9.6.1999

Week of: 9/6-12/99

Venus goes Direct this week.

We shall hear music, wit, and oracle.
Agamemnon in Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida (I.ii.87)

Agamemnon might be right about rejoicing now that the little Love Planet has corrected herself.

Aries : There are any number of reasons why you should be feeling mighty fine this week. Nothing is ever so bad as some people would make it out to be. Of course, I’m not about to disparage the work of other astrologers, but I have to wonder if it’s really been as difficult as they have suggested. This week, in Aries Land, it’s a week that’s better than last week. And seeing as how last week wasn’t so bad, that would logically mean this is a good week. That old “logic” thang is going to be rather important this week, too, because you’ve learned a great deal about human nature in the past few weeks, maybe a little more than you really wanted, and this is the week to start applying those lessons. I’d urge you to be a little more careful than usual, though, when you start explaining to us just what you learned so far.

Taurus : I know how tough it’s been for you the past few weeks, and I know you feel like I’ve been picking on you, but that’s not the case. Okay, maybe it is the case, but I’d just like to point out it’s a stellar causation rather than your poor astrologer. There is the briefest glimpse you have right now, and this little “look and see” is a brilliant time for you take a good gander at some of things that have been going on around you. I wouldn’t want to suggest that the Venus Retrograde period that we are now over was rough for you. But there you have it. There’s a final review session, delivered to your fine Taurus sky, by the planets this week. Check back and make some notes about what the planets told you in the last few weeks. It’s a like a pop quiz from the Universe, and I’m cheating by telling you that it’s coming up. Study hard.

Gemini : Just when you least expect it, there’s a tingle — particularly in the first part of the week — in the romance area of your personality. To be fair, my recent Gemini research indicates that they tingle all over when ever the romance button is pushed, but I tend to feel that this is a little different. It’s like one of the many Gemini facets is focused on love while the rest of the Gemini resources are looking for other things, elsewhere. To a casual observer, this might not be that much different from the way things are normally for a Gemini, but to a trained professional, it’s obvious that there is something which is making you tingle in the most auspicious way. Not that I would like to appear cynical, nor would any other Gemini want to be unsure of such a feeling, but this little romantic number might make you suspicious. With the recent turn of world events, I’d be just a little suspicious, too.

Cancer : We’ve got a week here that just keeps getting better and better. I tried to find an appropriate allegorical device to explain what this is like, but the best thing I could come up with was an image of a new pick up truck. Now, I’m not suggesting that go out and buy a new truck this week. But you know, it isn’t such a bad idea. And see if you can’t get it with one of those nice back window shades, you know, the scene of a 8 point buck grazing…. However, before we delve off into the world of high finance — have you checked new truck prices — consider this a good time for negotiating just about any kind of deal. Just because I have my eyes set on a new truck to tow the new boat doesn’t mean that’s exactly what you want. Before it cools off too much in Texas, maybe it’s a new Wave Runner with special fishing attachments you want to look at. You get the idea. It’s a good time to shop some deals.

Leo : There’s finally a brief bit of nothing but good news for the Leo camp. And all you the Leo Camp feel this way because you’ve been isolated for a little too long, and you feel like you’re stuck out there, all by your lonesome. It isn’t going to be that way this week. Not at all. By the time the weekend starts heading this way, you’re going to find that you have developed a big appetite for many of the finer things in life, and the world has also fallen to its knees, before you, long enough for you to take that position that so rightly deserve. The lonesome blues which should like an old cowboy blues yodel are not going to be sung by you this week. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t rough times all around you, but this is a week when you don’t have to be caterwauling about how bad it is. And if you are going to complain then you can always use my disposable email address.

Virgo : I looked it up in the astrology cookbook texts, and I didn’t like what I kept finding, so I’ve invented some of my own keywords for this week: House Pest and House Guest. Of course, this goes without saying that these two troublesome figures in your life are somehow intertwined with your birthday. I know, you are supposed to be having a wonderful birthday week right now. In fact, I always suggest that you stretch the part out for the whole 30 degrees, roughly thirty days, for the whole sign. It looks like you’ve encountered a house guest who just “dropped by” for your birthday, and it looks like this is a rapidly deteriorating situation for you. You can’t seem to get them out from underfoot. I had this trouble with a fishing buddy once. He kept turning up on the couch, every night. Seems his girlfriend had given him the boot, only he forgot to tell me. Before you agree to any house guests this week, check with the most recent ex to make sure this is only a semi-permanent arrangement.

Libra : There’s a creeping, crawling sensation, perhaps it’s like feeling as if there is a bug crawling up back. No matter how much you swat at the place where you feel it, though, nothing can drive the sensation away. I realize this isn’t the prettiest picture to paint, but it does have some astrological merit because Mercury is kicking around over Virgo, and that just doesn’t set up right with you. While it’s supposed to be a fun week, and turning into a really fun weekend, I wonder if that’s going to happen for you. It’s that persistent, nagging feeling. Around here, the bats are beginning to think about migrating so the bugs we never had all summer long are finally beginning to pester us a little. (Austin’s Congress Avenue Bridge is home to the largest urban colony of Mexican Free Tail Bars in North America, and the bats dine sumptuously on bugs.) So you’ve got a little thought pattern nagging at the back of your brain, like the one late blooming mosquito you can’t kill. It will get better, and the full moon this weekend will be fun.

Scorpio : I was trying to come up with a truly obnoxious and suitably sarcastic comment to open the Scorpio Scope with, but alas, I’ve failed. However, now you know what my sentiments are, for you, for this week. I was going to make one those typically cutting and deeply insightful Scorpio remarks and get you with a taste of your own medicine, so to speak. You need someone to challenge you, just a bit, this time. Too bad I’m just not up to the task because only a true Scorpio can understand the stakes here. At the risk of arousing your ire, let me explain: it’s a good week for you. Sure, there are some slightly unnerving influences in some of the fixed signs, but that’s not going to get you. And the love planets are doing this really strange little dance number, all wrapped up in pink chiffon. You’ll enjoy the show, and who knows, maybe even participate.

Sagittarius : I had this special girlfriend once, she looked wonderful in gold lame. With her big hair all piled up on the top of her head, she would tower above me. Standing there, in the porch light outside her trailer, she looked wonderful. Now why would I be waxing so eloquently about a former loved one? The stars are your eyes this week, and just like that Texas beauty queen, high school cheerleader, and Miss Car Wax (told you she was a beauty queen), you’re going to find a person of similar ilk calling you this week. I can’t promise that it’s an old flame, but your keen ability to time events like this couldn’t be better. Turn on your inherent, if somewhat goofy, Sagittarius charm. Be nice to the flame in the lame. Be kind. Tell them how wonderful they look. That’s the problem this week, we switched from singular to plural, both grammatically and in our developing situations.

Capricorn : One of the frequent calls I get is what I term a “permission reading.” The chart would suggest one thing, and the person getting the reading is really looking for permission to act on an impulse. That concept of an impulsive gesture is quite strong this week. I can’t say that I would really recommend it, but given your contrary feelings this week, anything I suggest that you don’t do, you might just go out and do to spite me. As your faithful and humble astrologer, all I’m trying to tell you is this isn’t a good week for such audacious actions. It’s back to the permission thing, and I’m not sure I should sanction some of your endeavors this week. Next week might be a different story, but this week, It’s not really a good idea. For a small fee, though, I could give you permission. But it will cost you dearly in the long run.

Aquarius : I know you don’t want to hear this, I realize that you are predisposed to ignore my stern warnings, and I’ve seen an Aquarius or two just totally ignore whatever sage advice I might offer. It’s still a weird week, and being the good Aquarius that you are, you thrive under such weirdness. You might complain a little about this week being a bit on the “too weird” side of life, but I live in Texas, and there is no greater collection of absurdities anywhere else. From the culture clash to fine arts, to our impeccable sense of style and taste, we’ve got all the weirdness you’re facing this week beat. In other words, ours is stranger than yours. Before we get into shouting match about what’s more weird, I should warn you that something is going to look mighty fine to you this week, but I would sternly suggest you hold off on that purchase, or whatever, for just a little while longer. It might turn out to be too conventional for your tastes.

Pisces : I’ll promise one good thing for this week, you will get your point across. Whether this is a successful week or not depends on just exactly what point it is that you’re trying to get across. It’s like arguing with local fisherman about what bait to use. It usually turns out that the local folks are right about what works best, even when it flies in the face of our conventional and vastly superior store of knowledge. If I could get a Pisces to listen to some easy going advice this week (and I don’t want any more of those poignant Pisces notes, you hear?), that advice would be to listen more than you talk. It’s a chore under this Mercury in Virgo kind of influence, but it’s to your Pisces’s advantage to listen good this week. It will give you ammunition for later. Or even a good tip on bait.

© Kramer Wetzel, astrofish.net 1998, 1999.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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