for the week of: 3/19-25/2001
“Oft expectation fails, and most oft there
Where most it promises.”
Shakespeare’s All’s Well that Ends Well [II.i.144-5]
And since we’d like to keep this site open and freely available, and since the new business model suggests a subscription service, and since we don’t feel like doing that here at headquarters, how about you send us money? Better yet, why not buy a T-shirt, or, even more popular, one of the extra large coffee mugs with the best of the fine print on it? Better than just throwing that money away. Those extra large (15 ounce) FGS coffee mugs hold a lot of hot water — the hot water is courtesy of the planets — especially Mars and Pluto — and especially right now. I’ll be available at the “Beneath the Hood” benefit or Sister’s troop, next weekend. Left Coast for a day or so, should be, ahem, interesting, to say the least.
Aries: There’s always some good news which can be teased out the way the planets are lining up. And I want to provide this sort of good news, but I’m not sure how. It looks like your activity level is fine. It looks like the problems are not fine. Interpersonal communications, the way you communicate with the rest of us, that’s the problem. And this time, it’s not really pesky and pernicious Mercury who we’re going to blame. It’s that Venus thang. Miss Venus is working you over like a nice piece of brisket on the BBQ pit of life. I like the metaphor. But in your heated, passionate Aries way, you might not like the idea of being on the grill. Here’s a hint, in this picture, the grill, the fine piece of meat getting roasted, Bubba standing there with his hat and cigar, supervising, in this scenario for your week, you get to choose. Which one are you? Wait until the end of the week before you render a decision, too. Wait until it’s all over with before you decide if you are the grill, the dinner, or the cook. No matter what you think on Monday, Tuesday or even Thursday, by the time next Sunday rolls around, you might have a better outlook. Turns out you might not be the dinner on the grill, you might be the one supplying the heat.
Taurus: Okay, so look: you’re hot and bothered right now. It’s either work, co-workers, employers, employees, or that troublesome significant other. Or, it can be like my cat, I brought her a breakfast taco, and she promptly buries it under a throw rug. You do something nice for someone, and they turn it around and make it a problem for you. That’s not nice. I’ll agree with you on that one. The cat was just showing her displeasure that I was not available at her regular feeding time, which always occurs about half an hour before I want to get out of bed. See where I’m going with this one? It’s like those folks who you’re trying to be nice to, all they want is something that they forget to tell you about. Makes for some frustrations. Solutions? I don’t really have any, but I’ve found that an offering of gourmet cat food, the kind which comes in the extra small cans usually works. Of course, I don’t know that a can of fancy cat food will please your boss, but it works well here. Some kind of an offering, like pretending to apologize for something you didn’t really do, I’ve found that it helps smooth things over with a situation like this. Be conciliatory, even if it wasn’t your fault.
Gemini: We did discuss you getting very irritated with a certain situation, didn’t we? One of those events which gets under your skin, and like poison ivy, you just can’t seem to shake. Every once in a while, you’ve just got to break down and scratch that itch even though it’s making a bad situation worse. My scalp crawls when I think about it. I just hope you understand the Poison Ivy analogy is just that, and I seriously doubt that you wind up with a skin condition. But the way things are working right now, and the way this week starts out, you have one of those terminally frustrating situations that you can’t seem to shake. It’s not all bad, but wait, maybe it is that bad. Or maybe it just seems that bad, but it really isn’t. Last time I had a brief encounter with Poison Oak, a cousin to the Ivy, I didn’t use any lotion, no drugs, nothing. After I realized what had happened, I used sheer will power not scratch. Cleared up faster than any medicated version would have. I wasn’t an especially pleasant person during those few days, but I knew that scratching that itch would do nothing but irritate a bad thing. Sheer will power might be the only answer, and it might just be the most expedient.
Cancer: I took this particular girl fishing one time because she begged and begged, and finally wore down my resolve. She’s the excitable Cancer type, you know, and out there in the boat, she was just so pleased with herself, me, the lake and everything that she was vibrating with joy. She kept fidgeting. Talking. Gushing platitudes. Sweet as pie (pecan pie), but still, it’s a time when you’re supposed to be quiet. Take it easy. And shut up. Eventually, she started making little waves because she just couldn’t sit still. She would rock the boat, and this isn’t some metaphor, it was the real thing. To patient observer of humanity, I find this amusing. As fishing companion, though, she was totally unacceptable. There’s a good time to rock the boat. There’s a good time to be exuberant. There’s a good time to chatter endlessly. Right now, like that ill-fated trip, is not a good time. Get the hint? No? Even if you’re really excited about something, tremble with that excitement on the inside. Don’t make waves right now because those waves might not be well-received by your companions.
Leo: Aren’t you the lucky one this week? Sure you are. Don’t argue with me. In fact, try to avoid arguing with anyone who fails to understand your point of view. I know that’s generally just plain good sense for anyone who knows a thing about a Leo, but this is a week when you can either feel really good, happy and contented, or you can make yourself miserable. It’s a simple choice. If you are operating in Leo unfriendly waters, just start up your motor, and go some place else. It’s that simple. If the fish ain’t bitin’ where you’re at, then motor off to another portion of the lake. There’s one or two of you who will insist on staying put. That’s your problem, and I’m disinclined to listen to your whining right now. In fact, a lot of folks are similarly disinclined. So go with what does work, and that might require you to change your location. I’m not talking about a grand move, I’m not talking about uprooting yourself and moving half way across the county, just a simple shift will help. If your Leo smile, good fortune, and pleasant demeanor fails to win “them” over, then skip it. Move on. Find someplace where you are truly appreciated. It’s really a simple task.
Virgo: “Stuff” finally gets a lot easier. While you may not agree with me in the early stages of the week, as it moves along, there is discernible “lightening of your load” and you can interpret that anyway you want to. Unfortunately, the way this works reminds me of a Gulf Coast fishing trip, on a sport fishing vessel, and I watched as one friend worked for darn near an hour to reel in large fish. As the fish seemed to be wearing out, and my buddy was rather exhausted, he was getting a little complacent as he reeled his trophy closer and closer to the boat. Just as they were almost within range of getting that fish landed, my friend lets the line go slack for a second, the fish snaps his head, and takes off for well deserved nap on the bottom. Let you attention drop for just a second, and you can lose what you’ve been working for. And you really do get a choice this week, too, you can either by the tired fisherman or the tired fish. One is finally free and one is very tired.
Libra: Libra, my dear, fine friend, ever so collected and all together, ever so calm in the face of irrational fears, ever the one we can all turn to when we need a cool and rational head during tense times, and Libra, the one voted most likely to help the rest of us get out problems this week…. “What?!” That’s right, we’re requiring your ability to negotiate this week because we can’t seem to do it for ourselves. We need your help in talking through a certain situation, a place where the ethics might get a little blurry, a scene where we need someone who can be more, look out here it comes, balanced. You’re charged with singularly being the only one who can help the rest of us in tough spot right now. I realize that leaves one little problem left over at the end of the resolution period, when you pull it all together for us — who looks out for you? Who has your best interests at heart? Other than me, of course. Who is going to help you through this mess, now that you’ve sorted it out for us? That’s a good question, a fair question this week, and one that you should be willing to point out, as you’re helping the rest of us. A not too subtle reminder, in the midst of the problem solving, something like, “When I get you out of this, Bubba, you owe me.” Just as a reminder for the rest of us.
Scorpio: “What’s that sanctimonious astrologer got up his back side this week?” I can hear you thinking just that. Sanctimonious, indeed. Hey, I’m on your side, but judging from the last round of e-mail, you’re certainly not on my side — which is too bad, because I could use the help right now. And now that we’ve started this week with a little, friendly Scorpio-Sagittarius bashing, can we get on with it? Some one, right blame me again, is going to throw something in your face this week. Nothing I can do about that. Deal with it. If you’re willing to borrow from my bag of tricks, though, I’d suggest ducking. It’s the old “pie in the face” routine. You know how this goes. It’s supposed to make you look bad. It’s supposed to spoil your day while everyone else gets a good laugh at you. But if you duck at just the right time, and I’m thinking it’s Tuesday morning, then that pie — intended for you as the target — goes sailing into some one else’s visage. Reminds me of the old Grateful Dead’s lyric, “Ain’t no luck, I learned to duck….” Side step problems this week, and you don’t wind up with pie on your face.
Sagittarius: Don’t get mad at me. In fact, don’t get mad, period. The anger is just Mars leaning on Pluto, and this little planet action is just pushing all of your emotional buttons. Your cause, the thing (event, person, whatever) you live for is under attack. Between you and me, though, I really wonder if it is under attack, or if it is just a momentary thing, more like you feel like the walls are closing in, and you wonder if “they” are out to get you. While a little paranoia is good and healthy, constantly worrying about things, which you have no control over, is wasted energy. Instead of working against this alleged “attack,” consider some way to weather it. Instead of declaring war on the situation, the cooler you can remain right now, the better you will be able to assess the situation. And Mars? Mr. “God of War” planet? He’ll pick up speed and move on, pretty quick like, given half a chance. Yes, give him a chance to get over the early week conflagration, give the situation a rest until you’re sure that you acting cool and rational again. It will help to make an effort to be calm for a change.
Capricorn: There’s always one, dear Capricorn who reads my stuff, then fires off a quick e-mail to let me know that she still loves me, but I couldn’t be further from the mark with this week’s scope. But before you join my one friend, give it a little time for some of this stuff to sink in, give it a day or two, and see if I’m not right. It’s a great time to put a lot of energy into working alone. The fishing metaphor really works well — here — this week — right now. Imagine yourself in boat with a fishing buddy, and no fish are biting at all. Drop your fishing buddy off at his truck, and then head back out, one last time, all by yourself. Suddenly, the fish are biting. It’s a monumental struggle, you against them, “them” are the fishes. Notice that you’re doing all this work alone, bereft of human companionship. That’s what the story is. You can be wildly successful, and get a lot of “work” accomplished — provided — you work alone. So when the invite comes for some fun or some solitary effort alone, I’d suggest you stick to the moral high road and hit the lake. Alone.
Aquarius: I worked construction, as a kid, and I had the dubious joy of working alongside a nice guy from New York. Hard worker, too, but he had the strangest accent, and the weirdest way of placing the emphasis on words, “Are you HEARING me!” he would shout. He’s in marketing, these days, last I heard. Neither one of us seemed destined for the route of manual labor — unless casting charts and typing horoscopes is considered manual labor. But after sitting at a keyboard for the better part of a morning, after sitting alone in my office for a period of time, nothing but me and the cat, and she has that distinct, cat-like look of boredom, bordering on a faint look of distaste, after being thusly isolated for a morning or two, I wonder if I shouldn’t have stuck with construction. You’re going to be wondering the same thing, back to those idylls of youth, back to the supposed camaraderie, the back breaking work, the shovel and the heavily callused hand. When just such forgotten images drift into your consciousness about now, don’t forget how hard the labor was, or what it was like out in the springtime sun, gallons of sweat running down your back. Think a second time before you start yearning for the “way it was.” Hint: it wasn’t that great.
Pisces: There’s a nice, gentle way that everything is going to work out. Maybe it isn’t so gentle, and maybe it isn’t so nice, but it should be. Or it looks like, over yonder on the horizon, that it will be. This week gets off to a start with a loud “bang” in your corner of the sky [to be honest, it’s more likely in another corner, but the blast has sufficient energy to rock you], but after that, after the shockwaves from the firecracker have subsided a little, as soon as the smoke clears, when the dust settles a little, you will find yourself wondering if it was really that big of a deal. Belly up to the seafood buffet, and load up some catfish fillets, as that would be the best route to take. Which, of course, begs another question, why Catfish is grouped under seafood in so many of the Texas restaurants? Catfish, especially the farm raised variety, is a fresh water fish. Bottom feeders usually taste best when they are battered in corn meal and fried — something to consider along with the aftershock.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
