Week of: 6/5-11

“Lord, what fools these mortals be!” Puck in A Midsummer Night’s Dream [III.ii.115]

Aries : There’s a certain degree of expectancy you’ve been feeling, it’s like a feeling that “something big” is about to happen. Like it hasn’t happened already? I know you would agree with me on this one. I had some soft music on the sound system, and it’s one of those pieces that gets louder and louder as the song goes on. It’s a little trick from classical music, but I would hardly call this one piece classical, unless sampling an orchestra and looping it back is a classical music. But I doubt it. And that musical notion of looping back a tune, sort of like a musical “instant replay” is the way this week is going to feel. It’s ground you know you’ve covered before, and it’s the same message, only, there’s a slightly different feeling to it. So you’ve got an instant replay, and suddenly, this is a better time because there’s a new depth to some of the tune, something you haven’t heard before. That expectancy? I’ll promise that you’re going to get some things delivered before too long. Even later this week, maybe.

Taurus : There’s a certain sentiment which many greeting card companies would have us all believe are associated with a special time of the year. Birthdays are what I’m thinking about. Good times, good cheer, a little too much beer, that sort of thing. I’m sure you catch the idea now. And this was supposed to be last month, but for some reason, all the good times associated with a birthday type of celebration is catching up with you this week. So pretend you’re Gemini, and pretend that it is really your birthday because all that good cheer, camaraderie, and its associated merriment is around you right now. The waning aspect of Saturn and Jupiter is breaking up therefore, the good times are right here. Right now. It’s a good week to play some. You’ve been worried about this work thing, and Saturn has only made this worse. I know you deserve a break, and after the way the planets have treated you, this is a good week to play some.

Gemini : There is one Gemini who is letting me know that she is NOT amused by my weekly prognostications about what the planets are doing. And the reason for this one Gemini who is not pleased has to do with the ongoing theme of Saturn and Jupiter in the preceding sign of Taurus. In Solar Astrology, that puts those two in the 12th House. So Mars, Venus, and the Sun are all in Gemini, bringing about all kinds of new and exciting events which are occurring at a rapid pace, and those two slug planets are still poking along in Taurus, and still creating a bit of interference for the sign of the twins. To make this whole astrological melee that much worse, the mighty little Mercury is sliding around in Cancer. So there is lots of things going on around Gemini, and despite what’s actually happening in the sign, there’s still an underlying feeling that there’s something over there which is better. Doesn’t much matter where you are in life, my fine Gemini friend, all that astrological interference makes wherever you’re not look like the place to be. Have a good birthday and don’t worry about.

Cancer : The week begins with the thinnest sliver of a Moon in your sign. This portends well for you the beginning of your week. There is another influence, too, and that’s Mercury, riding close to that slice of Moon Pie, visible right after sundown. What’s it mean? You’re all worked up over some issue this week, and whatever that issue is, you have a strong urge to communicate what it is that’s bothering you about the problem. As long you feel like telling everyone, you might want to work with a good editor before you send the material out to the media. Nothing is worse than finding a typographical mistake, right in the middle of your piquant purple prose. So before you send your message out, run it through the spell checker on last time. Or, try doing what I do, I read my horoscopes aloud, usually to my cat. She lets me know if I make any errors, and she’s particularly good about checking the astrological conditions of the planets. Both of us agree that Mercury is in Cancer, and we both agree that this means communications are important this week. Just check to make sure your brain is engaged before dropping the word processor into gear.

Leo : This is the tail end of a strange time for you guys. There’s the oddest little kick that you get from the planets this week, too, a strange little reminder that there is something which you left buried in the back yard of your life, and your dog insists on digging it up and dragging it up onto the porch. It’s actually a little different around here, and the story I like to tell is about the time my cat caught a bat. Austin is home to one of the largest urban colonies of Mexican Free Tail Bats in North America. Bats look like rodents with wings, and that makes them a natural enemy of the cat. Fair prey, I guess. The good news is that the offering the cat drug in one evening was still alive and flapping, so I thanked the cat, and set the bat back outside where it could flee to freedom and eat more bugs. But you’ve still got a surprise like this coming along. Something that you least expect, and you can either make a big Leo deal out of it, or you can just pick the critter up and set it free. Just make sure that you thank the cat for her deeds — I had to.

Virgo : These are strange times to be a human on this planet. In fact, it’s a strange to be floating around in any cosmic interpretation of life as you understand it. And that’s the secret to making the most of this week. You’ve been under a little bit of pressure despite all my wonderful admonishments about how good things are supposed to be. And this little bit of pressure is more on a social scale than any other kind of influence. Now, you can take this information do one of a couple of things with it, but the best action this week is to make an attempt to interact with as many people as possible. It could be something as simple as one of my old jokes, a line I use on that cute check out person at the grocery store: “How is your job different from a wagon driver? The wagon driver only has to look at one horse’s tale at a time….” Sometimes, a simple “hello” or a friendly smile goes a lot further than any number of growling remarks which might be justified, but still don’t manage to get anything done any faster.

Libra : There are a varieties of love in the world. There’s the way you love your brother, and there’s the strong feeling you have for your familial units, and then there’s that feeling you have for that special someone. Then, of course, there’s always a love that I have for a particular dish at a special restaurant, and the piquant hot sauce in one place is something that I dearly love. There’s also that first cup of coffee in the morning, and the way one can certainly love that, too. Yes, “love is a many splendor’d thang.” In particular, love of a good plate of decent BBQ comes to mind this week. Of course, BBQ is a traditional Texas thing, and it might not be love of BBQ that affects you this week, but it could be. Or it could be something just like that, a particular dish that is more tasty and more delicious, and just better in all respects than anything else in your life. I don’t want to kill you appetite, either, but this is a week when you’re feeling so good that you might just bite off a little more than you can chew. And that the caution about the love of BBQ and this week. In fact, if you’re going whole hog on some Pork Ribs, you might want to be careful about the bones, because this week doesn’t need to turn into a many splintered thing.

Scorpio : Bushwhacked is a nice term for this week. Just when everything felt like it was going to be okay, just when everything felt like it was going to straighten out and just as you were sure that life was getting marginally better, you’re going to feel like a certain individual, we’re not naming names but I’m sure you get the idea, this individual comes along and rains on your parade in a big way. It’s not a big deal, and this “rains on your parade” concept might be more like a subtle spring shower. In fact, it might be more like the weather in my home town, one of those days that clouds boil and bubble overhead, but at the very best, all it does is sprinkle, and even then, it’s not much more than humidity as opposed to real rain. There’s never a rainy day without some hope of sunlight, and as the week draws to a close you’re going to find that there is a single golden ray of sunshine burning it’s way through the clouds. I promised it would be good, just give it time. It’s like one of those spring days.

Sagittarius : My little sister’s birthday is coming up this week, and I realize that not every Sagittarius has a Gemini sister who has a birthday that pretty regularly gets forgotten, but this week is like that in that you forget something that’s mighty important, and at the last minute, you’re off and running, trying to remember what that person’s favorite color is, or what was the hobby she really enjoyed last time you talked to her, or what it was that she was looking for, or what kind of pet she had so you could get a doggie treat for her cat. Or a cat treat for her dog. I know that not every Sag will encounter this exact same problem right now, but due to the relative orbit of planets passing though Gemini, all of us are pretty inclined to get so busy that we’re going to forget something important. Sagittarius is a great sign, but unless there’s that degree of Virgo in your chart, preplanning and foresight are not exactly our strengths. So get prepared to do some last minute shopping, and be forewarned that you’re going to make two trips this week: one to the corner convenience store at 3:00 AM to buy that special gift (chocolate usually works) and second trip to get the package in the mail for overnight delivery. Good luck with the mission.

Capricorn : My native tongue is Texan, which is a dialect often associated with English, but not always. And in Texas, there are some rather curious ways of pronouncing words. The idiom varies greatly from one place in the state to another. When I’m in West Texas, I tend to drawl a lot. East Texas has a more Southern, almost Cajun flavor to its language, and of course, most of the border towns have the Spanish language as popular, if not more so, than the English. It doesn’t much matter what part of the state you’re in though, because you’re going to find that your language is clear and concise. Unfortunately, you might ruffle a few feathers while making your point — especially this week. As long as Mercury is in Cancer, that would be opposite you, I would consider being very careful about what the message is, and I would be careful about the language that you choose. Certain epithets are wonderful in some forms of communication, but there are times when such phrases are best left unused.

Aquarius : Most Aquarius characters are not excitable types. Most Aquarius people remain cool, calm and collected in times of trouble. In fact, this might be due to the “fixed” quality associated with your sign. Other astrologers would call you “stubborn” but I prefer “constant.” And the planets are still stirring things up, but for some reason, it looks pretty good from where I sit, and it looks pretty good for you. The big issues have either been dealt with, or you have done all that you can do, so there are smaller, more fun little items which require your attention. Here in the Northern Hemisphere, and more specifically in Texas, life is heating up with the weather. It’s always a safe prognostication to suggest that it looks like it will be a hot summer. It’s just that a little Mars and Venus action is making your summer of love heat up even more right now. Go ahead and let loose a little. Tell them I said it was okay, and I’ll promise that you will have some fun.

Pisces : There’s the big picture view which is really required this week. The over all scene. The image which encompasses as much as you can possibly fit into your Pisces vision. The good news has a lot to do with the way you look at this big picture. “Good news? Yeah, right,” I can hear your Pisces cynicism and dripping irony. But if you can just step back from the tedious and immediate little problems, you’ll see that there aren’t nearly as many big problems out there which require your attention. It’s all a matter of how you look at this week. If you were another sign, I might not suggest that the current events look that good, but some how, some way, through some force of nature, perhaps a Deus Ex Machina, the goodness in this week will outweigh the problems. At least, it’s supposed to. Little planets cause great excitations in your sign, and the stuff over yonder in Gemini is serving up what could be good. Of course, just like Puck at the beginning, you might make a few errors, but somehow, your errors this week all have a happy ending.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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