Week of: 12/11-17

“… but now,
As if some planet had unwitted men,
Swords out, and tilting one at other’s breast,
In opposition bloody.

Iago in Shakespeare’s Othello [II.iii.260-63]

Aries : The problem with the Honest Iago quote, and the planet which unwits you, as well as the unsheathing of swords right now, is that Mr. Mars, the planet voted most likely to be associated with Aries, is in the sign voted most likely to be opposite you. That’s an Aries way of diplomatically pointing out that you’re not down with this war like energy engendered by Mr. Mars, and I would be lax if I didn’t suggest that you move a little more delicately, use some of your unused diplomatic skills, and make a sincere effort not to tread on toes right now. Those toes would be attached to folks who you might want to cajole for a better deal. It’s like the harried sales clerk at the counter in the store at the mall. That person is not having a good day, and you can either be consoling, and get what you want, or you can be really difficult, and then, nothing gets resolved. Hey, it’s your choice this week, and while stinky bait is great for catfish, it doesn’t exactly work on most people.

Taurus : While the “worm bar” at the local sporting goods place is a delightful presentation, I’m not sure it’s where you belong. Some smart feller put a sneeze guard over it, just to make it look like real salad bar, the many plastic worms all have their own containers, and it’s a great presentation. But it’s nothing more than a sly marketing trick to present an item for sale, and this sort of trick works on you during a time like this. “I went to look for one bright orange plastic wiggler, but look at all of these other ones I got, too!” It’s exciting, but there’s a problem, or several problems, not enough room in the old tackle box to store these new pieces of colorful plastic, and not enough money laying around to really justify the purchase. From what I’ve seen, though, after you make a trip to the plastic heaven and get all these little creepy crawly treasures, and after you’ve got the hooks set in some of them, you can use these to adorn a hat. So it’s not like it’s a complete waste of time and energy, it’s just I figure you need to be closer attention to a work issue right now.

Gemini : The symbol for the planet which is most often associated with your sign looks like the Venus symbol with little antennae on top of its Gemini headbone. With the Full Moon Madness kicking of this week, and then carrying itself into the rest of the week, them things on your skullcap are going in about 14 directions at once. There is a solution: tune into just one project, one goal, a single destination. Don’t let anyone dissuade you from this single pathway. Sure, a single anything is not a happy route for most Gemini, but assiduously stick to one item on your list, one thing at time, and you’ll find that you can get quite a bit accomplished.

Cancer : You want to party, you want to get down, you want to turn the radio on. You want to have meltdown. Funny, but I’m sure we’ve both heard this hauntingly familiar tune someplace before. That’s what you look like this week. There’s one, and I’m sorry to bring this up right now but someone has to mention it, little “thang” you’ve been avoiding, and it looks like you can’t avoid this any longer. It’s that ugly word “work.” Yes, you’re in a major party mode, but your boss, employer, clients, friends and family all have one more little task associated with the place of your employment. “If you could just do this one for me, it would be great…” is the typical comment. Being the kind and gentle soul that you are, yes, you’ll do this favor, just this once. A little extra time spent on business reaps a big reward.

Leo : The holiday spirit has officially arrived in Leo Land. The mightiest of the signs, the wonderful Leo creature that you are, the best of the best, you finally let that spirit of the times catch up with you. There’s been one little inharmonious detail after another which has plagued you like some old bait, stuck in the bottom of your tackle box. You get a chance to clean it all out, get a fresh start, and that old Xmas Cheer is starting to work in your life. Give it a chance. Given the phase of the Moon, as it slowly get smaller in visible size, you’ll notice that not everyone shares your sense of joy. Don’t worry about it, this is a tough job at times, being a Leo, but it’s good one. You should begin to feel like you’ve got some rewards, finally coming your way.

Virgo : The fine print is something that can cause a real “gotcha” this week. I’ve got my own version, up on the web some place, I’m pretty sure it covers about all of the possible situations. Of course my fine Virgo friends have a way of occasionally pointing a situation that isn’t covered with my legal disclaimers, and that’s what your problem will be this week. You might want to double check the fine print before you let that merchant run your credit card through the machine. Make sure you know what all the details of this transaction involve before you let your card be debited. Get the picture? “That? Didn’t you see the notice? Sale Item only, no return, refund or exchange…” I wouldn’t wish that on an Virgo, but if you’re not careful, you can get taken, at a time like this.

Libra : I swiped an expression from one of my friends, a way to introduce a hypothetical situation with a good spin on it, “In an ideal world….” And in this ideal world, everything is okay in Libra Land. You catch a big bass on your first cast. You merely have to suggest that you have the best bait, and the little fishes are jumping into your net. But this isn’t an ideal world, as much as we would all like to imagine it so, so it’s going to take two or three ties to get the task accomplished. Means that you’ll have to cast that perfect lure past that big old bass a half dozen time before he’ll go for what you’re offering. The down side of this scenario is that you keep feeling like it should be an ideal world, and you keep feeling like your first cast should get something. Don’t be upset if you have to attempt something more than once to get what you want.

Scorpio : Mars is still in Libra, the Sun is still in Sagittarius, and Venus makes a quick pass at Neptune (“Hello!”) in Aquarius. In plainer, Scorpio English, that means you’re subject to the whims of other people this week. If I was a truly smart person, I would suggest that you send me your credit card number so we can arrange for a detailed explanation of what all this means. But alas, I’m not as bright as the average Scorpio, so that’s out of the question. With all those planets in all those places, though, I would suggest that you be extra cautious when handling your own credit cards this week. Or even your cash reserve. I’ll see a dip in sales, I’m sure as I get fewer Scorpio orders this week, but between you and me, maybe that’s a good thing. Your urge to spend can easily exceed your urge to earn, and in the same metaphorical tone, your retail ability far outstrips your income. This is a passing influence, but I would certainly consider putting off shopping until a later date.

Sagittarius : For one, strange, undefined moment on Monday morning, you’re feeling like you’re right on top of the world. Then it all comes crashing down. It’s the effects of the cycle of the Moon, and she’s going to extract a little bit of your psyche this week. Too mystical? You go from a really good mood to a “less than wonderful” feeling as the Moon begins to lose a little weight. Unfortunately, you’re not going to be doing quite the same thing. While it’s a noble aspiration at this time, trying to count calories as the holiday madness approaches just doesn’t work great for you. And maybe it’s not really caloric intake that you’re concerned with, perhaps it’s the number of candles on the old Sagittarius birthday cake, but there’s some accounting that you need to pay attention to at this point, and there’s no time like this week to get after these details. Now, in keeping with the holiday spirit, I still suggest shopping this weekend. Make sure,e though, that you understand the distinction between “shopping” and “buying.”

Capricorn : Remember Alice? “One pill makes you taller and one pill makes you smaller”? One astrological event is good, and one astrological event is less than good. And you’re stuck in the middle, almost unable to make any decision at all. Stretch your brain and imagine you’re on a fishing boat, and the guide (like myself) has just signaled you that you’re about to get a big strike. Then get ready to reel that sucker in. You’re in the “just about to” phase. Watch for the signal. Wait, not yet. Tease the bait a little. There’s a growing sense of expectation, a hint, a suggestion, a chance, an opportunity, just round the corner. But that big sailfish hasn’t taken your bait. Almost, but not quite. You know it’s there; you can feel it. Patience and a steady hand pay off this week.

Aquarius : I’ve been meaning to design the perfect gift for a time like this, a good top water popper (fishing lure) with lots of red and green, something that looks festive and yet can be used to really go after big bass. If it was correctly executed, the Xmas Lure could also serve as an earring — although treble hooks always seem to draw blood. So you’re looking for an Xmas gift idea just like what I’ve described. You’re judgment is quite sound right now, and you can appreciate the fine lines of a piece of artwork. I just wonder whether this is a good time to be opening up your wallet and pulling out a credit card. AS much as this might hurt my business, I’m not so sure that “blindly charging” is the best way to explore the limits of your credit. Then, there’s that final, annoying thing to worry about, too, that little “love” influence engendered by Venus. That’s why the fishing lure makes such an appropriate gift, it’s either a piece of tackle, or it’s a nice gesture because you can always pretend that it’s jewelry.

Pisces : You’re fine, except in matters of love, romantic relationships, and your usually good judgment about what someone wants for Xmas. I don’t need another black velvet painting, thank you, though, the thought is quite nice. See where this is going? Your ability to discern what is important, what is of value, and what you want as opposed to what you need, are going to get mightily confused. Now, one great thinker suggested that the first part of a budget would be the luxuries, that these were the most important items in any given situation. While that’s a great idea, I would urge you to reconsider where the priorities are this week. It’s like the old fishing joke, the tire expression or the bored housewife (or in my case girlfriend) opening up a package, and exclaiming, “Wow, a trolling motor, just what I always wanted! You shouldn’t have!” And right about now, even before the big day gets here, that’s right, you really shouldn’t have.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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