Week of: 7/17-23

This is excellent foppery of the world, that
When we are sick in fortune-often the surfeits of our
Own behavior-we make guilty of our disasters the
Sun, moon, and stars, as if we were the villains on
Necessity, fools by heavenly compulsion, knaves,
Thieves, and treachers by spherical predominance,
Drunkards, liars, and adulterers by an enforc’d obedience
Of planetary influence, and all we are evil
In, by divine thrusting on.
Edmund in Shakespeare’s King Lear (I.ii.121-9)

The eclipse is not much more than a few hours old at the beginning of the week. Makes for an interesting time. Is it the fault of the planets, or is it us?

Aries : The sign of the Ram always evokes a certain degree of military imagery, the rank and file of a parade ground with soldier all dressed up and marching smartly along. Of course, the commander has to be an Aries. So imagine yourself in that position, only, as you look out on your ranks of soldiers, no one seems to be following your direction too well. That’s a problem. Doesn’t mean that you’re not a good leader, it just means that discipline has fallen off as of late. In fact, this is a week when no one seems to have any desire to follow your obviously superior ability to lead. I take that back, I’ll follow your lead, but that’s because I know that you know what is best. So this week, as you try to lead your minions into battle, or even across the parade ground, realize that not too many of us are following along like we are supposed to. In fact, most of the Aries Army is not willing to do anything which it’s supposed to do this week. You’re kind of like a leader stuck without troops to command. So do your best this week, but realize that you are probably working with a vacuum when it comes to getting your subordinates to do your bidding. Might consider just doing it all by yourself this week, sometimes, that’s the only way to get the job done right.

Taurus : Taurus is nothing, if not a practical sign. And given the way the heavens look for you, I would suggest that you get a new form of communication going because it looks like you’re going to need it. The clearest image I had for you for this week, given the movement of Saturn, Jupiter and even that pesky eclipse thing, was a picture of a Taurus in Tulsa, talking to me via Dixie Cups and string. It’s long way to Tulsa from Austin, so that has to be some mighty strong string, but it could work. While this might sound like a primitive form of communication, it does work. And every other form of communication within the sign of Taurus is going to be a bit problematic right now. So consider the more antiquated forms of getting your message across. Sometimes, the old ways are the best ways.

Gemini : Conventional astrology suggests that you start looking to buy a house. Right now. In fact, maybe you should have already made a pass at the Real Estate section of the paper, just to find what it is that you’re looking for. So much for the straight ahead stuff. I would suggest, given these uncertain times, perhaps the conventional wisdom of the ages doesn’t really apply to Gemini right now. I know this one Gemini girl who had the nicest, sleekest, coolest travel trailer which she lived in. It was great. Having been held captive in it on occasion, I can tell you it had everything that a Gemini life needed as a support system. There was a cable TV, three phone lines, two computers, crystals and herbs, and slightly psychotic cat, and a mobile phone. Best of all, this travel trailer could be hitched up, and it was possible to relocate it in any number of different directions. Sort of depended on the Gemini mood at the moment. This is an important consideration, too. So if the conventional wisdom of the moment suggest your buy a house, I’d consider looking at something that mobile enough to suit your true, Gemini needs. And if you’re looking for a good “premanufactured home (on wheels),” remember, here at Shady Acres, we can always make good recommendations.

Cancer : There’s a “Lawn Service” here at Shady Acres Trailer Park, and some of the residents like myself wonder why. It’s not like there’s much of a lawn that requires attention, but the lawn service comes once a week, about the same time, and first, there’s a mower, then there’s a weed whacker, and finally a blower. Of course, all this racket always comes at time when me and the cat would rather be asleep. Or the cat would rather be silently hunting birds. Or something. But your week is sort of like that ill-timed lawn service. Just when you thought everything was going to quietly work out, there’s a noisy disruption, just like the leaf blower, and this racket starts up at the worst possible moment. No matter how hard you try to time things, there’s going to a be a service interruption at the worst possible time. It’s not going to render your situation completely hopeless. When I’m on the phone, though, is the most likely time for the mower to start. Best solution for this week? “I’ll call you right back as soon as the noise abates.”

Leo : There is always one Leo who feels forgotten because her birthday is so early in the Leo scheme of things. Happy birthday (and you thought we forgot!) The deal is that Leo starts about Saturday, but the time right before Leo starts isn’t too swift. There’s a lot going on, only, it’s not going on in such a manner as to include you. That’s really irritating. Nothing is worse than hearing a party in the next trailer, and not getting invited. Now, with the Sun making a grand entrance into Leo, and since Venus is already here in your sign, this party will overflow the neighbor’s trailer, and suddenly, just about the the time Leo starts, you get recognized for your birthday month. Then it’s party time. So don’t sit there and mope just because you’re sure that everyone forgot. It’s just a few days, and it’s almost like a surprise party. It has a more of an accidental nature to it rather than being a real surprise, but you know, on some occasions, results count — keep that in mind.

Virgo : The Full Moon usually brings out a few strange and discordant elements in the Virgo psyche. This full moon is even more so, due to the relative position, eclipse thing, and all that. There are few elements kicking around in Virgo land which are making you a little unhappy at this very moment. Not much I can do about that, other than report the facts. And as long as the Sun himself is headed toward Leo Land, you’d better gird your loincloths for the duration. You have vague rumblings coming from someplace beneath the surface of your conscious mind, and you have a hard time answering these vague ministrations, much less identifying where they are coming from. The place I’ve stayed in London, the particular guest bedroom I’m given, is about 13 stories above the Underground. That means, at some strange hour of the day or night, there is an inaudible noise which indicates the train is passing below me. Way below. That’s what this week is like. You can get used to the noise, after a while, it’s just the subway. By the end of the week, you should be able to ignore the vibrations, and you’ll find that it can even gently lull you to sleep.

Libra : In the early part of the week, Libra is going to be surly. Surly to bed, surly to rise. Then, as the heavens themselves get a better grip on the nature of Libra reality, attitudes improve. It’s not the usual way for Libra this week, and there’s a rather strange dichotomy in the way the planets spilt up the chore of dictating what kind of week you’re going to have. The last little lunar loops gave you a moment to pause and reflect. I’m not too sure that you liked what you saw when you looked at the reflection. It’s not always a pretty sight when the Moon plays fast and loose with your appearances. So the surly beginning of the week isn’t all bad, but it’s like a friend’s hair (he lives about a half mile away), it never seems to respond to standard grooming choices. He’s tried combing it, brushing it, gluing it in place with gelatinous substances, he even tried Moose. Nothing worked. finally, and fashion being what it is, he went with style that it’s just supposed to look that way. Works for him, and you might try that this week, too, the idea that just letting it alone works best.

Scorpio : How I wish I could get away with a two or three word horoscope for this week, especially for Scorpio. I was going to try to do this in verse, as well, but my poetic license needs to be updated. Some would say upgraded, too. It’s about as good as it’s going to get for the Scorpio Sign. It’s a good week. Maybe not a great week, and in part of Texas, I can see that my dear old Scorpio Ma is going to be complaining about the heat, the humidity, what your father is doing today, all that sort of nonsense. But it’s merely words, and the underlying message is still that it’s a good week, and that applies to a lot of this sign, not just one Scorpio in particular. There will be a fair amount of loud complaints from the Scorpio camp, but if you can complain, that means that you are alive and doing well. It also means that you’re in a good enough position to see where other are wrong. And this is all coming as a courtesy of the little eclipse pattern, and, for that matter, Mercury and Venus also play a role in you feeling better.

Sagittarius : There is a persistent, almost pesky notion about this week. It’s like getting back to your trailer with an armload of groceries, and seeing the telltale flashing light on the answer machine. Or it’s like being caught up in a wonderfully creative moment when the words are just all coming together for that article, and the background operations keep telling you that there is an e-mail message which demands you attention. What’s worse, this is like a time when you drop everything to answer the machine, and the message is merely a repeat of all the old messages you’ve got backed up on the tape. Or the e-mail message is something about how you didn’t answer the last message in two seconds, so the sending party just resent the same message every 30 seconds until they got some kind of a response. It’s like everyone is trying to get your attention, and the hassle is that this usually comes at an inopportune moment for you. Best advice for the week? Ignore them. Just ignore the message which seem to be urgent, unless, of course they come from or the Texas Lottery Commission. And for my cut, I’m only asking for 1%.

Capricorn : There are times when you feel like you have been unfairly taken advantage of. There are times when it feels like everyone has a different agenda for you, only, you didn’t get a copy of what they all wanted. There are times when you you seem to mistrust just about everything that you hear about yourself. This isn’t one of those times. But it could be. The apparent actions of others are a problem right now. In fact, you worry that other people are trying to coerce you into something that you’re not too sure that you want. And there’s been this persistent problem with communications, too. Ever have a mail server eat your messages? “But I did send you a note!” you complain, “the server must’ve eaten it.” This evokes an image of systems administrator, some place, who has his gaping mouth full of bytes of data. In this case, it’s your data. Now, that’s all the yucky stuff, and it’s all out of the way by the end of this week. So whatever message you try to get across, try keeping a carbon copy someplace safe. You’ll thank me later.

Aquarius : An eclipse like last week is sure to rattle your teeth a little. Not in the real world, but in a metaphorical sense. It’s sure to have some kind of effect on you as it shakes up your world, a little. You’ve got a long–forgotten past problem, something you tossed out a few months back, like so much old garbage and you just set this stuff outside your trailer door. At the time, it was the most expedient route for dealing with this trouble. Here at Shady Acres, we have a rodent problem. Raccoon and Opossum, to be precise. The problem with the eclipse, it’s like the trash I set out last January, the Mother Raccoon discovered it during the eclipse and now I’ve got old love letter, coffee grounds, and a few cigar butts scattered over the “backyard.” The park’s management is none too pleased with me, although the cat thinks it’s great. And the other furry denizens of the trailer park think it’s wonderful. So you’ve got something that you should have hauled off to the city dump which is back to haunt you. Put on your waders and gloves, and get ready to clean up your mistake.

Pisces : I’d rather not call it the fault of the planets this week. I’d rather not call it a problem week, either. In fact, I’d rather not say there is much ill about this week. Of course, there are a lot of things I would rather be doing, and fishing with a Pisces always comes to mind. And in keeping with the idea that it’s not such a bad week week, I would suggest that there are other things you would rather be doing right now, some place you would rather be, perhaps, sipping a cool beverage in the shade of an awning, overlooking the lake rather than sweltering in the hot sun. It’s just that there’s a degree of energy lent to you via the eclipse pattern which means you’re going to get something good from this mess. There’s a promise of some wonderful events right now, the trick is to make sure that you don’t let your sensitive, emotional Pisces side take over and in a burst of creative output, you don’t make promises which there is no way you can keep. As a fishing guide, it’s one of my favorite lines, “You should have been here yesterday, the fish were really biting then.” You might need just such an excuse this week.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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