. Doesn’t work. don’t worry about it, either. At least you know where stand much better now.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: The only thing I would warn you poor old Aquarius souls about this week is that domestic dispute, that is, if you have anything like a domestic life, will be a problem. It’s not a “for sure” problem area, but I would wager that between the odd ball planet doing the retrograde and the powerful love planets of Mars and Venus opposite you, that will feel a certain amount of STRESS in your relationships. Especially anything involving romance. Bet I just lost all my good Aquarius readers, too. Sorry about that. I just looks at them stars and says what they says.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Oh Dear Lord, I know how you hate to work. And I humbly regret, but there was a few things that I just didn’t foresee about work: the ugly stuff is coming up again for my dear Pisces friends. Looks like you are supposed to be in two places at once this weekend. Can’t do that? Well, best you try, dear Pisces, because there is a lot of money to be made. Clone yourself. Do something. Do something drastic.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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