Week of: 12.18-24.2000

“Marry, I will; let them play it. Is not a comonty a Christmas
gambold or a tumbling-trick?”

“No, my good lord; it is more pleasing stuff.”

(Introduction to Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, lines 177-9)

Mars will be sneaking into Scorpio, the Sun will be moving into Capricorn (and thereby signifying the Solstice celebration), and there’s a solar eclipse headed this way, next week — but not this week.

Aries : In fishing terms, it’s usually referred to as a “sweet spot,” and this is one of those expressions which can transcend the art of mortal combat with finned creatures of the abyss, and land itself right in your lap this week. We’ve had our little discussion about Mars at this point, so that’s not a question, at least, not much longer. By the end of this week, Mars does move out Libra, and that makes for a degree of comfort in your sign. Now, it’s not like it’s all good stuff, because the Time of Capricorn begins this week, too, and that’s going to introduce a degree of irritation in your life. But this Capricorn source of trouble is more like looking at an Xmas gift list, realizing that you forgot to get your Fishing Guide to the Stars anything to put under his tree, and deciding that you’ll just send him some money, as soon as you get your credit card paid down some. This is a time to figure if they didn’t make the cut, don’t worry about it, and move on to what’s next.

Taurus : In straight ahead sun sign astrology, it’s supposed to be a good week. But here at headquarters, we’ve observed human behavior, taken some notes, and come up with some of our own prognostications, based on astrological indications. It’s not quite as good as it looks, not that things are bad right now, it’s just a sense, a little hint, the barest echo, a thought which flirts with the back of your mind and makes you wonder, just a little. Due to the Saturn influence in your chart, you might feel like there is a certain paucity of gifts under your tree. This is the final stages of the Ringed Wonder, making mischief for the last time in long while, and he’s having a bit of fun, at your expense. It’s like the annual “big fisherman’s Christmas party and trade show,” and you feel like someone overlooked sending you an invite. This is a time when you’re feeling good, but a little anxious, and nothing is going to cure this feeling. Just be aware that you weren’t really passed up, it just looks that way. And get ready for Xmas, around the corner, because it does look like it will be more fun. You’re about to shift gears, thanks to Mars.

Gemini : You get a little kick in the pants as this week goes along. I can’t say just exactly when this occurs for every Gemini, not without a close scrutiny of an individual chart, but I do know that each and every one of your guys will get a swift foot applied to your backside, intended to be a motivational action. This can be a gentle nudge in one direction, or this can be a boss type person (client, customer, employer, employee) suggesting that you get really motivated and finish up what you were working on. It could happen on Monday for some, or as late as Friday night for others. The relative motion of several planets is responsible for delivering this little boost, and I’ll call it a boost because how you take it is very important. Taken in a bad light, you might feel like someone is heaping up work at a bad time. Taken in a more correct frame of Gemini mind, it’s just one last, little challenge to be accomplished before the big holidays. It’s just a gentle shove to hurry up, that’s all.

Cancer : The weather may, or may not, be rather winter like in your location. But here in Texas, the Sun doesn’t stay out very long. Granted, it’s not as short a period of daylight as the far northern exposures get, but it’s still winter. As the weeks slides by, it’s important to turn your attention to matters which, if you have been a careful reader, you would be prepared for. Dig through your Cancer closet and see what sort of items you set aside for “latter” because it is now “latter” and these unattended items which have been languishing for so long all demand that you pay attention to them. Now. Do like I do, and take break from the hectic holiday schedule, and spend a little time sorting through your fishing gear. There’s a great new season on the horizon, and it’s a good time to figure out what you need to toss out, what equipment needs to be retired, and what new gear needs to be acquired for the coming year. Maybe make a little list. Then learn something about patience because there’s a lesson in here for you. And if someone suggests your acting a little selfish, just suggest you’re true to your Cancer nature and acting a little “shellfish” instead.

Leo : I know that you know that I don’t like to suggest that work is what seems to be most important this week. Since I can’t divide work from play, or because I play for a living, then it’s not much of a question for me. But in the Leo Camp this week, work and play get confused. You can thank me for the distinction, but I really would like to suggest that Venus gets all the credit. She’s in the sign opposite you right now, and she has a tendency to excite you in pleasurable ways. So much for the good news. The rest of the planets have a heavy emphasis on the way you toil for a living, and that’s where I think you should be expending your Leo energies. I realize it’s not what you wanted to hear, but its influence is one that suggests it is a good time to wrap this stuff up. Get it done with. Get on with the work thing. It’s like this one Leo I know, and she’ll spend a little extra time, at work, decorating her cube. That’s the idea right now. This is how you can feel “in the spirit” and accomplish what needs to get accomplished.

Virgo : Imagine yourself as a utility vehicle, not Stupid Utility Vehicle, but more like an old truck with a standard transmission. Now, imagine yourself slipping that Virgo truck into the lowest gear, getting ready for a steep, uphill climb. That’s the way the week starts out. You’re about to tackle a big “thing” and whatever this “thing” is, it requires you to look as if you’re getting ready for a hill climb which requires a granny gear. Now, as the week starts out in the low gear, with you grinding away, it suddenly changes. The road your on becomes smoother, the incline isn’t so steep. Just as the big holiday gets closer and closer, you start to feel like shifting gears, and the faster you drive, the better your Virgo suspension can absorb the minor surface incongruities. Before the week is up, you’ll be in high gear and virtually flying over the bumps, cresting the hill, and not worrying about whatever obstacle there was at the beginning of the week. Just make sure that you don’t go flying off the top of the hill when you get there.

Libra : Creative endeavors fare well this week. Libra creative endeavors do even better. You’re just about to launch a new bass boat. Or maybe it isn’t a new boat, but you’re about to launch something. Just make sure that you have a hold on some version of reality this week. Your chart reminds me of the new boat we launched last spring, backed it into the water, floated it off the trailer, fired up the motor, and then almost sank. We were so busy having fun, and we were so busy assuming that everything was in good working condition that someone forgot to check to see if the drain plug was in the boat. What was worse, we couldn’t stop laughing long enough to realize that we couldn’t find the plug. Bubba finally stuck his thumb in the hole, long enough for us to make it back to shore. So when you start to launch that new idea this week, just make sure you’ve got everything covered.

Scorpio : There’s an uncomfortable bump early this week as Mars and the Moon get together, briefly, just before the two go hand in hand into Scorpio. That bump reminds me of the time my Scorpio Mother pulled into the carport a little too quickly and hit a big pile of boxes. [And she hates it when I remind her about this.] But after the cardboard boxes all came tumbling down, she discovered a long hidden treasure. I’d suggest that the little bump in the night will bring about just such a revelation for Scorpio this week. Then, everything gets better. And despite the way it looked, all those boxes piled up on her station wagon, it wasn’t as bad as it looked, not even a scratch on the boxes. So there’s still a hidden treasure awaiting you this week, but you need to be careful, and since it’s Mars who is the guilty party, I’d suggest you might want to try an alternative form of transportation. Or be extra careful when opening up something which is stuffed full of stuff — especially if you decide to use your car to open this up.

Sagittarius : There’s a pervading sense of gloom and desperation this week. This will gradually go away — I promise. But the gloom and desperation is more caused by a sense that there is something lurking, just beyond your field of vision. You can almost catch a glimpse of it as you look sideways out of your eyes, like there’s a vision at the very corner of your vision. Later in the week, this question, this sense that you’re missing something will become a lot more clear. And what are your supposed to do? How about nothing? Sometimes, the best course of action is no action, and that might be what this week is all about. That sudden, frenzied, last minute activity which is so engaging, that last minute, “get it before the holiday, damn the costs,” attitude? Forget it. Wait. Patience. You just had a birthday, and you need to spend a little bit of time resting, relaxing, and enjoying some of the good company that you keep. Do like I do, this week, and you’ll be happier: invite a friend or two over to the trailer, pop a few, and talk about what will be on sale, next week. Make plans for then. No need to get engaged in the last minute retail frenzy this week, not for you.

Capricorn : The Capricorn “double wide” is literally, rocking on its supports this week. There’s a lot of activity, most of it good, which is all starting to arrive. It starts about the time Capricorn starts, when Old Mr. Sun slides on into your sign. Now, there’s a conglomeration of planets in certain place in the sky, and this suggests that you’re going to be having a few too many people over. It’s not bad, but you’re going to spend a portion of the week sending folks down to the “Quick Pick” convenience store to pick up some things you forgot. Another extension cord for Xmas lights. A can of fake snow. Little Xmas tree light bulbs. And when your appointed runner gets back, just as this person sets foot in the trailer, you’re going to feel one of the supports groan a little, and you’ll wonder if that extra cinder block is handy, so you can prop the house back up. Nothing is worse than trying to cram one too many people into the old Cap trailer. Since I’ll probably be invited too, I’ll make sure I bring along some extra cinder blocks, just for the foundation. I’d look forward to a good party, and I’m sure you can provide it.

Aquarius : Venus is in your sign, sure, and that’s, like, supposed to be a good astrological indication of events full of good cheer. And while your attitude might be wonderful at a time like this, I still figure there are a few other things going on that you need to pay attention to. Here at Headquarters, I have an expression that you might find useful during this holiday season of retail, “If I ain’t got it for you by now, you’re going to wait until next year.” I can tell that you’re going to have a quizzical expression cross your face when you read that. But it works. The expression, not your look. You’ve already blown your credit rating, the budget, and I’ll suggest you even have a credit card or two with the magnetic strip worn off. Out them all way. Tuck your remaining cash up under your mattress. Now is not the time for last minute purchases. Much as I would like to remind you that i needed a new t-shirt, I have to admit that I fall in the same category as the rest of your friends: “If I ain’t got it by now, don’t count on getting it until next year.”

Pisces : As we all get closer to that one time of the year which is supposedly a good time to be with family and friends, you’re going to discover that it is a good time just those activities, but there’s something missing. It’s not actually missing, so much as there feels like a void in your life. It’s that one spot reserved for that one particular “significant other.” That sucker seems to have gone AWOL. Everything is great except that your “number one, main person” seems to be absent. Maybe not physically, in the case of folks who cohabitate, or maybe not even in the case of just dating, either, but I’m suggesting that the one person you can usually rely on, that one “special” person to a Pisces, this week, seem to be “not all there” as in his or her mind seems to be occupied by something other than you. Let me give you a hint: it is you which is occupying their elusive mental facilities, but it has to do with Xmas gifts, holidays, celebrations, that outfit you wore last week, and what might be coming up. That doesn’t leave a lot of mental horsepower leftover for dealing with you right now. Worry about it? Don’t. It’s just that simple.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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