for the week of: 3/26-4/1/2001
“Armed so strong in honesty.”
Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar [IV.iii.67]
I’d be tempted to use that familiar refrain, from Thomas Stearns Eliot, about April, but I sure that’s been overdone enough already, I mean. I’ve only used it about fourteen times so far. And given the position of the sun, especially relative to Miss Venus right now, I’d suggest that this is a whole week full of April’s Fool. For real look at your astrology chart, or for a good laugh — or maybe both, I’ll be available in El Paso this coming weekend.
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Aries: To heck with it all, I’ve given up hope. And I’m sure you’re feeling the same way, just about all hope seems to be lost with this ongoing Venus situation. It might not actually be a particular Venus influence, but I’m pretty sure she’s going to throw you for a loop in some capacity. There is an advantage here, though, if you’re willing to jump on it. This little loop I’m referring to, it could be like one of those Roller Coaster Rides at the big amusement park [Six Flags has a a new one, you know]. And just like that ride, you’re going to want to prove that you’re brave enough to do it with your hands in the air. “Look Ma, no hands!” That comment is usually followed by a long, full volume scream. So if the planets do throw you onto this ride right now, remember that you’re merely trying to show how brave you are. The average duration of just such a ride is approximately four and one half minutes. It’s not like this has a long attention span, but given your situations, you might share that same [four and one half minutes] short attention span thing right now.
Taurus: You might just want to skip this week, in fact, I’d even go so far as to suggest that you read some other horoscope because mine looks a little bleak. “Oh great, he’s running us into the ground again.” Not really, but there are few little astrologically influenced events I’d suggest you be careful about. Matter of fact, I’d just urge caution all the way around. It’s like opening up the icebox, finding some left over pizza box with its contents relatively intact, and consuming a decent portion of said pizza. Might not be all the toppings you want, but with one of those little packets of peppers and parmesan cheese, you can make a nice meal out of it, good for a breakfast or two. The problem is simple, that pizza has been percolating in the ice box for a while. It was great when it was fresh, but it’s not so hot right now. You’ve got two choices, one is to partake of the cold version, and the other is to nuke it until its a sodden mass of mystery ingredients. I’d nuke it if I were Taurus. Nuke it until it’s good and cooked. Don’t attempt to eat anything half-baked. In fact, don’t attempt anything half baked.
Gemini: Sometimes, you’re supposed to stand up for what’s right. Sometimes, you’re supposed to make a statement, loud and clear, send a message to the other side, let them know what you’re thinking. Sometimes, all this is pretty important. Right now? Forget it. I know you’ve got something to say. I know you’re actually very correct. I understand this, but then, I am a professional. You, on the other hand, are having problems getting us to understand just what it is that seems so important to you. I’ll listen. I’ll act like I care. I might even share in your passion for the subject, especially if it’s about astrology, or fishing, or certain 16th Century playwrights. But even if I do share this attitude, that doesn’t mean that everyone does. Not everyone will be as understanding, or even nearly as passionate as I will be. Or will they even understand what you’re getting so worked up about. Get the hint? Slow down. Take it easy. I know it’s important, but that doesn’t mean that you need to scream and holler about it all.
Cancer: To “winnow” is to separate the good stuff from the bad stuff, and it’s originally an agricultural term. Wonder why I’m playing at big words right now? You’ve got a great chance to remove the stuff that doesn’t work. You’ve got a great chance to throw out some things you’ve been meaning to unload. This can be hopelessly outdated clothing, boxes of stuff which have migrated to the back of the closets’ spaces, or this could be a slightly different version. Got some folks who no longer tote their own weight in your life? Got some friends who are more like leeches than friends? A certain character in my life certainly comes to mind, sucker has stuck me with the lunch tab for more than a year running, all the while, promising to pick up the next one. Sure, like I’m going to fall for that line again. Wait, I did just last week. So did you. Now, before you head out to the diner this week, think about it. You might try sitting at the counter, and letting your friend wash dishes for a change.
Leo: There have been worse times. And there could be worse situations. Before you start complaining, put a little of this week’s scope in perspective. It’s really not that bad. I’m sure that one particular Leo will write to me and suggest that her life is right out of a day time talk show, and she’s not happy about it. Or my scopes. But if you look at the bigger picture, there’s a chance for something good in this mess. Daytime talk show people have many fruitful possibilities. There’s the liability suits, the fees for making an appearance, there’s that outpouring of heartfelt condolences that come from the audience, and I don’t just mean the studio audience. You start to get fan mail, you become a cult hero. See? There’s really some good that comes out of all of this. It’s merely a matter of working with what you’ve got. Give it a spin. Try looking on the upside. You’ll be surprised to find that you’re definitely not alone.
Virgo: One of the greatest problems associated with having a razor sharp Virgo mind is that you can cut to the heart of a situation faster than anyone else. This isn’t always a good thing. When I do that, it is generally assumed that I’m sticking my boot in my mouth, the old “hoof in mouth” ailment, often found on cattle [which bear an uncanny resemblance to Sagittarius astrologers]. You’re rather inclined to act like the cattle yourself, especially given that Mr. Mercury, the little winged courier express package delivery guy, is in the sign opposite yours. He’s pushing things out of your mouth that are, perhaps, best left unsaid. Doesn’t much matter, though, you’re going to sound just like me. You’ll say the best possible thing — perhaps it’s tinged with too much honesty — at the worst possible time. The best solution is to shut up for a while. Like, put a clamp on your lips and don’t open them for the next 7 day to 10 working days. The little, cute, snide, cutting remarks can cause more pain and frustration in the long run, if you’re not really careful.
Libra: Many years ago, I finally realized that I am what I am, a male Caucasian with poor fashion sense and no rhythm. I’m not too sure about your sense of timing and rhythm, but the fashion sense — or apparent lack thereof, is a problem this week. And rather than spend untold amounts of money of buying wardrobe after wardrobe, I gave it up and pretty much stick to loud shirts, shorts and sandals. [Or cowboy hats and endangered species boots — in California.] Makes life a lot easier. I’d suggest you take a tip from my clothing collection as an easier way to approach a difficult time. As much as you might be concerned about how we’re all seeing you, and as much as you want to present the correct “look,” realize that you share my fashion sense for the time being. Something loud, tacky, maybe made of polyester, maybe a little wrinkled — maybe something suitably different would work best. Why are we worried about what you look like? We’re not, but sometimes the external image reflects what the inner landscape is like, and you might be a little confused. Instead of trying to blend in, following my lead in the apparel department is a good start. As far as rhythm and timing goes, you’re on your own with that, but I suspect yours is still inherently better than mine.
Scorpio: There’s this great rule, which is usually applied to middle management specialists, and they have this way of addressing problems: “It all depends.” But right now, it does all sort of depends. It’s not like it’s a particularly — or even spectacularly — bad time. Just the opposite. But I would be careful about selecting the color and carpet type for your next pre-manufactured dwelling unit. I would also urge caution when selecting any type of artwork, unless you’ve stumbled across a mother lode of Black Velvet paintings. I hope you’re getting the picture. Your taste is not what it should be, and you have this urge to shop. I’d reel in the urge for a spell. I know you have good tastes, but this isn’t the time to be demonstrating your sense of esthetics.
Sagittarius: A typical Sagittarius is not one who is usually good at introspection. It’s not like we spend a lot of time gazing at our collective Sagittarius navel, pondering the imponderables in life. While a good Sag is certainly philosophical, the philosophy espoused tends to be more like, “If life gives you lemons, let’s find some tequila and salt….” But there are certain problems in everyone’s life that need a degree of thought and consideration, time to think something through before action is initiated. There’s an old problem that is back for some resolution, and it needs to be addressed now. But before jumping into the fray, stop and carefully consider the correct course of action. Then, there’s also the idea that some of the evidence presented might not be as reliable as you would like. Back to the tequila, it’s best to take everything with a grain of salt. Maybe some lime, too.
Capricorn: There comes a time in most relationships when good yelling match never hurt. Sorry, but it isn’t this week, not with your chart. As much as you would really like to go off on some particular person, somebody who thinks it’s their job to make you miserable, this really isn’t the time. Platitudes about being a better person and rising above the situation, being more magnanimous and graceful are easy to slip into, but I doubt it’s what you want to hear. But I would caution you about flying off on a rant at this point because it doesn’t have the desired effect. The person you wind up hollering at is going to rationalize away the problem with a quick tip of the hat, and that kind of behavior just serves to irritate you that much more. Rather than jump into a spiral which rapidly descends in a very downward fashion, check your tongue before you say something you might later regret. If you’re not careful, and even though you are right, you might still have to go back and apologize. In my limited experience with human [Capricorn] behavior, that’s the worst — being right and having to say you’re sorry.
Aquarius: “Talk to me, baby, talk to me.” Those are the words which seem to echo off the Aquarius chart right now. In fact, the term “echo” couldn’t be better because it implies a sound wave which reverberates off the solid walls that defines empty spaces. Like a canyon. And there are occasions, especially given your chart, where you feel like you are shouting into the void. The only sound you seem to hear is your own voice, echoing back. But try you must, as it is the best outlet for your energies, even though the little planet of love is moving in apparent backwards motion. It doesn’t take much of stretch to see how this applies in your Aquarius life — you’re making a lot of noise, but no one seems to be listening. I wouldn’t want to suggest that the problem is really you, but you’ll find that more folks just ain’t listening to the important words that you are willing to share. Action may speak louder than words, but this is time to throw as many words at the problem as possible and hope that someone, somewhere, listens.
Pisces: Check your list. Check it twice. Ever watch a favored pet as it circles three times before making itself comfortable in spot on the couch? Or the floor? Ever notice that it takes the critter a little extra time, almost like there is a ritual involved? Same thing should be happening in your life now. You head towards the door of your Pisces trailer, and then, after you lock the door and find yourself standing on the steps, you realize you forgot something. Maybe it was a book you were going to return to the library, the reason for the trip in the first place. With the current disposition of Venus, you head out the door with a great deal of haste and forget the purpose of the mission. It’s like motoring out to middle of the lake only to realize you forgot the live bait. It’s like that “pet companion,” turning around three times to make sure the spot is correct. And like that pet, as long as Venus is retrograde, maybe checking everything three times before you venture forth is a good idea.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
