Week of: 5/18-24

Madam, though Venus govern your desires,
Saturn is dominator over mine:
What signifies my deadly-standing eye,
My silence and my cloudy melancholy,
My fleece of woolly hair that now uncurls
Even as an adder when she doth unroll
To do some fatal execution?

Aaron in Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus [II.iii.31-7]

Aries : You’ve got this interesting thing going on, as Venus is getting closer and closer to Mr. Saturn. The degree of the planets is such that it’s really not a major influence this week, but it is going to be. Now, what this means, Venus is Love and Saturn is that nebulous thing called Karma… Relationship stuff? Housecleaning? Fishing Tournaments which are more important than anything? The way I would look at it, from my place on the dock, is that you’ve got a big-time blast from the past coming along. That old High-School fling you were thinking about, that old “friend” from days gone by. Something long those lines. For me, that means a the phone will ring, the postcards will roll in, the strange and fish-scented letters will tip the scales….

Taurus : You get a chance this week to become a veritable flurry of activity. There is some comic character who move at the speed of light. Bet you feel just like this character this week. The only caution that comes with all this activity is the idea of burnout. You don’t want to go “out” in a blaze of glory. I know you feel a little like you’ve been working really hard, and perhaps it’s time to consider scheduling in a little bit of relaxation time. Start making plans for a big weekend when you are not too busy. You’ve done enough for now. Plan on getting some much-needed rest before the stress gets to you. If ever there was a time when “fishing” was the best best analogy, now is the time.

Gemini : So we got some birthdays coming along? It’s the beginning of Gemini, a little later this week. And we also have Mars here, for a brief visit. Means it’s going to be fun for a while. Fortunately, you have the Gemini-Twin thing going for you because you are pulled in two distinct directions this week: should you stay home and clean, or should you get out and play? If you could just figure out how to turn work into play, you would have it made. But frankly, I don’t see pushing a vacuum cleaner, or working over bathroom appliances with a scrub brush as a fun. Still, you have a chance to make a go of this, if you can just figure it out.

Cancer : I’ve got more than my share of angry little Cancer characters right now, all hounding me to death because they all think I never say anything nice about Cancer. It’s a lie. It’s just the way they all take the acetic wit I display. And this is another week for the famous quote from Falstaff: “I am not only witty in myself, but the cause of wit in other men…..” [Henry IV, part two, (I.ii.9-10)]. So strike the crab-like wit and get out from under the rock where you have been hiding. The planets are in good order for you. Time to make a show of it.

Leo : Have you ever told fishing stories? You know the type of tale, about the one that got away? About the time you were fishing for trout and pulled in a huge bass instead? And, over time that fish keeps getting bigger and bigger, and the struggle which originally lasted about 15 minutes, has stretched to almost two hours? This is a week to watch the telling of such war stories. Folks are going to be inclined to listen, but they are not going to be inclined to believe the hyperbole that you want to employ in the telling of such tales. Stick to a little more honest version of the truth, and watch while folks marvel at you great feats of derring-do.

Virgo : This whole wedding-romance thing fairly glows on the Astro Fish Finder this week. I was worried, when I was examining the chart for the week, that the computer might suffer a breakdown because romance is so hot. But like a typical Virgo, you are wondering if it is really this good…. well, in truth, yes, it is this good. You just have to quite equivocating, and take some action. If anyone (unless it’s a fortunetelling astrologer from Texas) proposes marriage, just say “yes.” It’s time for the big commitment. And if no one proposes this week, don’t worry because you’re still very hot property.

Libra : Thus begins your week, all of sudden, as the mystic say, “the veil is parted,” and if the arcane reference is too much, then consider it like this, as the Sun moves into Gemini, it makes for a great attitude in you. Suddenly, dark spots are no longer dark and foreboding. Suddenly, life is good again. Suddenly, the summer is here, and you are ready for everything that the world has to offer you. There’s one little irritant, and that’s in the area of family relations. They just don’t seem to understand your exuberance. So? So don’t worry about it right now.

Scorpio : Being the good Scorpio that you are, this whole Gemini thing leaves you a little confused. You just don’t get how they can be so duplicitous. This ligthening-fast, apparently abrupt change in direction bothers you. Scorpio’s are strong and steady, if nothing else. Well, actually, Scorpio’s are a lot of things, but strong and steady is a good start. So with this weeks advent of Gemini, you are going to face a lot of face changing. Don’t worry as other signs seem to metamorphize around you. Stick to being what you know. Your stability is needed this week; we need someone to rely on.

Sagittarius : You are getting a two week update right now. Watch your temper. Tantrums do nothing for you. The problems is that this is stuff which is approaching, and you can begin getting out of trouble now. It reminds me of an old friend who would feel guilty before she ever committed a crime. That got rid of the actual guilt of the action, and made life enjoyable. You might want to try this right now. Get in touch with your “inner-bubba” and let him or her get irritated at some minor obstacle. Now, this will stand you in good stead, next week, when you get royally pissed off, remember that you’ve already had the tantrum. Makes life a lot smoother like this. It’s one example of why I love astrology.

Capricorn : I’m sure you’ve heard my rap about the implications of being Capricorn. If you haven’t heard it, don’t worry, I’m not going to repeat it all here. But with your love duty and honor and glory, you still have a problem just letting the good things flow in life. This is another good week for you. Perchance you will take a short trip (for me, that would mean going to the grocery store a few blocks away) and perchance, on this trip, you will make a pleasing acquaintance. Romance could ensue. Be prepared for some flirtations this week. It never hurts.

Aquarius : It is time to take a lesson from another sign: Scorpio. Look at how they do their (patent pending, I hope) Scorpio Stare (should be trademarked). Practice that Scorpio Stare. Practice being mysterious. practice acting like there are deep things going on in your mind. Act like you have a personal hot line to the collected unconscious thought of all mankind. Got the picture? You are far too rational to believe too much of this stuff, but you can act like it matters. Doing so will really help you this week.

Pisces : You are going to turn into a giant ball of electrical energy this week. Just don’t come near my computer, please! This energy is wonderful for getting things done. You can actually accomplish quite a bit, if you can just stick to your little “to-do” list. Don’t have one of those electronic date book things? Maybe this is the week to get one, just to make sure you can get everything done. Then, as you play with your new piece of equipment, enter in all the the little items you want to do, and remember to check them off as you go.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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