5.23.1998

Prince Harry “Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction what says the almanac to that?”

Henry IV, part II (Act II, scene iv)

Week of: 5/25-31

Aries : And what does the almanac say to that? I can’t repeat the almanac, but the best suggestions I have this week is that the old “love” thing and the old “relationship” thing are going to have a lot of reality thrust upon them. Here at FGS World Headquarters, along the banks of the Colorado River, in Austin, REALITY is considered an ugly word. Nothing much I can do about that. In fact, we seem to notice an almost allergic reaction to the word commitment, too, unless we’re committed to fishing. I guess that would be another story. So watch out for this temporary insertion of reality into your relationship thing. It’s passing influence.

Taurus : “Old almanacs be damned,” is what I say. The good news is that shortly after this momentous event, there will be a grand entry of Venus into one of her favorite places: your sign, Taurus. So there is good news after you get over the little hump of the middle of the week, that time when Harry is worrying about as Venus conjunct Saturn. Expect a sudden boost as this little stellar event first slows you down this week, and then, all of a sudden, you’ll feel it I’m sure, you get a nice boost from that love planet herself, Venus.

Gemini : Mars and the Sun are playing a loose game of tag. In the strictest of astrological terms, this might actually be a conjunction, but here at the Lake, we would call it close one. Mars means energy, and the Sun means a birthday. The trick here, and especially if this is your birthday week, is not to over do it too much. I know, you’re Gemini and you like to party with the best of them, but try to keep your wits about you because there is a, like, a lot of really fun, but kind of dangerous energy floating with this Mars thing. As much as you deserve fireworks for your birthday, be careful of short fuses.

Cancer : Go back and look over the general idea for Aries for this week. Reread the quote from Prince Harry. Think about it. There, all done? Later in the week, as the weekend approaches, you get a nice lift from this whole Venus going into Taurus thing. It’s just, not until Venus hits Taurus does this really effect you. I can tell you some nice stories, but that won’t help the little dose of reality that you will have to deal with early in the week. Sorry about that.

Leo : You know, old Prince Harry was pretty sharp for being just a kid prince. He was on top of the game of being human. Looks like this is a week when you are going to share the spotlight with Young Hal. No matter how you look at it, this will be a good time for you. As long as you are willing to deal with the rest of us mere mortals in fair and just way, you will find that there are number of avenues which are open to you. Watch your anger a little later in the week. You might feel like Kicking some Bass this weekend, but stick to whipping the water with your casting line instead.

Virgo : There’s an old friend, an FGS Faithful, a Virgo, no less, who had this one comment in an email, many years ago: “Whoa, Harsh, Dude!” That sort of fits this week, now doesn’t it? Of course, not all Virgo’s are going to think that is is a harsh week, but you need to do the best that you can to make you emails to me friendly and uplifting. After the last few weeks, this one is a bit of downer, at least, early in the week. But as the weekend gets here, there is a sudden change in attitude. It’s the Moon, and she’s bringing a nice, and balanced, emotional gift to you.

Libra : Hal isn’t far from wrong for some of the late degree Libra’s when he wonders what the almanac says. The Almanac I consulted said a lot about reality and the thin veil of illusion being parted for you. I’d look to this as a good sign, myself. If I were a Libra, I would get set for some last minute adjustments to the business schedule, like an unplanned flight somewhere. Doesn’t mean you will miss the bass master tournament this weekend, but you might be a little late getting there.

Scorpio : There’s good news, and there’s good news. No matter how I tune you in for this week, I keep getting uplifting little notes. Oh, to be sure, there is a conflict between your most important planets, Mars and Pluto, but this happens elsewhere in the zodiac so it doesn’t hit you directly. I would make and effort to curb an anger that arises at this time — there’s a time and place to be mad, and that’s not this week. You should sit back and enjoy the show. Imagine life like a giant movie screen, and there you are, making the final editing choices. There, isn’t that the way it should be? With a Scorpio in control of the ultimate decisions?

Sagittarius : Tone it down, cool your heels, don’t get all riled up. Mars and Pluto make a giant stink together. Act like a Sagittarius, instead of acting like a bad sign, and get this stuff out in the open. Realize that, my fine Sagittarius brethren (and sisteren?): this too, shall pass. And that giant stink the planets have raised will dissipate almost as fast as it got together. It’s sort of like some bait left over from last week which doesn’t look, or smell, good enough to use as sushi, even though,m given the planets’ disposition, you might be inclined to serve that smelly old bait.

Capricorn : This week is brought to you by a mystical object in the sky. Try as you might, though, this mysterious influence is clouding up your otherwise sharp vision. You can see far into the future, that’s the good news, but you don’t see what is right in front of you. Usually, this is a associated with other signs, (c.f., Sagittarius) but in this case, it’s this week for you. Your distant vision is good, it’s the little day to day stuff that getting in the way. Don’t set out to go fishing and forget to bring a pole. I haven’t ever heard of “tournament trot lines.”

Aquarius : You know, things have being sliding along so well for so long that I’m inclined to throw a monkey wrench into the outboard motor of life just for the sake of having some fun. Actually, there is a problem with a lover which is going to get resolved this week. Either that, or the whole outboard motor will blow up. But I doubt that. I think you’ll figure some things and life will be good again. Just watch out for shrapnel if that motor does blow.

Pisces : Don’t get testy with me, Pisces Dearest. This isn’t a week to test my patience. Read what it says about Sagittarius. But it might be a week in which your patience gets tested. And no, I’m not talking about inhabitants of state-run medical facilities, not “patients” but “patience.” You know the old joke about praying for patience, don’t you? The Good Lord answers those prayers by giving you something to patient about. Watch out for a little Sagittarius in your life right now.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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