1.5.1998

Week of: 1/5-11

“Ha! Publius, Publius, what hast thou done?
See, see! thou hast shot off one of Taurus’ horns.”
— Titus in Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus [IV.iii.69-70]

Aries
A rousing good start to the week makes you feel confident enough that
you could start the new year on the craps tables in Vegas. But I tell
you whut: You encounter problems; namely, other people. If you were
alone, you’d be fine. Every time you turn around, another obstacle, i.e,
goon, is in your way. Despite this, you’re rather happy most of the
week; nothing is worse, as far as other people are concerned, than you
being cheerful. Makes them wonder what you are up to.

Taurus
The week starts out very, very slow. But along about Tuesday, maybe
Wednesday, things pick up. There’s this recurrent theme of romance
running through your head. Like a bad tee-vee theme song you can’t get
out of your head, this romantic theme continues all week. You find
yourself longing for something that you can’t quite put your finger on,
a different type of interlude in the romance department. The answer is
that here are no real answers this week.

Gemini
There are weeks when it is downright GOOD to a be a Gemini. This is one
of them. You’ve a tremendous amount of energy, and you can reach any two
or three of the thousands of goals that you’ve set for yourself. Driving
this is a major celestial pile-up of planets in Aquarius. This means
that nothing but beneficial change is blowing in the stellar wind right
now. Let go of old ideas, like the notion that the old boat is still
going to be useful for fishing. Plan on updating a your equipment this
week. It’s time to consider new tools for work, too.

Cancer
Investment plans? Have you ever looked at long-range forecasts for your
financial future? I’ll not make any prognostications about the volatile
marketplace; however, it’s a good week to review your long-term cash
goals. Sure, it’s the new year, and sure, things are still stuck in the
bleakest of winter conditions, but it’s a good time to look at risky
investments. It’s a good time for you to sit down with your spouse,
significant other, or your cat, to talk about getting rich. Money won’t
buy happiness, but it might rent it for awhile.

Leo
Leo brothers and sisters, let us turn our undivided Leo attention to
obstacles. You have many. Some appear insurmountable. It’s hardly the
case. Pick mone
project or venture and attack it. Like a lion. Clean off your desk with
one swipe of your paw. As the work piles up, just tell them you’ll get
to it in due course.

Virgo
Bundle up against the winter cold (unless you live where cold means
putting on long pants instead of shorts). Even then, consider adding an
extra wrap for yourself. Just to be sure. The weather is weird, to say
the least. Double your vitamin intake this week, too, because you can
never be too careful. It’s a good time to worry incessantly about your
health. I’ll skip the usual warnings about impending romance. Look for
more information about romantic entanglements next week.

Libra
The idea of work seems to unsettle your normally happy stomach. A little
voice in your head says, “Take the day off.” What it really means is
“take the week
off” which is a fine idea if you ask me. While concerned with the finer
things in life, mundane details need attending in your ER of life. Try,
if
you can, to stay focused on work because a supervisor or someone “up
there” is watching. Now that you know this, shine on you crazy diamond.

Scorpio
You are known for your intense stare, uncompromising attitude and
rock-solid, steadfast world view. Lighten up. Your attitudes need an
overhaul. Like the prison warden in “Cool Hand Luke” says, “You can make
this easy or you can make this hard.” The more you resist apparent
changes, the worse it gets. A bad situation heading into oblivion is not
the greatest recipe for world domination, which is your overall plan.
Gracefully accept changes in your life. The boys in the FGS Lab tell me
that you have much movement happening, some of it local, perhaps foreign
(whatever that means to you) so be prepared. None of these changes have
to be painful, but resistance is futile.

Sagittarius
Yes. That was the answer to your Magic Eight-Ball question. I’m
confident enough to suggest that the answer is positive. Remember that
you are an Archer, and the Archer always shoots straight. This is good
and bad; your normally glib tongue may be getting you in trouble if
you’re not cautious. I’m not suggesting that you can talk your way into
and out of trouble this week, but that wouldn’t surprise me. It’s a good
week for work with new challenges, and I mean that in a well-meaning
way.

Capricorn
I know you don’t care about the particulars, but Venus is retrograde in
your sign. Venus is the love planet so put any romance on call waiting
this week. ON the bright side, you could make a killing in the stock
market, the marketplace, the job, wherever it is that you earn your
keep. That area of your life is full of energy and vitality. So keep
things on the up and up. The more time you invest in making money, the
better off you are. Don’t fret about romance either, because the planets
will straighten that out soon enough.

Aquarius
The world is your slimy, chemically enhanced, bottom-dwelling, bivalve
mollusk. In other words, look for the pearl inside because you’re one of
the lucky ones this week, with just about everything in the heavens
aligning to give you a shot at the world being a better place. Further
translation: This is a good thing. No matter how you approach this week,
you are bound to find that pearl. The only problem is a result from
minor negative influence in the love department, but the typical
Aquarius isn’t too hung up on love anyway, so this won’t affect you
drastically.

Pisces
“Cocoon: n. Any cover used to waterproof or protect something, esp.
military equipment for transport or storage.” It’s a good week to cover
your tank. Order out pizza or Chinese. Don’t bother to venture forth
unto the cold, cruel world. It’s not a pretty sight out there. If you
heed this advice, know that I’m saving you from all kinds of personal
troubles, too. Call me Cap’n Savior. The outside world is no fun this
week, but your internal life, the life you lead in the quiet confines of
your personal barracks, is good.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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