for the week of: 3/12-18/2001
“They are arrant knaves, and will backbite.”
Shakespeare’s Henry IV, part duo, [V.i.30]
Reminds me of an old girlfriend, with the back bite thing. But my personal problems shouldn’t be your concern. Mars does a quick alignment with Mr. Pluto. So the god of war faces the lord of the underworld, and these two are going to set a very interesting tone to the week. And by now, you’ve figured out that Ms. Venus is in a backwards motion, relatively to us on Planet Earth.
Aries: Not everyone will reflect the same high spirited energy that you have on your side. Some folks, I mean, there are people out there, folks who JUST DON’T GET IT. Notice the strong emphasis there. Underline that phrase, highlight it, make it bold. All caps. Something. You’re going to need to be reminded, repeatedly, all week long, there are some people who just don’t share your natural enthusiasm for the project at hand. Could be work, could be play, could be just about anything, but they just don’t understand why you are so happy, joyous, and it seems like you’re looking forward to everything. Don’t let them dampen your fiery, celestial zeal, either. But do remember, that there are some people, folks you are inclined to encounter this week, who just don’t get it.
Taurus: Have you ever sat in a coffee shop, bleary eyes, barely awake, and your dinning companion, at some unholy hour of the morning, is bubbling over with enthusiasm, charm, wit, and maybe a few good jokes? All you want is coffee. Rather, you would prefer a nice warm bed, and sleep, but a tanker full of coffee, maybe some silence, that would be almost as good. And even if you are a cheery, morning person, there’s always that sense, a certain time of the day when you would much prefer to be alone, rather than face some person who is obviously under the influence of some kind of artificial stimulant. That’s a quick glimpse of what this week is like. Growling, in as much as it might be your preferred form of communication, isn’t the best answer. Take it easy on your exuberant (maybe aberrant) companions this week. Realize that the magnitude of their aberrant behavior just hasn’t made it into their conscious minds yet. And take it easy on the rest of us.
Gemini: I remember watching one, special Gemini person (would that be persons?) while this person was supposed to be quiet, contemplative, and meditative. There was the faintest flicker of movement, almost as if the person in question was visibly vibrating, like a strand of Barb Wire stretched tight and shaking — almost singing — in the wind. Maybe you’ve never seen a piece of wire drawn tight, stretched to its break point, and heard the wind rattling around it, but you get the idea. Gemini is like that, right now. Stretched to almost the breaking point, and then, another outside element is whipping it to a frenzy. So even if I suggest the best course of action is no action, there’s still that vibration, that pent up energy, that sense that something is about to break wide open. You’re high strung right now. Not much any of us can do about that. But taking some sort of decisive action at this point might not work out in your favor. A little calm, a little patience, a little bit of a pause to reflect before you leap into action might be the best way to apply this pent up and frenzied energy. You don’t want to snap especially, not too soon.
Cancer: It’s a downhill slide. That can be taken two ways, either a good downhill slide, or a bad slide down the hill. Depends on what you do with the cards you’re dealt this week. I suggest that you play your hand close to your chest, too. You’ve got one, maybe more, unscrupulous players who are trying to peek at what cards you hold. Sometimes this is okay, and sometimes, it’s not okay. It’s like on of those “leaks” from a source who asked to remain anonymous. You can let them see some of the cards you’re holding right now, that can make for a more exciting game, but letting them see everything that you’ve got, no, that doesn’t work too well. Then there’s the always your “ace in the hole” and you might not want to play that just yet. Or even hint that you’ve got it. There’ll be a good time to play that trump card, but for right now, don’t even hint that you’ve got the winning hand.
Leo: Is it really that bad? No. In fact, if you can overlook the fact that not enough people are bowing in your presence, then you’ll note that it’s not a bad week at all. Sure, there’s the misguided archetype about a Leo being arrogant, but when you hold the keys that can unlock the mysteries of the Universe, you should have a little, tiny chip on your massive, Leo-like shoulder. Notice how I was addressing you? You are the best of all the fixed Fire Signs, and notice that I suggested you carry a little chip on your shoulder? Pay attention to the small details. “God is in the details,” is what a Virgo once assured me. And I’m passing that off to you as some good news. It might not be great news, but if you look beyond the obvious, and if you carry that extra Leo burden correctly, tummy tucked in, shoulders square, look us straight in the eye, then you will find that this week, while it doesn’t work out the best, as long as you approach it with a noble Leo pedigree behind you, you will do okay. Maybe not great, but in comparison to the lesser signs, you’ll be all right.
Virgo: I quoted a dear Virgo friend in the horoscope which comes before you, and I didn’t take the quote out of context, as one Virgo is so fond of pointing out to me. I used it exactly as it was reported to me, and I even used it in the correct frame. So much for the good work. I had to be extra careful this week because the details are getting messed up by the little Venus thing going on. You like this stuff not. You are not amused. And while I was able to correctly quote you, I’m not so sure that everyone else will be so obliging. I was recently interviewed for a “personality profile” bit in a magazine. When I opened the article, the introductory quote, certainly words that I said, the quote was entirely out of context. I mean, I did say that, but the writer grabbed the last half of the quote and ignored my “off the cuff” comment (as well as the the part where I asked, “This is not for the record, right?”) and you know how the rest of that goes… “Astrologer predicts the end of the world.” What I really said was, “It’s not like I’m predicting the end of the world or anything….” Watch what you say this week, the press, or even just plain old business associates, are bound to try and twist your words around.
Libra: Sometimes the planets give you a little hint, a subtle shove in a particular direction. Sometimes there’s a little voice in the back of your head, nudging you to take off in a certain way. Sometimes, there’s the merest of echoes which suggests that this pathway is better than that pathway. It’s like the flavor difference between a French Espresso Roast (twice roasted) coffee bean and an Italian Espresso Roast coffee (triple roasted). One is a little darker, a little more oily, a little stronger. But it’s a subtle distinction. And this is a time when such subtle distinctions are completely lost. It’s like that special coffee shop, which offers a 44 oz. cup of Espresso. By the time you get done with the week, it really doesn’t much matter if it was Italian or French Roast. Listen to the murmurs, then slam that coffee down and get going.
Scorpio: I’ll bet you’re really enjoying this, right now. Look around, there are some folks with their collective danders in an uproar. Can a dander get in an uproar? Semantics — don’t worry about it. In fact, you have precious little to worry about. Consider practicing your Scorpio Snigger right now. Or that silly laugh you’ve got from time to time. That giggle you use when everyone else is in a (self inflicted) painful situation, and you’re out, no holds, no ties, no problems. Good, huh? You owe me one. I know I will hear from at least one Scorpio who finds fault with this week’s Scorpio Scope, but other than that ONE SCORPIO [and you know who you are], other than that one, lone, dissenting voice crying in the wilderness, there’s not much to be cautious about, except appearing smug. Yes, Venus is doing bad things to good relationships, but like the good Scorpio that you are, you’re prepared. Right?
Sagittarius: Let’s talk about nightmares. Let’s discuss the worst possible situation that could occur. Let’s talk about “worst case scenarios” for a minute. Imagine you’re sitting on the couch, maybe reading a book or watching TV, and there’s a knock on the door. An insistent sound, almost as if two angry people are knocking on the door at the same time. You open the door, and there’s your most recent ex-wife. Then, standing next to her, is your most recent ex-girlfriend. Adjust the gender of the analogy to fit your case, but you get the idea, right? And finally, these two people are glaring at each other. Now, you know and I know, that in this worst case situation, you are 100% innocent of any wrong doing. That doesn’t stop those other two people from being rather upset with you, for something you might or might not, have done. Get the picture? Is it clear yet? Some how, this all is all your fault, and you were minding your own business. Personally, and what I’ve done, lacking enough charm to make either happy, and certainly lacking enough charm to make them both happy given the circumstances (which are beyond our control), I go back to the book. The TV. When that knock comes on the door, this week, maybe just avoid it all together. Now, before you even think to ask, this situation has never occurred to me personally, an ex-wife and an ex-girlfriend at the same time. Really, it’s never happened in Shady Acres.
Capricorn: Subtle review of certain situations in your life is in order right now. This isn’t like some giant, “take a complete inventory of all the emotional mess you’ve ever had,” it’s more like a simple review of particular key issues. If I’m going to use a fishing allegory, it’s like figuring out why I have so much live bait left over a the end of the day. That’s because the fish liked lures. In fact, if I delve a little deeper, all the fish at the one lake always prefer artificial lures to live bait. Now, do the same thing, for yourself. This isn’t a scientific, statistically correct poll, just a little backwards observational glance to see what works, and what doesn’t work. It’s like the live bait versus lures thing. You don’t have to come up the exact statistics as to how many minnows you have left over at the end of the day in order to realize what is, and isn’t, working right. You just know that next time, you can save some money on live bait. Make note of that — you’ll want to remember it when you go fishing again.
Aquarius: I have a theory that suggests relative planetary retrogrades have no discernible effect on the Sign of Aquarius. I’ve been working with this theory for several years now, and I have fairly conclusive results that suggest it’s true, the little planets’ errant wanderings don’t bother you guys. But something like Venus going Retrograde, that bothers the other 11 signs. And you’re going to interact with us, sooner or later. In a perfect Aquarius world, there aren’t any other signs to bother you with their “feelings” and constant emotional strife. Of course, it’s not a perfect Aquarius world, and you do have to listen to us — some of us even have the temerity to emote before we’ve analyzed our conditions. “Such a primitive way of getting by,” you think in your Aquarius mind. And while it may be reminiscent of a primordial soup, you still have to deal with us. I’d calmly suggest that you turn your brain towards a little more compassion, and little less acerbic wit right now. Ease up on the Scorpio style of sarcasm — even though we might really deserve it.
Pisces: One of the problems with “Trailer Life” is that it is an inherently unstable home front. My place is anchored on a slab, but the back half of the “house” (come on, it’s really a trailer) is supported by cinder blocks. In fact, in previous years, some of those cinder blocks were used as book cases. And now, instead of supporting my library, they support the home I live in. Of course, that brings up this week’s topic, and it has to do with the unstable nature of where you live. You’ll come home one day this week, look at where you live, and you’re going to wonder if there has been a natural disaster of some kind. It looks like someone took your place, turned it on its end, and then shook. In California, they’re called earthquakes. In Texas, we call them twisters. Your local version of this is going to have a very localized effect on you. Feels like someone tweaked your house. In fact, it was probably something you did, but the next approach is to set yourself to cleaning it up some. Besides, you were planning to do that anyway — the planets are just providing a good opportunity for some serious house cleaning.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
