9.1.1997

Week of: Sept. 1-7

Aries
This week feels like the the world is pulling a Lucy on you. Pulling a Lucy is when you’re Charlie Brown, ready to kick the football being held by Lucy, and she pulls it away just before you kick it. Factually, this
isn’t the case, but metaphorically, it is. The real problem this week is that
a specific love relationship is being difficult. Your betrothed isn’t too
enamored of your bass boat and your time in it. I’ll give you a
hint: Football is here again, and that’ll make matters worse.

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


Taurus
You know that real estate deal you’ve been working on — the mobile home by the
lake? Well, Bubba, I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Think about moving it to
the backburner this week. Why? A number of unsettling changes are
fixin’ to test your patience this week. The good news is that out of every mess
eventually emerges a cleaning crew. When the crew is on it’s way, I’ll let you
know. In the face of conventional astrology, I’d wager that this a good week
for a lottery game or similar twist of fate where you receive a chunk of cash.

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


Gemini
I hate it when Mercury is retrograde, especially when it makes a mean angle to
Gemini, a sign heavily associated with Mercury. Weeks like this are usually
ones for the record book, and not in a good way. Even then, the records are likely to get mixed up. Murphy’s Law(s) will introduce
themselves to you. If it can go wrong, then the jelly side of the toast will
land down, especially if it is an expensive cat. See what I mean about
communications getting fouled up?

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


Cancer
You’ll wonder about me and this week, because it looks like the week gets off
to a rocky start Monday. That’s the bad news. The good news is that by the
weekend, you’ll be in fine shape. My caution for this week involves revenge:
Don’t do it. You have a chance to get even on Friday for someone who crossed you earlier in the week. Much as this pains me to say this, especially since revenge can be fun for the whole family, but it isn’t REALLY a good idea.

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


Leo
While everyone else is having major difficulties, yours are rather minor. If
you keep a level head with all the excitement happening around you, then you’ll
do just fine. Not that I’d ever do this myself but I recommend that you park
yourself in front of the tee-vee for a delirious weekend of football rather
than flirting with disaster out in the naked city. The city isn’t a good companion this week, no matter how exciting she looks. Be careful with who you flirt with.

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


Virgo
Look here, Mr/Mrs./Ms. Virgo: I don’t control the planets. I just report on
where they are, and I’m here to tell you that Mercury is making your life miserable. Nothing I can do. Not even Clinton can intervene on this one. What I can tell you is that this week is the beginning of a new cycle, and the next few weeks you’ll gradually,
inch by bloody inch, get ahead. Work gets easier, even by the time
weekend because you’ll be laughing at some of the foibles of others.
It’s a good a start anyway.

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


Libra
In old-fashioned astrology, Venus rules Libra. Why? In
other branches of astrology, Venus isn’t always the nice one. Venus can be known to wear combat boots and pack some heat. This week, watch out for a butch Venus declaring war on you. This could be a real war, or a metaphorical one. After this week, it’ll be a better month. It has to be.

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


Scorpio
My fine and irritated Scorpio friend, just how is this week going to go? Depends on your attitude. For some weird reason, you’re being somewhat uncharacteristically loud and obnoxious this week.
And if you’re smart enough to read my words of dubious wisdom, then you know
it isn’t a good week to be loud. No need to tell the world just
yet. We both know you’re great; let’s keep it our secret right now.

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


Sagittarius
The usually ebullient Sagittarius spirit has been sucked dry by the evil monsters of the world. What could make matters worse? How about an unexpected visit from a long-lost friend? Or an ex-lover who turns up suddenly on your doorstep just to say “hello.” You usually enjoy a visit from the past, but the one this week leaves you uncomfortable, like you’ve nibbled on just a little too much bait. Something is amiss at the 7-Eleven, and you lucky archers will have no luck in trying to figure it iy. Why? Good question. The boys in the FGS lab can’t figure it out, either. Ever notice that your timing isn’t great, either?

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


Capricorn
This is not a lucky time. This is not a good time. This is not a good forecast. Pesky planets are all conspiring to make your life
difficult. But here’s a welcome upshot: I knew someone who won a lottery under the same conditions. Just when you need relief in the worst possible way,
you’ll find a little gift from the heavens, sitting on your front doorstep when
you go out to get the morning paper. Or afternoon mail.

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


Aquarius
Big planets, little planets — it doesn’t matter. You have good things working
for you, but everything seems to be on hold. Pay attention to lingering suspicions. The days are gradually getting shorter, and you need to realize that time is fleeting. Quit wasting it. Get after those chores and get ready for the return of disco. Oh yeah, and you mother reminded me to nag you this
week, too…

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


Pisces
Hug a tree. Get on the ground and hug Mother Earth. It’s a messy proposition,
but it’s also about the safest place to be this week as a number of angry
missiles go flying over your head. If you keep your head down this week, you’ll
be safe.

Check this out, Bubba: You can listen to an expanded version of your weekly forecast in the privacy of your own cubicle. Or on your home telephone. We don’t care where you call from. Here’s what you do: Call 1-900-990-9990 and tell them Bubba sent you. It’s just $1.99 per minute and like anything fun in this world, you must be at least 18.


About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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© 1993 – 2022 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net &c.

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