11.29.1999

Week of: 11/29-12/5

“Men are April when they woo, December when they wed: maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives.”

    Rosalind in Shakespeare’s As You Like It [IV.i.182-4]
  • “He’s the Shakespeare of Country Music” (Tom T. Hall on Austin City Limits) Who’s he talking about? You only get one guess per e-mail address, but a correct answer (along with this singer’s sign) can win you a free e-mail “planet profile” custom crafted in Bubba’s Bait Barn and Fang Sway Emporium.
  • Aries : With all the big Thanksgiving feasts behind us, it looks like a long haul to the holidays. And this week, at some point, you’re going to start feeling lazy. It’s one of those pervasive feelings you get from time to time, except, being an Aries, this feeling doesn’t hit you too often. However, you’re going to get that happy and helpless feeling that you just don’t want to do anything. It’s like sitting there and staring at the motel TV, giving it your rapt attention, but you never turn the set on. It’s not like there’s a wild visions dancing before you, it’s just that turning on the TV would be too much trouble. This is one of those weeks when you feel like you just can’t be bothered.

    Taurus : At times like this, I wish I had a bit of programming which would do one of those “Millennium Count Down” clocks. You feel like this is what is going on, and I’m pretty sure the madness has caught on. Now, I know all my material is Y2K compliant. I can rotate my astrology software up until the year 2040 or 2050 or something like that. Of course, looking that far in advance is a little difficult for me, when I’m like you, I’m not too sure about my next paycheck. I know that you’re tired of work related stress disorders, but this week is full of them. It’s not a pretty sight. Or it’s not a pretty site, at work, is what I mean. The problem, and this where a background with a fishing is a plus, is like a boat that is slowly leaking. Of course, when you put your boat on the trailer and think about fixing it, there’s no leak. Which doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem.

    Gemini : It looks like you are going to be involved in an all out verbal war this week. I can only hope that, being a good Gemini, that this is a war of words and that it doesn’t escalate into a brawling matching of some kind. You don’t need to be attacking with anything more than verbal barrage this week. To make this situation a lot worse, I’m going to warn you ahead of time that you might be prepared to go back and say, “I’m sorry” a little later. Now that you aware of this, perhaps you can go easy on the poor victim that you have your sights set on. There’s an odd bit of gravel in the sky which indicates this might have to do with romance, but being a the good Gemini that you are, I seriously doubt that you are going to be dealing with more than two aspects of you life this week, and the romance, as long as you don’t blow your top, is going to be relatively minor.

    Cancer : Minor positive influences should be regarded as such. If you’re out there considering what to get folks for Xmas, I’d suggest a good truckstop. It might sound like an old redneck joke, but I’m serious. I was in a truckstop in West Texas, just the other day, and I found the perfect gift. I know, it doesn’t seem like a the usual place for most folks to shop for Xmas, but believe me, this one worked. It was giant peppermint stick. It was the perfect gift for a some one special, I just hope she doesn’t read this before she unwraps her present. Now that’s my Cancer side appealing to your Cancer self, and think about using some of your shopping energy in a different way. How did that grammatically incorrect advertising campaign go? “Think differently”? Head on down to the truckstop and see what you can get.

    Leo : I may love a Leo, but right now, no Leo is going to be loving me. It’s Mars. Or it’s Venus. Or it’s Jupiter or Saturn. As far you are concerned, it could be any one of the astrological objects we use, except for the Moon. The Moon may be a harsh mistress, but she’s being nice to you right now. That doesn’t stop the rest of the planets stacking up against you though. I realize this isn’t exactly the holiday cheer message you were looking for, but there you have it. The best thing to do is be a little extra cautious. I know that you were thinking about getting some fireworks ready for the big New year, New Millennium celebration. I would suggest to your kind, party oriented, Leo heart that anything larger than a sparkler is a not a good idea. It’s not suggested as a form of merriment, and I’m not even worried about the legalities of high yield explosives for you. I’m more worried about something blowing up in your face because of a short fuse.

    Virgo : On mornings at this time, here in Austin, I can look out over the lake and watch a slow mist drift up from the water’s surface because the ambient temperature in the morning makes for this kind of foggy condition. It’s peaceful and reassuring. There’s also one die hard fisherman who gets out, and watching him work the north side of the lake, his little trolling motor pulling him along, his rod gently arcing a line out to the shore makes for mysterious sight, like a specter in the fog. Shoot, maybe it is a ghost. This apparition is you this week, and if you are willing to get up early, perhaps even before dawn, you will find that there are some lucky breaks waiting for you. Even though it’s not really a good time to fish, there’s a chance, a long shot at best, but a chance of landing something decent this week, especially closer to the weekend.

    Libra : According to some of the astrology texts I have consulted, Libra is an inherently lazy sign. I suppose that could be said, at one time or another, about any of the signs. However, as Venus makes the last of her fly-by passes at you, this inherent lazy streak might become more apparent. There’s is a catch, and you knew with a Fishing Guide there would always be a catch, and that’s Jupiter, over yonder in Aries (the opposite side of the wheel). He’s still stirring things up, and that’s going to make the later part of this week, and this lazy attitude, a little more interesting. Is that “good” interesting or “bad” interesting? Depends on what you do with it. A little extra effort this week would certainly help. Getting you to put in that extra effort is going to take some strong motivation, and I hope that Jupiter is strong enough for you.

    Scorpio : I have this vision of a Scorpio, holed up in a trailer house in East Texas, casually cleaning his and hers firearms. Ostensibly, it’s just deer rifles, and theoretically, it’s just because the Scorpio has been hunting. Of course, after the deer rifles come the handguns, we use them to shoot snakes. Then come the shotguns, even though dove season is long gone. Why all the firearms in East Texas? This Scorpio feels like the world is about to end, even though the new millennium is more than 13 months away. Instead of getting a creeping sense of paranoia this week, do something useful. However, I’m not sure that playing with all your armaments is the best way to relax. Personally, I would prefer to see you with a shopping list and a charge card, watching the shopping channel. It’s still a dangerous scenario, but a lot less likely to blow up in your face.

    Sagittarius : A creeping sense of destiny playing a fine hand in your Fate? That’s the sense for this week, and there is no escaping it. It’s there, through and through, a careful message etched in the stars. Now, before you get too worn out by this message which has been delivered about fate, consider some stellar person coming up to you and suggesting that “we go back to my place to look at my etchings….” There is an astrological signature, and it could well be engraved in stone, which suggests that this week is going to have some ups and downs. Bummer, dude. I was careful observing a fellow fisherman on the river, just the other day, and he was having no luck whatsoever. You might feel just like that guy this week, no luck whatsoever. Then, when you least expect it, but perhaps when you need it the most, there will be a sudden break. Long term, long run, big picture video all looks good. The short run stuff, though, that looks a little cloudy. Like my buddy with no luck.

    Capricorn : Late in the week, there is a sudden flare up of an old relationship problem. I would like to think that this is a work related relationship issue, but you know, the fine line between work and play gets pretty confusing here in Austin. We have so many musicians and other tawdry lots who seem to work when most people play. And play for work. So this confusing issue about a relationship problem gets even more difficult to understand. I’d suggest that you treat this flare up with some medication. Check with your pharmacist for some soothing balm to help with your problem. The problem will heal itself, eventually, but there’s nothing like a little bit of cosmic “Blue Star” ointment to help ease the suffering a little. “Tequila soothes a chapped mind,” admonished one associate.

    Aquarius : For the sake of the astrology forecast for this week, I’m going to divide Aquarius into two halves. The second half, those born after the middle of Aquarius, say, after Feb. 4, have nothing to worry about this week, and nothing to look forward to that is either good or bad. Now the other half, that first half, you guys have an extremely exciting week ahead. It starts and ends with Mr. Mars exciting you to new heights. Regrettably, there are also frustrations which accompany Mars and he’s going to cause a lot of action, one way or another, as he touches the big planets you’ve been dealing with for while. The action of Neptune and Uranus are prominent this week. Bait? Who needs bait this week? Use a net. In fact, a trawling boat would be more appropriate for your week. Use the big strokes as you paint your week. And lots of color. Use lots of color, too, for this week’s outlook.

    Pisces : The nice thing about being a Pisces is that you are a Pisces. Use your very best Piscean judgment this week, and listen to that inner voice. You might be a little tyrannical but that’s just one of those energies that you must deal with, work with, and subjugate for your own goals in order to get by. In the annals of your life, you’re going to find that this is a big week for you. Yes, you might get accused of being tyrant at times, but your ability to overcome the opposition is at an all time high. Put this to good use. And please, try to remember the friends who helped you on your journey to the top. A little kindness at this time would surely help.

  • (c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999
  • About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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