12.13.1999

Week of: 12/13-19

“Love is too young to know what conscience is;
Yet who knows not conscience is born of love?”
Shakespeare’s Sonnet 151

Who what is the name of poet listed in the Cancer Scope? And what’s the date of copyright for that publication? (I can’t make this too easy for ya’ll, you know….) Get me all the correct data in an E-mail, and I’ll see about getting you a an abbreviated “El-Cheapo” back in the same volley of E-mails.

Aries : We’ve got a bubbling sense of optimism running this week — all over your sign. The end of the year, the end of the decade, and the end of a century is approaching. Some of this “end” suggests change, but right now, the only thing you can see is what is right in front of you. In some groups of people, Deer Hunting is considered a scared act, and this is a sport which requires a lot of patience. Now, I’m not about to tell you to go out and slaughter some poor animal, even if it does mean good chili meat for me, but use this as an example. The longer you are willing to be patient this week, the greater the chance of the reward. It’s just like those deer hunters freezing their backsides off in the deer blind, just a little north and west of Austin. Make sure you don’t get “buck fever” this week.

Taurus : There is a movement afoot to convince all of us to head towards the high country right now. Grab a few essential items and take off for the secure and secluded environments, far from the maddening cry of civilization, far from the problems of the changing of the times. Some of us tend to regard this exodus as an alarmist reaction rather than a well thought out plan. While everyone else is looking for supplies, you’re going to be thinking about this sort of escape, too, only, you’ll do this in fine Taurus fashion. The easiest way to “take it with you” will look like an extra pass at the dinner table to us. It will look like you’re lingering at the happy hour buffet for an extended period of time, loading up on the free fried stuff. It will look like you’re not concerned at all about weighty matters. I firmly believe in that, from the perspective of several years in the future, your actions this week will actually benefit you in the coming months. No lean times ahead for you, not this week.

Gemini : Bang! I know that fireworks can become confused with small arms fire, and no where is that more evident than in one of my old neighborhoods, just on the other side of the river. The problem this week is that your week starts out with just such a bang, and you’re not too sure whether it’s pistol shot, small arms fire or just fireworks. After looking at your chart, I’m pretty sure most of the banging is coming from fireworks — it’s an old Texas tradition to set off small explosive devices to welcome in the New Year, and this one is coming along with an even bigger bang than usual. And all the commotion is being caused by some one getting an early start on the new year. Any ideas of that person’s sign? It wouldn’t be a Gemini, now would it? You might want to be a little cautious with your celebration this week, it is a little hasty.

Cancer : There’s a particular poet who I am fond of, and one of her collections of poetry is called “The Moon is Always Female.” While that’s a nice sentiment, and while that’s a logical deduction from time-worn observations, it doesn’t fit with the lunar treatment you’re going to be getting this week. It’s worthy to note that the Moon is always an important player in the Cancer Camp, and the strong influence of the Moon right now might be confused with a strong male influence. There’s a certain amount of zest you’re going to be feeling this week. Nothing evil, bad, or untoward, just a cheerful, happy place for you. Of course, with a lunar influence like this, you are set to enjoy some of the holiday festivities more so than other signs. There’s a small problem with your love of the party atmosphere right now, though, and that’s some work which really needs to be wrapped up before the end of the year. If I were you, I would try to balance the work thing with the play thing this week. Good luck.

Leo : I’m not too worried about my Leo friend this week. The coming Millennium celebration, even though it shows up a year early, isn’t going to be too bad. In fact, it’s a giant party. What did you expect? After the last few months, though, you are approaching this week with a certain degree of fear and trepidation. Why? Just because. There’s no real reason to worry about the coming weeks and months, and it looks like you’ve got a good party coming along pretty soon. Of course, I’m preparing just like you are. I’ve got a manual typewriter so I can continue to get my astrological data out onto paper. Manual typewriter. It works without electricity. Unless I have a Leo to plug into, I don’t know if I will have enough electricity to run anything.

Virgo : The end of the year brings us a time for quiet contemplation, a time for meditation on what the last year has been like, a time to pause and reflect. Okay, we’ve had enough of this navel gazing, wool gathering exercise. I realize that you would like a little more time to consider everything that has transpired in the last year, and what changes you want to make before you go careening forward into the next 1,000 year epoch, but it’s not the week to do that. Nope, not this week at all. Eschew the quiet moments, get out and get into the holiday spirit. There’s at least one of my regular Virgo friends who will do just that. “When life gives you lemons, it’s time for shots of tequila.” Not a bad spirit at all.

Libra : Everybody else is concerned with the larger issues at hand: parties, end of the year, financials, and so forth. Instead of belaboring the obvious, I would merely start humming a tune which gets stuck in my head at this time of the year, it’s an old Elvis number, “Here comes Santa Claus cruising down Santa Claus Lane…” The nice thing about this little ditty from the King is that it has no references to various religious systems. Avoiding a confrontation about religion at a time like this is a good idea. It’s a good week to exercise that jovial, heart warming Libra nature of yours and enjoy the good things that life has to offer. I would really encourage you to break out of any cage you have paced yourself in right now, too, because there can be a bit of a mental battle raging in your brain. Listen to that old Elvis Xmas special, take a look at the Xmas lights, get out and quit thinking so much. That mental horsepower can be harnessed for work, after the first of the year. You deserve a break. “Here comes Santa Claus cruising down Santa Claus Lane….”

Scorpio : There are many little secret hiding spots in the Scorpio mind, many little places where data is tucked away for safe keeping. There are so many nooks, crannies, and hiding places that even the razor sharp and ever perspicacious Scorpio mind can forget some of the places where this information is hidden. This week, you’ve done such a good job of hiding things that you might have hidden something from yourself. I suggest an extra evening in, an extra day spent alone, a little spare time to be devoted to searching these various nooks and crannies, the patented Scorpio hiding spots, just to see what you can turn up. Just between your Scorpio self and me, I’ll tell you that it looks like you’ve got some extra surprises for the holidays tucked away, and it wouldn’t hurt to spend a little time this week looking in the old spots to see what you cached there.

Sagittarius : The only problem with a being a tail end Sagittarius is that it seems like you get a lot of dual purpose gifts. I don’t mean this like the nice camouflage and day-glo down vest I got last year. I mean, it’s usually a gift accompanied by a little note saying it’s for Xmas AND your birthday. Fortunately, you’re Sagittarius, and this doesn’t get to you too much. So here’s a non-dual purpose happy birthday for all the late degree Sagittarius people. As far as how the week goes, though, you need to double up on some your efforts right now. You know the old saw, “there’s no rest for the weary.” Seeing as how your a Sagittarius, and given that Mercury aligns with Pluto this week in Sagittarius, I would prefer to hear you say, “There’s no rest for the wicked.” I don’t mean wicked in a bad way, I mean it in a good way. A fun loving, Sagittarius way. Looks like you have an extra surprise up your sleeve this week, and I want to hear about it after the fanfare. Fanfair. [Whatever!]

Capricorn : For a change, for a drastic change, in fact for a major drastic change, I have really, really good news for that one Capricorn who still insists that I am unkind to Capricorns. This is the week for you. I know that the Sun and Mercury are still in your 12th Sagittarius House. And I realize that Mars along with a plethora of planets is in Aquarius. But for that one special Capricorn, this week, and you know who you are, this is a week for love. Or romance. Or a reasonable facsimile thereof. It’s something like that. It might not be the giant love of your life, but it sure looks good for you. No matter how you slice and dice the stellar array right now, you are feeling that light-hearted feeling so commonly associated with being love. Personally, and not to be a curmudgeon about this, I would check the office egg nog for an extra high dosage of Tennessee distilled spirits, that could be the cause of this feeling, too.

Aquarius : There is such a thing as a straight Aquarius, a particular person comes to kind, but let’s not talk about her right now. This sort of straight arrow Aquarius is what you’re like at this point. The problem with the “straight arrow” analogy is that you are a little less directed than an arrow shot from a bow. In fact, you’re more like a “flight” of arrows, and here comes the ubiquitous Shakespeare bit, like the arrows Henry V used to defeat the French at Agincourt. Now, if you can just get it together this week, and act like a single arrow shot from one of Henry’s English Long Bows, you might do rather well. Regrettably, the way your chart is looking at the moment is that you are a little scattered, and although I’ve never heard of, much less seen one, a shotgun bow is what your like right now. Try to direct that straight arrow into one target. You can pull it off this week.

Pisces : There are times when Pisces is accused of being a little spaced out. Some folks would have you believe that Pisces are the original space cadet, devoid of direction, ambition, motivation or serious goals in life. I understand because, as a fishing guide, I deal with Pisces every day. And while the image of listless, lost, unconcerned Pisces makes for an interesting metaphor, you just reply, in your kind and uncommitted Pisces tone, “It’s not easy being a mutable water sign (but some one has to do it).” This apparent lack of forward motion right now, this week, in fact, is of little concern to you. It might bother other signs, but I’m not going to let it get to you. Or, better yet, I tell you not to let it get you down. You do float through this week, and that’s a lot better off than the other 11 signs right now. Enjoy the float trip.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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