Week of: 9/14-20

"Never shake thy gory locks at me"
in Shakespeare's MacBeth (III.iv.49)

Aries : This is a weird week. Not weird in a bad way, actually, weird in a good way. You feel like you've stepped into a time warp of some kind, and no, we're not all going to do the little dance number that used to associated with THAT song. But you are going to find yourself dancing to music in your head that no one else hears. It's not bad, just different -- like "techno-dance-punk-country & western". You're not used to this sort of melody, it's one that you can't seem to put you finger on. I would suggest fashion choices for you right now, as well. Try to be the leader that you are, as opposed to being a follower this week.

Taurus : You know, if it's not one thing, then it's another. There's this sense of impending doom that some of you are reporting to me. I really don't see it as "impending doom," but as Saturn, making his first little aspects to your sign. And it's not all bad, just time to roll up your sleeves and get back to work. Nose to the grindstone and all that rot. And there are a few of you feeling the less than wonderful effect Mars over in Leo, forcing issues which need to be dealt with. Finally, a few lucky Taurus are feeling the benign influence of Venus as she makes her last pass through Virgo for the year. What will it be? The virtual mail vacuum tube is always open.

Gemini : It's bell curve time again for Gemini. Of course, the bell curve doesn't really apply to Gemini too well because it implies a "median average" and there is nothing median average about any Gemini. But it does mean that this week will be a giant roller coaster ride on the bell curve of life, up at the beginning of the week, down in the middle, and up again by the late weekend. So it goes up and down and up again. Altogether, it's not a bad week, but it's a good thing you're a Gemini this week, because you're going to need to be adaptable to some of the changes coming along.

Cancer : Lucky week for the Cancer Moon Children, the sign that is "deeply introspective and contemplative" and that's right, I get tired of hearing you guys called moody. In fact, since I deal with this all the time, I'm even more tired of hearing it than you are. Besides, moods aren't bad this week at all. In no way shape or form, should you be in a bad mood all week long. The Moon begins this week in your sign, and really late in the weekend, slides on into Libra, covering a lot of ground during the time. Almost all of this territory is good for you. It's a week of fun and merriment, at least, it's supposed to be, all due to the miscellaneous meanderings of the moon.

Leo : If it's not one thing, then it's another. And there is a lovely dark sky coming along pretty soon, the dark of the moon is late this week, and you get a chance to shine during this dark period. While money isn't all-important to you Lion types, it's still sort of a consideration, and this little window of time coming up is a chance for you to do something to make work a better place. And a chance for you to make more money, too. Now what are you going to do with this little opportunity? I suggest you get ready to seize even the smallest of breaks that are going to come your way. It's not in your inimitable style of grand gestures, but it is a chance to make a buck.

Virgo : Remember the old Star Trek? I think it was the one with a thing called "impulse engines". You're moving on impulse engines this week. The deal is that Mr. Mars, the celestial activator, is moving along in your 12th Solar House. That's fancy astrology talk for your subconscious. In other words, you're getting motivated by forces you don't quite understand. Add a little Mercury influence, some Venus, and sprinkle with a New Moon late in the weekend, and you've got a new recipe for action of some kind. Because Venus is stirring things up, I'll warn you about relationship issues which are going to crop up. Or maybe that's crop circles. It's not bad, but there you have it.

Libra : You're on the opposite end of the Bell Curve, like Gemini, only it seems that everything moves in different directions. The week starts out with a few problems, gets easier, then this nasty old New Moon hits you square in the backside. Time to relax, enjoy what ideas come bubbling up from underneath your scalp, and watch while other folks freak out. Now, the real secret to riding out this fast-paced roller coaster of a curve is to let the other folks around do all the hard work. Sit back and enjoy the fruits of their efforts. I just hope that your bell curve doesn't turn into a Mobius strip.

Scorpio : Things which have gone so well for most of the summer, despite the oppressive summer heat, all seem to be standing still right now. The deal is this: Jupiter made fast tracks to make you happy. Now, you're going to feel like you are going over old ground, sort of like reviewing material. As long as you approach this week as a review session, and not as some punishment for something you didn't get before, you'll be okay. Truth be known, it is hard for you to get something that wasn't really covered before so it's not your fault, at least, not this week. Besides, I'm sure we've covered this ground for you before.

Sagittarius : There are good weeks and then there are weak weeks. While this wouldn't fit the definition of being a good week, it doesn't really look like a weak week, either. It just sort of is. It's neither good nor bad. And what is that Shakespeare quote about that? There's dark stuff stirring up your subconscious mind right now, but a subconscious mind in a Sagittarius is kind of like one of my old neighborhoods, not exactly a safe place to venture alone. The New Moon Weekend approaching is a good time make some serious assessments about directions in your life. A Sagittarius get serious? It could happen. But I recommend planning future adventures into that place you call your "brain-zone" with friends, not alone.

Capricorn : I think it's an old AeroSmith line, "I'm like a loaded gun...." (Back in the Saddle Again?) And why would I be singing some kind of strange rock lyric to you at a time like this? Because you're just like that loaded gun right now. You've been carefully primed by the Moon, and the energy is there. Now, all we need to discuss is how to "acquire" a target. Before you go through the "lock and load" drill, you need to make sure that you've gone after the right person, I mean, the right thing. With Deer Season right around the corner, I need to warn you about Buck Fever, and you don't need to go shooting off at just anything that looks like a target. Be selective this week and watch you not miss the target at all.

Aquarius : Air Signs and monster roller coaster styled bell curves are the central conceit this week. And yes, you're on that same ride with the other air signs. The good news is that this is going to be a fun ride for you. Your anticipation mounts as you get closer to the peak, which is late in the week, just like sitting on that roller coaster which is getting cranked up to the top. You can feel the fear in the pit of your stomach because you know that bottom is just fixing to drop away. And yes, it is going to go away, but you'll have enough centrifugal force in order to keep you firmly planted in your seat. Put your hands in the air to show us hat you're not afraid this week, and enjoy the ride!

Pisces : I told you it was good this week, this month, this year, and you doubted my word. I know better than to lie to a Pisces, so I won't. It is good, but you have an unusual configuration which is going to sharpen up your mental process this week. Imagine that, a Pisces with a brain that is acting razor sharp. It could happen. Now, before you fire up the poison pen word processor, consider what else you can do with this high degree of mental ability right now. Outline the business plan for the next six months, write it all down, and don't panic. For most folks, a business plan is pretty much useless, but given your Pisces gifts, it will actually help you.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person.

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