2.15.99

Week of: 2/15-21

“Good morrow, friends. Saint Valentine is past”
in Shakespeare’s Midsummer’s Night’s Dream, [IV.i.188]

There’s an eclipse on 2/16 as well as the sad fact that the romantic interlude is now over. But it’s not the end. It might just be the beginning.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: There’s an eclipse kicking around in your 12th House. And what does this mean in less fancy talk? It means that there are some hidden aspects which are going to “present” themselves, sort of like getting know your trailer park side of the family. Or some other dark secret. We’ve all got cousins in Texas, maybe cousins in that thin strip of land called East Texas where the brand of humor is a bit coarse. And it’s those kin folks, or a similar dark specter which will emerge this week — from behind the Pine Curtain. Now, if they really are kin folk, you know you have to be nice to them. You never know when they might end up on daytime T.V. — one of the THOSE talk shows.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: A place I once worked at was likened to the bar scene in the original “Star Wars” movie. And you’re going to feel like you’ve stumbled into this same bar scene. Or its “end of the century” equivalent, and that takes a pretty fair stretch of the imagination. The deal is this: I worked at that place for over two years. And you’re going to feel like this week is about two years long, too. And every place you look, you’re going to be seeing spooky aliens talking gibberish. You haven’t fallen into an inter-dimensional time and space continuum warp, no it’s just an eclipse cycle, and it’s going to have some fun with you. Just belly up to the bar, and order up one of those green drinks that smokes and bubbles.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: I know you guys hate the “Two-faced” and “Twins” allusions right now. Matter of fact, you just about always dislike such references because of the pejorative connotations. But let’s move beyond the bad stuff, for just a second. There is a duplicity inherent to your very nature, and that mutable ability that you’ve got is going to be very much in demand this week. In other words, my dear Gemini, you’ve got to be in two places at one time. Hopefully, this isn’t too much of a challenge for you. The important thing to remember is to stick to your commitments, whatever those commitments are. Doesn’t much matter, just do what you said you were going to do. Or what you thought you said.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Eclipses, such as the one on Tuesday, seem to have slightly empowering effect on you. Now, as you feel more ennobled this week, be careful how you weld you power. Make a strong, Cancer type of strong, effort to conceal your glee. Don’t appear to be over-ambitious. It’s like sneaking up on trout in a mountain stream, a little finesse goes a long way. Trout have to be coaxed onto the the fly. The rest of us, we’re like a recalcitrant trout in the stream, a little coaxing (and maybe a good luck charm) will help this week. You’re not spin casting. You’re not trolling, watch the elbow and land that fly right where we want it. Send me a picture of the trophy from this week.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Austin seems to produce a unique blend of music, sort of a polka, folk rock, hill-billy, twangy, Texas thing. I used to like the term Pink Country, but that’s become passe. But you get the idea. You, too, my wonderful Leo friend, will exhibit signs of that unique blend of seemingly disparate resources this week. Now, along with that weird Texas music thing, you need to be ready to go for a little more than your fair share of the spotlight this week. Of course, you’re going to do just fine. Don’t be too worried if you spend part of the week looking into the bright lights of the camera. T.V. news camera.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: You’ll be breathing a bit of a sigh of relief as this week progresses. Venus has been troubling you, and now that the obnoxious Valentine’s Day thing is over, you can back to important business in your life. I’m not saying that romance, or its apparent equivalent, isn’t important, but I would suggest that this is a week to leave the old flames, new flames, and smoldering embers in the dust. n other words, put it all behind you. One of the handy things about driving a pickup truck, the Texas State Vehicle, is you can just toss everything it he back. That’s what you’re going to want to do, this week. And if it’s something which needs to be removed, a good spin down the freeway will blow that trash right out of there.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: A while back, I was doing a little volley of electronic correspondence with a member of the FGS Faithful, someone on the witty little mailing list I run, and this correspondence had to do with a member of the family who won a new truck in some kind of special sweepstakes. To me, it looked like a lottery win, and in effect, that’s what it was. The key? In the chart of the person who won, Jupiter was moving opposite the native sun. Now, as a native son (of Texas), we have the same kind of lottery luck running for you because Mr. Jupiter is moving into the same position, opposite you. Get ready for. What’s that Texas State Lottery jackpot up to this week?

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: My fine Scorpio friend, I do trust that this week is going to be a good week for you. I know that it should be. Of course, appearances are always deceiving, and this is something you should watch out for. Use that inherent Scorpio ability that you’ve got, that wonderful sixth sense, to ferret out any problems that catch your perspicacious eye this week. Bet you didn’t know that you had such an eye? I think it’s the left one. So fix you steely gaze on the problem. In other words, it’s high time you got to the bottom of this. Now, this is all due to a Martian influence, so avoid the heavy hand and move with caution. This tape will self-destruct in ten seconds.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: You think you’re hearing wedding bells this week. And you have to admit, there is nothing so romantic as a marriage proposal on Valentine’s Day. So much for the good news. Get a grip. Grasp reality for a moment, and look at it in the eyes, square in the eyes. “What am I thinking?” You ask yourself. “Wedding Bells? What the?” Of course, this strange and hypnotic sensation of true love is going to keep you in a fog for a little longer. It’s like the winter fog which rises up from the wet Texas marshlands in East Texas, on cool winter days, and these fogs can obscure everything for miles. Even the airport traffic. But do consider making some contingency plans right now. France sounds good.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: I know that you want a rosy glow, and I was going to try to employ an “objective correlative” as a literary device in o order to evoke that feeling for you this week. But it seems the State wants to revoke my poetic license, something about some verse which rhymed. Still, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a warm, tingling feeling left over from the big Romantic Thing weekend. I don’t know how your individual romance worked out, but the over-all massage of the heavens was good, if not great. And you should be stuck with some sort of inner contentment, if not an outright silly glow — all week long.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: There’s strangely, eerily evocative music which comes to mind right now. Might just be the tune on the Boom Box, too, but I think it’s a little more than that. It’s like the opening scene from Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Part I, Part II, or Part III — doesn’t much matter), and you feel like the main antagonist is still lurking around the corner. If you’re not careful, this weird musical allusion will quickly lead to the sound of a chainsaw starting up. And you know what comes next, don’t you? Now, there’s not really much to worry about this week, but while everyone else is having a good time, it doesn’t hurt for you to be bit paranoid this week. And if you hear someone with a limp, or the sound of the chainsaw, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Aquarius is always a few steps ahead of the rest of us.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: There’s always going to be that one special Pisces, and there’s always going to be birthday that I will soon forget. Regrettably, those two seem to go hand in hand. and Pisces starts this week, with all sorts of strange things brewing. It’s the day after. Or the day after the day after. And you feel a little bit of let down despite it being your birthday month, starting this week. So what are you going to do? For those early degree Pisces, here’s a happy birthday to you. And for the rest? Don’t let the little details bog you down this week. It’s not another Foggy Mountain Breakdown, I’ll promise that.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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