Week of: 4/3-9

“What fates impose, that men must needs abide:
It boots not to resist both wind and tide.”
King Edward in Shakespeare’s Henry VI, part three-0 [IV.iii.58-9]

Trivia time: What year did the citizens of El Paso vote to leave New Mexico and join Texas? Correct answers, good guesses, and open forms of graft are accepted to help pick a winner for the trivia question, the prize being an abbreviated “Planet Profile” custom crafted from the winner’s birth data and delivered via e-mail, from right here in our mobile astrology workshop and road show, in a covered wagon out West.

Aries : Venus is a morning star right now. But with a lot of the astrological spotlight looking elsewhere, you’re going to feel a little out of the picture because you don’t seem to be drawing as much attention as you’re used to. But even though Venus is doing a “mourning” star thing, she does come gliding into your sign this week. So even though you’re not the absolute center of attention this week, you feel pretty good about yourself. In fact, if you really did have that big party last week, like I suggested, then this week you’ve got a problem on your hands. You should be cleaning up around the trailer. Parties like that, around here, they spill out into the yard, the trailer park, other trailers, and pretty soon, everybody is having a good time. So this is a week to take it easy. That mess which you should be cleaning up? I would wait on it.

Taurus : If there’s a lucky day, it will be this Monday. However, and despite my Sagittarius leanings, I still don’t believe in that luck thing too much. But it does look good for you this week. With Saturn in your sign, as well as this lucky Monday thing going on, I’m not sure it’s going to hit you quite the way some people would expect it to. I can’t promise a big jackpot in the bingo hall or Texas State Lottery. I can’t promise a win like that. I can’t even promise a measly three bucks which is about all I’ve ever gotten. But I can suggest that there is a payoff in here, some place. I’m not sure what it is. If you’re a real fishing person, then Monday and Tuesday are days to be at the lake. You get about half way to where you want to be, and then you run out of gas. Drop a line in the water, right there. You’re right on top of a secret hoard of fish. You just never knew it. Fate works like that — ask old King Edward.

Gemini : Shall we just pretend? Let us go, then you and I, and pretend that the world is a great place. Some of the Gemini I know are very early risers. Up before the sun comes up sort of people. Unless it involves large amounts of cash, I rarely stir much before noon. But if you are the early rising type, then take this bait and look at the Eastern Horizon and note bright speck of light which doesn’t twinkle. That’s good old Venus, and this week, with her relative pace, she starts to bring you some luck. So I’m beginning to wonder if you aren’t doing the early to bed, early to rise thing a little too much right now? There’s a lot of night life, and you really should be enjoying the sunrise from the other side of the candle, to mix and match allusions. In fact, the way this week looks, you might just try burning that candle at both ends. I would go ahead and go for it, if I were you. As long as you have the drive, you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish. Before the end of the week, you’re going to be petitioning for a few more hours in every day.

Cancer : There are many different types of love. Love of the game, love of the hunt, love of the chase, or in my case, love of the chaste. Then there’s brotherly love, sisterly love, love of a child, “love your Mother,” heavenly love, carnal knowledge, and lust. One, or more, of these feelings will fill your week. It will pervade your every sense. You’re going to fill up with a great feeling of true love, perhaps in its purest form. Or you’re going to feel one of its derivations. The whole range of possibilities is limitless. The problem this is going to cause it seems like you’re slacking at work. It seems like you’ve got your attention someplace that it’s not getting paid to be. Very few people can traffic in love and make a go of it, as a profession. And I’m not suggesting the unseemly side of that, either. It’s just that your attention is elsewhere this week. Now, this isn’t bad, but you really should get back to work. Hey, who loves you?

Leo : I was listening to some blues, just the other day, and I thought about you. The plaintive wail of the guitar, the slow and melodic back beat, the gentle bass thumping its way along. The gentle rhythm was reassuring, and it made me think about a Leo that I know. I’ve seen the chart a few times. I could probably recite the details if I put my mind to it. But that blues number kept popping back into my head, and I kept thinking about how the blues are really uplifting. There’s something reassuring and almost cathartic about listening to some old delta blues legend, some person from just over the Louisiana border, howling the tune about how “she left me.” You’re not howling this week, but some sort of cathartic exercise will be very good for you. Something to expunge the feeling of the blues right now. Maybe the blues will make you feel better.

Virgo : There’s just the slightest degree of rest, ease and grace that falls your way this week. There’s just the slightest degree of peace and contentment that augers its way into your very soul. “That’s all fine and good,” you say, “but what’s the downside, oh great fishing ‘I hate Virgo’ dude? I know you have a hook in here someplace.” One of my local friends once suggested that fishing wasn’t really an old man’s sport. “It’s more like lip piercing for fish,” he said. Now that you’re hooked, let me explain, the planets are moving in a way that is very good to you. Period. The unfortunate side of this is that Mercury is still doing a slow dance in Pisces, and that slow dance makes you want to chatter. Slow the motor mouth down. Imagine you just got your tongue pierced. It’s not a common trick among Virgo’s. Scorpio’s and Gemini’s tend to get their tongues pierced. So just imagine it, and consider it a time to slow down the mouth, even though you are feeling really good.

Libra : “Changes, they is a-comin’.” Change isn’t too much of a challenge to a decent Libra, and you’re well aware that there are some changes which are brewing up in a heavenly iron skillet right now. The grease is going, “snap, crackle and pop.” When the grease pops like that, you know that it’s getting to the right temperature. And nothing is better than a some fresh fish out over the camp fire. Reminds me of being in the Rocky Mountains, enjoying trout. The fish had been out of the water for less than hour before we rolled them in a little cracker dust, and dropped them into that frying pan with some hot oil. Mighty good stuff. You’re beginning to get a little hungry, just thinking about it. The problem with this week is that you are supposed to be paying attention to getting the fish out of the water, via a fishing line, and if it’s trout, a fly seems to work best. Don’t be thinking about that skillet and the grease and the fresh fish getting fried up until you’ve actually landed the catch. Got it?

Scorpio : This is another week in the build up of astrological suspense that is starting to really stir in your sign. There was a minute shift, and you’re starting to question my veracity, but the juice is there. The problem with this suspense build up is that no Scorpio [that I can think of] likes being in the dark. Let me give you a little hint here: we’re all in the dark, and we’re all feeling our way along. So this suspense that is killing you is also really getting on our nerves, too. This whole “in the dark” thing is getting worse, too, as the week goes by because Mars is still high tailing it through Taurus, on the opposite side of the zodiac. It’s a lot like watching a pick up truck go blazing down the farm roads around here, on a dusty spring morning — that truck and Mars are both raising great clouds of dust. Rather than let this dust get in your way, though, you can relax, slow down, and don’t let it choke you.

Sagittarius : There’s a very real and palpable energy that you can sense, it’s like grabbing the wrong end of a branding iron. It’s like grabbing the business end of a cattle prod. It’s like grabbing the business end of a bull. And you’re tempted, this week, to go ahead and reach for that forbidden object. “Don’t touch that dial!” as the announcer would say on the radio program. Mars makes a strange angle to Pluto, and Jupiter in Taurus isn’t helping with this mess, either. So whatever forbidden action you want to take, I would heartily endorse not doing it. Not this week. Look, it’s like getting served a decent plate of Mexican food in a TexMex restaurant. The severing person shows up with a hot plate of food, the cheese is still bubbling it’s so hot, and she’s handling the plate with a set of industrial strength oven mitts. “Careful, plate is hot,” she says. It is. You don’t have to touch it to find out.

Capricorn : There are many good things happening in Capricorn land. There is one minor and rather annoying problem, too, and the astrological influence of this problem is easy to trace back to Aries with Venus crossing into the sign of the Ram, and the Sun already there. These are actually relatively minor influences in your day to day existence, but on a bigger scale, you’re going to be looking for a planet to blame, and that pair will do just fine. The over-ruling influences are beneficial and good, but being a perspicacious Capricorn, you’re doubting that a little. Trust me on this one, the little annoying stuff is relatively minor, and it will smooth over in a day or two. The bigger stuff, the larger picture, keeps looking better and better, and you need to concentrate on the good that’s in here.

Aquarius : If you didn’t take a quick trip to Las Vegas last week, and if you didn’t get an Elvis Impersonator to marry you, then you’re doing well. And as long as we’re working with trips to far flung locations, especially if it involves gambling, might I recommend that the idea of trip sounds good. A trip that goes to safe place, though, is more in order. A vacation plan, even if it’s only a weekend getaway, is the good idea. Now, you’re wondering about some of the important details about this kind of an idea. I’m getting to that. I once read a book that suggested a “home spa weekend” worked well. It’s where you can’t afford to go any place fancy, so you treat yourself to a beauty treatment at home. Or maybe it’s just a day or two lounging in front of the tube with the remote in hand. I never did the details exactly straight. But it works out pretty well, one way or another. After the week you feel like you’re having any kind of a getaway is good.

Pisces : Have we been working on Psychic Pisces Psi Communication skill sets? Have you been intensely staring at your cat, trying to communicate with the critter telepathically? And have you gotten it to work yet? Of course not, but it’s a great idea. The last of the final stage of the planets in Pisces are occurring now, and you’ve still got a little tendency to run off at the mouth at this point. That’s why I was suggesting the mental form of communication. You’ve been feeling a bit piqued lately, and this week offers some degree of change. It’s going to offer some new avenues which really look like they are worth pursuing. The problem with new openings is trying to tell which leads are really good and which leads are really bogus. I’ve found that a quick mental conference with my cat usual turns up the information that I was searching for. She may be wrong from time to time, but she’s generally a more applicable oracle than anything else. Try it this week.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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