11.22.1999

Week of: 11/22-28

Marry, sir, half a day’s journey; and I’ll tell you, he hath
a fair daughter, and tomorrow is her birthday; and there are princes and
knights come from all parts of the world to joust and tourney for her love.

First Fisherman in Shakespeare’s Pericles, Act II, scene i.

I never miss a chance to plug a decent Sag birthday bash — coming up at the end of the week. I just wonder if any princess is willing to joust for my attentions?

While we’re at it, tell me the name of the author mentioned in the Scorpio Scope, and the work the quote is from, maybe the character’s name, too, and I’ll see about hooking you up with a free abbreviated “el-cheapo” chart report, custom crafted in the South Austin Birthday Barn, delivered via E-mail. Hint: the author is allegedly a Scorpio, too.

Aries : This whole Mercury retrograde thing which suddenly and supposedly gets a lot better this week might be a little over rated. However, with all due respect, you’re still going to feel some of the lasting effects of this mess for an entirely different reason, and that’s Mr. Jupiter who is still moving in a motion that is less than conducive to a good time. About the only thing that you’ll feel from this is the usual lethargy associated with the post prandial Turkey day gig. It’s more a little lunar lift, and the usual festive times might leave you feeling like you meant to start a diet this week, but the holidays are approaching, and that’s always something you can tackle in the next millennium.

Taurus : There’s a little degree of relief that comes along this week. And with that small amount of comfort, there’s also going to be a larger amount of food. I realize that not all Taurus people take solace in food — all generalization about this sign are false, but the American holiday this week does offer quite the cornucopia of delights to feast upon. In popular mythology, though, the Turkey substance seems to have a large quantity of some sleep producing substances in it, sort of like a natural sedative. And, with this coming along, I would be very careful about getting impulsive on the day after Thanksgiving — you don’t want to get out there and do your Xmas shopping in your sleep. There’s a new millennium right around the corner, and it’s time to consider changing your shopping habits.

Gemini : It’s an uphill week for you. Of course, the idea that all your movement is uphill is a good thing for a delicate Gemini because it means that you are moving in forward direction. And I’m not talking about “uphill battles” either. In military tactics, that’s always a more difficult scenario. In fact, I don’t feel like you have any battles until you get to the top of the hill. As such, your week just looks better and better as the days go by. Mercury rights himself, the sun changes signs, and Mars goes into Aquarius. All of this makes for some good Gemini energy, if you are willing to make that long trudge of the hill. Hint: if you are fighting a battle to get up the hill, maybe it’s the wrong hill this week; change directions.

Cancer : You get two kinds of relief this week, three if you count the American Holy Day of Thanksgiving and its ensuing football games which are of paramount importance. Nothing seems to be better than pushing away from the big Thanksgiving Day spread, letting off a little accumulated steam, and taking a nap in front of the TV set with a ball game on. In Texas, it’s easiest because we merely ask, “How bout them Cowboys?” The astrology relief is a lot like, with Mercury setting itself upright in a compatible water sign and with Mars moving out of an incompatible sign for you. The only hassle, and it’s not much of one, is Venus, but even she’s conspiring to give you good dreams this week as nap in front of that ball game. I don’t want to incur the wrath of any other fans, but being in Texas is fraught with complexities. Go Cowboys?

Leo : There is a creeping sense of paranoia that’s going to get you this week. Now, just because you’re afraid that “they” are out to get you doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be a little more cautious than usual. But it is a hot tip to avoid Area 51 as a vacation destination this week. And watch out for strange figures lurking on grassy knolls, too. Now that I’ve got you sufficiently riled up, let’s look at the cause of this. It’s Mars, swapping positions with Neptune. Since this is a waxing aspect, this feeling of suspicion and dread only gets stronger as the weekend gets closer. And in honor of this approaching angle, maybe get out and wax your truck this weekend, on those rare, beautiful falls days we have. While you’re doing that, keep one eye peeled for strange, black sedans parked in your neighborhood.

Virgo : We’ll look on the bright side of this week, while every one else is having a tough go of it, what with all the astrology indicators lining up in a way that spells certain doom for certain football teams on the big day, you’ve been playing at this underdog routine. In the event that your memory might be a little shot, it was a cartoon from long ago, and Underdog was really a mild mannered shoe shine dog, and his heroine in distress was always Polly Purebred. Oh for the days when it was easy to determine what’s bad and what’s good. I’d like to suggest that your cry for this week is none other than, “There’s no need to fear, Underdog is here!” I just hope the modern world doesn’t confuse you about what’s right and wrong at this time.

Libra : Under the benevolent influence of Venus, and now that Mercury is becoming a morning star, you will find that you are getting more and more attention this week. In fact, some of this attention is good. There’s one minor, insignificant detail that needs to be attended to, however, more like a reminder than any kind of evil influence, it’s time to know when to say when. I realize that this sort of information might reach you a little late. It’s like that 14th cup of coffee in the morning, you know you should have stopped at 12, but you kept going. Now you’re doomed to listen to the buzzing in your ears for the rest of the afternoon. I can’t be too sure, though, because I haven’t had that much coffee in a day or two. And it might not be coffee, either, it could be something that involves too much turkey and then too much sweet potato pie. You get the idea, though, watch out for a little too much of a good thing.

Scorpio : It’s another week when I won’t be popular with Scorpio. So it goes, as one author termed it — “So it goes.” So the Sun moves on into yonder Sagittarius early in the week, and Mercury starts being visible at sunrise. The good news is that Mercury does an abrupt turn around this week, and you feel better. The problem being that you just don’t want to get out of the house. With the pretty fall weather here in Texas, everyone else is moving around, after watching too much football on TV. You might be full of ideas right now, but you’re not as active. Perhaps you’re not just as inclined as everyone else is when it comes to getting out of the house, but you are active. My suggestion is another turkey sandwich this week, a little dressing on the side, and enjoy some more of the television fare. You deserve a break.

Sagittarius : Break out of your routine, dear Sagittarius. This is a good time, a great week for it, if you will, to get out and try something new. Try something a little different. Fly in the face of convention. Be careful that it’s not a rash action, or make sure it’s not just a reaction to your environment. I like to try new bait, or better yet, new lures. I have the cutest little lure with a pattern that looks just like a Hawaiian shirt. In fact, one fishing buddy has suggested that the pattern on the lure was taken from one of my shirts, but I guess that’s a different story, and my sartorial choices are best left unpublished. While that lure might look more odd than most, it does seem to catch its fair share of fish. So try something a little different this week, perhaps something radically different and see what happens. The worst thing that can happen is you get no strikes.

Capricorn : Mars is leaving you behind now, and that’s supposed to be good news. If I were to just concentrate on the good news, I would also explain that Mercury gets itself straightened out this week, at least a little bit. But there’s a problem looming on your astrological horizon this week, and that has to do with the sun creeping into Sagittarius. As the nights get longer and the days get shorter, you’ll notice that you’re going to be forced to increase your night time activity. This would look like after hours work. Something you take home. So despite the party atmosphere floating around, I still think you have a little cleaning up to do from the last few weeks, and it looks like this has to be done on your own time. Ouch.

Aquarius : If it’s not one thing, then it’s another. It reminds me of watching the huge number of guys with old cane poles, showing up after a decent rain. It was one of those rare afternoons in the late fall when the air sparkles with a certain clean, just washed feeling. And it’s really too late in the season in Texas to be seriously fishing. Especially along the river with live bait, but there you have it. Being the good Aquarius that you are, you might find fishing at just such a time might actually pay off. I realize it flies in the face of convention, but you never can tell what’s going to work. Besides, I’ve never found any Aquarius to be conventional. In that one respect, you are all alike, every one of you is different.

Pisces : One of the advantages of having a slightly off center astrologer is that I can tell you things that no other astrologer can express. It’s a good time for “you know what.” In fact, this week is full of “you know what.” As far as with “you know who”? That’s certainly up to you to decide. But you’re going to be particularly appealing this week, and it lasts all week long. It’s as if you’ve found some kind of new perfume, and it attracts everybody. It reminds me of that great bait from, of all places, Missouri, and the bait smelled like garlic. But it worked. Really well. So it depends on what you’re fishing for this week, but I figure you will do really well. Don’t be afraid to use whatever is necessary to hook what you want. After all, you are Pisces, the sign of the two fish.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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