Week of: 7/10-16

“I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.”
Beatrice to Benedick in Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing (I.i.131)

Anytime a Shakespeare character makes such a statement, you can bet that the character will be in love by Act IV. Just always seems to work out that way. Mercury may be retrograde, but Venus is moving forward and she has arrows like Cupid this summer.

And then there’s always the eclipse on the 16th, but I think that news will be covered next week — if I can get around to it.

Aries : In person, I’ve often suggested that Mercury Retrograde is a good time to hop in bed and pull the covers up over your head. That’s a great idea. It’s a pleasant thought. There’s one problem with it. As soon as you pull the covers up over your head, your feet stick out. Even for the short Aries, I promise, your feet will stick out, and the cold AC will send shivers down your spine. Actually, I think the shivers start from your feet, but you get the idea, “shivers up your spine.” So even if you’re avoiding something right now, it has a way of catching up with you. And making an effort to avoid the problem is only going to get you in worse trouble. So as long as this is going on, you might as well face the facts, confront the problems, and embrace them. Hey, you might even try to give your problem a hug. You’d be surprised at what that does. It sort of disarms it for a moment. And since your problem is in the same condition you are, you can take advantage of that. So eschew my usual “pull the covers over your head” advice right now, and get out there and face the music. Ore the problem. oO, if you live where I do, the music might be the problem. But go ahead and confront that situation. The confrontation might yield a delayed response, even that is better than getting shivers.

Taurus : I watched a card trick on the street of New York City one time, the con man kept shuffling the three cards, daring anyone to pick the ace. It’s a version of the old shell game, and the ace was really up his sleeve. I’m not joking. It was in his palm when folks would try and guess where it was on the box top he had set up for his “game.” He could always pick it out, but the poor target could never find the right card. That’s because it wasn’t really on the box top. This week is like that old shell game. It’s a scam, really, the game. So games of chance are out because the other guy is stacking the odds against you. All bets should be off. You’re not going to be able to guess where the card is, you’re not going to get the right one because it really isn’t there. In your fine, Taurus mind’s eye, you know exactly where everything should be. This problem has to do with how you convey what you know to other people. It’s like we’ve all got the card in our palm where you can’t see it. Doesn’t matter how much you pay attention to details, there will always be one which will slip from your grasp. Instead of worrying about it, though, realize that you are right, it’s just going to take the rest of us a week or two to catch up. And if your play along with the shell game this week, be prepared to get taken.

Gemini : Yes, darling Gemini, it is is supposed to be a good one this week. There are number of little influences which are bound and determines to make you a happy camper now. It wasn’t so long ago that one Gemini found himself with a certain herbal remedy called “happy camper.” The primary, all-natural, substance in this herbal remedy was caffeine. Personally, I prefer a strong cup of black coffee, a little bitter and acrid in flavor. That seems to work better than any of the herbal stuff. Besides a strong cup of coffee usually helps clear the sludge out of the brain’s plumbing, too. It’s like a mental form of raw lye I’ve used to get the pipes unstopped and get the drains flowing again. This is the sort of treatment you need. You’ve got one too many projects which all need to be attended to, and you’ve got one too many projects which you don’t have enough time for. Pick what is most important this week, slam down the coffee, and get on with it. There is only so much Gemini to go around and a little tighter focus on your mental image would help a lot.

Cancer : The first time I saw a movie version of “Much Ado,” I was moved to tears at the beauty of the opening scene. The lyrical little song, “Cry no more,” the guys returning from the recent wars, the pageantry, the prosody, the rhapsody, the beauty of the Tuscan countryside, and, of course, I liked the babes in the movie, too. What? You thought I was without prurient interest in what’s on the screen? This is a week which is likely to move you to tears, as well. I only hope that they are happy tears, like mine. I can see those old Cancer eyes watering up and getting ready to spill forth. Ocular orbs leaking moisture. It’s nice sentiment. With Mars and Mercury, though, I wonder if it’s all that it can be this week. It does look like emotions are high. And it does look like you could be moved to tears. And while we’re at it, it does look like there is also a prurient interest which is working itself into this whole week thing, too. Enjoy the passion and pageantry of the movement. Nothing is more exciting than watching a Cancer type of person swept away in a moment of feelings.

Leo : The little planet which rules communication may, in fact, be causing a delay in your life right now, but I have some good news, even though everything else is looking pretty bad. The planet voted mist likely to make you feel a little better about yourself is making an entrance into Leo this week. Let’s give a warm Leo round of applause to Venus. Okay, so she really doesn’t do that much, and her beneficial effects are diametrically opposed to the other stuff still in Cancer. But it’s a good start. So this week, there’s a gradual warming trend in Leo, as your heart begins to thaw out from the unlikely summer chill it’s been in for the last few weeks. This is the beginning of some good time. Or, at the very least, this week will presage some good times about to happen. Fortunately, the planets’ behavior is predictable, even if a good Leo isn’t, and the planets are full of promise this week. Despite everything else that is going on, you’re going to start feeling better.

Virgo : I was tempted to address this week to just one special Virgo, but I’ve found that doing so alienates a huge number of others. So I won’t do that. By and large, though, this is a good time for lots of folks. Virgo people don’t seem to like the whole Mercury Retrograde thing, but there’s something about this one which seems to have softened up in the past few minutes, and it’s suddenly feeling a lot better. While the lingering effects might not yet be over, like a bad movie with spectacular special effects, the worst is done with. The rest of this week, all you have to do is put with bad acting and a poor script. By going through the motions this week, you get a chance to let some of these things work themselves out. Like that bad script, there are still a few elements which have to get resolved. And even though the acting isn’t any good, and even though the intricacies of the plot don’t grab your attention, paying attention this week is what’s important. Remember, the little one is still up to his old tricks right now.

Libra : I like the world of the computer. It’s a simple place, and there are some absolute answers. There are simple equations, and ultimately, the whole problem is reduced to a set of ones and zeros. Too bad I can’t reduce your week to a set of numbers, a simple “on and off” equation with a single solution. But you do have a problem or two that you’re facing right now, and those problems need to be reduced to the barest of elements. Strip away all the excess baggage on your problems. Remove the “collateral” parts of the equation. Reduce this whole mess to a single, simple situation. By going to the heart of the trouble, you’re going to be able to see your way out a whole lot easier. In case you’re wondering, it’s all those planets in another Cardinal sign which are making this whole mess so tough. Get to the bottom of the problem before you start building a solution.

Scorpio : I’m pretty sure that Beatrice is a Scorpio. Who else would get it all so wrong, and yet, in the end, get it all so right? Must be a Scorpio thing. It’s one of the characteristics, to be that saucy. The problem with this week is that you are, indeed, a saucy one with some rather droll and sardonic observations about what is going on in the world. The problem is that there is an edge to some of your sarcasm, and that edge is little sharper than you think. “Don’t EVER underestimate a Scorpio,” is one of the rules here at the Fishing Guide to the Stars headquarters, office and trailer park. The problem with this idea, though, is that some one in your immediate vicinity is underestimating you. Don’t hit them with your stinger, or, in other words, don’t zing them so hard that they have trouble getting back up. Despite the war of words in “Much Ado,” the two work it out. You want to look like Beatrice this week, not that fellow who was chasing her. He had to eat his own words, in the worst way.

Sagittarius : This is the beginning of an interesting cycle for Sagittarius. Having an errant Mercury just brings up old business which needs to be attended to. Old business like former girlfriends, or old boyfriends who get in touch with you, “Just to see what you’re up to these days….” But that’s not what this cycle is really about. I like invoking the the two main players in “Much Ado” because because they both have sparkling wit in their retorts to one another. Regrettably, your sparkling wit this week is going to leave a little to be desired. In other words, you will come up with the perfect reply, the perfect snappy comeback, about 15 minutes too late. That’s why I like e-mail so much, I can wait to send the answer until I’ve had time to digest the message and formulate the perfect response. However, this is a week that involves a lot of conversation instead of witty response via written and electronic form. So watch the attempts at being a sparkling conversationalist, and watch the attempts to be a sensational sensationalist this week, and try to stick to the plainer, more simple and direct message.

Capricorn : if you are willing to check out a tape of the play, Much Ado About Nothing, perhaps one of the better cinematic versions of the story, you’ll find that there is much witty repartee between these two love stricken characters. And it’s just that sort of “one-upmanship” which the two main characters enjoy which is what this week is like. The real trick, and this is an important Capricorn detail, is that there is an evil character is lurking throughout the play. He’s a bad guy with a bad attitude, and he’s just plain old mean. Nothing he likes more than other folks misfortune. Funny thing is, he claims to have been born under Saturn, and that’s your guiding star. In as much as you would like to, this isn’t a time to be the mean one. Try some of the ripostes which the two star crossed lovers use, and see if that doesn’t help some. Unlike some signs, though, a barb or two in your replies doesn’t work well right now. There’s a major amount of planets in the sign which is opposite you, and you want to make sure that this doesn’t tickle you in the wrong way. Try to be cute and clever, and settle for one of those two. Down right mean doesn’t work.

Aquarius : To start the week out with a quote from Shakespeare’s “Much Ado” is a good thing because this is particularly appropriate for the way you feel this week. A little later in the week, as the events begin to unfold and get rolling along, this sort of banter between two characters is what you feel like. The problem with that play, and the problem between the two characters is that there is an intense feeling, a strong emotional response to some of what is going on, only, it takes the better part of two acts for these two folks to get together. It’s not without some good plot complications, too, but then that’s why it’s all considered high theater, or high drama, or classics or something. Which is also, just in review, the way part of your week will feel. It’s either high drama with a happy resolution, or we don’t quite get to the “everything works out in the end” part by the end of this week. But that is coming, almost as if this whole week was scripted.

Pisces : By just about any standards, this is supposed to be a good time. By just about any gauge, this is a nice time for the sign of the fish. By just about any method you choose to measure it, this is a good week. Regrettably, though, anything that starts out this good has to have a catch in in it. It’s like a fishing hook, a seemingly harmless piece of hardware, but there’s a little barb on the end of it, and that pointed little sucker can catch you when you least expect it. Being the nice fishing guide that I am, I’ll warn you about the barb and the point of the hook, long before it has a chance to dig itself into your hand. Looks like it will be going on this week. As the week rounds itself out, and the closer to the weekend we all get, and despite the fact that Mercury is about to settle down and straighten up, there’s still that one little kicker coming. Just remember., that barb can be your friend, or it can draw blood.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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