Week of: 6/29-7/5/1998

Week of: 6/29-7/5/1998

“I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art, born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral medicine to a mortifying mischief.”

Don John in Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing [I.iii.6-7]

The average cowboy is an excellent judge of horseflesh, only a fair judge of men, and a terrible judge of women, particularly “good women.”

Larry McMurtry “In a Narrow Grave” [Albuquerque: UNM Press, 1968. p. 149.]

July 4, 1883, the first ever recorded rodeo in Pecos, Texas.

Aries : There are, officially, no big deals this week. Unofficially, though, there are some annoying aspects in your chart this week. This is like one of those bumper stickers which says, “I usually take it one day at a time, but a lot of days have ganged up on me….” And conventional FGS Philosophy says that you are really in trouble when your astrologer starts giving you platitudes from bumper stickers. What’s even worse, judging from my email, is that this is a reasonable accurate portrait to paint.

Taurus : Well, it looks like the “Kramer Stock” on the “Taurus Big Board” is going to take a giant plunge this week. And I really do admire you guys, but you are face to face with a recurrent, old, nasty little problem that just won’t go away. Hence my plunge in credibility. Or that you might not like me. Which is too bad, because Taurus is in for a bit of a shock to the system, it might feel like a body slam from a World Wrestling Champion, and this slam is the dreaded “blast from the past” who is back to haunt you. Look, I don’t like being this messenger, okay? But we’ve got a “situation” that you swept under the carpet, and now the carpet is beginning to crawl.

Gemini : You guys can’t any more frantic than you already are. That’s the news. Is it good news or bad news? Depends on your viewpoint. But I’ll promise that the old “luv thang” is working overtime to keep up with your hectic schedule right now. And, as much as you would like it otherwise, it looks like this romance generator is digging up old flames rather new ones. That can be a problem, at least, it can be a problem for other signs. Don’t think it will be too much of a challenge for you. Just stay “heads up” if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Cancer : Birthday week, and big doings, too. It’s party time for the Moon Children. And, to make matters even better, you are getting worked up a for a really good blowout. Now, with both Mars and Venus in 12th House, I have to warn you about Fourth of July Celebrations. There is something that you are supposed to do right now, or maybe, it’s something that you are not supposed to. Caution with fireworks is greatly emphasized right now. You just need to be a little more careful than usual when you’re handling explosive devices. Or explosive situations. We don’t want Cancer-land going sky high. (And I swear we were out of the city limits last year, officer.)

Leo : Mercury comes screeching into Leo this week, and that means you are going to get a swift kick to get motivated. Mercury means mental activity. I’m not about to suggest that you’ve been acting kind of slow as of late, but things just haven’t been quite right. See: the Sun is the old fashioned ruler of Leo, and the Sun is over there in that watery, emotional and moody Cancer sign right now. So you’ve been out of sorts. And you’re still a little at odds with everyone else, only, now that Mercury is here, you are a lot more willing to talk about it. So use this week with care and caution. But have a good time.

Virgo : You will start this week out feeling mighty fine. Okay, so you won’t be feeling that fine, but it won’t be too bad. In fact, you will feel pretty good. So much for the good news. I can never do a decent Virgo prognostication without picking on you guys just a little, but you love it. The rest of the week sort of deteriorates as time goes by. It’s not like there is really anything bad happening, it’s just that, after the beginning of the week, there’s not a lot of good things going on. Make the most of the early part of the week, and take some time off. Nothing like working around the old trailer house rather than getting out and getting into trouble, now is there?

Libra : There’s a funny little asteroid that’s adding some unusual “stuff” to your life right now. This week, even. Between that, and the dynamic duo of Mars and Venus over in Gemini, things, especially in the romance bull riding arena of life are good. You know how that old bit of cowboy lore goes, don’t you? As soon as the horse bucks you off, you should get right back up and hop onto its back again. One more time. Wipe the arena sawdust off, and get ready for another ride.

Scorpio : I wish I could come up with an appropriate “chill pill” for Scorpio. I wish I could make those so called “life lessons” easier. In fact, I can tell a joke or two, but I don’t think I’m sarcastic enough for you this week. It’s a time when you are learning lessons, and you are in for heck of a good ride. It’s like being on that monster roller coaster again. Now, we all now that what goes down, must come back up again, it’s just it feels like you are stuck in the upside version of everything this week. It’s really not bad, just disorienting.

Sagittarius : The trick this week is not to explode. There is a lot of people pressing upon you right now, making up great expectations, all trying to get the most out of you, and pushing all your little buttons. Usually, you’re not that sensitive, but for some reason (it’s the lunar phase), you seem to be a little more on edge than usual. Rule One: don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule Two: it’s all small stuff. Leave the details for a more compulsive sign, and you know who they are. Or, as one FGS Faithful has corrected me — Rule One: Don’t sweat the petty things. Rule Two: don’t pet the sweaty things.

Capricorn : It’s really a bizarre week for you guys. You are just filled with a unique kind of energy, sort of like being Attention Deficit. Sort of like being wound up like rubber band, or a high tension shock absorber on a monster truck. All compressed and just waiting to rebound in big way. What are you going to do with this compressed energy that’s just looking for a place to unwind? I hope you found a good use for it, but the way things are going this week, I’d just recommend being extra careful with everything that you touch.

Aquarius : Two words for the week: channel Elvis. Rather than try and reach for some mundane piece of advice that doesn’t really have a lot to do with reality, I would look at this week as a chance to open yourself up to the other realms. Consider going on a quest of sort, a personal vision quest to find true inner enlightenment. Consider a pilgrimage to Graceland, or, if you can’t do that, at least make an offering at the alter to Elvis, a sick of incense and candle in front of a Black Velvet piece of art. Channel Elvis. Just don’t confuse this with the Elvis Channel.

Pisces : Ever think about doing something unusual with the interior decor of your trailer house? I remember visiting a place once where the main entrance was through the garage. And, there on the wall of the entrance way, was the most marvelous Big Fish, stuffed and mounted. The fisherman who landed this one had all kinds of rituals associated with this fish. The best was what any guest was supposed to say, “Wow! What a fish!” Consider doing something interesting for your entrance way this week, nothing like a trophy trout in the foyer to the Pisces mobile home.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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