Week of: 6/22-28/1998

Week of: 6/22-28/1998

O! ten times faster Venus’ pigeons fly To seal love’s bonds new-made, than they are wont
To keep obliged faith unforfeited.
Salarino in Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice, II.vi.6-8

“Katie, a straight answer please. Is this Hell? Or is this Texas?”
Robert A. Heinlein in “Job: A Comedy of Justice” [NY: Putnam, 1984. p.358]

Aries : Concentrate on love around the trailer house. What? You don’t live in a trailer house? Then use it as a metaphor. You need to spend as much time this week in the house as you spent out of the house last week. And all this to avoid spending time in the dog house, as it were. A really spiffy idea for right now would be home and garden beautification projects. Hubcaps making just darling wind chimes, you know. While you’re getting sick of the Hub Cap allusion, trust me, it’s going to start making sense.

Taurus : By the strictest Astrology standards, Mars and Venus are in your second house, and this bodes well for your abode. In less than strict astrology talk, I would consider working on your homestead right now. In fact, I would make plans on doing some in-home entertaining, rent a few movies, prop your feet up in front of the TV set, and snuggle up to that special someone. And if you don’t have a special someone, make an offer to the pizza delivery person. Never turn down a good opportunity, especially when it shows up at your front door with food in hand.

Gemini : Mars is headed out and Venus is headed in, and this sort of duality is no stranger to the sign of the twins. Right? Right. Love is in the air, and it feels like it was supposed to feel last spring. Middle of the summer, middle of the spring, what’s a few months time? Of course, in Gemini minutes, that could seem like an eternity. Speaking of eternities, it feels like you’ve waited several for these wonderful celestial events to finally bring you some kind of emotional relief. One way or another, that’s what you’re going to get this week, emotional relief.

Cancer : This year it’s the big one for Bubba, I think he turns 29 or 30, I can’t seem to remember which. Only his astrologer knows for sure. The problem with the early degree Cancer stuff right, folks just like Bubba, is that Venus and Mars are kicking around in Gemini, which makes it the sign RIGHT BEFORE your sign, sometimes symbolic if the subconscious. So you’ve got great ideas, they just aren’t getting out onto paper yet. You need to hold off on the plans for the big birthday party right now. You’ll find the timing is a little off. Doesn’t mean that it’s not going to be a good year, it’s just a quiet week.

Leo : Except for a little Lunar Lift (hey, that sounds like a earth-muffin brand of herb tea), you’re mired ankle-deep in the darkest part of your personal year. It’s that period of time right before the Big Leo Celebrations, and all we’ve got to work with are them darned moody Cancers. And they never like to party. But you do. And, right now, you need to step aside and let the Cancer’s have their spot in the Sun. It’s asking a lot of a Leo Sun to let some Moon Child get in the way, but I would recommend you not try to steal their attention this week.

Virgo : I’m glad there is still one or two Virgo’s who are talking to me. It’s not like I’ve tried to alienate you guys or anything — it’s just my prognostications never seem perfect enough. But I keep trying. And you’ll feel like you are trying to, this week. It’s a week full of ups and downs, the best of the best and then, the worst of the worst. Actually, it could be the best of the best, but I seriously doubt the “worst of the worst” thing this week. Of course, now that I’ve put that idea in your fine Virgo mind, you’re going to tell me all about the bad things that have happened.

Libra : Every once in a long while, there comes a time when when you’ve just got to say, “What the hey?” Don’t throw up your arms in disgust. The week starts strong, finishes weak, and this sounds like an analysis of a fine wine from West Texas. And why anyone would try to grow grapes for vintners in West Texas defies most logic. But whoever suggested that Texans would behave in a logical manner? And why would a Libra behave in logical manner this week, too? As long as you are defying logic this week, things are going to be just fine.

Scorpio : Listen up Scorpio, this is not a week to bet the farm. In fact, other than a buying a single lottery ticket, this is not the week to gamble, take a risk, or go out on a limb. This isn’t a good time for your luck. Results this week are from hard labor, much work, and little bit of planning. Of course, I would never suggest that a Scorpio would be good at scheming, or that any Scorpio would appear to have a hidden agenda, but there you have it. Not all of your plans work this week, but the more effort you put into it, the better the results.

Sagittarius : Relationships, especially of the romantic variety, become the big issue for this week. Careful with that flamethrower. And why would I say that? Because some astrologers will talk about a passionate romance, and I’m just worried that you turn the heat up a little too much with this passion thing, therefore, careful with the flamethrower. You don’t need to burn any bridges right now. You might want to cross them later. Wait, isn’t that a C&W song? What do you do when your life resembles a Country Classic?

Capricorn : There’s nothing more troublesome than a little bit of that Mercurial Energy, that stuff which float around but never seems to get anything done. Look: besides it being you half birthday, or it will be soon, you’ve got a pack of little voices in your head telling you that you are supposed to be doing something else right now. Like, you are supposed to be working when you’re reading your horoscope. Or you’re supposed to be relaxing when you’re you’re working. One of those kind of nightmare voices. Here’s a hint: don’t pay any attention to the little voices which are telling you these things. They (the voices) obviously don’t know what they are talking about, especially this week.

Aquarius : It’s going to be one of two things this week: true love or a reasonable facsimile thereof. The question for you, Aquarius, is it real or is it just a video tape? Virtual love or the real thing? I would be careful about the Virtual love, but look on the bright side, there are no sexually transmitted diseases with virtual love. There is no heart-breaking wounds to the flesh to worry about. The only victim is your soul. And even that, how badly can you be hurt by virtual love? I tend to think that this virtual form is much better than the real thing. I suggest that you give it a try this week.

Pisces : You’ve still got the last little bits of that lucky star all over you right now. As everyone else is looking forward to the weekend after this one, let’s pull you back into a little bit of reality and get you to consider what you’ve got going on this week. Things aren’t as bad as you would have them be. You’ve painted me a pretty bleak picture of ruin and toil, despite the good news about Jupiter. Now, make some plans, and dream big right now. You’ve got a window of opportunity to make something happen by this weekend.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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