Week of: January 20-26

….that our stars,
Unreconciliable, should divide
Our equalness to this.

Caesar in Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra (Act V, scene i)

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Relationship stuff, oh yeah, I was going to say something about that last week, but I was concerned with you not getting enough rest. The little dirt clod of love is in your sign, and it is making you really think about romance. Look: it’s not even spring yet, so lay off the romance already. Despite your amorous feelings, this isn’t a good week for romance. In fact, it’s probably not a good month for romance, but that doesn’t stop you from feeling like fate has thrust some one on you. What is it that Malvolio says about that?

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: My good Taurus friend, this is one of those weeks that can be tremendously good to you, if you only play your cards right. And like the old song goes, you’ve got know when to hold up, know when to fold up, know when t to walk away, know when to run…. I don’t really think that you are going to be getting any unscheduled exercise, but I would definitely be careful about long dark alleys where your “friends” keep leading you. Is this the adventure you wanted, or was Kramer, FGS, just warning you about a potential hazard?

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: If I could ever make a Gemini actually listen to a word I say, then I would be in much better shape. So would they. The deal is this, dear Gemini friends, the Sun is in Aquarius, and before you start thinking about some song left over from the 60’s, just consider that this is a beneficial time for you, if you make use of this good energy. In other words, it’s like you just drank a pot of coffee at a truck stop, and it’s a hundred and six miles to Chicago, it’s dark, and what’s the next line? My FGS recommendation is to get off your butt because you will particularly lazy this week.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Don’t you just hate Astrologers who talk in riddles? But with the weird weather we’re having, I have another one for you: No snowflake falls in an inappropriate place. Now then, my dear Cancer friend, what does THAT mean? You’re personal weather forecast is chilly, with frostbite around the edges for this week. It’s not that you don’t have the heat, it’s just that the outside weather is mirror reflection of your inner landscape. Cold and bitter, like good coffee.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: It’s the half birthday time for you. The problem with such a celebration is that you are at a turning point in your personal astrological year. Time to discard them things that don’t seem to work. In particular, there are certain things that you deal with daily, like fishing motors, old rubber boots which are leaky, that sort of thing which all needs to be either repaired or TOSSED. Get the message? If it don’t work, replace that sucker. sometimes, you guys can be so stubborn for a Fire sign, I swear.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: You thought you would get some great words of wisdom right now, didn’t you? How about Elmer Fudd’s famous lines, “Ssshh, be bewy, bewy quiet, I’m hunting wabbits. Hahaha.” That fits a little bit better than any highbrow literary stuff because you need to temper your temper, that is, make an effort to control your outlandish displays of satisfaction and dissatisfaction this week. You might wind up looking like a frustrated Elmer Fudd with your rival looking like a cool and calm bunny munching on a carrot. Imitate the actions of the bunny. “What’s up doc?”

Libra [9/24-10/23]: You feel like you’re out on point this week. In fact, you feel like you are walking, talking (living, breathing) target this week for everyone. You will find that you also wind up in a spotlight, too, but not like one on stage, no it’s more like a hot day in West Texas with nary a rain cloud or coppice of mesquite for any respite. The deal is there is a war within yourself about being assertive, it’s just figuring out what you have to assert that is dangerous. Your mind can be bad neighborhood late at night, sort of like my neighborhood in South Austin–not the place you want to go alone or unarmed.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: You are caught on the very edge of a good, good week. By the time the weekend gets here, you are in fine shape to be leader again. And, like most Scorpio’s, you like it when everyone pays attention to you and does JUST EXACTLY what you tell them to do. Folks around you will be just begging to make things right with you. Don’t push your luck too far, though, as this is quick week for good things to happen. And watch your temper in traffic–it’s not their fault that the other drivers are so ill-mannered.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Sagittarius is not normally associated with great mood swings. Usually, life is nothing but up and up. But there is a sort of flavor to your week, sort of like Vietnamese food gone bad in your stomach which can leave a sour taste in your mouth. Actually, it’s the metallic tang of fear, not to be confused with a breakfast drink. Fishing this weekend is good. Very, very good. But plan on some time alone, too, because you are going to need it. No making up stories this week, either, about “the one that got away.” If you don’t have any big fish, don’t spin any yarns about big fish. Adjust the stories to scale.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: I used to have a boat with a really cool looking outboard motor, a little job with fins which looked quite deco. The problem that motor had was the oil/fuel mixture. I forgot to add oil one day and burned up the main bearing. It died with an awful roar. With all you have cooking right now, your plate looks real full. Make sure that you don’t burn your own main bearing right now. Or let the food get over-cooked.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Let’s all give a warm round of applause to the grandest star in the sky, Jupiter, as it makes an entrance into Aquarius this week. In case you’ve forgotten, Jupiter is considered by many astrologer, myself included, to be the lucky star. And it’s here for an extended visit. And, just make things even more fun, Jupiter and Uranus will be playing cosmic game of hide and seek with you in little while. But now a words from our sponsors, because, despite all the good news, you still have to pay the bills this week.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: There’s a weak, but beneficial influence exerted on you by the heavens this week. This might be a little offset by by some emotional stuff which is carried over from last year, sort of like an ex who won’t go away, and won’t leave you alone. My recommendation is to get caller ID. I just wish I got commission from the phone company for making a nice suggestion like that. Remember: as long as you are nice this week, then good things will fall your way. Make a lap, and good things fall into it.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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© 1993 – 2021 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net &c.

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