12.6.1999

Week of: 12/6-12

“‘Tis well said again,
And ’tis a kind of good deed to say well:
And yet words are no deeds.”

King Henry VIII, Act 3, scene 2

For a quiz question, send me the name of the artist alluded to in the last part of the Scorpio Scope, and get a chance to win a free “el-cheapo” (abbreviated version) report delivered via E-mail.

Aries : There are a lot of good things, as if they are sitting under the Xmas tree, and this is the week to get in there and rattle a few packages. You will notice that some one, some place has remembered you. It’s as if a long distant love affair has caught up with you. And, it looks like that the long distant affair of the heart is going to resurface, if only a brief time. It’s like an Xmas package from an address you don’t notice. Now, in keeping with the spirit this week, it would be unfair to open this package ahead of time. Patience, not an Aries characteristic, is required. It will pay off if you are willing to exert a small degree of restraint right now. I know how hard that can be, but it will pay off.

Taurus : I would implore of my fine Taurus friends to be a little more restrained than usual this week. The week does hold some rewards, but I beg of you to remember that the best gifts are from the heart rather than something store bought. Besides, I seriously doubt that the corner “bait and tackle” shop has what you’re looking for in the way of gifts right now. Not to mention the local convenience store, either. The possible exception would be a good selection of lures, and every fisherman knows you can never have too many of these things. Despite the good Taurus sense of taste, this week, it might not be a good time to be shopping for that special person on your list. You might find that your selection process runs a little more towards your own tastes rather than what we want.

Gemini : There are numerous little astrological events which are getting you all riled up this week. None of these events are particularly bad, just a little unsettling. Being the good Gemini that you are, I know that you have carefully prepared for this time, right? I also realize that making a list and checking it twice is not a characteristic of the good Gemini that you are, but it’s one of those times when just such a list might prove to be rather effective. There’s something that you are forgetting, and nothing is worse than heading off to the shopping mall, or similar battle ground, and forgetting to take what you needed most. That’s why, just for this week, I suggest a contractor’s “punch list” of the most important things which need to be accomplished. Works here, and I’d wager it works for you.

Cancer : There is a subtle influence right now, and it’s a good subtle influence. Of course, subterfuge, which seems to have the same etymological root as subtle, is beyond your noble Cancer self. Avoid the “sub” stuff as much as possible this week. In fact, a direct approach is a better solution. I realize this form of open confrontation might go against some of your basic nature, but the ability to act right now is a good idea. I don’t much care about how you act, other than you take some form action. Like I’ve suggested, it’s a weird week with a weird astrological configuration. Might as well make a go of it, and tackle this sucker head on.

Leo : Ever feel like the whole world was out to get you? Ever notice a black helicopter in the sky, slowly circling over your prescribed route? Ever notice an unmarked black sedan with a limousine tinted windows following you around? At one point, this week, you are going to have those creeping, gnawing feelings that some one, some where is out to get you. Now, rather than let this almost overwhelming feeling of dread invade your every waking, even sometimes sleeping, moment this time, I suggest you step back from the whole paranoid, conspiracy theory thing and look at the big picture. Yes, maybe there are some folks out to test your mettle. Or maybe they will test your metal. But the folks who are following you? I suspect that some of those people just might be “Santa’s Helpers” checking to see if you’ve been good. Since you’re a Leo, of course you’ve been good, and there is a special gift coming this season.

Virgo : Even with the ever present press of media attention on your central nervous system, even as the marketing hype reaches a fevered pitch, warning about the end of the millennium, and even as you are personally worried about the collapse of Western Civilization as we know it, there is time to take a nap. Yes, the New Moon in this week’s chart promises a chance for you to rest your weary brow, if only for a moment. Yes, all that stuff might just come true, but between you and me, I really think that a lot of it is merely the mass media caught up a feeding frenzy. Besides, and I will call upon your innate Virgo analytical ability, technically, all the timing is off. So you can rest easy this week. Too bad you’re going to feel like your cerebral cortex is wired into this mass media machine, but you should be able to sleep it off.

Libra : Some folks live and breath according to their astrology chart. If that’s the case, then you will feel this week in a big way because Venus leaves Libra and Mercury switches into Sagittarius. If that’s confusing, then how about you feel much better, all week long. There are some folks who are having a tough time with this millennium bug, and the new year looks like it will really kick them around. It looks like you are in a jovial mood for most of the week. In fact, I would suggest that you’re in a jovial mood for all the week. In fact, I would suggest that you have a good time coming up. It looks like it’s the beginning of a good “social” season for you. That means that all your fishing buddies are all willing to spend a little more time socializing and a little less time working. This is good for you, and I guess I have to invoke that one song, one more time, because you should “party like it’s 1999….”

Scorpio : I keep hearing as refrain from a particular country song when I look at your chart this week. Now, I’m not about to suggest a specific lyrical reference at this time, because each and every Scorpio has his and hers own lyrics in mind. But there is a sweet suggestion that this musical message is where you’re at this week. It could be a heartbreaker of a song because, statistically, that’s what the genre usually deals with. Of course, with Venus making her entrance into Scorpio, it could go against the law of averages for this kind of music. It might be one of the happy ones. Or, it could even be a comical song. Whatever music you hear this week, I just hope it isn’t the tune everyone in Austin sings to me when I talk about traveling to El Paso. That’s one song we can all do without, at least, for this week. Plan on a happy song from the Country and Western variety. It fits your week best.

Sagittarius : The nice thing about being a Sagittarius is an obnoxious, infectious good attitude. And this good attitude just got a little better this week. To be sure, there is a little bit of uncomfortable stellar dust kicking around in the heavens, and some of this is making you a little worse for the wear and tear. Parts of you are going to feel like that faded circle where a can of snuff rides around in the back pocket of a pair of jeans, that one spot which might be a little more faded. But like that can of dip, the faded spot indicates a piece of faded glory, a small reminder of feeling good. Now, since this snuff is a metaphor, you need to be careful because dipping snuff is probably bad for you. This week, you can experience the joy the holiday spirit inflicts on you. You’re going to want to exercise a little caution though, be careful with the dip this season. Especially right now. No need to spray tobacco juice into other peoples’ egg nog right now.

Capricorn : I’m pretty sure you are tired of rodeo metaphors by now. However, after one quick glance at your chart this week, I could think of nothing better to say than “Ride ’em Cap Cowboy!” I suppose, to honor the western tradition, there should be a hoot and a holler at this point, but I refuse to tape such a sound into the system. I’m sure you get the general drift of the concept though. It’s an exciting time, and you have a monster – sized problem that you’ve been wrestling with, and it looks like you’re about to triumph over the obstacles. Remember that there is a lot more to riding in a rodeo than just sheer physical punishment. And as one FGS Faithful is fond of reminding me, “This ain’t my first rodeo….” So don’t be afraid to apply a little bit of mental muscle to the problems this week. Then get a good grip on the reins of life, and hold on.

Aquarius : I’d be getting prepared for a wild ride, just about now. Okay, so last week was a wild ride, and I know you hate it when I say, “I told you so….” so I won’t say that. But Mars is exciting, and as the weekend gets closer and closer, the Martian Energy is working on you. Of course, this might evoke a mental image of a particular cartoon Martian, but I don’t think Marvin is going to have a lot to do with this week. His cool, analytical ability doesn’t properly describe the animated passion you are feeling this week. I would suggest that you enjoy yourself this week. The office Xmas party looks like it might be a good bash.

Pisces : I have a special family tradition I observe with my sister. For one, brief, shining, moment, we go out to the mall, look at the Xmas trappings and sit there, drink a little coffee, and act bitter about the commercial aspects of the holidays. Then, as the caffeine kicks in, we get in the spirit, get ourselves in gear, and by the end of the afternoon, we leave the mall with lots of packages in our arms, the spirit of the Yule time properly observed. I might add that our collective charge cards have the magnetic strips melted off, and somewhere there is a banker bemoaning the credit limit. Such is life. The coffee is bitter and black. Just wait, though, because sometime this week, the bitter brew will kick you into a holiday spirit. Just be careful about the plastic meltdown which can occur.

(c) 1998, 1999 Kramer Wetzel

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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