4.27.1998

Week of: 4/27-5/3

Bright star of Venus, fall’n down on the earth,
How may I reverently worship thee enough?

Charles, Dauphin in Shakespeare’s King Henry The Sixth, Part 1 [I.ii.144-5]

Aries : We have a unique astrology event later this week, Venus, with all her glory, finally comes traipsing into your sign. Now, Venus is always associated with love and beauty and good things, but Venus also means flirtation. So get your flirting skills together. In fact, I would plan getting up close and personal with some trophy sized fish this week. Now, the fish can either Bass Master Monthly sized killers, or the fish can be the lovely sign of Pisces. Either way, you’re in a good position for a change. There will some very interesting relationship oriented events occurring at this time. I might add, I landed a whole string of trout, at a fishing hole in the Rockies, under a similar Venus influence.

Taurus : As much as you want to, this isn’t a week for complaining. A whole lot of complaining is what the week starts out like. You’ll be a little edgy and tense. That’s the bad news. Now, as the Mars/Sun/Moon thing drifts into separate orbit (astute students will note that the planets don’t really drift into separate orbits–merely their relative position in the sky gets further apart), this pressure from the celestial side of life lessens. In other words, life gets easier. Now, The problem with having Mars in Taurus is that it’s opposite its natural sign, Scorpio, and this leaves you a little tense. So try to find a nice way to ease the tension.

Gemini : Your public demands your attention right now. Spruce up your physical appearance, like, maybe wash some of the clothes you’ve been wearing. Some astrologers will tell you it’s time to buy a new suit, but I can’t make that recommendation with good conscience. However, a new pair of endangered species cowboy boots? Along with this appearance upgrade thing, you’re going to find that you are desired by many right now. Being a Gemini, this isn’t too much of a challenge. But being a performer, it does make you feel better. Of course, being a Gemini, the comment about “endangered species cowboy boots” might offend you. In that case, use it as a metaphor, a rare allusion.

Cancer : Have I ever talked to you about triggers? Have I ever given you the lecture about “astrology triggers” as opposed to those on firearms, or tempers? Because this week, more than ever, you’ve got an astrology trigger which is going to get activated. My Bass Master Astrology Scope says that this will happen late in the week, almost to the weekend, when Venus crosses into Aries. Then someone pulls that trigger, and the sign of Cancer is deluged with requests. I’m not going to worry about it because this looks very favorable for you Lunar Children types. There is one (or more) love affair on your horizon. Starts this week.

Leo : There is no time that it would be finer than now, for the the Mighty Leo. The only problem you are going to encounter this week is one which deals with a single person at work. Your one enemy in the whole world is what it feels like. And this one detractor is going to surface to make you a little miserable. The rest of us love you dearly, but there is this once character who fails to understand that the Leo is the natural leader, and this one character deigns to admit your natural superiority. Now, this can either be an uncomfortable situation or you can use your regal powers to forgive this individual. Which will it be?

Virgo : It doesn’t matter how I fiddle around with this week’s chart for Virgo. All I get is romance. Not true love, but nice, cozy, comfy romance with all the little hearts and butterflies floating around. Since this isn’t due to particularly strong influences this week, I don’t think it will be strong enough to sweep you off the feet, but I do feel like it will be strong enough to keep you from sweeping it under the carpet. Of course, like most good Virgo’s, you’re going to try to turn the minor event into a major escapade. With the way the stars line up right now, I heartily encourage this. Of course, please remember that I’m a dreamer, despite my thin veneer of cynicism. You could do with a lesson about this “thin coating of cynicism” too, because it would keep you from turning this minor thing into a big deal. But you still have this romance attractor on your horizon….

Libra : You know, you can’t be a Libra without occasionally failing the basic binary test. This test is simple, “yes” or “no”, pick one. No gray area. No maybe. On or off, black or white. The reason I’m talking about this Libra decision making puzzle is simple: you have to make some decisions this week, and that nebulous gray area won’t cut it. You’ve got to be exceedingly decisive. I know that you want enough time to examine this from all practical, and some impractical, points, and you know that a hastily rendered decision isn’t always the best. But when the fish hits the hook, you’ve got to set that hook. As soon as you do, you can reel in a big one.

Scorpio : I’m glad that Scorpio is a fixed sign because you are going to get a one-two astrology punch this week. First, there’s a Lunar thing. Then, it’s a Mars thing. I might have the order reversed, but you’re going to feel it either way. Maybe I watched too many “Kung-Fu” episodes, but for every action, there is a way to turn the attacker’s energy back on them. I know you can do that this week. Just be careful how you do it. Don’t let that typical Scorpio wise-cracking humor become laced with venom. Trust me, I know the foolish Scorpio attacker will get his or her just desserts. Let the great wheel of Karma (not Kramer) take care of this for you. Last laugh will be yours.

Sagittarius : There is a really strange Virgo influence creeping into your life right now. Suddenly, you feel compelled to clean house. Suddenly, that stack of dirty dishes in the sink needs your attention. Suddenly, the stuff growing in the ice box, that science fair project, demands attention from a cleaning instrument. Maybe some harsh chemicals, too. Answer the call of this sudden desire to make things tidy in your life. There’s a benefit here for you. Soon, a new significant other will come for a visit, and he or she will look around and be amazed at how clean you are, for a Sagittarius. Don’t worry too much about this, this influence is but a fleeting occurrence.

Capricorn : Patience is your keyword this week. Or, if you’re on America Online, Kramer is your keyword. And then we’re back to patience being the other word. You are face to face with a situation, probably at home, where you’ve got a sibling or close relative being difficult. There’s nothing you or I can do about this right now. But if you wait this one out, sort of like standing on the bank of the lake while everyone else is fishing, you will found that you can go back, next week, and do quite well because you made note of where the fish were biting. Same thing applies to your problem, just sit back and take notes. Roll ideas around in your head.

Aquarius : It’s “self-help” week in Aquarius. I wouldn’t even begin to suggest that you are in dire need of self-help, but a little plan to make one area of your life better is encouraged. Trot on down to the New Age Bookstore, or the New Age section of the big bookstore and have a look around. Nothing catches your eye, huh? Try the humor section then. Some of the best self-help material is marketed as humor. This only goes to show what the book people don’t know about literary taxonomy. My personal favorite this week is still “The Tao of Pooh.” By Thursday, you should be ready for breakfast, like the book says.

Pisces : One of your deities is having a good laugh at you right now. On the outside, things are good. Or, at least, they are supposed to be. On the inside, there seems to be some internal trouble, like two and two isn’t adding up to four. You keep doing the math and getting three. You know it’s wrong, but you are in a position where you can’t change a thing. Well, maybe that’s not true, but I wouldn’t try to change the immutable laws of the universe right. Just give in and assume that the problem is like a Pentium chip with a faulty addition thing in it.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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