Week of: 8/10-16
“From Alexandria
This is the news: he fishes, drinks, and wastes
The lamps of night in revel;”
Octavius Caesar in Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra [Act I, Scene IV]
Aries : It’d time for you to consider delving into your own, deep, personal and dark abyss. There is something lurking along the bottom of your own personal ocean, and whatever creature from the deep that is there, he or she needs some attention. This is another week that evokes memories of long forgotten B-Movies, ones with bad monsters. Shows that these days would go straight to video. Watch out with the flammable liquids this week. If you can actually find a Full Service gas station, I think it would be best if your let some one else fill up your tank. There’s no need to mix a Fire Sign with potentially combustible fluids this week. Or Scorpio’s.
Taurus : Take a brief hiatus from work. It’s a long summer, and the impending Mercurial action this week bodes no well for your poor, much put upon sign. Now, in the immortal words of famous British author Douglas Adams, “Don’t Panic!” And you’ll discover that this expression is always best delivered at a tone several decibels higher than your normal speaking tone, maybe half an octave off, too. This would be a good week to schedule yourself a brief, if somewhat impromptu, vacation. Take a long weekend, trust me on this, the problems will all wait until you get back. Since the problems always seem to wait, so give them a chance to simmer and stew in the summer heat.
Gemini : There is no good news for 80% of the Gemini’s out there. With this unfortunate, but inevitable planet thing, no one seems to understand a word you say. You feel like you are operating in a vacuum. And that’s not a pretty sight, because, in a vacuum, no one can hear you scream. Or, in the case of the Gemini, even talk. However, there is some relief coming soon enough because even before the week is over, you turn the tide on this whole retrograde thing. Maybe. Well, you’re supposed to, anyway. I’ve got it right here in one of my astrology texts, I know I do. Since I can’t find the reference, maybe you can. Make sure you take note of everything, so you can refer back to it later, when the planets fall back into place for you.
Cancer : By now, I’m sure, you have consulted my Mercury Chronicles, and you are aware of the usual rules about Mercury going retrograde, and just what you can expect. It’s not going to be a problem. Well, it’s not going to be a big problem. Maybe it will, but I doubt it. There will be the usual communication upsets. You did pay the phone bill, didn’t you? Nothing is worse than picking up the phone and finding that the line is dead. Worse yet, is when the phone company decides to terminate your service, halfway through a message then you never know what to
Leo : I fear I will not be popular with Leo this week. But please don’t beat me, I don’t think I’ll enjoy the whips and chains this time. Mercury is working its way backwards through your sign right now. Now see here, and listen up good: this is a natural cycle in the normal chain of events. Nothing to get all worried about. But I kept telling you to plan ahead, and did you listen? If you had paid attention to me, you wouldn’t be in the big mess that find yourself in right now. Okay, enough browbeating. Get ready to be a lot more adaptable than usual this week. There are going to be a lot of little problems, nothing major, and you just need to be able to erase your schedule on a daily basis to adjust for the new changes. When “they” say “pencil us in,” I’d suggest a real pencil.
Virgo : It’s “crystal ball” time for you guys. Look: gazing at a crystal ball is called “scrying” and it is high time that you spent some of that brain power of yours on things which were not so tangible. Like crystal ball gazing. I’m suggesting this exercise because it’s simple but not ordered, and some would say unscientific. While that sort of ordered thought process is usually good for you, this is one of those weeks when ordered thought processes are not a good idea. Don’t really on things like “reason” and “logic” this week. That merry prankster in the sky spreading a little bit of disbelief, so go with what bubbles up from the other side. Try something that’s not logical, like crystal ball gazing.
Libra : Just when everything was supposedly looking up for you, just when all the right stuff got back on track, we all run into a major derailment by the smallest planet in the system. Ain’t that just the way it goes? So, what to do for Libra this week? There is still that weak, but very good, influence wobbling around in your sign that means love. Too bad she (it’s a feminist asteroid) doesn’t also mean business. So business will be mean, but you’ll feel all right. You might want to try some antics this week to amuse your co-workers. They could all use a good laugh, too.
Scorpio : The odds aren’t good this week for Scorpio because of that nasty little planet doing its thing over in the other fixed sign. Doesn’t look good. But lest I leave you with a bad feeling, try this one on for size, despite the bad odds, there is a long shot which you can bet on this week, and you’ll certainly surprise the odds-makers when you pull it off. Now remember, this is a long shot, and your mileage may vary. The usual warnings apply. See fine print for details. And don’t let other people influence your own thinking. Especially this week.
Sagittarius : The good news this week, and being an Archer, you’re really only concerned with the good news, is that this untimely Mercury Retrograde isn’t going to be that bad for you. I always remember the Amy’s Ice Cream slogan, “Life is short, eat desert first” at times like this. But you do need to be careful with the desert tray in that fancy restaurant. Being a good Sag, and Mercury playing its usual tricks, you don’t need to dump the tray into your date’s lap. That just won’t do at all, although it does present a fairly amusing image for the rest of us.
Capricorn : With Mercury heading down the tubes right now, it’s a good time to step back from this headlong rush into a new business arena. In fact, this new business arena has all of sudden become a Wrestling Arena, and you are about to be faced off (more than one way to take that comment) against some guy who weighs in at at close to three hundred pounds, and has a likely nickname of “Killer” because he has left so many of his opponents in the morgue. Now, the secret to remember is that a little guile and trickery will go long way. Use that big feller’s weight against him. You don’t want to end up on the ropes this week.
Aquarius : Work, toil and trouble. I was thinking about quoting you a little bit of Middle English, say something from Chaucer this week, just to make sure you understood. Then, after realizing that Mercury was going to be retrograde in Leo, I realized that Middle English would seem like old Norse to you. Carry your dictionary this week, or get one of the new fangled hand held computer things, and use its dictionary because words coming from other folks’ mouths are all going to sound like Middle English. You can understand them, but it takes a might bit of learnin’ to get the real meaning.
Pisces : Now ya’ll just wait a cotton pickin’ minute here. Just because this feels like a truly big break comin’ down the highway of life right now, doesn’t mean that it is all that it appears to be. You don’t want to buyin’ a pig in poke right now. Or insert ya’lls own, favorite expression. Use some of this exciting stuff that is going to make sure that you’ve looked into all the inner workings of this deal that looks so darn good. Make sure you do more than kick the tires, as if you were buying a car. Look under the hood, Pull out the dipstick and smell the motor oil. Make sure that there is no sawdust in the transmission right now. But don’t let me stomp on your enthusiasm, either.
