Week of: 5/4-10

    Might well have warm’d old Saturn; that I thought her
    As chaste as unsunn’d snow. O! all the devils!

    in Shakespeare’s
    Act 2, Scene 5, lines 13-14

Aries : After the last few weeks, we finally got everything moving in a fairly good direction. Good, orderly direction. Well, sort of, anyway. There is a some gentle and delicate energy which wafts its way into the next sign, and the little communication planet, Mercury, is still there, as well as Venus, so you guys should be about wound up and talking a mile a minute right now. And, to make this good news, this a mile-a-minute banter is actually well-received. You can be in super salesman mode right now, and sounding just like an announcer on late night TV. “Have a I got a deal for you, and wait, there’s more…. act now while this offer is still good, don’t delay, and if you call before midnight tonight, look what else we’ve got….”

Taurus : You start out the week in a bit of a down period. As the weekend draws closer, though, Mars draws closer to the Sun, and this means things are really heating up. The Mars-Sun combination means lots and lots of activity. And folks will notice you. If you put yourself in the right place, you can find yourself at the center of everyone’s undivided attention. Now, the trick with Mars is to make this the center of attention for people who do not wear a State Trooper uniform. You know how Mars and Cars go together. Or the way these two heavenly objects don’t go together, as the case may be.

Gemini : We got you through the Mercury Retrograde. Now, you’re on much firmer astrological ground. There is going to be a lingering little influence for the next week or so, though which suggests that some house cleaning is in order. This doesn’t mean it’s time to nuke the kitchen and clean it all up, it just suggests that it’s a time to think about doing something like that. Since you’ve now thought about it, it’s time to get back to your regularly scheduled series of Gemini activities. Wait, have you thought about running some utilities on your computer? A little metaphorical housecleaning? Now, like I was saying about Gemini activity.

Cancer : Get out of the house. Now. Stop reading this, and get on down to the Dairy Queen to see some of your fishing buddies. Or out to the disco. Something. Anything. Eschew that Cancer-like ability to hang out at the house, and get out. Do something. Take a drive in the country. Okay, so maybe the drive in the country wasn’t the best idea, but you get the general drift here. This weekend, you have some professional work which you can attend to. Remember that socializing can lead to important contacts. This is a good time for just that: socializing (hint: Bubba, it ain’t a couch potato sport).

Leo : Remember first and foremost that I love Leos. You guys are the tops. But this is a weird week. It’s like the old bell curve, starts out great, sags in the middle, and then gets great again. Of course, I might have this reversed, depending on time and place of birth, but for the most part, there is a big curve associated with this week. It’s either up or down. But somewhere, along the lines of this curve, it is good. At one point, the fish want to jump in your boat. Not a bad situation, if you ask me. And after that crowning moment of glory, sit back and collect your overdue accolades for greatness. It will happen this week.

Virgo : Marriage is a word that always scares me. And I hate talking about weddings and stuff. But you’ve got so much good “happy relationship” influences right now, I don’t know what else to talk about. There is a sure fire indication that relationships are good right now. Or a new one is on its way. The stars foretell that this is the week for wedding bells. Or something akin to wedding hells. I may shudder at the thought, but I doubt you will. And if it isn’t a relationship that makes you happy, there is sure fire indication that something is going to make you happy this week. I’d suggest you go for it.

Libra : You know, I like Libra. I’ve got an important family member who is a Libra. I’ve dated Libra’s. I get along fine with you guys. But you’ve got all kinds of mean and nasty energies kicking you around this week. By the time the weekend gets here, your going to feel like you’ve taken a turn on my friend’s BBQ grill. One side of you will be baked (actually charred) and the other side will feel a little raw. My solution to this problem is to stay away from the grill. It’s just not a good week for these things. However, down in Lockhart, Texas, there’s a great BBQ place called “Blacks”… so if you feel like taking a turn on the grill, I’m sure they can accommodate you. It’s better than Bubba’s backyard BBQ.

Scorpio : Please don’t be difficult with me this week, my poor, much-maligned Scorpio friend. Life is hard. And life just isn’t treating you correctly right now. Rather than get your Scorpio stinger all wound up and ready to strike, though, how about you just ride this one out? I’ll bet that there are some good events coming along soon enough. In fact, if you can keep from lashing out this week, you’ll find that Nature takes care of Her own. And you will be properly looked after. Just not this week. Keep from striking back, and remember that old wheel in the sky keeps turning.

Sagittarius : It’s time to look at your personal interactions with other people. Interpersonal relationships are important this week. Are you nice to people in Email? Are you polite to people who send you flaming comments about characters on TV Sitcoms? Are you polite when some mad spam person sends you 2,000 letters which are the same thing? It’s time to stand up for what is right in your life. But stand up for what is right carefully this week. I know you can do it.

Capricorn : This is a “maybe” week for you. Maybe it will be a good week. Maybe you will find true love and happiness this week. Maybe you will find a cure for a dangerous disease. Maybe you will decide that this astrology stuff is all a bunch of bull, and maybe you will do nothing. Doesn’t much matter. You have good and bad influences this week, so it’s all how you play your hand. Romance could be a very happening thing, as could work. I’d concentrate on the work thing, myself, because the planets line up to give your creative side a big boost this week. Work late and reap the profits.

Aquarius : You can take this week one of two ways: either it’s a tough time and things are going to stay tough for a while, or you can jump up and do the “carpe diem” thing. Carp Diem usually means “fish of the day” but my Latin is a little rusty. And when I talk about a motor that has seized, it usually means someone ran it out of oil. There’s a chance, though, that you can grab this week by its throat, and really run away with the prize. What you want to do to activate this this good energy is to do some “seizing of the day” type activity. Like, seize an opportunity to go fishing when you should be at work. Never pass up a chance to fish. A bad day fishing is better than a whole week of work.

Pisces : If I could just remember how the old professor used to phrase this, something like, “pushing against constraints of the language” or “moving beyond the limits of language”. If I still had my undergraduate notes, I would look it up. What you are up against is constraints which are no longer obstacles. Problems seem to melt away, under your unusually firm and steady pressure. Of course, there is always that one Pisces out there who argues with me. Rather than harassing me this week, take that rebellious energy and rattle some big cages. I know you can do it this week, and I know that you can get past these obstacles.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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