Week of: 12/20-26/99

“At christmas I no more desire a rose
Than wish a snow in May’s new-fangled mirth;
But like of each thing that in season grows.”
Love’s Labor’s Lost Act I, scene i.

Did you ever see Dallas from a DC 9 at night?
Well Dallas is jewel
Oh yeah Dallas is a beautiful sight
And Dallas is jungle but
Dallas gives a beautiful light.

Did you ever see Dallas from DC 9 at night?

Well Dallas is woman who will walk on you when you’re down
When you are up she’s the kind you want to take around
But Dallas ain’t a woman to help you get your feet back on the ground
And Dallas is a woman who will walk on you when you’re down.

Did you ever see Dallas from DC 9 at night?

Jimmie Dale Gilmore, Prize Music, 1989

Aries : I like giving good news to a good sign. And I’ve got good news this week, from the astrology realm of life: Jupiter changes roles, and his position moves in a more direct method. That means that you have a few projects which have been in a little backwater position right now. Those projects, more like a theme for the week, all start moving ahead. And you’re going to find that you are infected this week. Not that kind of infection! No, there’s a degree of mirth which effects you this week — mirth which has been sadly lacking in the last month or so. I realize that you have kept up the good attitude, and I realize that you have been pushing forward despite a few items which have been in your way. Some one this week will pave over the rough spots and you can finally get moving forward.

Taurus : You get a lift this week. It’s like being stranded on a deserted West Texas highway, and there you are, with your thumb hanging out, and suddenly, out of no where, a pick up truck arrives with a cowboy driving it. What do you do? Act grateful. The old boy driving the truck is actually headed in your direction. Now, if you’re out on a West Texas highway to begin with, the chances are pretty good that you enjoy the kind of music which will be coming in over his radio. It’s the old time country stuff. What are you supposed to do? Enjoy it. Enjoy the ride. I realize that this might offend some of your delicate Taurus sensibilities, but you know, when you’re looking for a little help, it shows up in the strangles of places, like this week.

Gemini : You’ve got a lot of stuff going on right now. I kept thinking about one Country song which properly evoked the feeling you’ve got this week. Of course, since I’m in a Gemini mind set right now, that song has changed its tune several times. I know that you guys are all having a great deal of fun right now. I’m looking forward to the Gemini Xmas cards which all start to dribble in right after the first of the year. And that’s the way this week is going to go: you have great plans which you want to get in place before Xmas day; however, as Fate would have it, or maybe it’s the planets, you just can’t get everything accomplished that you’ve set out to do. You will get it done, just not quite as soon as you would like. It’s like that country song I was alluding to earlier, and I’m sure you know the sweet strains of the accordion music when you hear it….

Cancer : I know you don’t want to get sentimental this week, but I keep thinking about that last Elvis Xmas special, and then I think about my Cancer friends, and I remember how it was so special, us sitting there in front of the TV in the living room of the trailer, out by the lake. It was special time, that one Xmas. Just me, the Cancer, and Elvis. Enough maudlin mush. Get on with it and start moving ahead. You’re going to get a kick in the pants if you just stand there and get teary eyed. And since no Cancer really deserves a kick in the pants, perhaps you should motivate yourself this week before the rest of us are forced to motivate you. Get the picture? The correct term used in Texas is “Get the lead out, and move!”

Leo : There is a certain frenetic activity associated with this time of the year. Due to the odd orbit of one particular planet, this activity is turning into activities for you. Yes, my fine Leo friend, you are supposed to be in two place at once. Usually this is a trick reserved for the Gemini set. You’re going to want to concentrate on your team building exercises this week. Coordinate gift giving. Work together. And work out. Make sure you work out. I don’t know if mall walking is still fashionable, but it’s worth a consideration right now. The problem you encounter, though, is much like mall walking of the past, you leisurely stroll past a store and hawker cries something in your ear, you get a sudden inspiration, and there goes that money you had carefully saved to buy yourself some new gear with. Look on the bright side, you’ll be making some friends happy with your recent purchase, in fact, every one will be happy but your bank balance.

Virgo : You know, there’s a feeling in the air right now, a sense of impending change. Some would call this a little bit of doom because there’s a big number change around the corner. I seriously doubt that this is going to have that big of an effect on you. But that doesn’t stop your Virgo analytical ability from worrying about the change. I had a professor who once detailed the changes in the year 999. Right now, we have history repeating itself, just like that, right here in your Virgo brain. Now, the good news, come the big day, Xmas day, you will start feeling a whole lot better. There’s something afoot in your little Virgo brain that will hatch at this time, and this is not a reference to a horror movie. Or strange mythology from the Greek.

Libra : Nothing but bright lights and Xmas carols for you. If it fits, you might try “Christmas Carol’s,” if you know what I mean. One way or another, this is a the beginning of a good cycle for you. So it’s a short lived cycle, nonetheless, it’s a good little period of time. There’s a certain joy you get in the coming week which is derived from many different sources. There’s the work thing which is wrapping up nicely. To be sure, there’s one annoying problem with work, but that situation can wait until after the holidays. Then there’s the party atmosphere of the holidays, and you’ve got that spirit infused in your system, much like the secret family recipe for egg nog which has about two quarts of cheap brandy in it. Finally, there’s a romance element going on, too. Can you balance all of this? Not really, but who cares?

Scorpio : Talk about feeling good this week! That’s you, through and through. Of course, over yonder in Aquarius, there is s still some disturbing energy, but I’ll wager that you can let Miss Venus — firmly on top of you, win this battle. Let the good times roll, as they cry down yonder in New Orleans. It’s a good time to be a Scorpio. It looks like you’re freshening up the place, too. A really good Texan usually leaves the Xmas light up year round. I know I do. But just to do something special this week, it looks like you’ll actually attempt to replace all the bulbs that don’t work. So plan on a little extra part decor at this time. You’ve earned a rest, and now is the time for it. Rest, relaxation, a little enjoyment, and it looks like you will be entertaining at home this week. That’s why I suggested you work on those burned out bulbs.

Sagittarius : Oscar Wilde once wrote about the fate of an artist when he “falls in the careless habits of accuracy…” and that could be you, this week. Don’t let the careless habit of accuracy get in the way of a good tale. My father used to point out that my mother never let facts interfere with her telling of story. This week, dear Sagittarius, don’t let the facts get in the way of a good time. Truth, honor, justice, and so forth are noble causes. But just as noble is your ability to pontificate at length, perhaps on a topic wherein you have little, if any, learning. Never stopped my kin, and it shouldn’t stop you. This week, you hold the floor, so hold forth is your true style.

Capricorn : This Xmas reminds me of the time we spent together at the lake. Just you and me, and the hunting dog. I tell you what, it was an idyllic scene. We had a choice that week, too, if you recall, because the highland lakes in Texas offer both good fishing, and at the right time of year, good hunting, too. Best of all, that one Capricorn knew how to cook up possum. This brief reverie is brought to you by a fortunate little asteroid this week. You’re going to find that you are longing for the good old days, that the past looks really good, and that the present is pretty nice, too. It’s up to you to do something with the past and the present in order to make way for the new year. I still think it looks obnoxiously good for you this week.

Aquarius : If you can just convert some of your energy, the time you spend sitting there and thinking about that one problem which won’t leave you alone, if you could just develop a little particle accelerator, and move that mass forward, turn it into forward momentum, then you can get something down this week. There’s a problem with using an atomic theory about which I have very little understanding as a metaphor, though. Too much stuff going on your head and not enough activity is a bad thing. And activity like running down the same path every day this week doesn’t count. You wind up like one of those atoms in the text books, you keep circling the same pathway each day, never getting ahead. Do something different this week.

Pisces : I do believe that my cat provides the best metaphor for this week. In fact, it’s not really even an allegory or metaphor, it’s a shining example of what you can do this week. When the weather cools off, some would call it winter, my formerly distant cat decides that I am a giant heat generating device. Here’s an animal that won’t even consent to being the same room me in the summer, and now that it’s cooler out, she seems to think that I am made for keeping her warm. She gets affectionate, she sleeps on my chest, she burrows under the covers with me at night. Yes, it’s a perfect picture of harmony. You should try being just like my cat. Purr, place your cold paws on some one special, beg them to fed you, absorb their warmth, dominate their ever waking motion. You get the idea. You might have fun, and, at the very least, you’ll stay warm this holiday week.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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