Week of: September 23-29

Week of: September 23-29
Mercury does an about face, to borrow from the military terminology, but that doesn't mean that the problems are over. At least not yet. As one of my lawyers always says, "It's a Virgo thing."

Aries [3/23-4/20]: My dear Aries friend, you've got a half birthday right about now. And that's a good thing. The problem is that you also feel like you are adrift in boat that is leaking. The leaks wouldn't be a problem except that one of them is at the front of the boat and the other is at the rear. Don't give up the ship but be aware that you will feel like all hope is lost. It ain't, you just need to redefine your goals, cut your losses and get on with what's coming up ahead.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: You are going to feel like some one has been rattling your teeth, sort of like a monster picked you up and shook you really good. What's this mean ion the real world? Just because that pesky little Mercury is no longer having a dire effect on your life doesn't mean that there are still some consequences that you need to deal with. News like this never makes me popular, and if you need to complain about the stars, my virtual mailbox is always open. As a Taurus, look on the bright side, things aren't nearly as bad as they wear last year.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Between all the oddball bit of gravel in the sky, and the ongoing debate as to whether Pluto is a planet (it is) or an asteroid, you might feel like this is one, long, dark mean alley of a week. It's not really that bad. It just feels that way this week. It's like the old saying goes, about "taking it one day at a time," and you obviously are sure that the Universe has cooked up a potent stew which has several days attacking you all at once. Don't shoot me, I'm not the cook, just a cooking critic. See? I'm on your side.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: If you really followed my usual advice for times like these, you would have never come out of the house, and if you had never come out of the house, you wouldn't be in another fine mess, like you've gotten us into this time. The problem with Cancers is that they rarely, if ever, follow my advice. Work, is, as usual, a big deal this week, but you already knew that. Go and make lots of money this week. That'll make you feel happier about the sad state of other affairs.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: The good news is that the dynamic duo of Mars and Venus are still playing tag with you, and that means romance is still in the air. As is money. The problems which have cropped up in the last few weeks, though, still need a degree of resolution in your life. Now, this would be a good week to get the old bass boat out, and head on down to the lake for an extended fishing party. You don't need to worry about what every one else is fretting about. Remember, it always makes points with your date if you bait her hook. Cosmobiology is still working on the facts behind this one.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: It's about time to roll up your sleeves and get to work cleaning up after that huge party you just had with those two celestial objects in your corner of the sky. Now that Mercury, sometimes the planet associated with the rulership of Virgo, is not causing any further difficulties, it is time to get back to work. You are probably at the end of three week period where it feels like nothing has gone right. One letter writer called it a "bad hair lifetime." I wouldn't be so negative. Just the usual culprit, and the mischief is over.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: We've got all sorts of nifty things coming up this week for Libra, but the real question is, "did you make any hasty and unplanned decisions last week?" Because whatever got started last week will probably have to be redone this week. or next week. Be that as it may, you are still in great shape, at this point, to forge ahead. The Sun rolls into Libra this week, too, so it's birthday time. Couldn't be better, now that Mercury is off our collective backsides.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Dear sweet, benevolent Scorpio, the best is coming up. Once again, I use my tired and worn phrase, "tedious balance" because it is something that you need to try to achieve this week. With that goal in mind, you can win the metaphorical "Bass Tournament in the Sky." The deal you need to work on, though, is getting the correct weight distribution in your boat. Not too much weight in the front, but make sure there's enough to hold it down when you are cruising really fast. And not too much on either the port or starboard side, either, try to keep an even keel.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Insight abounds this week, and what you can do is take all of that information on your own inner self that collected over the last few weeks, and tell the world. Of course, unless you are part of the miasma that calls itself the World Wide Web, maybe not a lot of people are going to hear you. But it's worth a try. Remember that you are attempting to share cosmic truths. Just remember that your fishing partner, Bubba, might be some what disinclined to hear about the greater verities of life, and more interested in what bait works this weekend. Try some bacon bait this weekend. Keep Bubba happy.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: This is one of those trying weeks for you poor, much beleaguered Cappy's. Life just feels like there is nothing but a serious of impossible tests. It was as if you have been an examination, pass or fail, and you forgot to bring a #2 pencil. Or anything for that matter. In fact, you feel like they didn't even tell you what textbook to study. Now that I've made you feel really unprepared, let me tell you a secret: This life is only a test, if it were the real thing, we would be told where to go and what to do. Get the message? You are not really being tested. Just feels that way.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: William James is quoted as once saying, "A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." Why would I call this to your attention this week? Be wary of just rearranging the thoughts in your head when you have been told to come up with new ideas. This is a common mistake, and since an Aquarius is anything but common, it would be a good idea to work on the new ideas, not just rearranging mental furniture.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: H.L. Mencken once observed that "No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public." Why should I call this to the attention of the much picked upon Pisces this week? Because I know that you have the gem of an idea that can make you a lot of money. And since I have (and Mencken, but he's long dead) have given you the boost to get this idea in production, you are going to give me one percent, a mere 1% of the royalties. It's all profit because you are in position to market something better than anyone else. You heard it here first.