Week of: September 9-15

Week of: September 9-15

"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."

I cribbed this quote from a the liner notes for a piece of software in the mid-80s, but it is attributed to an InfoWorld columnist, named Robert C. Cringly. With Mercury in full retrograde action, I’d wager you’ve had computer modem problems this week. I have.

    Aries [3/23-4/20]: It ain’t none too often that I can start a Monday mourning session like this, but it just gets better and better as the week unfolds. Really. Trust me. If it doesn’t feel like things are really taking off in a good way by, say Wednesday, then email me at FGSKramer@aol.com, and we’ll talk. But there is great big and beautiful planetary configuration which means you can make things happen this week. While everyone else is cursing about Mercury being retrograde, push forward with new momentum. You’ve got it, use it.

    Taurus [4/21-5/22]:
    Okay, so we got a problem this week with self-discipline. If you can get over the fact that you feel good this week, and if you can get past the idea that you need to redecorate, you might get something done. The hassles this week come from that pesky planet doing it’s backward dance, and especially now, because Mercury has moved into another earth sign: Virgo. Don’t count on Virgo’s being of much assistance this week, either. Nope, just try and get as much done as possible, but remember: don’t redecorate this week.

    Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Talk about you tough times! You will probably feel like everyone is testing what you do right now. And if no one else is testing you, then you will probably be testing yourself. That’s the tough news. The other pesky problem is that Mercury thing that I’ve warned you about in the past, and since communication is so important to you, it’s real hassle right now. Make an effort to be careful about what you say or write. Even talking on the telephone can get you in a world of hurt right now.

    Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Now that Mars, that old god of war, has left your sign, I’m going to try the subliminal advertising again (you want to buy me a bass boat). In the meantime, other than the usual stern warnings I have for Mercury RX, there isn’t too much in a bad way that is happening. And since you never listen to me talk about buying a boat for me, maybe this is the week to start shopping for a new car for yourself. The planets say “shop away!” They also say, “Don’t buy this week, but shop till you drop!”

    Leo [7/23-8/23]: Romance is in the air, and that’s not all that is up. The problem with the planetary influences on us mere mortals is that our communications get screwed up with this stuff. But you ought to be feeling great about some one special. You know, that special snookums in your life? Just remember, for all your amorous feelings right now, it isn’t a good time to communicate. So what you do is try to find expression through some other means. My big hint is to send flowers.

    Virgo [8/24-9/23]: The good news is that we are still celebrating Virgo Birthdays! The bad news that the littlest planet that most of Astrologers ever fool around with is doing a bit of headache routine and it’s now in Virgo. The central theme this week will the usual Virgo tendency toward perfectionism, and the problem that arises from that is the Universe is trying pretty hard to make it impossible to get every thing right. Double check your work this week, as if you don’t do that anyway, and try to catch all the errors. A message like that ought to thrill the Virgo’s.

    Libra [9/24-10/23]: Look on the bright side: the pesky persistent problem of potentially fatal mistakes is passed. And while most Astrologers will tell you not to sign legal documents at this time, I will tell you no such thing. But do be prepared otherwise: try to proof read everything before it leaves the office. And put off looking for new fishing gear right now.

    Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Imagine this: a Scorpio who is withdrawn and not too willing to Sahara his or her feelings. Imagine a Scorpio with a tremendous appetite. Imagine that both these things are going on this week, first the withdrawn and sullen side, and then the more rapacious (hungry, too) outgoing side. Still, there is an undercurrent that you need to hide something from the world this week. I wouldn’t worry about it. Astrologers don’t know everything, and I’m sure not going to tell a soul about you. Not this week.

    Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: There’s this great scene in Shakespeare’s ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA wherein a messenger approaches Cleo with the news that her lover has shacked up with someone else: “To punish me for what you make me do/Seems unequal.” (II.v.99-101) What does this mean to you? Don’t shoot me, I’m only the guy with the message. This is important this week because Sagittarius has a lot of important messages from the heavens showing up this week. Now pay attention to what I said…

    Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Big doings this week as old flames come crawling out of the woodwork to make you life a living form of punishment. You will find that those “old flames” which should be cold embers by now, have found a sudden breath of fresh air and been fanned to make them really, really bright. Tough call for you guys. I would get prepared to duck. Who sings that song, with the lyrics
    which go something like this: “Ain’t no luck/I learned to duck”?

    Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Curiosity killed the cat, is the way the old saying goes, but what they never tell you is that the darn cat has nine lives. If that isn’t enough of a mixed metaphorical image for you, how about just a fair warning about getting too curious about some one’s business that really shouldn’t be poking you own nose into? Keep to yourself, read a self help book, but don’t do any detective work, as much as you want to — it will avail you naught.

    Pisces [2/19-3/22]: The week starts out with the last vestiges of romance lingering in the air, and since darn near all Pisces are completely unfazed by a Retrograde Mercury, you don’t have any problems this week. I hate to sound like the girl in Cosmo, but, there are no problems for you this week. Love goes humming right along (what a tasty image that is) and work is there, if you should be so motivated.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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