Week of: 5/22-28

“I am but mad north-north-went: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.”

Hamlet in Shakespeare’s Hamlet (II.ii.498)

Every 20 years or so, Saturn and Jupiter line up for a little while.. Saturn is often interpreted as behaving as a restrictive influence on Jupiter’s ebullient nature. Looking at the year and all, though, I wonder if Jupiter won’t serve to lighten Saturn’s load this time.

Aries : All the big events in the sky, previously alluded to are certainly big deals for some of the signs. But I was looking at your chart for the week, and I couldn’t help but notice that a relatively minor influence is going to be bothering you this week. That relatively minor influence is the pesky lunar phase. So despite all the good stuff elsewhere in your personal heavens, there’s still a the tiniest amount of emotional imbalance which is agitating you. Of course, no agitation reference is complete unless we look at the history of the washing machine. You through a bunch of soiled outerwear into a machine with some soap, it launders everything and then you throw it all in the dryer. Sitting in one of my neighbor’s trailer, there’s one of those old fashioned wringer things, the kind that was used before we all had dryers. The problem with this week is that the moon puts you through the wringer, just to squeeze out the excess moisture. Then you get hung out to dry. The good news is that laundry is temporary thing, and is possible to avoid the wringer by going to a modern laundromat — that saves on the emotional wear and tear this week.

Taurus : It’s either really good, or it’s really bad. A perfect fishing allegory is what this week begs. You’re sitting in a boat, fishing pole in your hand. There is someone else in the boat, too, same type of pole, same bait, same lure, everything is identical except for your position in the boat. This week is like that. Either you or your partner is going to be reeling in fish after fish. One of you two will be doing exceptionally well. One of you two will be close to setting record. The other one, and this might be my fine Taurus friend, is sitting there, wondering how come it doesn’t work for you. With a certain restless urge, you swap positions with your partner. Doesn’t matter. Now, there’s a 50/50 chance that it’s Taurus who is reeling in the all the fish. There’s also a chance that you are the one who is smitten with envy. This week is a test of your ability to be as diplomatic as possible about this situation because neither gloating nor envy is particularly attractive. The test is from Uranus making a waning aspect to that pesky Saturn and Jupiter thing in your sky.

Gemini : There is a sudden upset in the world of Gemini’s this week. Along with this sudden upset, there is a certain victory, but be forewarned, this triumph has tragedy written all over it. Imagine the exciting and clever ending to “Much Ado About Nothing” where the truth is told, and John (the illegitimate reprobate) is censured for his lies. He managed to besmirch a lady’s integrity, get the whole court pitted against one another, and then slip out the back door. After the cop (Dogberry) figures it all out, there is happy ending (as happy as can be with folks getting married). Just about any good production of this play sets me to tears at the end, even though I know what is going to happen. You too, might be moved to tears this week, and you, too, might be lead astray by false information — at first. Mars, Venus, The Sun, and the ever so fleet of word, Mercury are all causing this mayhem. But like the play, there is a happy resolution to it all.

Cancer : Last week, I was comparing you to a certain bird of prey and I was attempting to wax poetic about birds of prey, the great hunters like the hawk, and how it’s easy to confuse them with a local variation, the Turkey Buzzard (sometimes referred to as a Black Vulture, if my literature is correct). There’s another kind of bird that I’ve seen in South Texas: the Zone Tailed Hawk. According to the textbook, these birds are common in Central America but they never make it up into the United States. That’s not entirely the case because I’ve seen them in the Trans Pecos and Big Bend area before. The Zone Tailed Hawk hangs out in the skies with a the Turkey Buzzards. So here’s this little rabbit, he looks up at the sky, figures ain’t nothing there but some buzzards, and comes out of his ground cover. Suddenly, in a flurry of feathers and flesh, that rabbit is lunch for the Zone Tailed Hawk. The rabbit’s last thoughts are, “darn funny buzzard…” To dove tail this metaphor into your week, are you the Zone Tailed Hawk or the rabbit; can you follow what Hamlet was saying?

Leo : There’s going to be a big shake up at work and then everything smoothes right on over the way it is supposed to. You’re perhaps the finest sign in the zodiac, but there are 11 other signs that might take issue with that statement. That’s why I have to phrase it “perhaps” so you and I don’t alienate anyone else. And as long as you’re feeling magnanimous this week, let’s make sure that you don’t tread on anyone else’s toes because you might have to go back and kiss those feet later. That’s always a problem. This is a final week to something that you’ve been working on, and as much as I would like to see this project all wrapped up now, it might take a little longer than you think. Be careful with your good graces this week, and watch where you put your Leo paws since you don’t want to have to go back and apologize next week.

Virgo : It wasn’t until recently, like just last week, that i finally heard from that one Virgo who complains all the time. “But I don’t complain that much!” Except about twice a week, and it doesn’t much matter what I commit to print, the one Virgo screams loud and long about how inaccurate I am — although — that particular person does continue to read the horoscope each week, if just to exception with whatever I say. This is going to be a different week. This is going to be a time when that Virgo will suddenly feel ever so much better. That one Virgo will suddenly get a light bulb on over her head, and go, “Hey, it IS getting better this week!” While this only applies to one person, there’s a common thread here that entwines itself around the theme, and the Jupiter and Saturn thing over rules just about anything else in the Virgo sky, and that makes this a good week. Even for that one reader who doesn’t like me. Imagine that.

Libra : I was looking at Birds of Prey in the other signs, but for your sign, I was looking more for a similar sounding verb: pray. There’s something that you’ve been praying for, something that you have been invoking for your own course in life, something that you desire, and the thank the heavens, you chattering with God, the gods, or whatever belief system you have in place, thankfully some of your rambling and disseminating prayers are going to be answered. Minor miracles to some, but to a decent Libra, this week, even a minor miracle can seem pretty good. Enjoy the break, it’s one that you’ve fought for, and suddenly, it seems like whatever floats your boat is going to deliver this stuff. As the planets begin to line up in Gemini, this provides a minor form of relief, and gets your vocal cords agitated, in a good way. Remember to thank whoever it is that is responsible for whatever good fortune you enjoy this week — it’s about time.

Scorpio : This week just seems to crawl by. It starts out with this slow march which never feels like it will ever improve. There’s an inexorable pace which the wheels in the sky seem to be turning at, and alas, it’s only Monday. In fact, the beginning of the week will feel like a whole week of Monday’s all got together and camped out on your desk, your workbench, or in your trailer. But there’s a gradual shift taking place and we are in the “waxing” aspect of the stuff up in the sky which means that the planets are slowly pulling apart, and as the planets begin to separate, the world of Scorpio begins to get a little bit better. I’m watching Venus for you guys right now, and by the end of the week, there are a couple of Venus flavored things that are improving in your life. Typically, Venus is love, but I tend to look on the broader side of this. This is the weekend when you might uncover that one special piece of art work that you’ve been looking for: Dogs Playing Poker on Black Velvet. As the week draws to a close, such treasures might be delivered by Venus.

Sagittarius : There’s been a big explosion, probably last week, and I hope that this was just a figure of speech, that big Sagittarius outburst. The problem being, this week, you’re still a little “hot under the collar” as they say, and you ain’t ready to address the problem where you just might have to utter those impossible words, “You were right, I was wrong….” Let’s be totally honest here, you might have over stepped your limits in an over zealous moment last week — you might have gone overboard. You might have fallen into that typical Sagittarius trait and promised just a little too much. What are you going to do about it? This is one of the weeks when there’s a serious irritation level in your life, and the best thing to do is nothing. Consider it. Consider several courses of action, possibly plot revenge. But as long as Mars is in Gemini, this is definitely not a good week to actually extract exact renumeration for past grievance. You might want to let this one alone for a spell.

Capricorn : This is one of the grandest times of all for Capricorn. Other folks might be dissembling with the effects of Saturn and Jupiter, but you are excelling like never before. Saturn is intimately associated with your sign. Jupiter is pushing you and Saturn to new heights. While we’re at it, the stuff in Gemini is also exciting you and your buddies at work. But comments about all work and no play don’t get very far this week. As long as work is looking good, consider some other outside influences which are also good. There is a strange allure from an unbidden suitor at a time like this. Now, you get to decide, this week, whether or not you are going to answer the call of this stranger. Can be good. Can be very good. There’s a serene calm you can exude right now, and if you use this serenity, it’s a lot like an oil slick which serves to calm a formerly troubled water. Just make sure that it’s not a toxic spill, and try to stick to the metaphor instead of the actual event.

Aquarius : Saturn and Jupiter are moving as a pair right now. In the grand scheme of things, this isn’t so uncommon because it happens every 20 years or so. But in the fine tuned Aquarius picture, this is a little bit more of a problem even though it’s a waning aspect for you. See, the planet voted to win the affection of Aquarius is Uranus, and he’s sharply angled to the two big guys in the morning sky. This makes for some rather unsettling energies this week. “Folks who live in glass houses….” is the expression. Now the questions this expression begs are varied. Do you live in a glass house, or is there something that you do in secret being exposed.? Or are you the one who is outside and needs to bring a visible action to the media’s attention? One way or another, you’ve got some changes which are taking place so you’re going to want to dictate which role you play. I’d just be very careful before you start throwing rocks.

Pisces : One of my more erudite and educated friends has a secret passion, one that is not usually discussed in public: my learned colleague enjoys stupid action adventure movies, the kind with more violence and a high body count and little, if any, plot to get in the way of the action. It’s a great way to spend an afternoon, a great way to suspend the actions of the mind, and completely lose one’s self in the mindless parade of simulated death and destruction. No imagine one of these movies being filmed in your world, some pace like your own home. Remember, it’s celluloid (or video tape) — it’s not real. But there’s a strange bit of energy that’s floating around, and as long as Mars is down in Gemini, you’re going to be feeling like they are making just such a film in your home.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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