Week of: 5.29-6.4.2000

    It is the stars,
    The stars above us, govern our conditions,
    Else one same mate and make could not beget
    Such different issues.

Kent in Shakespeare’s King Lear (IV.iii.218)

Aries : There’s a high degree of activity around the Aries part of the sky right now. It’s not so much that there is anything happening in your own sign, but the there are lots of things happening in adjacent signs, and sings once or twice removed, and that makes for some activity in your own sign. Ever eat breakfast at a diner where the coffee didn’t taste particularly good, but it was seasoned well enough? The coffee pot is stained with a deep brown, almost black color? After your breakfast slides on down into your stomach, the coffee keeps coming. And you keep drinking it until you get to this point where you can almost vibrate into an alternate dimension. You know you need to stop, slow down, or let everyone else catch up this week. The problem is, sitting in that diner, the java just keeps on coming. Doesn’t slow you down any. And that’s a problem.

Taurus : The excruciating pressure of the last few weeks finally relents a little this week. Some of the problems now become “other peoples’ problems” as the week unfolds. Gradually, inch by inch, more like about two degrees in the Astrology Fish Radar, you get the much needed break and rest. Saturn is two degrees away from its angle with Uranus, and Jupiter is two degrees past Saturn by the end of the week. See? I told it was all better now. In your Taurus brain right now, though, you still have some questions about this “all better now” stuff I keep suggesting. It is a lot better, if only by a degree. To help this along, you get two things coming up: one is a chance to finally rest. You’ve been waiting on that, and you finally get your afternoon nap. Looks like the middle of the week to me. The second thing is a strange little send off from the Moon. The New Moon helps start a process by which all of the recent events are starting to make more sense. Look: it’s like sins headache, and suddenly the pain begins to subside, and that internal pressure is lessened.

Gemini : There are still vague rumblings from the distant horizon — it’s like watching a storm approaching, the low thunderclouds silhouetted against a back drop of purple desert mountains, the lightening flares and sparks up the sky. Moments later, there’s a deep bass trembling as the thunder rolls across the valley’s floor, making a noise similar to a passing Low Rider’s deep bass. Both noises have more vibration than real volume. And it’s from these distant rumblings that you can begin to discern a correct and positive direction. Being Gemini, and seeing as how you’re wired for 220 volts this week, I would make sure that your other circuits can stand that much voltage. Trying to do too much this week might just blow your own subwoofers, causing a lot of static during a time when lots of static isn’t necessarily the best solution to distant thunder in Gemini land.

Cancer : The concept that’s been kicking around in the astrology lab here at HQ for the last few weeks is dealing with an established pattern over the last 20 years because that’s how often Saturn and Jupiter seem to get together. Now, this pattern is beginning to yield some cosmic information,and it has a lot to do with your destiny, your fate and so forth. Of course, in the real world, there are still some problems which need to be dealt with, and those problems are all in one container this week. To me, it looks like a backpack, or maybe a fishing creel, but your container might vary. It could be a briefcase, or even a hard drive on a your computer. Maybe just a floppy disk. Whatever. This container needs to be opened this week, and the sooner, the better. You rip open the container, out spring the various ills that you need to deal with, and you feel like you’ve opened a veritable “Pandora’s Box” of troubles. The local name for this item is usually “a can of whoop ass,” but in any case, you get the idea. Now, you got his thing open, what are you going to do? Bright, cheery, Cancer face. Yeppers, nothing works better than picking up the pieces and starting to tackle all them little problems,one at a time. Don’t be picky, wade right on in, and grab one…. Then move on the next. By the end of the week, you’ll be amazed at what you’ve gotten done.

Leo : There is relief in sight. Okay, since you’re a Leo, maybe it isn’t in sight, but you can certainly feel that there’s some relief in right around the corner. In Texas, we usually refer to this as “over yonder” and vague gesture at the horizon, the sky, up a creek, some place else. And that’s what this week is going to feel like. There’s still that itch you can’t quite get to, and that’s coming courtesy of of the recurrent theme of Saturn and Jupiter, with their “every 20 years” little dance. Now, Jupiter, he moves pretty quickly, and he’s moving towards a point where he’s going to bring some relief. The problem this week is that he ain’t there yet, and it doesn’t much matter where you are, the real solution to all of you problems right now really is “over yonder.”

Virgo : One of the biggest fears I’ve ever had is opening up the front door of my trailer and finding the bright lights of the evening news team there, a large microphone stuck in my face. You’ve got a week with this sort of recurrent nightmare possible. It’s hard to imagine this getting any worse, but it can because you’re not sure what you did. I would suggest that you didn’t do anything, but my suggestions and the feeling that there is a very public spotlight on you right now might vary. Heaven only knows what brought you the sudden appeal this week, but it has something to do with stuff in the heavens, namely, Mars and Venus and the Gemini Sun, all making things less than wonderful for you. There’s a break, though, because once you get through the early part of the week, this publicity turns out to be good for you. It’s just getting over that initial hump, that initial shock, that initial blast of light. With Venus and Mars so prominent in this equation of you and the News this week, I suspect this is something your significant other brought upon you.

Libra : The first part of this week is a little strange because the moon is making life a little uncomfortable, and Monday derives its name from certain roots which are associated with the Lunar Cycle. So you don’t much like the beginning of the week. But as the Moon and Sun start to get a lot closer together, things seem to turn around for you. You are going to find that this is one of those weeks which is like getting up too early to go fishing, one of those weekends when you you’re supposed to be up before the dawn’s rosy fingers start to streak across the sky, but for some reason, you just slap the “snooze” button, roll over, and go back to sleep. Fortunately, your understanding friends are also a little late this week, so your relative tardiness won’t be noticed. It is a good time for getting out and getting something started afresh, but it’s going to require extra effort to make sure you don’t over sleep.

Scorpio : This is one of those months that’s just been one long haul for you. And think, June doesn’t look that much better, not from where you’re sitting. In fact, it does get better, but I’m not pushing my luck with Scorpio for this week. It looks like everyone else has pushed their luck with you, and even the best natured of Scorpio’s can only take so much. Reminds me of sitting down to an interview (I was a journalist at the time), and the rather tired person on the other end was telling me, “Okay, it’s your three minutes, and I’ve been through this already….” That sarcastic Scorpio wit can save you at a time like this. That slightly caustic style is useful, and a week like this is a good example of when to use it. There is one worrisome note, however, and that’s to make sure that you don’t over do it. Don’t let that Scorpio sarcasm and wit get to far from its target. You don’t want to hurt some needlessly, and nothing is worse than having to go back and say, “I’m sorry.” Use a little bit of caution.

Sagittarius : The forces of nature are always something to contend with. And a recent high wind modified my living arrangement: I had a plastic tarp stretched across the back door of the trailer, making a very pleasant awning and patio. In fact, this had been up for while, and it was — I thought — a more or less permanent structure. But like the wind which ripped my awning away, you’ve got something which is going to blow through your sign this week, and you’re going to find that there is suddenly a lot of light where everything was once dark. Now, I miss the shade, but the various plants on the patio are enjoying the sunlight a whole lot more. So as this week’s astrological weather manages to modify something in your life, consider that this change is ultimately for the good. Be glad that it was only a piece of plastic that sheered off, and not a piece of the roof, too. The result of this week is good, it’;s just sometimes the route seems a little abrupt. Try looking on the bright side — I am.

Capricorn : “Looks like it’s going to be a scorcher,” is the common comment at this point in the Texas Weather. And whether or not you’re really in Texas, this week looks like it will be a hot one, according to the Capricorn chart I was looking at. There’s a strange little structure in the way the planets align this week, and a weird offset by Mars is what’s causing it to be a full summer effect in Capricorn. Of course, there are ways to deal with this blast of summer heat, and a long, tall, cool glass of ice tea with a delicious sprig of mint in it comes to mind. The problem is that you have a some stuff at work which really requires some over time effort on your part. And as much as I would like to recommend a different beverage, that ice tea has a little caffeine which will help as you put in some extra working hours. Something cool, refreshing, relaxing, yet sobering, will help with this week’s work load.

Aquarius : One of my friends here in town has this “classic” truck. I do believe that the vehicle itself is older than either of us. And finding the correct parts and pieces to keep it running is a bit of a challenge. In fact, recently, my friend hasn’t been able to find a correct battery for this old truck, a weird 6–volt thing. It might be that he’s too cheap to buy a new battery, so getting going in the old truck is always an interesting experience. This week, you need to pick your parking spots with care. In that old truck, the slightest incline works great, just hop in, release the emergency brake, coast down the hill to build up a little momentum, and pop the clutch. It’s all a matter of picking the right place to park, and remembering to have a key in the ignition when you want to pull away. Not all modern vehicles have such easy starting instructions, but with the planets in Gemini, you should be able to coax some new life into an old situation — especially this week. Just make sure you’re pointed in the right direction.

Pisces : I once helped a friend move a trailer, he was in trouble with the local trailer park, and we only had to move him halfway across town. Of course, he didn’t make all the correct preparations for this little journey, so by the time we got his place set up on blocks at the new location, and about the time we got the propane hooked back up, there was this disaster inside the trailer, just waiting to happen. Glad I wasn’t smoking a cigar at the moment. Your life has been treated to such a trip lately, and all I can suggest is that you take a few extra minutes to review everything BEFORE you make a move. In frantic haste brought to you by all the stuff in Gemini, you’ve overlooked one or two important details this week. All I’m suggesting is that you review your work, and don’t hesitate to check twice — it’s a Gemini thing, that checking twice.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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