3.8.1999

Week of: 3/8-14

“No more than a fish loves water. Is not this a strange
fellow, my lord, that so confidently seems to undertake this business, which
he knows is not to be done; damns himself to do, and dares better be damned
than to do’t?”

First Lord in Shakespeare’s All’s Well That Ends Well [III.vi.120-4]

I should use the tired old Ides of March quote, but I might save that for next week. Hold on tight and make the best use of the early spring time energy because it’s all about to go away soon. But lest I sound like a Scorpio, be happy joyous and free right now, and confidently undertake that which needs to be undertaken, as soon as possible.

This week’s quiz show question is buried in Taurus.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: There are many ways to spell relief. One of the best things that I’ve found is little nap after a particularly filling repast at a fine Tex-Mex restaurant. And that’s what you’re going to feel like doing. I realize that a nap doesn’t work into everyone’s schedule, but you might try to rearrange things so you can fit one in. A huge meal, and little shut eye will go a long way in helping you at a time like this. There are many, albeit dubious, benefits to having a little nap in the middle of the afternoon, especially after a filling meal. Don’t spend time extolling the virtues of this nap, just do it. You get the picture. As busy as you’ve been, and as good as things are, this is a the week to plan a little extra sleeping time. We’ll worry about romance and work, next week.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: There are certain, inevitable things in life. Like that pebble which works its way into your sock. You peel off you boots, and the rock is still there. No, it’s gotten next to your tender flesh of foot. And you’ve got to peel off the sock in order to get rid of the sucker. Like this irritation in your boot, you are going to have to dig a little deeper than usual to uncover the root of the problem this week. And, in the final analysis this root problem is more than likely something that you just took for granite. A really small piece of granite, to be precise. At least, that what it looks like to the rest of us. To a sensitive Taurus, though, it is certainly a big deal. There’s some fairy tale about that one, drop me a line with the moral of that tale, and the real author’s name for a chance to win a free el-cheapo delivered via email.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: I want to turn the multi-faceted jewel-like Gemini brain of yours towards business this week. I know that work can be an ugly word, but there are opportunities just about everywhere. Ask Joe, the guy at the filling station and convenience store about bait this week. You will find that you get unlikely advice (live bait) from unlikely places (you didn’t know he was a real fisher person). If you can bring this Gemini mind of yours back to basics, back to business, then you stand a chance of reaping great rewards. Or, at the very least, you’ll have a good catch this weekend. You’ve got a clue sitting right under your nose, just make sure you ask the right guy about bait. Or for advice.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Good news about Mars, and there’s even good news about the Sun. In fact, we’ve got Cancer good news busting out all over the place. In an effort to fly in the face of convention, I’m going to suggest that romance springs to the forefront again this week. Spring time, and all that, you know. The lazy wildflowers are erupting with their colors gracing the countryside, at least in Texas, and things couldn’t be much better. There’s just an odd little echo in your sign, despite all the good stuff, that suggests you might feel a little lonely this week. Snap out of it. Get over it. Pick your sorry self up, dust your lazy self off, and get out of your shell.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: There are no big influences that are running with you this week. I was listening to the radio, and I heard a weird song come on, something about “Leader of the Pack,” and that made me think about Leo for this week. In all fairness, and one must always be fair with a Leo, there’s some good stuff going on. Of course, most of this stuff that is happening is of a relatively minor variety. I still won’t worry about it too much because it works out for you in a pretty good way. So whatever your week’s plans are, plan on assuming your role as the leader of the pack. Just be forewarned that a few of your followers are going to question you along the way. That’s why you’re the leader, you know the answers this week.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: There’s actually, I mean, basically, I mean, the bottom line is, that there some good stuff happening in your heavens right now. Of course, seeing this yourself might be a bit of a problem because you are inclined to put the Virgo hat on, and when you wear that hat, your cranial matter gets rather focused. Don’t analyze it too much this week. Stop thinking. Or, as the Talking Heads would sing, “Stop Making Sense.” This is not futile exercise this week. It’s as if nothing is going to make a lot of logical sense. However, my fine Virgo, if you’re willing to look on the bright side of things, the Bluebonnets are out in force, it’s spring time, and the stars really aren’t treating you badly this week. Of course, what do I know? I still suggest that there has been a heavenly movement which helps your week along.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Lots of astrologers worry about oppositions, and you’ve got a boatload of oppositions this week. Therein is the bad news. And the good news? That’s up to you. Just when you feel like all the odds are against you, just when you feel like there isn’t any chance of success, just when you’re sure that nothing good will come of this week, a there’s a flash in the sky, and one portal opens up. It’s like you can’t find the right lure to fish with, so you put on a special summer-only top water popper, and then you get a strike. Success is like that this week, it comes from the weirdest combination of rule-breaking exercises. The wrong bait can sometimes garner the biggest catch so bend a few rules to suit your temperament.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I keep ranting and raving about Mr. Mars, the former solo ruler of Scorpio. Mars goes with BBQ like most good old boys in Texas do. It’s a natural fit. And BBQ is the best idea right now. Besides, deep down inside, in that secret Scorpio place (some call it your heart), you have a hankering for some delicious mesquite grilled beef. I know that there is at least one Vegetarian Scorpio reader out there (Hi Mom), so think about vegetables done up on the grill. Why all the talk about food? Because it’s most important right now. Of course, there’s one little problem with Mars, and in your rush to get stuff on the grill, you might over do it just a little with the gasoline. Unleaded Premium might not be the best starter fluid. And several gallons might not be the best way to do this, so try a little moderation.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: It’s about time we all had that little wedding talk. Soul Mate and Cell Mate seem to be recurrent themes to a normal Sagittarius brain. But like the commercials, remember the ones with the fried egg, Pluto has done a little number on you. Or a big number. Personally, I like mine over easy, but Pluto, and a few other influences, have determined that this week is a week for brains to be scrambled hard. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Repeat as often as necessary in order to get your priorities straight. There, you should be feeling better. And I’ll promise that you are feeling better by the weekend. And if you really are going to push ahead with the wedding idea, then you need to make a serious consideration about the bachelor party thing. And you’d better consult with an astrologer about the date. Next year looks good.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: I love Capricorn weeks like this one because I can trust that your innate sense of foreboding will manage to turn all these positive influences into a negative one, just give you enough time. “Yeah, right,” you say. In case you missed the point, there is a lot going on your world that is good right now. In fact, there is any number of beneficial influences at this point, it’s just up to you to do something with all this good energy. And that sense of doom that’s been lurking like a stealth bass boat in the corner of your vision? That’s nothing more than the Department of Parks and Recreation. He’s going to check your fishing license, but not until you have a big stringer of fish. It’s okay, because I know you got thing updated, right? The license, not the stringer.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: The beginning and middle of the week are just sort of, well, sort of boring. It’s like sitting in a boat on a hot spring day when, no matter what you do, nothing is happening. Not a thing. Of course, some of the lesser signs consider this sort of sport to be an excellent time for inner communications with one’s self. However, you are feeling just a bit irritable because you did go there to fish. Okay, after sighting a sufficient sign of ennui, maybe you’ll like the bit about the weekend better because all of a sudden, there is an explosion, and your mundane existence takes on new meaning. The fish start to bite, too.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: As a Good Pisces, which I’m sure you are because you’re reading this, you will note that the phase of the Moon has been having a profound effect upon you lately. After all, tracking things like the lunar cycles is what this astrology stuff is all about. But before you go off and moon somebody this coming weekend, be aware of some subtle changes around you home. Now, I’m not suggesting that every Good Pisces lives in a trailer park, but this is one of the weeks when I’d get out of that trailer and check the tires because you might need to realign your home at a time like this. That means get some good cinder block to build up the foundation. Or bookshelves. Either one works with those cinder blocks this week.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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