Week of: 1/25-31

"O my phrophetic soul!" Hamlet, [I.v.39]

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Breath a big old sigh of relief this week. Be careful you don't choke on the smoke coming out from under the hood of the truck, though. Even though you get this sweet little hand dealt by the Stars this week, you need to be a careful judge of human behavior to make sure that your opponent isn't just bluffing. And it's not a good week for you to bluff. Don't bet the farm on a wild chance, make sure it's a reasonable gamble, and you will do fine. And that smoke issuing forth from under the hooked of the truck? It's just an exhaust leak, and those little doughnut - like exhaust gaskets doesn't cost that much.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: This week has both positive and negative influences. Some are very good, and getting better all the time. Some are unsettling. One way, or another, though, you will survive this week, and if you're lucky, you will survive in fine style. The deal is this: you need to spend some time, working on that big project, alone. "The problem?" you ask. You also feel like socializing. Look at this way, fishing is not really a group activity. And this week, you benefit from working solo on that one big project. Much better idea. Plan to play, a little later, like this weekend.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: There's a thing called "Dog Years" where one year is equal to seven years, or some such mathematical equation. Then, there's "Gemini time" which is exponential, approaching infinity, and I'm not talking about a brand of car, either. Gemini time is wonderful, but you guys just move too fast for the rest of us. This is one of those weeks when you feel like the rest of the world is just moving too slow. If you're a smart Gemini, and there are really very few (none in my experience) "less than rocket scientist" Gemini's, then you will notice that, unless you are talking to another Gemini, then no one can keep up with your frantic pace this week. Like, this is anything new? Get over it and slow down, long enough for the rest of us to catch up.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Too often, astrologers seem to equate Cancer [sign of the Crab] with food. You know, usually, that's just not true. And, for the first part of this week, it's definitely not true. However, as the weekend approaches, all those New Year resolutions about weight control and losing that extra few pounds goes right out the window. Now, we can all delve into highly technical astrology talk, or we can try to plumb the depths of the Cancer psyche, but this all amounts to "collective naval gazing" when you just need a little bit of self restraint. However, despite my dire prognostications, this weekend looks like you're going to have a lot of fun, and it doesn't look like my diet plan will work.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: The way this week's Leo scope is going, it's going to take a decent "hecho a mano" device in order to get through it. And if cigars are not one of your little pleasures, then grab one of things in life that is. It's time to sit back. You get a chance to face a series of little frustrating events this week. I don't often advocate inaction, but this week, for the Leo, a little lack of direct action would help. Hence the cigar suggestion. A good cigar can take up to an hour, maybe more, to smoke. And while you're doing that, the faint of heart clear out of the way. Nothing helps clear the mind (or the room) like a good cigar. So do something you enjoy, and don't worry about our feelings.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: You've had a headlong rush going for a while now, and to some, you might even seem a bit scattered. You've been chasing one dream, right after another. Here at FGS World HQ, I have a cat. She has to turn around three times before she can settle down. It looks like she's chasing her tail, but I'm sure it's just her Virgo stuff exerting an influence. After all, she has to get the perfect spot. And that's what this week feels like, it takes an extra trip just to get out of the door. It's not all bad, but like a contemplative cat, you need to rest for a spell and do a little meditation. A nice long cat nap this week would be in order. Work it into your schedule. My main accomplice manages to work it into her busy schedule every day.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: I love traveling to England and the U.K. I mean, they talk funny, but other than that, it's pretty cool. Sometimes it's cold, too. Of course, they have this thing called V.A.T., or Value Added Tax. They tax everything with an extra percentage. It's kind of like the Texas State sales tax, only the British version is higher. But you're going to find, now that Mars has moved into your second house, that you are looking at what adds value to your life. And that can seem like a taxing situation. Hence the allusion to the British way of doing business. Question just about everything, and be careful with those credit cards which are still glowing from the Xmas season.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: If I were a Scorpio, on a week like this I regret that I don't have more Scorpio in my chart, you've got one of those miraculous little things going on right now. It's almost heaven - sent. Almost. Mars sneaks into your sign. This is a good thing. Mostly. The usual warnings apply about being extra cautious with sharp objects, like your wit. There's no need to pick on other signs which are less fortunate than you right now. There's also a small hint that someone, I'm not mentioning any names, but I'll bet you know who, is deceiving you this week. Go easy on them, for their sake, it's not an intentional thing. They just don't know any better.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Before I sit down to compose my weekly bon mots for the lucky sign of the Archer, I have o get up and run around my place for a little while. And, this week, despite all the good stuff going on, you are going to feel like you are doing much the same thing. It's like an exercise called running in place. Or, it's like working out on one of those dreaded "Satan's Friend: the Stair Mistress" devices at the gym. You're sweating, you're lungs are heaving, and you still feel like you aren't getting any where at all. Now, just reach up to the control panel, and turn the darned machine off, and you can make some real progress this week. Wasn't that easy?

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: I've been promising some relief, and you know what? It looks like this relief -- and I'm not talking about "relief" in the form of a marketing slogan either -- finally gets here this week. As Mercury slides on out of your sign, the Moon slides on into a better position for you. While these are seemingly fleeting influences from the planets, I'll promise that things are good. Few signs are as qualified as you are to tease some goodness out of this thin, but positive, situation. All I can suggest is that you go for it this week, the ice isn't nearly as thin as you think.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: I was getting excited about sitting down to write this week's Aquarius scope because it looks so good. But I couldn't decide which planet to concentrate on for you guys. Mercury creeps into your sign this week, but Venus leaves. And the Sun passes really close to Uranus, which, if you've ever studied Astrology, you know that it's your ruling planet. What's it all mean? Doesn't matter what it means for other signs, what it means for you is that this is a good week to finally cement some of those plans you had for this new year. Yeppers, we're still trying to pull a few things together here at the office, and this is a good time to put this stuff into action.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Every January, I get this wonderfully series of requests from Pisces Land, folks want an update for the new year. Personal readings, individual forecasts and yearly fish advice. And, you know, the new year just hasn't been all it could be so far, not over here in the Pisces quadrant of the sky. However, it is getting better. Why, just this week, Venus ("That's Ms. Venus, to you buddy") makes a grand entrance into your sign. With Venus traipsing through the sign of the scales (fish scales), at least for this week, there is nothing but good things ahead. There's been a lot of promise for the new year, and finally, this week, you begin to feel like it's going to work out for you. Ain't that just swell?

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Kramer Wetzel